How to stop wanting a relationship?

[MusicalMillipede]

How do I stop wanting a relationship? I have serious issues with loving myself. I go as far as hating myself. I keep trying to rely on someone else to love me. Someone else to think I’m beautiful to satisfy my self-image. That is why I want a relationship. I believe loving myself would be the first step to solve this but I am trying so hard to open my mind to it. Idk what to do. I’ve been trying for a long time. I’ve meditated and realized I need to stop identifying myself with what I do. Anything bad or even good that I do should not be labeled as myself. Putting that into the way I think is different. Accepting myself is so difficult. Is there anything else I should be doing? 

Edited March 27, 2021 by MusicalMillipede
Make clearer

[Preety_India]

@MusicalMillipede  liberate yourself from the thoughts that are holding you hostage. 

You are a free bird and a beautiful person. 

Don't let your thoughts create a prison for you. 

Instead defeat those thoughts. You frankly don't need anyone. It's an illusion of the mind. 

All you ever need is yourself. 

Wake up to yourself everyday and see the beauty within you that you have always been ignoring. 

 

[SamC]

3 hours ago, MusicalMillipede said:

How do I stop wanting a relationship? I have serious issues with loving myself. I go as far as hating myself. I keep trying to rely on someone else to love me. Someone else to think I’m beautiful to satisfy my self-image. That is why I want a relationship. I believe loving myself would be the first step to solve this but I am trying so hard to open my mind to it. Idk what to do. I’ve been trying for a long time. 

 

Contemplate this.

Why do you want to stop wanting a relationship? Is wanting a relationship bad? Is anxiety bad? Is wanting to get loved bad? Is hating that you hate yourself bad? 

3 hours ago, MusicalMillipede said:

 

I’ve meditated and realized I need to stop identifying myself with what I do. Anything bad or even good that I do should not be labeled as myself. Putting that into the way I think is different. Accepting myself is so difficult. Is there anything else I should be doing? 

Accept that you don't accept yourself and that you hate that you don't accept yourself.

Notice how your idea that you should accept yourself, hinders you in accepting yourself. Accepting means acknowledging everything that you feel. If you feel shit and hate that you feel shit...

Accept that. If you fail to accept that, accept that you failed and that you hate that you failed to accept yourself. In that counterintuitively, you actually start accepting yourself.

[mandyjw]

 

[Nahm]

@MusicalMillipede

Embrace and allow what is true for you in your experience... that you do want a relationship. Feel good about it! Excitement, eagerness, enthusiasm. Scrutinize the beliefs about yourself in regard to needing a relationship. Specifically, notice if sometimes you interpret excitement as anxiety, or nervousness. ‘Come clean’ with yourself that you actually love excitement. 

One perspective is you need a relationship to ‘fix’ something, and or so you can be happy. Another perspective, or experience, is being happy with the feeling of wanting in and of itself. Desire is indicative of a creator, and of love experiencing. Don’t take feeling in and of itself, with or without an object, person, or relationship in mind, for granted. 

[MusicalMillipede]

On 3/27/2021 at 9:37 AM, SamC said:

 

Contemplate this.

Why do you want to stop wanting a relationship? Is wanting a relationship bad? Is anxiety bad? Is wanting to get loved bad? Is hating that you hate yourself bad? 

Accept that you don't accept yourself and that you hate that you don't accept yourself.

Notice how your idea that you should accept yourself, hinders you in accepting yourself. Accepting means acknowledging everything that you feel. If you feel shit and hate that you feel shit...

Accept that. If you fail to accept that, accept that you failed and that you hate that you failed to accept yourself. In that counterintuitively, you actually start accepting yourself.

I have never thought of trying that. Thank you 

[MusicalMillipede]

On 3/28/2021 at 7:11 AM, Nahm said:

@MusicalMillipede

Embrace and allow what is true for you in your experience... that you do want a relationship. Feel good about it! Excitement, eagerness, enthusiasm. Scrutinize the beliefs about yourself in regard to needing a relationship. Specifically, notice if sometimes you interpret excitement as anxiety, or nervousness. ‘Come clean’ with yourself that you actually love excitement. 

One perspective is you need a relationship to ‘fix’ something, and or so you can be happy. Another perspective, or experience, is being happy with the feeling of wanting in and of itself. Desire is indicative of a creator, and of love experiencing. Don’t take feeling in and of itself, with or without an object, person, or relationship in mind, for granted. 

