What is your view on desperate men?

[Preety_India]

Some men have unhealthy levels of detachment and they begin to appear very cold. And standoffish. 

Whereas some men act extremely desperate. 

Ive had interactions with both types of men.. 

In my general experience, the desperate needy men are the ones who create the greatest trouble.  They come with a baggage of issues and a plethora of problems. Slew of miseries. 

They can't handle shit. They stalk the woman, harass and when rejected, they lose control.  Beware of such dudes. They are full of red flags.  They're simply waiting for fish. 

They have  high levels of insecurity and a need to assert excessive dominance and control. 

In the end they make themselves look lame and cheap and unsafe causing women to simply reject or dump them at the get go.. 

What's your take on desperate men?

 

 

[Ethan1]

Humans are needy creatures. Depends on the type of environment this person was raised in. 

As for attachment styles..
 

Sounds like you are referring to a Preoccupied Anxious Attachment Style. Most relationships in American society are typically dysfunctional because that's the norm. Especially men because we aren't given much room for emotional reciprocation and to mature correctly. Most men these days are taught that women are attracted to Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Styles. Especially women that grew up without a father figure around because it is familiar. The baby boomer generation was taught certain parenting styles that contributed to this mess. If parents were held accountable for the developmental needs of children then the norm would likely be functional & secure relationships. However, that's not the case. Divorces and emotional baggage is the norm.

B.P.D. seems to be what you're talking about if it is stalking behavior. BPD people think in black and white. They tend to have a fear of abandonment. Some kind of form of abandonment trauma. Soo many BPD people will play passive aggressive games inorder to get their needs met. It's a form of control because they weren't shown healthy ways to get their needs met. To "reject" is to create a form of chaos and loss of control + retriggering of abandonment. 

I highly recommend a book called CPTSD by Pete Walker. I listened to it on Audible a while back. Talked about the 4 F's. Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn. How most people live in a state of hyper-arousal from past events growing up. 

Also, I recently read a book called Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson. Really really shows how most people are extremely emotionally immature. How people that are in adult bodies can act like 3 year old's because they haven't developed into an adult. I mean, I see this even with people who are in their 40's & 50's. Who literally cognitively still behave like children.  
 

On the other side of the coin. There are plenty of women that have "daddy issues". That are quick to hook up and have sex yet are extremely emotionally unstable and reactive to small things. 

Solution to the problem is to become aware of the types of attachment styles and try to become emulate a secure attachment style.

Also to be cognizant of very broken people. BPD is very difficult to deal with. One minute they see you as perfect. The next minute they only see the bad. It's like walking on egg shells. Literally another book called walking on egg shells too about this stuff. 

[soos_mite_ah]

49 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Some men have unhealthy levels of detachment and they begin to appear very cold. And standoffish. 

Whereas some men act extremely desperate. 

Ive had interactions with both types of men.. 

In my general experience, the desperate needy men are the ones who create the greatest trouble.  They come with a baggage of issues and a plethora of problems. Slew of miseries. 

Both are awful. But if it came down to choosing my battle, I'd choose the unhealthy levels of detachment because it will force me to get over him quicker so I can move on and find someone worth my time. If a man is extremely desperate, worst case scenario I might have to get a restraining order or call the cops and then live in fear for a long time.

Possessiveness and seeking dominance are also a factors that need to be considered and can be present whether a guy is clingy or unavailable. You can be extremely emotionally unavailable and see the other person as an object that you don't empathize with but you want to have for yourself. That can lead to a huge lack of empathy and psychotic behavior. 

[Roy]

Imagine if public education actually taught young people how to form healthy relationships (sexual or otherwise), instead of learning what will be ultimately useless math formulas for 98% of people, or taught how to become good memorizers for tests that will teach you no skills for working a job in the real world.

Instead they leave this domain to a completely vapid and broken culture, where parents are literally too busy working to teach their kids anything, so young boys end up absorbing an utterly toxic mindset towards women from hip-hop culture, and young girls end up buying into the delusional and fantastical expectations that modern feminism instills in them.

I remember the only thing I learned that was even slightly relevant to this was from my Gym classes in high school where the only thing they said to us was, "Wear a condom if you're going to have sex." and "Don't catch any STDs because they're bad mmkay???"

Combine this with hilariously unregulated technology and social media and it's exactly no surprise when some incel goes to shoot up some school because he couldn't get his dick wet. 

