Nobody likes me.

[Preety_India]

Wherever I go, I feel like people hate me. 

Why do people hate me so much?

Nobody likes me. 

Sucks. 

 

 

[Megan Alecia]

Do you like yourself? 

[Preety_India]

Yes I do. 

 

 

[Megan Alecia]

@Preety_India if you stay authentic and do what's in your heart that's pretty much enough, the real ones will stay for you

[Preety_India]

10 minutes ago, Megan Alecia said:

@Preety_India if you stay authentic and do what's in your heart that's pretty much enough, the real ones will stay for you

Thank you so much for the kind words.  I feel happy now 

 

[Ethan1]

Wherever I go, I feel like people hate me.  

Why do you feel like people hate you?

What are some better environments for you to go to?

How do you feel when you are around people?

What type of people do you feel accepted around?
 

Why do people hate me so much? Nobody likes me. Sucks. 

Why do you believe people hate you?

What would cause people to express hate?

What could be done differently?

[NatureB]

You've discovered a pattern in your life. Now find when that pattern first started and release it.

[Preety_India]

8 minutes ago, Ethan1 said:

Wherever I go, I feel like people hate me.  

Why do you feel like people hate you?

Because I see them approaching others in my space like office/classroom. But the same people don't approach me. The people who make friends are generally always the ass-licker types  

And I don't like all the ass licking politically correct behavior. 

I tend to stand out because of my opinionated nature.

Sometimes I feel like I should just shut up and I will be liked more. 

But that way I lose authenticity  

 

 

8 minutes ago, Ethan1 said:

What are some better environments for you to go to?

not really that I can think of.. I don't go out much as a result. 

 

 

8 minutes ago, Ethan1 said:

How do you feel when you are around people?

I feel constantly opposed and attacked and I can sense a general dislike. 

Most people assume that I'm being cheap if I'm being flirty. 

But when I go quiet, people assume that I'm rude. 

Also I don't like the culture of conformation. It's like I'm accepted within a group only when I'm sweet natured and conform to their opinions. The moment I disagree with the general consensus, I immediately get outlawed and treated badly. Hated. 

 

8 minutes ago, Ethan1 said:

What type of people do you feel accepted around?
 

People who are not looking to start a fight or argument.  People who are open minded to accept new opinions and thoughts. People who respect boundaries and respect each other's space.  People who are humble and sweet and don't feel the need to one up each other all the time or play games of "who is popular. "

 

8 minutes ago, Ethan1 said:

Why do people hate me so much? Nobody likes me. Sucks. 

Why do you believe people hate you?

Because they give me negative attention, treat me cheap, blame me over nothing, consider me as an attention seeker (when I'm not ),  do not like my feminine confidence. 

 

8 minutes ago, Ethan1 said:

What would cause people to express hate?

Maybe they want to see me as a demure girl and I don't fit that mold. 

The same people tend to like me  when I'm acting dumb, silly and extra demure, feminine or submissive. 

But I can't be something that I'm not. I'm not dominating, but I'm vivacious and child like, I can't be exactly demure.  

 

8 minutes ago, Ethan1 said:

What could be done differently?

I'm not sure. 

 

[Lyubov]

I don't think that's true. Sometimes it feels this way when life gets hard and relationships don't work out. We can get sort of locked into focusing on negative patterns and get caught up in these illusions. 

[neovox]

A genuine smile is a powerful thing... For you and those with whom you interact. Wield it well    

[Ethan1]

Because I see them approaching others in my space like office/classroom. But the same people don't approach me. The people who make friends are generally always the ass-licker types  
 

• I've felt the same way in certain work environments where colleagues would build their own social circle then I felt left out. Basically ostracized. 
• Most people are only looking for small talk, banter, vibing, and less serious talk. Social vibing.
• "It's not what you say, it's how you say it." Again perception. How people are perceiving you. (tonality, body language, facial expressions)
• Attitudes are contagious and people tend to drift to those that act the same way. 
• Ass-licking sounds basically about power hierarchy's. Could be a toxic social environment if that's the case. 

 

I tend to stand out because of my opinionated nature.

Sometimes I feel like I should just shut up and I will be liked more. 

But that way I lose authenticity  

 

• Sounds like you're already self-aware of the situation reading that.
• Try to put your self in their perspective in order to build rapport.
• Socially calibrate and be aware of who you are talking with.
• Too much self-disclosure can turn people off. Have to determine signs of when people are receptive to authenticity and vulnerability. Most people shutdown when there's too much openness. That's the social norm that most people unconsciously follow unfortunately. Social masks.
• "Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

not really that I can think of.. I don't go out much as a result. 

• Sounds like you might want to switch up the environment. Come up with a list of places you want to go visit. Determine what fits you best.

