Nobody likes me.

[seeking_brilliance]

@Preety_India not that you need to change for anyone else... The desire for growth comes within.... But have you investigated why you get defensive? Trust me, I used to get very defensive and I remember how that hurts, and how we eventually tune out the pain while will suffering from it. Have you tried any kind of spiritual autolysis? 

[Preety_India]

@seeking_brilliance  I think I get defensive because I have been so damn hurt by people in the past. People I cared for. People I trusted. People I spent years in nurturing. Only to get betrayed in the end and abandoned like a puppy dog abandoned on a street 

 

People used me for as long as they wanted and then threw me away like trash 

This resulted in massive feelings of betrayal, hurt, mistrust, anger and Avoidance. Anxiety too. 

So whenever I have a conversation with someone, even though the conversation looks fine and well meaning, I seem to get combative and push that person away or make them feel rejected or hated. 

This is because I'm filled with feelings of mistrust, I feel like that person will start fucking with my head, I will trust them and they will start playing games or they have bad intent or they will turn things around to demonize me. 

I think all of my defensiveness comes from a lack of acceptance from others. I felt rejected by people. I wanted love and acceptance and respect and belongingness. 

But I was constantly demonized. I was called selfish, vain, attention seeker, hated, bullied, unloved, harassed, slandered and generally subjected to extreme and harsh judgment. This judgement was never applied to people who did much worse things than me, but I was routinely targeted. 

I feel persecuted among people. So I became avoidant. 

And all of this persecution is because people fail to understand me. And they find it difficult to love me. So they get cognitive dissonance. They don't know what to do with me. So they start hating me. 

Because loving me means letting go of their ego and having empathy for me. Which they find difficult. Hate is easier. 

I can sense their judgemental attitude. And it causes me to get defensive.. 

Another reason being that I've been relentlessly shamed and judged by close family people for my whole life. 

It's just a family culture and dynamics. 

Being judged so badly causes me to flip out even at little signs of judgement. I get reactive because of this judgement related trauma. 

It resurfaces and exacerbates whenever someone tries to judge me. 

That gets me nervous, stressed out and defensive. 

 

[seeking_brilliance]

@Preety_India where do you live, and do you think it's possibly a cultural thing, where maybe you're not supposed to think the way you do? 

[Preety_India]

@seeking_brilliance  I don't think it's a cultural thing though. 

I have mostly faced this problem online where people from all cultures exist 

 

 

[seeking_brilliance]

5 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@seeking_brilliance  I don't think it's a cultural thing though. 

I have mostly faced this problem online where people from all cultures exist 

 

 

Ah OK. I see.  Would you want to work on relaxing the defensiveness? I think Mckenna's spiritual autolysis would be beneficial and fun. 

[Nahm]

@Preety_India

You could scrutinize trust, as to wether it is just a belief or not. Is a trustworthy person one who does and acts the way you want them to? Could there not be a person who is mean yet never lies? Could there not be a person who is kind and nice and lies all the time? 

In a final analysis sense, isn’t trusting in other people basically your best guess, your assessment, your predictions of behaviors? 

When the guidance of feeling is abundantly ever present and available, why employ trust when it comes to other people? 

Why size everyone up that way?

You could contemplate, why do I believe I need to trust people in the first place? As you said, the answer (so far) is because the past. 

The guidance of feeling is not in a past though. It’s here now. All for you. But it can not join you in your conditions, because it is unconditional. It can not be in a past because that’s a thought about itself, not itself. 

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Nahm said:

You could contemplate, why do I believe I need to trust people in the first place?

Because I don't want to end to hurt. 

 

@seeking_brilliance 

 

 

[Nahm]

1 minute ago, Preety_India said:

Because I don't want to end to hurt. 

 

Then why are you focusing, on hurt? 

Have you ever experienced what you are not focused on?

[Preety_India]

@Nahm what? 

[Nahm]

@Preety_India

Why are you focused on what you don’t want? 

[Preety_India]

7 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@Preety_India

Why are you focused on what you don’t want? 

