What is a genuine friendship!!! And Texting /Social media

[Preety_India]

I really want to have a strong bond and a connection. 

I'm looking for that. I know it's tough but I know it is worth the wait.. 

I won't give up easily. 

 

Edited March 30, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I don't like the transactional nature of friendships 

Which is all about give and take. I find it very business minded. 

 

[Preety_India]

What are my thoughts on genuine friendships? 

You don't have to prove something. Wanting someone to prove something is selfishness.. 

I think these are the elements that make up a genuine friendship 

• Appreciation
• Kindness 
• Humility 
• Acceptance
• Belongingness
• Liking. Liking someone is the greatest gift you can give to a person. Because that makes them feel loved 
• Connection 
• Respect 
• Consideration 
• Resonance and empathy 
• Compassion 
• Understanding(understanding their flaws) 
• Emotions. 
• Love for the person. (not romantic kind of love) 
• Humanity 
• Honor their presence as well as absence. Sacred Element 

I'm looking at genuine friendships in a very spiritual angle.

 

[Preety_India]

There are many aspects here to unpack. 

Topics to ponder on for the next week. 

What has social media and technology destroyed in terms of genuine connection and friendships? 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I'm sort of a primitive person when it comes to modern language and social media and technology. 

 

Technology not in the sense of installing and downloading.That I know obviously. I'm not that illiterate. 

Technology in the sense, like all these emojis and what not. Although I'm born in the modern generation, I'm still not very used to all this. 

I rarely use emojis. 

I barely know what emoji means what. 

Sometimes some people use some emoji and I'm left clueless as to what that means. 

I get confused a lot. 

I try to use very primitive ways of communicating which is just simple words and not much slang and jargon. 

I am so simple. 

Honestly I don't like all the modern usage of expression full of memes and jargon and GIFs. 

It is funny sometimes. 

But I don't fit well into it. 

It find it very non verbal, non direct and sort of ambiguous covert sort of communication which can interpreted in so many different ways. 

Sorry but I don't have time to decode some complex joke, some ambiguous Meme. Nor do I have the brain to understand complex jokes. 

I don't like the lack of simplicity in such communication. 

Often times my ex would use complicated slang language and jokes which were American jokes. How am I supposed to understand them as an Indian. I usually get pissed off when someone uses a lot of slang, metaphors, ambiguous terms. It's so non direct and creates unnecessary confusion.. 

I wish people were more direct and not acting so superficial and hyper complicated. I really don't get along with that. 

I'm just a very simple primitive woman. 

 

I don't like all these  modern features. They take the simplicity away. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

The only few emojis that I ever use is a basic smile, smile with heart eyes, thumbs up. 

I don't like to use all the complicated emojis. 

I keep my communication simple. Direct and supple. 

 

That's why I don't like modern technology. Because it has definitely made access easier, for example I can easily contact someone in Japan, however it has made communication difficult. Because of all these extensive use of modern metaphors for which you have to be socially adept to really understand them. 

I'm not socially adept. 

 

[Preety_India]

A social media whore. Or whoring for social attention. 

I think whenever I look at people putting their selfies on Instagram or Facebook and getting a million likes, I kinda frankly get disgusted at all this social media whoring. 

I am not a fan of such things. 

I have no social media except some communication mediums. 

These communication mediums I only use for interpersonal or person to person communication. 

I don't use anything much at all. 

 

I'm socially shy and the whole  social media thing looks incredibly stressful and overwhelming to me. 

It also looks kinda disgusting because to me it's like narcissistic. Although not pure narcissism (since narcissism is an umbrella term) it is still somewhat self aggrandizing. 

It just comes across as very fake, cheap, shallow and disingenuous to me. 

I like to keep things private and simple. 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I like the old style of communicating. Through letters. 

The problem is that I am not going to physically write letters. That's cumbersome in this day and age.

I prefer short text or long text because that's the closest I can come to a letter. 

I am not generally very verbose as is visible in my communication format and writing style. 

I don't make very long complicated, highly articulated, verbose, jargony (I know Leo used this word) kind of statements or sentences. Just not my cup of tea. I'm too simple for that. I'm also incapable of it. I lack this skill of using highly articulated complex convoluted language.. 

