Not Getting Results From Personal Development

[ULFBERHT]

As a pretext, I'd like to say I'm not trying to be a downer, nor am I looking for someone to commiserate with me. I'm trying to get practical, measurable results, I just feel like I haven't gotten any.

It's actually a stretch to say that I'm not getting any results from PD. In order to get results you would have to make a sustained effort at something over a period of time and determine whether it's working for you or not and then adjust accordingly. My circumstance doesn't qualify.  I feel like I have a hard time getting off the ground with any proposed changes I'm trying to make. It may last for a few days or at most a few weeks, but creating lasting, profound change is proving a tough challenge to meet. Listed below are some of the areas/ goals/ processes I'm struggling with. Any specific advice related to a certain issue as well as general strategic advice is more than welcome.  

1. Firstly, I have been successful in installing a fitness and meditation habit. I've been lifting seriously for four years. I deadlift over 500lbs. I've been meditating for about seven months and have had little interesting insights here and there, but nothing seriously profound.

2. I have trouble starting new habits and staying "sharp" with them. By sharp I mean even though I've installed a meditation habit and have NOT MISSED A DAY , sometimes I'll meditate for four breaths, sometimes I'll meditate for and hour and a half without moving a muscle. I'd like to be more consistent with my habits.

3. I've been meaning to go through all of Leo's videos and take notes, study them, and look for ways to start implementing them in my life. I've been meaning to do that along with fifty other things I'd like to start doing. I've got a big problem with procrastination and resistance to taking action.

3. I'm not sure where to start with personal development. Do I work on career first, or my relationships? Spirituality or health? I know all of these areas should be worked on, but deciding which deserve most of my attention and how to balance them is beyond me at this point. How do I actually DO personal development?

4. Everything feels like an uphill battle. I'm okay with a challenge, but any goal or change I'd wish to see come to fruition seems like a huge task.

5. Negative self talk. I'm not smart enough, I'm not handsome enough, I'm not gifted enough in some way... sometimes the negative self talk exhausts me more than the thing I'm trying to do!

6. Giving 100% and kicking ass at life. I really, really like to half-ass stuff. Any way I can get by doing less work is my preferred method of going through life. Clearly, It hasn't served me because I don't have the life I want.

7. Digging deep when times are tough. Sometimes you need to retreat and recharge your batteries. Other times you need to dig deep and get shit done. I've made some progress on minimizing my instinct to throw my hands in the air and quit when things get hard, but I find myself retreating when I need to be strong and build my character.

8. Mastering my emotions. A lot of this list could probably be boiled down to that, now that I've written it out.

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Here are my preliminary goals that I'd like to achieve

1. I'd like to continue my health and fitness journey and get as strong as I can, although right now I feel like quitting because I spend all my damn time in the gym.

2. I'd like to go to college and study chemical engineering and math. At this point I feel like that's the direction I'd like to head, but it stresses me out because I think I'm still going to have to work full time and try and study. I feel like I won't have anytime for lifting and meditation. Plus there's the potential strain on my marriage, as well as the cost. The negative self-talk comes in strong here as I hear myself saying that I'm not smart enough to achieve this goal.

3. I want to work on my enlightenment journey/ consciousness work.

Thanks everyone! I'm looking forward to hearing good wisdom.

[Zane]

Here are some great videos for you

1. 

 

2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwLGHCZTQt4

 

[ULFBERHT]

Thanks! Yeah as I was typing all that out I started to think of a few of Leo's videos. I gotta go back over them and take some notes.

[Leo Gura]

Top reasons for not getting results:

1) No life purpose, no vision

2) No sense of priority or clear values

3) Not building one habit at a time

4) Expecting too much too fast

5) Working on too shallow, too materialistic goals (like money, sex, fitness)

6) No ability to create a practical action plan from abstract concepts/goals

[ULFBERHT]

@Leo Gura Yeah. 1-4 are spot on. I think my fitness goals may be a little shallow, too. I do have the ability to create a plan, but how can I create a meaningful plan if I have no vision? I'm working on buying your life purpose course. I've just gotta sell some extra stuff laying around the house so I can scrounge up some money to do so. Thanks for everything!

[Xpansion]

I'll just address point 1 at this stage.  Firstly seven months is a blip. One of the very first things you need to cultivate if you are going to continue is patience. Rome wasn't built in a day.   How are you going to make this a lifelong practice if you're complaining as soon as you're out the gate? Or maybe you had no intention of doing this your whole life but is instead just wanted a quick fix like most people?    

Second, sitting meditation is only the  beginning. You don't just sit there on the cushion for an hour and then carry on with your day as usual.  Sitting is formal practice but then you need to bring mindful awareness into every aspect of your life as an informal practice. Cleaning your teeth, eating, getting dressed, driving etc etc.  Its very hard to maintain awareness in our daily life because we have so many distractions but you keep trying and slowly it builds. You need to abide in awareness all day every day. 

Ive said before and I'll say again Meditation is not some kind of magical quick fix or shortcut to zen monk heaven.    Sometimes it feels crap and pointless and other times it can be very blissful but trying to feel something is not the point.     What you need to do is learn to accept what it is.   The very fact that you are expecting something from it, wanting  it to be something other than what it is shows that it's working because you can learn from it how this craving and aversion in the mind causes you to suffer however subtle that suffering may be.  This is an insight into Dukkha (the unsatisfactoriness or suffering inherent in all things). 

Keep sitting and letting go. Watch how you want it to be a different way, notice that. Ask yourself "who or what is it that wants it to be different?"  See how these thoughts effect your mood and emotion. How does that feel in the body? 

For me the change has been very subtle over 5-6 years of sitting twice daily and doing silent retreats. I too expected a penny to drop and craved some big profound experience and on retreat I had some profound experiences because I was mindful all day everyday with no distractions but in my daily practice it is a much more subtle transformation. 

Our society conditions us to crave for pleasant or even extreme peak experiences. We want to take a pill or shortcut but there isn't one.    Be patient and gentle with yourself. Don't strive too hard. Read some dhamma books and   Just be wherever you are on the path.

 

Edited October 20, 2016 by Xpansion