Because if I don't focus on it, I won't be able to avoid it. 

[Nahm]

@Preety_India

You know I love ya... 

You’re not avoiding it by focusing on it. You don’t have to avoid it in the first place. This is just like avoiding watching television by focusing on watching television. 

Focus on what you do want. There is no need to avoid anything. 

There is no need to avoid a past, because there isn’t a past. 

Right now is unfolding in accordance with what you're focusing on....right now. 

You’re a creator. You can’t be ‘not creating’. Even if you did nothing, you’re creating the experience, of doing nothing. 

[Preety_India]

@Nahm I will ponder on that insight. 

You're very helpful Phil. 

 

 

 

[Nahm]

@Preety_India ☺️

[seeking_brilliance]

I agree, the funny thing about avoiding something is that you're actually running directly towards it without even realising it because you think you're 'avoiding'. As was said, by focusing on avoiding hurt, you are actually focusing on hurt. You can take avoidance out of the equation because it doesn't exist. 

So instead of avoiding, what does intuition tell you is the next logical step to healing this? 

[Preety_India]

43 minutes ago, seeking_brilliance said:

So instead of avoiding, what does intuition tell you is the next logical step to healing this? 

Kinda difficult to say. 

Whenever i feel judged, the PTSD (of childhood and abusive exes) instinctively kicks in, anger/frustration reaches its peak and defensive behavior sets in. 

I'll have to careful to tone it down or have a delayed anger response 

Being a female, there is a tendency to get hysterical sometimes which is hard to control. 

I tried controlling my anger during a conversation recently. But the need to fight back and defend still came back like a boomerang. 

I'm such a sweet person in reality. I hate when my worst demons take over me and end up showing my bad side. This bad side I don't like because I hate to be in that angry space of mind. 

I like to be peaceful and not get or be aggravated.

But past aggravation by bullies has caused my sympathetic nervous system to habitually stay in Fight Flight mode. 

It's like I'm in survival war mode all the time. 

I have to imagine myself as a monkey in a cage who has had people throw hard objects at it constantly and feeling angry helpless and bullied all the time to the point that even the sight of people nearby is enough of a trigger, they don't need to throw anything to trigger. 

The only thing that comforts me and calms me down is sex, flirting, intimacy and calm romantic music. That's my escape. It makes me feel loved, secure and no longer afraid or threatened. 

All those things tickle my Vagus nerve and bring in the parasympathetic response and washes down all the bottled up anger. 

 

 

[Hulia]

5 hours ago, Preety_India said:

I have mostly faced this problem online where people from all cultures exist 

I like you. Many other people here like you too. You have a talent for writing. It´s so easy and entertaining to read you, no matter what you are writing about. Even those who are rude to you, it´s not necessarily that they don´t like you, it might be bad moods, bad temper or whatever. I heard somewhere that we prefer certainty (even the negative one) over uncertainty. So it´s easier for you to tell, nobody likes me, because you think it will spare you the pain when you confront with the unwished reaction towards you. The reality is that some people will like you, the others won´t, but the most of them will be indifferent because they are too busy with their own egos, and even when they leave some strange comments on your behalf, it´s not because they don´t like you but because it feels good for their egos. 

The problem is your thinking in the categories: liked - not liked

Or just: your thinking

Realise that this is not their not-liking-you that causes your suffering, but your thought of them not liking you.

The thought.

It doesn´t even matter, if the thought reflects reality or not.

It´s a sheer thought that let you suffer and not the facts.

When these so familiar thoughts of not being liked or being unworthy come, cut them. I assume you have been thinking these thoughts for many years, so they will come again and again - they´ve learned this route too good. The trick is to unlearn to think them.  

 

[seeking_brilliance]

18 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Whenever i feel judged, the PTSD (of childhood and abusive exes) instinctively kicks in, anger/frustration reaches its peak and defensive behavior sets in. 

Totally understand that. Of course I have no idea what your childhood was like until you share, but being a child myself we can relate on some plane. 

