Discipline suffocates me

[Setzer901]

@tatsumaru

I agree with what @SamC said. Figure out a way to satisfy both drives. Figure out a way to integrate the drive that wants to be creative with the drive that wants to hustle and automate. 

You would probably need to do some parts work. Listen to both your parts and see if there is a way to structure your time to accommodate both your needs. No one guru can solve your problem, in fact, use your creativity to get yourself out of this mess.

Also, check out this video. You may be an Ayurvedic Vata type. Your motivational style may differ from other people. So the way you structure your day may have to be different.

 

Edited April 1, 2021 by Setzer901

[tatsumaru]

56 minutes ago, Setzer901 said:

@tatsumaru

I agree with what @SamC said. Figure out a way to satisfy both drives. Figure out a way to integrate the drive that wants to be creative with the drive that wants to hustle and automate. 

You would probably need to do some parts work. Listen to both your parts and see if there is a way to structure your time to accommodate both your needs. No one guru can solve your problem, in fact, use your creativity to get yourself out of this mess.

Also, check out this video. You may be an Ayurvedic Vata type. Your motivational style may differ from other people. So the way you structure your day may have to be different.

 

So if you want to take heroin, are you saying you should take heroin from time to time, to satisfy both parts?

[Setzer901]

18 minutes ago, tatsumaru said:

So if you want to take heroin, are you saying you should take heroin from time to time, to satisfy both parts?

Well, your logical part is clearly showing up, and it doesn't want to take heroin. So listen to that as well.

Also, parts work is more nuanced than just listening to parts. The parts that take heroin do it because there is an inner child that is suffering. They take the heroin to numb this pain. Heal the inner child and you automatically lose interest in doing heroin.

In short, any unhealthy activity in your life is because of a wounded, hurting part. Heal that and you'll be in the best space to make choices. 

Again parts work is a long detailed topic, and what I said above barely does it any justice.

[tatsumaru]

1 hour ago, Setzer901 said:

Well, your logical part is clearly showing up, and it doesn't want to take heroin. So listen to that as well.

Also, parts work is more nuanced than just listening to parts. The parts that take heroin do it because there is an inner child that is suffering. They take the heroin to numb this pain. Heal the inner child and you automatically lose interest in doing heroin.

In short, any unhealthy activity in your life is because of a wounded, hurting part. Heal that and you'll be in the best space to make choices. 

Again parts work is a long detailed topic, and what I said above barely does it any justice.

I agree, but following that logic junk food is like heroin as well, because it's just a sugar addiction that we use to boost serotonin due to internal serotonin deficiencies. And suddenly it turns out that it's not so simple as "just do whatever you want". It's way more closer to "let go of self-hate and trauma and see what you will want to do afterwards".

[SamC]

11 minutes ago, tatsumaru said:

I agree, but following that logic junk food is like heroin as well, because it's just a sugar addiction that we use to boost serotonin due to internal serotonin deficiencies. And suddenly it turns out that it's not so simple as "just do whatever you want". It's way more closer to "let go of self-hate and trauma and see what you will want to do afterwards".

@tatsumaru Notice how this all or nothing/ good and bad mentality is suffocating you into a world of misery.

Right now your focus is to avoid eating unhealthy cause otherwise you belive you will spiral of of control and hate yourself.

Becuase of that, you have created a shadow and a way of living fueled by a moral system where you're working in resistance with yourself. You're scared to let go of control because when you've done that before - everything have went to hell, but here is the thing.

When everything went " badly" before, you were acting uncounciosly and not from what made you feel the best. Now the idea is to act consciously upon what you want. Feel inwards and do what you feel like you want and need. Counterintuitively, you will notice that this will give you more peace and move you towards the things that makes you feel better and better because you will by this way explore what actually makes you feel good and then start craving that.

I get why you're super skeptical. I really fucking do. I've been a perfectionist my entire life with low self esteem and always felt that I needed to force myself otherwise something bad would happen and I wouldn't do shit, but I am telling you.. denying impulses and cravings and moving against yourself only creates misery, anxiety and resistance. You will never get what you want by focusing on what you don't want.

 

 This is the only thing you need to watch - it changed my life.

[tatsumaru]

2 hours ago, SamC said:

@tatsumaru Notice how this all or nothing/ good and bad mentality is suffocating you into a world of misery.

Right now your focus is to avoid eating unhealthy cause otherwise you belive you will spiral of of control and hate yourself.

Becuase of that, you have created a shadow and a way of living fueled by a moral system where you're working in resistance with yourself. You're scared to let go of control because when you've done that before - everything have went to hell, but here is the thing.

