Dealing With Envy And Regret

[rush]

Hi guys, 

How do you deal with both envy and regret ? I find my ego always wanting what it hasn't really achieved to get which other people my age have, for example, doing great in my studies, relationships and having a social group. Due to this, I then start feeling regret as it's like a double edge.. 

Thanks.

[JKG]

The only problem is your ego. It wants appreciation from youself and from the external world. It holds expectations and if these expectations dont get satisfied it will release negative emotions.

The ego identifies itself with certain attributes like bring a gold person. From thse identifications are comming your expectations. Therefore if you have no ego identifications, you will have no expectations and be able to live in bliss all day.

So start to question and drop your ego identifications and beliefs.

 

[Xpansion]

Have a read about the brahma viharas and start practicing them. Replace envy with sympathetic joy. Replace regret and self loathing with loving kindness. It takes diligence and effort but it will help you to overcome the afflictions that are causing you suffering.

Brahma Viharas

Edited October 20, 2016 by Xpansion

[rush]

@quantum @Xpansion @Emerald Wilkins 

I have questioned beliefs in the past however nothing came of this and the same egoic beliefs about what you need resurfaced soon again. Would be interesting to hear your take on things such as Maslow hierarchy where you need certain needs to be fulfilled. 

 

[Azrael]

28 minutes ago, rush said:

Would be interesting to hear your take on things such as Maslow hierarchy where you need certain needs to be fulfilled. 

Don't distract yourself here. I'm not saying that there isn't a lot of good stuff out there, but keep it simple. What you are trying here is getting rid of your bad side and always feeling good and pleasant. Well, be surprised but even a Zen master will feel shitty when his friends and family dies, just because it's natural for a human being to go through that.

Now, we Westerns I think make too much outta this. We beat ourselves up about any little thing that comes up: work, relationships, packets from Amazon needing that extra day when you paid for Prime. You name it. To get at peace with this (not to get rid of this but to really be okay with it, you do this):

When you are in a state of envy and regret you acknowledge how it gets you. How do you feel? Maybe very loaded. What thoughts arise? Probably automatic chains of negative and compulsive thoughts. Okay, great. Now you do this: Feel on the inside into these feelings and listen to your thoughts consciously and say to yourself on the inside: "I'm very sorry that [...] didn't play out as you wanted it to be. Life is a bitch, I really don't like seeing you suffering over this, but feel free to rage about it however you want. Whatever feelings you may trigger, feel welcome to do so. It's okay."

Talk to yourself like you would trying to calm a 5 year old down. Get on your own side and stop opposing a side of you. Then integration shall begin.

Cheers to your regrets,

Azrael

[JKG]

Maybe this might help

 

Edited October 20, 2016 by quantum

[JKG]

1 hour ago, rush said:

I have questioned beliefs in the past however nothing came of this and the same egoic beliefs about what you need resurfaced soon again.

Do something like self inquiry with your beliefs while writing everything down. Do you see a prove for need like good relationships or that you need to be a good student in your direct experience?

If questioning your beliefs didnt get you results, you probably have done it wrong and you got deluded by your ego. Do it again more mindfully with looking at the responses of your ego carefully.