I know I suck at articulation. I will probably always suck at it 

I'm an INTP and Leo is an INTP. In many ways my communication is very similar to his. He likes to be succinct and direct. He doesn't write verbose poetic lines. I don't do it either.

Not saying that anything is wrong with it. But I don't want to put things in a way where other people find it difficult to understand. Why make it unnecessarily complicated when you can say the same thing in simple ways??? 

I'm not some Noble Laureate of Literature nor do I wish to become something like that. 

I like writing a lot. But it shouldn't mean that I should be some great complex highly talented Literary figure for it. 

I can still write in simple ways. I like an elegant structure to writing, simple fluent, direct, succinct, easy vocabulary, short lines and simplest ways of describing complex concepts and emotions. 

My lines are usually pointed, short, and to the point, not too long and short enough to convey the message. 

I don't like to complicate things in expression. 

Because I'm not here to sit and write a novel. I'm just writing a fucking journal which means an honest moment to moment description of my life, emotions and who I am. 

I like and prefer simplicity both in communication and in life.

 

 

[Preety_India]

I have issues with the modern world of digital and offline/online  communication. 

I am not a party person. I like simple hangouts at a cafeteria or a park. Just that 

I have to be direct about these things just like I'm direct about anything else. 

I am a fiercely private person. Although it appears that I'm so much public with all aspects of my life, I'm not a social media savvy person, I am just too expressive which is often misconstrued as attention seeking. 

I like to express a lot. I'm quiet when I'm around people and I don't speak much but when I write, I write a lot. I'm just a writer at heart. I have always been writing and keeping diaries since I was a kid. 

I don't mind people reading my stuff because it doesn't matter what they know or don't know about me. It's not like I am going to meet them anyway.. 

I am shameless in that regard. 

I don't hold any barriers to self expression. 

Because I don't do the whole social thing 

I'm an extreme introvert. 

So my preferred communication is always going to be indirect. Like I am not a very chatty person. Nor am I quick to open up about something that is inside of me. 

The journal is a medium of finding peace with my introversion.. 

I like to imagine that I have an audience that reads my journal and I write to them. And that is all the communication I need. 

One of the reasons why I tend to journal so excessively is because I feel terribly lonely as an introvert.. So writing privately is not going to help with my loneliness. It's like talking to a wall, will only make me more lonely. 

But If I imagine that there is a mute audience that is ready to listen to me, it helps, it doesn't feel like I'm talking to a wall. It feels like at least I'm talking to someone. So my loneliness is slightly cured that way. 

One of the reasons why I even started the YouTube channel. I wanted to speak to whoever is ready to listen. It doesn't matter "who" that is who is doing the listening. 

I'm such an introvert that I'll never open up privately with a friend like this. Maybe I will never tell them my deepest feelings. 

I'm the sort of person who will not talk much at a party or in the house but silently go and write everything in my private diary and keep it somewhere around the house. The one who reads it will know my heart and mind. 

The one who doesn't bother to read it doesn't need to know me. 

Because I can't do the whole extroverted thing of explaining oneself to people the way extroverts do. 

I just can't do that. My heart and mind are not simply not designed that way. 

My ex(Joseph) was a total extrovert. 

He would be very chatty and talkative and I was the listener. He helped me a little bit to pull me out of my introverted misery. 

Although I still sucked and wouldn't open up about my issues or deeper feelings to him. I would keep my doubts and feelings to myself. 

He was very openly chatty, social and talkative.. He would talk 24/7 non stop sometimes overwhelming a socially anxious person like me. 

It was tough to be around him because I would be mostly silent half the time. 

I would sometimes speak up but he would talk over me and shut me down. 

I was not good at expressing my thoughts and emotions with him. 

That caused him to have a ton of misunderstanding about me. 

If I didn't speak up, he would think that I'm insensitive. 

 

But I wasn't insensitive. I just was awkward and didn't know how to express correctly or confidently. 

 

[Preety_India]

So some of my introversion is cured by journaling. 

At least I came this far in terms of self expression. 

Without this journal, I would have always existed like a mute doll or a statue. 

In real life, I never talked to anyone, except my boyfriends. 