When everything went " badly" before, you were acting uncounciosly and not from what made you feel the best. Now the idea is to act consciously upon what you want. Feel inwards and do what you feel like you want and need. Counterintuitively, you will notice that this will give you more peace and move you towards the things that makes you feel better and better because you will by this way explore what actually makes you feel good and then start craving that.

I get why you're super skeptical. I really fucking do. I've been a perfectionist my entire life with low self esteem and always felt that I needed to force myself otherwise something bad would happen and I wouldn't do shit, but I am telling you.. denying impulses and cravings and moving against yourself only creates misery, anxiety and resistance. You will never get what you want by focusing on what you don't want.

 

 This is the only thing you need to watch - it changed my life.

I watched 10 mins of that Teal Swan video and I didn't like how she was leading the audience and then acting as if they came up with those ideas and answers originally. She was asking that girl about what was the cause of the self-hate and since the girl couldn't figure it out TS literally ran out of patience and convinced her it was the parents because that was the story that she knew how to unpack.

[OctagonOctopus]

Disciplin is your creative process, the infinite artist can do whatever they like with this life. 
You create the flow threw disiplin, it is concious creation, concious action.

What would a day/ week/ month look like if you were to flow seemlessly, having all areas of living life in tune, in harmony? 

Disiplin isn't something you have to do, it is building the life you actually want. 

[Epikur]

Discipline is the war of groups of neurons against others. It creates colleteral damages that is pain and suffering. Sounds like cognitive dissonance.

[Kuba Powiertowski]

@tatsumaru Ground YourSELF in the present moment. Ego constantly swings like a pendulum between past and future and is not able to run its processing in present moment as it's a constant change which ego hates. Therefore it uses any excuses to drag You off present awarness. Observe it, and let it be. It's hard and take as much time as You individually need to figure it out. Don't give up. Be calm, quiet and observe. You'll make it someday my Friend.

[Brittany]

Your nervous system isn't having it.

Implement more self love into whatever you are doing.

The nervous system is freaking out because you are moving from a place of lack.

Heaven is now.

Heaven is not in the future.

And anytime, we move from a place of "heaven is in the future",  the body releases cortisol.

[Waken]

I myself don't do discipline in the way you describe and think you might be much better off by taking your how you feel as your guidance system. If you don't feel like doing something, don't do it and see what is it that you could do that attracts you most/makes you feel best. That's what I do, based on the suggestions of Bashar and Abraham Hicks, and don't want it another way.
What a relief I felt when I started doing is: 'wow, I can do what attracts me and this approach will get me to the place I need to be?'.

[Haumea2018]

Quote

I get that it's the journey not the destination, however I am not sure I really want the experience of going to bed early every night, what I really want is feeling refreshed in the morning and having less mood swings due to a tired and irritable brain. But I also want to go to bed when I feel like it, not when the clock says 22:00.

The way it works is, the more tired and irritable your brain is, the more likely it is that it wants chaos and indiscipline in some misguided attempt to stimulate itself back to alertness. (why is caffeine such a popular drug - same reason: people don't get a good night's sleep.)

So you have to recognize that you're in a vicious cycle of attempting to regain alertness and clarity in the wrong way.

In other words, accept that you need to go to bed at 10 VERY BADLY so you can regain alertness and clarity in the right way.

Sorry, there is no mystical spiritual answer to this issue.  It's straightforward physiology.

See Brittany below - she gets it.

5 hours ago, Brittany said:

Your nervous system isn't having it.

Edited April 4, 2021 by Haumea2018

[Stephen]

self love == self discipline

 

 

[M4sti]

@tatsumaru Some people are never meant to thrive on discipline and routine, some external factors can also effect this though, like creating a reliability account with someone, like when you have a job , or when i was at the army, but if you can not do it internally and do not want to do it for yourelf there might be good reasons for feeling that way. Some personality types like INTP, and an Enneagram type i do not remember which, will be programmed to function differently. INTP generally values freedom for example and hates pressure and schedule, so that makes sense with what you said. What you need is systems and trust on yourself, have the things you have to do in mind, create your programm and the things you want to do but do them in your own terms, sometimes i start the day with excercise, other days i might do it later, sometimes i meditate after i wake up sometimes before i sleep or in the middle of the day, adapting to the situation, to the way i feel and think, to my energy levels,having my long term goals in the back of my mind and a vision for the future ,but analyzing and taking desicions in the moment not following it like a robot , if i have a random urge of going to run  at midnight i might as well do it, when you have that fire inside you put it to good use, it is a calling,when you feel down to other less energy draining activity , you might be that way too. It works for me but you also need the plan to guide you, like a journal. Do yourself not what random influencers or society norms tell you what you must do to succeed.