Dark Implications of Being God

[SM-OConnor]

Extreme sadness, loneliness, and existential dread. These seem to be the results of my psychedelic trips and introspection.
I understand I am God, and this reality is my own manifestation. During the peak of my trips I even felt the extraordinary bliss and pleasure of it. Yet, I cannot help but be haunted by the very dark implications of being utterly alone... and accepting that everything and everyone I ever loved are just figments of my imagination.

Some guidance on how to deal with this, would be very much appreciated.

My sincere thanks.

[Danioover9000]

@SM-OConnor

14 minutes ago, SM-OConnor said:

Extreme sadness, loneliness, and existential dread. These seem to be the results of my psychedelic trips and introspection.
I understand I am God, and this reality is my own manifestation. During the peak of my trips I even felt the extraordinary bliss and pleasure of it. Yet, I cannot help but be haunted by the very dark implications of being utterly alone... and accepting that everything and everyone I ever loved are just figments of my imagination.

Some guidance on how to deal with this, would be very much appreciated.

My sincere thanks.

   I've found that taking up a practice of tulpamancy does help with the loneliness and dread part. Though I speak for myself here. Another is taking a break and looking at life again, start dreaming bigger, and figure out the next evolution of my vision. Another is brainstorming new ways of bringing more life into past passions and hobbies, finding ways to combine them. Generally, get back into your roots, into basic self help again if you want, and spend time there. Go and check out Leo's blueprint on motivation, and develop that skill of willing motivation in yourself, that's super powerful and useful, and don't let anything stop you training that. This skill helped a ton with my life.

Then after some time has passed, and you settled down, do the advanced techniques, get into spirituality more, with a stronger inner world and inner things with consciousness, you'd be more prepared for bigger insights and dealing with things and places being figments of imagination because, well, tulpamancy has you develop the sense of dealing with figments of imagination intentionally at the very least, along with some benefits that are not expected, At least this is working for me. 

Edited March 25, 2021 by Danioover9000

[Inliytened1]

@SM-OConnor  As you mentioned when your consciousness shifted to God levels of consciousness you felt pure Divine Bliss or we can also say Love - infinity which is identical - is your true nature.  Yet since you were still in human form consciousness can drift between states and in those states - where you are almost in between but still directly conscious of oneness - that's when it is tough. 

But once you come all the way back to a normal state of consciousness - a dualistic state  - it should get better and return to normal.  Backlash should subside after some time.

This is because - just as you do when you dream at night  - you are placed in a state of consciousness to where the dream is real.  Where there is a distinction between self and other.   So in a normal state what your ego may be doing is twisting it into dread so that you run as far away from spirituality as possible.  But notice it's only "bad"  relative to the ego's bias, because if everything is one it will lose its identity.   The ego also has a tendency to make it something "good" too and grab Godhood for itself haha.  

Anyways the main point is that as God you have infinite imagination, which means you have the ability to fall back asleep whenever you want - and when you do - the dream becomes real as you are no longer going meta or stepping outside the dream.  This shift between duality and non-dual awareness is a craft that will take you some time to mold.  But also you must try not to have a bias towards aloneness or oneness or at least go meta and notice that for what it is and be at peace with that

Btw I'm doing it right now myself otherwise i wouldn't be able to have this conversation.  I am immersed totally within the dream like a fish in water... I  do it seamlessly.  It is only if i go meta - which I just did right now - and shift my consciousness, that i will be conscious you are imaginary.   

[Breakingthewall]

@SM-OConnor ego reaction. feels threatened and affirms its existence. He does not care if it is with fear or sadness, the important thing is to exist. who feels lonely ?God obviously not. It is the ego thinking that if it is alone in the middle of nothingness, what an unbearable loneliness ... for an ego. The first time I experienced that loneliness, the ego's reaction was the same: there could be nothing worse. infinity is eternal life imprisonment in immobile solitude. The  Hell. it's how the ego interprets glory. significant

[Seraphim]

After experiencing all these God-consciousness states, some seekers reach a level where all that disappears and they are just a human again, but now they are happy and free, they have simplicity and balance. Eventually they become pure and refined enough to access the hidden knowledge, then they will just know things and can begin to teach, some yogis were like that.

[Sempiternity]

You like watching movies? Now you realize that you are the movie. Enjoy it as it plays out. It's the greatest (and only) show in the universe. 

[SM-OConnor]

Thank you for the thoughtful responses.

Tulpamancy looks interesting. I had no idea that was a thing. On some of my trips, entities would communicate with me. They felt more like additional streams of consciousness inside my own mind more than external beings. Might be a good starting point.

This is quite overwhelming, and I am struggling to process it. Perhaps I just need some time. Ego reaction is likely the case, but damn I don't know how to let it go. I feel like all of my comprehension is torn apart, and nothing makes sense any longer. Surrendering the ego during the come up on a trip is easy, but not so much during the aftermath for me. As Inliytened1 said, I think being in that transitional state between God and human is challenging.

Probably worth mentioning, I trip completely alone in the dark. As someone with Asperger's Syndrome, it's always been difficult to make friends. There is no one in my life I can speak to about such matters. This I imagine is even a problem for many other enlightenment seekers with large social circles.

Simply engaging with all of you here has helped with the feeling of loneliness, so I thank you for that.

[Haumea2018]

5 hours ago, SM-OConnor said:

I understand I am God, and this reality is my own manifestation.

"You" aren't "God." There is no "you" there.  You're unconsciously investing the Absolute with your own ego identity - same as Leo.