 That is a very interesting way to put it. I kinda just saw it as a bad thing. Although, I know I want a relationship for selfish reasons. This is a nice contrast between outlooks on it. 

[Zigzag Idiot]

On 3/28/2021 at 7:11 AM, Nahm said:

One perspective is you need a relationship to ‘fix’ something, and or so you can be happy.

This used to be my mindset for years. Unquestionably.

I had to realize that I was horrible relationship material. It took half a lifetime of thinking I did want a relationship . I’m conditioned to being selfish now and having freedom. Going where and when I feel like it. Playing the tv or loud music in the middle of the night and not worrying about bothering or waking someone up.

I would have been a disaster as a parent. I’m grateful and happy being single. I appreciate my friends though. I’m finally comfortable in being unconventional. For now anyway.

[Chew211]

You trying to get over the desire for a relationship is cope for not being able to attain one. 

It's not that you can't attain one either.

It's that you think it's too hard and you give up, and now you need to get over wanting a relationship so you can live with giving up that desire.

But that's inauthentic. 

[Nahm]

10 hours ago, MusicalMillipede said:

 That is a very interesting way to put it. I kinda just saw it as a bad thing. Although, I know I want a relationship for selfish reasons. This is a nice contrast between outlooks on it. 

?? 

”I know I want a relationship for selfish reasons”...is a belief about, yourself. 

Imagine if you were believing the same thing, but about someone else... “I know Jim wants a relationship for selfish reasons”.  Reframing the thought about someone else, it’s easy to see that you don’t really know this about Jim, you believe this about Jim. 

You’re “stuck”, because you claim you know this about you. 

The Truth sets you free - you don’t know anything about you. You are you. Let the “I know” part go completely, and there is just honesty - “I want...”. 

The “you” that the belief is believed to be about... is a belief! 

What is aware of the arising thoughts, ideas, beliefs? 

You!

You don’t know you want a relationship for selfish reasons...you believe you are selfish. That feels “off” because there are not two of you. 

? You are neither selfish nor selfless.... those are thoughts. You’re the awareness of the thoughts. 

It is much, much easier to recognize the feeling of the discord and say, “ok, that thought about me does not feel good...what’s a thought that feels better?”....than it is to create more beliefs to justify why you feel as you do...such as “serious issues”, “hate”, “need someone else”, “satisfy my self image”, “accepting myself”, etc. 

Keep it simple. “That didn’t feel good....what does feel good?”

There’s never going to be “something wrong with you”. That’s never going to happen. If you want to, you can believe thoughts that there is...but you’re the one believing the thoughts. That one can also meditate, etc. 

This might help with the shift, the reorientation. 

[Loving Radiance]

10 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Imagine if you were believing the same thing, but about someone else... “I know Jim wants a relationship for selfish reasons”.  Reframing the thought about someone else, it’s easy to see that you don’t really know this about Jim, you believe this about Jim. 

You’re “stuck”, because you claim you know this about you. 

The Truth sets you free - you don’t know anything about you. You are you. Let the “I know” part go completely, and there is just honesty - “I want...”.

This. Is. Awesome. ?

[Nahm]

@Loving Radiance

Gotta be careful with this not believing thoughts about you stuff, it’s been known to drive people completely happy. 

[wwhy]

Am sorry, if this seems a little flippant...

but who is RAPING you into wanting a relationship?

When and to whom did you give up your FREEDOM OF CHOICE?

[Loving Radiance]

@Nahm Thanks for the heads up. Dangerous stuff we are dealing with here

[Parththakkar12]

 

[Crane Bahnsteik]

Well, i solved that by masturbating in front of a mirror and really loving the image of myself, every aspect of it, even the ones i didnt like. If you have some parts of your body that you quite dont like, just love them as much as you can while you do this, feel the feelings that arise and accept them as well, this will build a relationship with yourself. This is not as easy as it seems since sometimes we dont even like our everyday image in the mirror, much less while masturbating. By doing this you increase your degree of self acceptance and self love to yourself, and so the need for a relationship diminishes since there is not much to get outside of you anymore. The ideia of narcissism will probably appear on your mind but understand that it is only a construct made out of pride, to love others you have to first love yourself.