I'm gonna ghost a girl I like that I'm friends with

[Lyubov]

Basically the last time I confronted them and told them I didn't have energy to talk to them regularly (giving myself space cause I had emotions for them and our lives didn't align) they got angry at me and freaked out. The ordeal lead to me telling them I liked them and a few weeks later they wrote me asking if I wanted to talk again regularly and I did so we picked up where we left off. Fast forward three months later they say they wanna go on a holiday somewhere and I say me too, they say let's go, so we talk about it a bit. No solid plans, I'm aware it may not happen and not to over invest. Anyways today she says she is excited cause another guy she is into is interested and wants to go with him. No solid plans were made but it feels kinda shit and I think this is pretty clear they don't feel the same way I do about them. Last time they got mad and pissy at me for being more confronting and telling them I wanted space, I'm just unfollowing them and not responding to anything they write me now. I feel sort of like their therapist rather than a healthy relationships of sorts and they don't feel the same way about me. I have no interest orbiting around as an alternative option for them so I'm ghosting them. Not wasting energy on this. Save the confronting for relationships that are worth saving. This is going no where and I await them spamming me asking why I'm ignoring them instead of taking a hint...

Edited March 24, 2021 by Lyubov

[Preety_India]

Just ghost and block them and be done with it. 

Peace. Say - No time for fakers. 

Say no to - 

Fake friends and mind games players. 

 

 

Edited March 24, 2021 by Preety_India

[Lyubov]

I feel I'm being a little toxic now but at the same time this is what feels most authentic to me and I'm tired of handling things between us with kid gloves. It's annoying and fake. I really don't care if it confuses them. Not my problem if they can't take a hint or have some degree of understanding of what's going on or why I would feel hurt. I need to take care of myself first. There is just something at it's root deeply dishonest about this relationship if I told her I like her and I'm talking to her cause part of me is holding out for something to happen between us. I don't want to have to deal with her drama getting pissy cause I don't wanna talk to her. She was so dense the last time she couldn't take a fucking hint when I wasn't replying to her messages daily that obviously talking to her would no longer be my top priority. This time whatever. It's over and it's time to move on for me.

Edited March 24, 2021 by Lyubov

[Preety_India]

@Lyubov

Zero tolerance policy. That's it. 

Never give too much benefit of the doubt to those who don't care to even respond. 

If left unattended, stuff like this tends to clog life. 

Just block. There are other important people who need your time. 

Make important friends not any friends. 

 

 

[Lyubov]

I agree. This thread seems like a pity party 

I'm just exhausted of this weird dynamic and it feels like they are playing mind games with me or using me for some sort of approval sometimes. I can't say I'm innocent here. I've gotten a feeling of not being alone when lonely and having them to talk to but I just don't se this going anywhere and after the first time we fought I'm not interested in doing it a second time.

[mandyjw]

Rather than ghosting or making plans to ghost just drop or become aware of your own overthinking and dramatizing of the situation. That's what you really want, peace of mind. Pick something else to focus on right now, or focus on taking care of yourself and clearing your mind. 

[Preety_India]

Honestly it's not a pity party. 

It's your authentic side finally  speaking  for itself. 

 

 

Edited March 24, 2021 by Preety_India

[Lyubov]

17 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

Rather than ghosting or making plans to ghost just drop or become aware of your own overthinking and dramatizing of the situation. That's what you really want, peace of mind. Pick something else to focus on right now, or focus on taking care of yourself and clearing your mind. 

Yeah that is sorta why I wrote this thread. It made me feel better and understand how I'm feeling more. I'm focusing on whatever comes up and  feeling it. This whole thing is making me feel incredibly angry, jealous and like I'm not attractive or good enough so I'm just noticing that come up and feeling it fully and express itself w/o getting carried away. 

 

thanks @Preety_India

Edited March 24, 2021 by Lyubov

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, Lyubov said:

Yeah that is sorta why I wrote this thread. It made me feel better and understand how I'm feeling more. I'm focusing on whatever comes up and  feeling it. This whole thing is making me feel incredibly angry, jealous and like I'm not attractive or good enough so I'm just noticing that come up and feeling it fully and express itself w/o getting carried away. 

 

thanks @Preety_India

Don't you think that you would feel much better after blocking their drama? 

Don't you think that you deserve better? 

 

 

[Lyubov]

21 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Don't you think that you would feel much better after blocking their drama? 

Don't you think that you deserve better? 

 

 

It's more so my own grief surfacing and anger I've been holding onto. I'm feeling a bit better now but lets see how it goes. 

[How to be wise]

@Lyubov Must watch:

 

[integral]

@Preety_India Hypocrite, you just made a thread about a friend ghosting you and it broke your heart, now you telling people its ok? ...

@Lyubov I would copy past what you wrote here, send it to them, have a 100% honest open conversation with them about it, then if nothing changes, say the good byes. Move on. 

Its better to avoid the same behaviour that got you into this mess in the first place. Start with honest communication about how you feel, make it a top value. No longer engage in games of miscommunication/misunderstandings. 