This is the peril of doing certain psychedelics.  You come back and suffer ego inflation.  You take the Absolute and then shove it into your tiny little I-thought mini-me concept.

When you're enlightened, the "you" (the "I") is dissolved, seen through.  You realize that while the ocean can be seen as a whole, still, you're just a wave on the ocean, but there are other waves on the ocean as well.  So what is there to feel lonely about? Loneliness is only an issue for an ego.

[Inliytened1]

@SM-OConnor yeah when what you thought was real your whole life is recontextualized into that of a dream - um, the shock of the realization and the shock of realizing its been just you the whole time - umm..there are no words for that.  But it does get better.  And the miracle of awakening is just something that can't be put into words either.  Its beyond this world - literally

 

[Aaron p]

9 hours ago, SM-OConnor said:

Extreme sadness, loneliness, and existential dread. These seem to be the results of my psychedelic trips and introspection.
I understand I am God, and this reality is my own manifestation. During the peak of my trips I even felt the extraordinary bliss and pleasure of it. Yet, I cannot help but be haunted by the very dark implications of being utterly alone... and accepting that everything and everyone I ever loved are just figments of my imagination.

Some guidance on how to deal with this, would be very much appreciated.

My sincere thanks.

Be careful to distinguish realisation for more beliefs. Believing that you are God, is very different to realising you are God. Belief can actually lead to overly nihilistic outlooks on life. Look at church for example. All their beliefs in having an awesome life, makes their life shit. The moment you truly realise you are God, you will experience bliss that you cannot currently fathom or comprehend. Consciousness is not the same as knowledge ...initially

[Javfly33]

What is wrong with being alone?

You are just thinking that that is bad.

But it's actually amazing because it also means you are so United with yourself.

[allislove]

13 hours ago, SM-OConnor said:

Some guidance on how to deal with this, would be very much appreciated.

Give yourself time for the trips integration, it shall pass. Ground yourself by less thinking and doing more activities that break the looping of the monkey mind... like nature walk, DIY projects, etc.

[vladorion]

7 hours ago, Haumea2018 said:

"You" aren't "God." There is no "you" there.  You're unconsciously investing the Absolute with your own ego identity - same as Leo.

This is the peril of doing certain psychedelics.  You come back and suffer ego inflation.  You take the Absolute and then shove it into your tiny little I-thought mini-me concept.

When you're enlightened, the "you" (the "I") is dissolved, seen through.  You realize that while the ocean can be seen as a whole, still, you're just a wave on the ocean, but there are other waves on the ocean as well.  So what is there to feel lonely about? Loneliness is only an issue for an ego.

Nice to see there are people on this forum who are not delusional or buy into Leo's delusions.

[Loba]

There are other waves in the ocean, it is not just you.  I think that perhaps this is a trap that psychedelics can give, because when I go through the death door, I can feel everyone else there, too within that sea of emptiness.  You are a soul.  A bubble within that sea, with other explorers.  I exist.  I am the one in front at the moment.  I Am writing this.

And you who is reading this, is the one who is in the front.  But you are not the only one here.  That is a mistake.  i know this to be true because psychedelics and facing a genuine death are not the same thing.  Try memento mori instead if this bothers you, and keep your heart and soul open to finding other experiences within this ocean while keeping yourself fixed on the void.  If you close yourself off to it, then you will be stuck with this idea that it is just you.

It's not, it's not.  I swear.  Keep going.

[Megan Alecia]

I dont buy into actualized org's metaphysics because it seems like wishful thinking to me

The blog is great though. I like how so much is in there. 

[Nahm]

@SM-OConnor

Sure hope you take this in the great feeling relieving sense felt & intended, but you got some existential things wrong and are feeling that. Ideally, let it go entirely...and or scrutinize the thoughts and recognize the discord to liberate of the suffering. Much love, wish ya only the best. ? 

[wesyasz]

The people aren't ultimately out of your imagination, in a sense that you describe, because you describe it from ego perspective, which isn't true. Yes, they are out of God's imagination and everyone is you, it is the same consciousness animating and looking through the eyes of each form, but "other" people aren't out of egos imagination from which you currently look at them from.

[tatsumaru]

16 hours ago, SM-OConnor said:

Extreme sadness, loneliness, and existential dread. These seem to be the results of my psychedelic trips and introspection.
I understand I am God, and this reality is my own manifestation. During the peak of my trips I even felt the extraordinary bliss and pleasure of it. Yet, I cannot help but be haunted by the very dark implications of being utterly alone... and accepting that everything and everyone I ever loved are just figments of my imagination.

Some guidance on how to deal with this, would be very much appreciated.

My sincere thanks.

Forget about that god nonsense for a bit. I don't know when that new religion of identifying with oneness and the universe became so popular, but it is just the latest version of religious group think manifesting as pseudospirituality. Why do you have to put beliefs between yourself and your direct experience. Just allow life to be what it is - did you ever prove there was a god anywhere? The word god means something very specific. Currently everyone is hijacking this word and using it to mean "that which is not in our experience" or "that which we don't understand" or "oneness" or "energy" or "the universe" or whatever. It's lost its meaning long time ago. Now it's an homonym that allows everyone to label their own belief systems as god which helps people think that we are all on the same page and have all realized the same truths about life. Nonsense!

As for your loneliness. Ask yourself what loneliness implies. It basically means you feel incomplete. If you were truly everything, how would you ever be incomplete? This is likely a result of identifying with something that you are not.