Is it possible to overcome the late-bloomer syndrome (as a guy)

[StarStruck]

I wasted my 20'ies with depression, gaming and porn. I was lucky to stumble upon Eckart Tolle when I was 16 but the situation with my toxic parents were so bad that I couldn't socialize (get a gf or good circle of friends). I was also very unmotivated due to low self-image. Pickup wasn't very advanced and fit for misfits at the time. The hard part was that I knew I was wasting my time. I was not enjoying wasting my time because of this.

It took a long time before getting out of the pit of hell. I'm now 32. Luckily I did work out and eat healthy in the last 10 years and I look very young for my age.  I did read a lot of self-help books but it was very passive and ineffective. I was kind of stuck in a circle of negative energy. My bad childhood influenced my other relations, that made me unhappy, that influenced school and work. And that is how I wasted a lot of time.

Recently I changed a lot. Dating younger girls (in their 20'ies) feels like I'm "catching up" and healing myself because when I was 20 I wished I could date these girls but I didn't know how. These recent successes in my life didn't make happy. It opened old wounds and I feel like I'm trying to fill a void that can't be filled. I don't want to waste valuable time. I'm in my prime right now. It won't get any better for me from this point. Before 35 you are fit, healthy, have hair, and own a mentally sharp and flexible brain. Once a guy reaches 35, it will reach full maturity (Buddhists say life cycles come in factors of 7, (7x5=35)), and I agree with this. Also doing pickup after 35 feels weird, talking to pretty young things while balding and graying is not my thing.

What I would like advice about is how to keep a balance between work and play. I found a new toy which is pickup and I'm afraid that it will just replace my old habit of watching porn and waste a lot of time doing that. I wasted my 20'ies doing porn. I don't want to waste my 30'ies doing pickup. What I would like to do is pickup (in a moderate fashion) for 3 years and then find somebody to settle down with.

[caspex]

Tbh I am not one who should give advice on this, but I'd say there's always exceptions in one's ways of thinking. I think it's very possible for you to find a girl for yourself that you can connect with and also when it comes to self-actualizations, assuming you die of old age, you still got a lot of good time on your hands. 

My father is 7 years older than my mother and it was a love marriage. My father met her in his 30s. I don't think you have fucked up yourself by wasting a lot of time. Just a late-bloomer.

Gotta assume there might be females in same position as you

[Roy]

10 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

I don't want to waste valuable time. I'm in my prime right now. It won't get any better for me from this point. Before 35 you are fit, healthy, have hair, and own a mentally sharp and flexible brain. Once a guy reaches 35, it will reach full maturity

@StarStruck You need to challenge toxic conventional thinking and attitudes like this. It is only damaging and limiting you.

There is no such defined thing as a "prime". Plenty of people can have a peak or renaissance at ANY point in their life. A heroine addict can recover and get to good health at 40 after 20 years of suffering and addiction. Stop worrying about comparing yourself to other people and what or where you "should" be at because of your age. What a silly notion. You are on your own unique journey. Appreciate that and indulge selfishly about only yourself relative to yourself. 

Do you see how the statement, "It won't get any better for me from this point." Isn't actually a true statement and believing it is actually hurting you not helping you?

[StarStruck]

2 minutes ago, Roy said:

@StarStruck You need to challenge toxic conventional thinking and attitudes like this. It is only damaging and limiting you.

There is no such defined thing as a "prime". Plenty of people can have a peak or renaissance at ANY point in their life. A heroine addict can recover and get to good health at 40 after 20 years of suffering and addiction. Stop worrying about comparing yourself to other people and what or where you "should" be at because of your age. What a silly notion. You are on your own unique journey. Appreciate that and indulge selfishly about only yourself relative to yourself. 

Do you see how the statement, "It won't get any better for me from this point." Isn't actually a true statement and believing it is actually hurting you not helping you?

I meant biologically.

Prime years in biological terms is something undisputed.

I agree that in terms of self-actualization you can reach your prime at any age though.

13 minutes ago, Swarnim said:

Tbh I am not one who should give advice on this, but I'd say there's always exceptions in one's ways of thinking. I think it's very possible for you to find a girl for yourself that you can connect with and also when it comes to self-actualizations, assuming you die of old age, you still got a lot of good time on your hands. 

My father is 7 years older than my mother and it was a love marriage. My father met her in his 30s. I don't think you have fucked up yourself by wasting a lot of time. Just a late-bloomer.

Gotta assume there might be females in same position as you

I'm focusing on the wrong things I guess.

[Roy]

9 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

I meant biologically.

Prime years in biological terms is something undisputed.

Yes that's technically true, but you're putting too much stock into it.

Of course you must admit your existence isn't in a vacuum of biology. It includes everything else.

You can say you agree, but do you actually embody it if you're honest? Or are you on your way to embodying it?

 

 

[StarStruck]

13 minutes ago, Roy said:

Yes that's technically true, but you're putting too much stock into it.

Of course you must admit your existence isn't in a vacuum of biology. It includes everything else.

You can say you agree, but do you actually embody it if you're honest? Or are you on your way to embodying it?

 

 

My self-actualization is not going fast enough. I'm working on productivity (procrastination) at this moment. It is a tough nut to crack. After that my self-actualization will enfold. So to answer your question. I don't believe I fully embody it.

[The_Truth_Seeker]

Don't understand who even invents these terms like late bloomer syndrome. Sometimes vocabulary is the reason of human suffering.

[Logan]

@StarStruck Check out the video Life is a Maze. 

You are chasing cheese when you "should" be trying to escape the maze.