I feel constantly opposed and attacked and I can sense a general dislike. 

Most people assume that I'm being cheap if I'm being flirty. 

But when I go quiet, people assume that I'm rude. 

Also I don't like the culture of conformation. It's like I'm accepted within a group only when I'm sweet natured and conform to their opinions. The moment I disagree with the general consensus, I immediately get outlawed and treated badly. Hated. 

• Again, you have to be careful about who you talk with. Generally speaking, most people don't like to debate. Typically, people like to go with the flow and have their opinion mirrored and acknowledged. Cognitive biases create ass-lickers. 
• Depends on who you are talking to and the social setting. Most people are communicating simply to just raise their emotional state and sense of social status. If you can master those two then people typically associate social value to you. It comes down to understanding r-messages. Showing people respect and they will show it back.
• Which begs the question... What is respect? How do you feel respected? How do you show other people respect? (Respect is a tricky word.)
• If you show people that you don't respect their opinion it comes off as rude or contemptuous. Which is the opposite of your intent.

Ask others what respect means to them. Different people feel respected for different reasons.
 

I feel constantly opposed and attacked and I can sense a general dislike. 

Most people assume that I'm being cheap if I'm being flirty. 

But when I go quiet, people assume that I'm rude. 

Also I don't like the culture of conformation. It's like I'm accepted within a group only when I'm sweet natured and conform to their opinions. The moment I disagree with the general consensus, I immediately get outlawed and treated badly. Hated. 

• People are quick to sense an attitude. It's hard to be self-aware enough at all moments to detect when our attitude is being perceived.
• It's very difficult to moderate or hide one's own attitude. Comes across even in micro-emotions which people are able to pick up on subconsciously.
• Recording yourself talking out loud helps. For whatever reason, in our head we may think we are coming across in one way but misperceived in another way. (subtle sounds such as a voice intonation can set people off).
• If you don't like the culture then try searching for a sub-culture that you find like minded people.
• "within (that) group" Depends on how much rapport breaking you do. If you break rapport too much you will get rejected. Has to be at some limit of conforming to keep social ties. 
  
  ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING - What does this mean? 
  PERCEPTION IS EVERYTHING - What does this mean?
  ATTITUDE DETERMINES YOUR PERCEPTION - What does this mean?
  PERCEPTION DETERMINES YOUR ATTITUDE - What does this mean?
  
  People who are not looking to start a fight or argument.  People who are open minded to accept new opinions and thoughts. People who respect boundaries and respect each other's space.  People who are humble and sweet and don't feel the need to one up each other all the time or play games of "who is popular. "
• 1-upping(superior) and 1-downing(inferior) is all about transactional analysis (TA). Only way to find someone who isn't looking to one-up is to identify ego states.
• R-messages is something that is critical in TA. It's usually sent and decoded unconsciously. Even me typing this can exchange R-messages. Which I'm trying my best to hold you at equal respect. I am no better than you and vice versa. My intentions are to share knowledge hoping that you gain from it.

However, what gets tricky is when a part of ourself is wanting to get a need bet by 1-upping.
 

Why do we communicate? Understand what people want   

• To feel respected by ourselves and others...
• Give or get information (so we can understand and make informed choices)..
• Cause change (and feel impactful, vs. powerless)..
• Vent - i.e. to feel empathically understood and accepted)..
• Create excitement (avoid boredom and numbness).. *** AKA SOCIAL VIBING & MOST PEOPLE ***
• Avoid discomfort, like a social silence, conflict, or a painful awareness.

 

Maybe they want to see me as a demure girl and I don't fit that mold. 

The same people tend to like me  when I'm acting dumb, silly and extra demure, feminine or submissive. 

But I can't be something that I'm not. I'm not dominating, but I'm vivacious and child like, I can't be exactly demure.  

• If we lived in the 1950's in America then being a demure girl would seem more socially appropriate. However, being demure isn't completely bad these days (unless you live in a developing country). Maybe if you lived in the deepest southern states out in the woods then that could be expected. (Personally, I grew up in lower Alabama where women were not necessarily soft spoken. Which is more a stereotype of southern women)
• It could be that people feel a sense of discomfort when being over-spoken on a specific topic (not necessarily outsmarted). All goes back the R-message and how you are being perceived. 
• Knowledge is a form of power and it can shake up the dynamics in a relationship. Especially between masculine & feminine polarity. Not to say that's a completely bad thing. It just depends on who you are talking with.

Lastly, I'd like to address the self-talk because using such words as nobody likes me is coming from an inner critic sub-self. Being able to identify this self-talk and address it at the core. Last thing you want is the inner-dialog to repeat these words over time and reinforce such ideas. 
 