18 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Being a female, there is a tendency to get hysterical sometimes which is hard to control. 

Is this true?  Id like to hear from other women on this... 

18 hours ago, Preety_India said:

I tried controlling my anger during a conversation recently. But the need to fight back and defend still came back like a boomerang. 

Do you remember what triggered it? You don't have to share, but do you remember? 

18 hours ago, Preety_India said:

I'm such a sweet person in reality. I hate when my worst demons take over me and end up showing my bad side. This bad side I don't like because I hate to be in that angry space of mind. 

Same here. I was suffering at work daily because it was bringing out a side in me I hated. 

18 hours ago, Preety_India said:

But past aggravation by bullies has caused my sympathetic nervous system to habitually stay in Fight Flight mode. 

It's like I'm in survival war mode all the time. 

Ok, even if that's true, you're creating that reality right now by fuelling it with belief. What if you could believe that past aggravation by bullies now brings you a sense of calm, because you know who you are and you aren't a victim? 

18 hours ago, Preety_India said:

I have to imagine myself as a monkey in a cage who has had people throw hard objects at it constantly and feeling angry helpless and bullied all the time to the point that even the sight of people nearby is enough of a trigger, they don't need to throw anything to trigger. 

Again, only you know your experience. But my advice is don't let the 'bullies of the past' continue to create bullies now.  Please don't get offended by this: know I'm only trying to help because I care about you.... But you have already said that you get defensive very quickly. If you search deeply, how many bullying situations in the last year or so has not been exacerbated by the defensiveness? 

The next time you are feeling bullied, try this : just smile, wipe your hands of this, and say ' have a good day.' and then DISENGAGE. no amount of defending yourself will ever help. And it won't change their mind, only rip yours to pieces.

18 hours ago, Preety_India said:

The only thing that comforts me and calms me down is sex, flirting, intimacy and calm romantic music. That's my escape. It makes me feel loved, secure and no longer afraid or threatened. 

All those things tickle my Vagus nerve and bring in the parasympathetic response and washes down all the bottled up anger. 

I wish you would rephrase this as : "sex, flirting, intimacy and calm romantic music goes a long way to calming me down, but I'm open to finding inner peace as well." 

Edited April 1, 2021 by seeking_brilliance

[Denise Chiccola]

Hello Preety,

As devastating as it is to feel that way. there is a reason behind it. And is fixable. Sounds like what you have is a broadcast message. (like a post it stuck on your back that says 'kick me'. here is some info explaining what that is.  

Broadcast Message - Explanation:

A broadcast message is a specific type of vibrational frequency that is stored in the body and continually sent out, similar to a message from a radio tower.

Having a negative broadcast message could have a harmful influence on the (subconsciously formed) opinions of others about you, and could cause you to attract people, behavior or situations that you’d rather not. 

A broadcast message also has the potential to affect you internally, and may influence your emotions, self-image and other aspects of your life. 

Most broadcast messages are short sentences, consisting of two to five words. 

There are generally two types: 

Command messages, such as: Abuse me or Ignore me

Descriptive messages, such as: I’m stupid or I’m invisible

this is by Dr. Bradley Nelson in the Body Code energy healing system.

And there are usually associated imbalances (AI's) related to the broadcast message (as in other negative energies supporting the message), these need to be addressed as well and released. Once the broadcast message is identified we located any AI's, release them and work out way up to releasing the broadcast message. after all of that is done we could instill a new broadcast message in its place.

for example: we can instill: I am loveable. I am worthy of Love, I am a loving person. 

we find the one that resonates with you, instill it. and now that is a new broadcast message you will be sending out.

sometimes it is that simple to fix, sometimes there are other related negative emotions/energies that need to be treated. But it is all fixable.

let me know your thoughts. I would be happy to help.

chiccod56@gmail is my email.

God bless - You are loveable, you are loving, you are beautiful.

Denise

[Preety_India]

@Denise Chiccola that was so kind. Thank you a lot.