Edited March 24, 2021 by Roy

[assx95]

@Preety_India

I mean, If I would be radically honest, I was a desperate man, and still am, to a good degree. Like if earlier was 10/10, I am on 7/10 now. 

I would say - It's the need for acceptance from women, cause I've been rejected or flaked on, by a lot of girls. I mean, seeing reality as it is, that is, women not caring much about my feelings, has made me colder. I am likely not to chase women further if they flake or reject me, and I would move on. 

They are yet to learn about how this game of attraction really works. It's brutal. I'd go as far as to say, I might stop looking for romantic love altogether given the pace at which my bubble is hitting the road. I might just let them come to me if they want to, and not put much effort at all, cause it's not appreciated. It's frowned upon. I mean, if me showing I care, turns women off. I might as well, stop caring as much. 

As an ending statement, I'd say, that desperate men need to be stoic and grateful, and find happiness and love not in others, but in themselves. And they should simply let women come to them, and not chase them. 

[Hardkill]

2 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Some men have unhealthy levels of detachment and they begin to appear very cold. And standoffish. 

Whereas some men act extremely desperate. 

Ive had interactions with both types of men.. 

In my general experience, the desperate needy men are the ones who create the greatest trouble.  They come with a baggage of issues and a plethora of problems. Slew of miseries. 

They can't handle shit. They stalk the woman, harass and when rejected, they lose control.  Beware of such dudes. They are full of red flags.  They're simply waiting for fish. 

They have  high levels of insecurity and a need to assert excessive dominance and control. 

In the end they make themselves look lame and cheap and unsafe causing women to simply reject or dump them at the get go.. 

What's your take on desperate men?

 

 

Yeah, they can be scary if not threatening. 

Though if they feel the need to assert excessive dominance and control, then wouldn't that make them more masculine?

[Preety_India]

3 hours ago, Hardkill said:

Yeah, they can be scary if not threatening. 

Though if they feel the need to assert excessive dominance and control, then wouldn't that make them more masculine?

I wouldn't care too much about such masculinity. 

It doesn't serve a purpose. 

 

[Chew211]

Desperate men make me cringe hard.

I used to have the same mentality as them, though I never did anything.

If I was the object of their desire, I'd be afraid.

 

I dealt with a really desperate chick too. I wanted to maintain things casually, but she more, so I decided to break things off.

She became a stalker after that. 

Had to straight up threaten to call the cops, twice.

 

I'm personally a lot more detached now.

(Romantic) Love is either too much or not enough, which is why I maintain a fine balance with girls I'm involved with. 

[Preety_India]

@Chew211 I agree. I had to threaten to call cops a bunch of times. It's stressful and frightening. Nothing romantic about it. 

They take away your energy. 

 

[RendHeaven]

You know, pickup exists precisely to turn desperate men into non-desperate men

[Preety_India]

@RendHeaven I don't think you can really change such a condition. It's not a minor thing, rather a pathological condition that would need some rigorous counseling. 

 

[Bando]

Typically desperate men have childhood/teen traumas they went through but were never able to understand/transcend so they developed a shadow out of it. You never know the root cause of these things without first treating the symptoms and that usually its just getting good with girls.

Seriously I've seen friends of mine go from being complete desperate weirdos into normal men who can build decent relationships with people just because they learned how to attract females into their life.

[soos_mite_ah]

12 hours ago, Hardkill said:

Yeah, they can be scary if not threatening. 

Though if they feel the need to assert excessive dominance and control, then wouldn't that make them more masculine?

No that screams overcompensation and just shows how out of control and insecure you are. It's like those little chihuahuas that feel the need to bark and look aggressive because they are tiny and feel easily threatened therefore they need to assert dominance. 

[Emerald]

Usually, the desperation played out in the dating scene (whether from men or from women) comes from earlier traumas and just plays itself out in the sexual arena and/or in the relationship arena. 

So, my take on desperate men is that the desperation doesn't usually begin with their relationship to dating/sex/women; it comes from what happened the them in childhood... and what was taught to them about relationships with women from family, friends, society, and media becomes the lens through which that childhood trauma find expression. 

Edited March 24, 2021 by Emerald

[The_Truth_Seeker]

I have seen guys who try to act like "alpha" and I think these people have some childhood trauma or something. Don't know why they act that way. Lol

Edited March 29, 2021 by The_Truth_Seeker