And even with them, they were always talking more than me. 

It usually happens that I have a verbal  conversation with a male, and slowly they take over, they begin to talk over me and in the end its they who keep doing the talking and I am just reduced to a listener. I don't fight it. Because I'm weak at that 

I can't take over conversations. I simply sit at a table and let the other person talk. I can't lead conversations. I also don't look into people's eyes. I look down or I look around when they talk to me. 

 

[Preety_India]

I find this very very informative when it comes to texting etiquette. 

Should pin this. 

 

I'm a 22 year old female, I was exchanging a few messages back and forth with this guy. the convo was going very well and flirty and sexual and then this morning I saw he read my message about 2 hours ago and hasn't respond? should I double text or just leave it? what's more attractive 

 

Elevated

Just leave it. Let him come to you. Maybe he's busy, or there could be a multitude of other reasons. Double texting him will just make you look like you want him more than he wants you. If he still hasn't text you back in a couple days, maybe consider giving him a text like a meme or something like that. Something that just offers value, "here check out this cool thing," rather than, "hi...please talk to me..." If he still doesn't reply at that point, just move on. 

 

egoeimai   

No, don't text again. Some people don't deserve your attention. 

 

intotheblack   

No don’t text him again. 

 

datamonster   

@iceprincess relax not a big deal

 

kras   

  On 28/03/2021 at 1:21 AM, Elevated said:

Just leave it. Let him come to you. Maybe he's busy, or there could be a multitude of other reasons. Double texting him will just make you look like you want him more than he wants you. If he still hasn't text you back in a couple days, maybe consider giving him a text like a meme or something like that. Something that just offers value, "here check out this cool thing," rather than, "hi...please talk to me..." If he still doesn't reply at that point, just move on. 

To act like nothing has happend is stupid. He has seen his messages and didnt reply. That is disrespectful 

Elevated 

@kras Maybe he's busy, maybe he got distracted and forgot. It's only been 2 hours. I think it's extremely unreasonable to assume that someone should text you back immediately no matter what. People have lives that do not revolve around answering every text. 

 Username 

Write if you have something worth writing. Pushing someone to react isn't attractive. It doesn't matter what you do as long as your are not needy / unconscious at the moment.

Arcangelo   

He's got game. You are in the presence of a player. Look at the emotional buttons he has already pushed on you. Enough to make a thread about it. He will reply in 4-5 hours.

 

Emerald   

As someone who is not a phone person, maybe it's the same for him. Just wait for him to text back.

If he hasn't in a few days, maybe send a follow-up message. 

 

RareGodzilla   

@iceprincess I often look at a message and don't respond because I'm distracted by whatever. It doesn't even have that much to do with interest. 

 

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I'll go with a combination of the above responses 

? No, don't text him back, he doesn't deserve your attention if he cannot respond to it 

? He could be busy. Benefit of the doubt, but nobody is too busy . 

? 2 hours is a short time. I have sometimes waited for 2-3 days. Because sometimes life can be so full. You never know. Try to get to know their lifestyle. 

?Some people are overwhelmed by texting. They find it tiring to keep responding. They feel like keeping the other person on hold for some time till they feel sorted out in their head. 

?Distraction in social media age is so common and the common culprit behind lack of responsiveness. You can still wait. Doesn't necessarily mean he lost interest. 

? Maybe texting is not that great for him. Maybe he gets bored with it. Texting is work. 

?Like the user said above, he already seems to have great emotional control on you. It's not even started yet. You sure you want this level of influence. Could lead to unhealthy attachments quickly. 

? This - - > Write if you have something worth writing. Pushing someone to react isn't attractive. 

Don't send a trivial text. Will make you feel cheaper in his eyes. Send something worth writing and worth reading. Men are kinda objective creatures. They get miffed if they see something that doesn't provide value or doesn't resonate. 

They don't want read airy fairy stuff 

Don't send impulsive text messages. 

? Maybe he forgot? It's only 2 hours. Time is too limited to come to any conclusion. Unreasonable to think that he should text right back 

? Has he done this too many times before? This could be probably their habit. I was like this with my second ex. Too lazy to text. Too late to respond. Bad habit. 