 

Edited March 25, 2021 by integral

[integral]

On 3/24/2021 at 6:20 AM, Lyubov said:

I really don't care if it confuses them. Not my problem if they can't take a hint or have some degree of understanding of what's going on or why I would feel hurt.

No one understand how you feel or what you want unless its communicated. 

[Preety_India]

@integral there's a difference. If someone ghosted you and there was no discernible reason, its hurtful. 

However when someone is mistreating you, and especially when they are not ready for a conversation for resolve, then it's best to ghost them, they anyways won't be impacted by it because they are aware why it happened. 

The word context is important. When someone ghosts you for nothing, it's you who owes the explanation. When you get mistreated, it's again you who owes an explanation. In both cases, no explanation is given by the other party. Such a party needs to be cancelled or ghosted or blocked. Focus on who needs to do the ghosting or blocking, not who is actually doing it. In most cases the person who is actually doing it is the guilty party or culprit. Whereas the person who needs to be doing it, doesn't do it out of a false assumption of causing offense, but is more deserving of such an action to protect. 

Killing is killing in any case. But is not criminal in every case. Context is important. Use the words offense and defense to understand this better. A person who kills for gain is a criminal. A person who kills in self defense is not a criminal. Because offense is harmful but defense is protective. Learn the difference of context 

 

[Lyubov]

15 hours ago, integral said:

@Lyubov I would copy past what you wrote here, send it to them, have a 100% honest open conversation with them about it, then if nothing changes, say the good byes. Move on. 

Its better to avoid the same behaviour that got you into this mess in the first place. Start with honest communication about how you feel, make it a top value. No longer engage in games of miscommunication/misunderstandings. 

 

went through this with them once before where I was honest and open and they got super defensive, angry and were gaslighting me and seemed to lack the ability to work through any of this with me. they instantly started getting mad at me this time so no, I'm done with them. We had a second fight yesterday where they did the exact same thing. it's unhealthy and it's time for me to move on from their toxicity. 

[Roy]

Take emotional responsibility to be brutally honest with them so there is some kind of closure to the end of the relationship as it is.

You're doing both parties a disservice by ghosting. Not only are you possibly hurting their feelings by childishly sitting around "waiting for them to spam you", you are hurting your own development by being avoidant of moving through your emotions with them.

Explain how you really feel to them fairly and why it's not going to work out so they don't hold onto any expectations they have, then you can move on.

A strong, emotionally adjusted person doesn't play games like a little kid.

Edited March 26, 2021 by Roy

[integral]

8 hours ago, Lyubov said:

went through this with them once before where I was honest and open and they got super defensive, angry and were gaslighting me and seemed to lack the ability to work through any of this with me. they instantly started getting mad at me this time so no, I'm done with them. We had a second fight yesterday where they did the exact same thing. it's unhealthy and it's time for me to move on from their toxicity. 

I was in a similar situation for 8 years in my youth, at some point i had enough and cut them out, it created distance and room to breath. After a while the distance allowed the situation to be seen with better clarity and it revealed the real hidden issues.

It wasn't that they where toxic, its that i allowed room for them to be toxic. 

Right now cutting them out might be the best thing to do in the short term, but next comes healing and finding a solution that fixes the underlining problems. We want to really understand what caused all this so to not repeat it in other forms.

At some point down the road, the experience of toxic people is replaced with a experience of understanding and compassion. This is possible only when a stable inner peace is cultivated. 

Edited March 26, 2021 by integral

[Lyubov]

43 minutes ago, integral said:

I was in a similar situation for 8 years in my youth, at some point i had enough and cut them out, it created distance and room to breath. After a while the distance allowed the situation to be seen with better clarity and it revealed the real hidden issues.

It wasn't that they where toxic, its that i allowed room for them to be toxic. 

Right now cutting them out might be the best thing to do in the short term, but next comes healing and finding a solution that fixes the underlining problems. We want to really understand what caused all this so to not repeat it in other forms.

At some point down the road, the experience of toxic people is replaced with a experience of understanding and compassion. This is possible only when a stable inner peace is cultivated. 

I don't necessarily disagree with everything you said but also I see it differently. They are toxic, and I had poor boundaries which I let them cross more than once. I doubt I was entirely innocent in the whole ordeal either. It's a learning experience either way and I'm tired with the whole look inward bs jargon. I do plenty of that consistently. The most authentic thing I can do now from all of this is rant and feel angry cause that is how I feel about the situation. I think in the long term I need to hold to my boundaries better and be a little wiser when I see them slipping. I tend to be pretty lenient cause I like to give people the benefit of the doubt they are on the same page of respect and mindfulness as me but also I don't like neurotically manage stuff like this. I don't like to try to control problems and relationships and I doubt the experience of toxic people ever goes away fully. Relationships can be messy. In the long run I would rather cultivate emotional resilience and wisdom cause it's unavoidable that problems will occasionally arise sometimes between people but being able to handle the storms in a healthy way communicate better and be wiser when signs are showing is always possible. 

Edited March 26, 2021 by Lyubov