? Relax, maybe it's not a big thing. Does he show interest in other ways? In what ways? 

?If it's 24 hours and if he doesn't text back,then send some random emoji just as a reminder that someone is waiting 

? Use a code word for both. I used the code word "hmm" to express my displeasure if I didn't receive a text back. 

He would use the same code word if he didn't receive a reply from me. 

?Set mutually agreed upon rules and timings of communication beforehand regarding texting and responding. This clears up many potential doubts and frustrations. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Remember. Don't double text. 

 

[Preety_India]

I was going to talk about 

Social media craze

Getting Likes on social media and how much I hate it 

Validation generation...... Toxic!! 

Why I hate social media? 

Benefits of Social media technology. Gives access to remote people and far away distant cultures. Great for cultural Absorption. 

Narcissism and social media 

Whats up with followers and following? Does it really matter? 

Why social media sucks? 

I'm do not fit in social media culture 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I need to learn more on texting etiquette. 

Like - to learn how to text properly and effectively and professionally.. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

I already resent social media so much. But here I am. 

Now I'm thinking how I should navigate this whole platform. 

One thing is to not get stuck with people who are disempowering and move on with people who are empowering, the universe is too big and you will always find people who resonate correctly with you somewhere somehow. 

Wait for it to come to you.

You aren't doing the "waiting " correctly 

You are waiting and approaching the ones who are not resonant but dissonant. 

And not only are you waiting on and waiting for the wrong people, you are also getting stuck and trapped with these people who aren't exactly beneficial to your energy. 

And chump change benefit  you get from these people is meager and not worth the sacrifices you make for these people. 

They aren't lifting your energy up. They are simply draining your residual energy. 

What's the point?

What are you accomplishing?

Nothing. 

Go with people who build your wings and power you up.. Who want to see you soaring  high. 

Who are not afraid to be with you!

Who are not distrustful of you!

Who believe you and accept you!

Who make you feel belonged and cared for!

Who won't abandon you!

Who won't leave you over a silly argument or difference of opinion?

Who aren't with you just  because they need something out of you!

Who cherish your presence and reciprocate you not only equally but more!

Who like you,need you and  miss you!

Who make you feel loved and cared for!

Who respect you!

Who understand and accept your flaws and don't judge you for them but correct you politely!

Who are in tune with your sensitivity and in tune with your emotions!

Who are not with you for sexual reasons 

Who wish to grow with you 

Who aren't afraid to break your boundaries and tear down your walls when you are being introverted 

 

 

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

A good friend will genuinely Love you for no reason.
Sometimes they won’t let you bullshit yourself depending on what it is. They’re discerning but sometimes they mess up. 
A good friend cares about your feelings. But being human, they sometimes mess up.

Good friends allow one another to mess up and they get over it. Good friends don’t keep accounts or hold grudges.

A good friend will be themselves around you. They will apologize if that’s what’s needed. Being loyal or sincere means more than their own pride if they’re a good friend.

A good friend will be a placeholder for you when you’re having a bad day or for some reason you aren’t being yourself.

A good friend is willing to be a placeholder when you’ve done something odd and the room is awash in ‘fardow.’

That last one is a small riddle.....

[Preety_India]

@Zigzag Idiot yes you're right. 

I have always been lackadaisical when it came to people, unable to analyze them, trusting them easily, getting betrayed, duped or used and realizing I was a fool all along. 

I have reached a point where it's too difficult for me to trust people on an emotional level. 

Now I constantly try to back check and double check. 

I observe their actions.  I don't want the same toxic experiences again. 

It's hard to filter and correctly understand people,  their intentions. 

I tend to trust without realizing that trust comes with a huge price. 

I wish life wasn't this hard and people didn't make it harder. 

I have been fucked over by nice people. 

 I have been fucked over by bad people. 

I don't even want to assume if someone is nice or bad. 

The nature of relationships/friendships  is very volatile and it takes a heavy toll on my emotions and psyche. 

I constantly try to watch out if someone is trustworthy or not. 

Sometimes I give up altogether. 

There is no easy way out of this. 

Someone who is nice today might flip out tomorrow. 

There is really no rule of thumb, I mean you cannot set one.