Below is a video that kind of helped me be aware of how my voice tone came across to people to perceive me in a certain way. When I was going through basic training with the air force they beat this into me. "It's not what you say, it's how you say it!!!!" I had to learn the hard way. 

 

Edited March 24, 2021 by Ethan1

[Preety_India]

@Ethan1 Thank you for the detailed response! 

 

[Preety_India]

@Ethan1

There is also this thing that bugs me a lot 

I feel like I'm being hated for being an Indian. 

This is generally when I'm online. 

That when i interact with a white person, they treat me worse than in comparison with another white person they are talking to. 

I easily notice the differences. 

It makes me feel that it could be my race that people are hating me for. 

I always wonder why this different treatment. 

Like for example if I'm talking to many white people, they usually treat each other well but when it comes to me, they tend to give me a less than favorable treatment, treating me in a Hostile condescending manner which is not very visible but I can feel the condescending alienating undertones of the conversation. 

They tend to give other white people respect but that respect is not given to me. 

They tend to look down on me or project their pre conditioned biases on me leading to a feeling of alienation. 

This makes me feel like I am being hated for being Indian. 

 

 

[Nahm]

We are vibrational beings in a vibrational universe. Change the way you think of yourself and others, align interpretations, and you change your frequency & experience. 

[Farnaby]

Often, when we feel like it's "me against the world", We start to feel bitter, resentful, frustrated, sad, etc. and when we interact from that state, other people can subconsciously sense our vibe and may become defensive or even reject us. 

This confirms the belief "no one likes me". 

Not saying this is your case, but it may be worth considering it as a factor that may be at play. 

Could the part about being hated for being indian be a thought story that is in congruence with your feelings but not the actual truth of the situation? 

It could be that some people are acting out their racism but I would strongly encourage you if that belief is based on your direct experience or if it could be an interpretation.

How do you feel when you believe you're being discriminated? How do you relate to other people when you have that thought in the back of your mind?

Or maybe you just need to find more like-minded people. It depends whether you feel this way with most people or just with a particular grouop

[Ethan1]

@Preety_India

You're welcome! 

What you're describing here is called Ethnocentrism. Sociological term for preferring to associate with similar people. Ethnocentrism denotes a positive orientation toward those sharing the same ethnicity and a negative one toward others. 

 

Basically it's an attitude based on belief of cultural superiority about ethnicity. Think of attitude as a chain of thoughts based on emotional understanding. 

 

It all depends on who you're talking with again. That's a pretty stubborn cognitive bias that most people have. It goes across for any ethnicity and culture. 

Look up the term Looking Glass Self. Sounds like you're referring to that too. 

 

It's nearly impossible to dodge judgement. I mean, it goes back to a discussion I had a while back about shame. People will negatively judge people for just about everything. Height, hair, clothes, tone of voice, posture.. Everything.  

You have to factor in gender differences, age, & ethnicity differences with communication which can be out of the norm for most people. For me personally, it's s hard to completely understand your point of view because I've never been female nor a different ethnicity.

I can see how that really mixes up interactions with others online especially in a more male oriented medium. 

Also, respect is a tricky word..

(Especially love vs respect.) 

Respect typically is aligned with one's own value/belief system. What one understands. Most people have very limited belief systems because of lack of exposure to new information. What you want is cultural assimilation. However assimilation doesn't happen overnight. We have to be accepting of others differences and invite people to be exposed to new things slowly. 

For example, inviting a white person to India and socially assimilating.

There's an awesome book called the five levels of attachment that talks about attachment to beliefs w/ Identity. Highly recommend it. 

Back in the 60's and 70's with the counterculture revolution social inclusion was becoming wide spread in America. The older generations tend to be reluctant with the evolution of acceptance. 

For me personally, I had to estrange myself from my whole family system because of the level of disrespect over values disagreement. Especially my father who doesn't understand more nuance ideas. Who sadly would prefer to watch Fox News over reading a book. He loves me as his son but does not respect me as an individual. I tried my best to win his respect and frequently failed. Not being true to my self to win his approval/respect. 

Comes down to not tolerating disrespect or having self-respect from anyone. Boundaries. Which going estray from family is not easy. Especially going no contact and cutting off all support to rebuild one's own sense of self. 

It's not just ethnicity differences. It can be political views too. Gender roles. Many other variables.

People tend to respect what they emotionally invest into and determine familiar. If you grew up in a family where certain values were represented, then that is your imprint for selective appreciation. 

For my own family... conservatism, authoritarianism, and religiousity were the core values. I went against all of that and question it at the core. Previously that was what I held esteem to or respect. Which messing with beliefs and values is not easy or fun to do. Talk about alientation and ostrasisim. That's why I spent sooooo much time trying to understand shame. I felt ashamed because I wasn't receiving respect from those that I was taught to love unconditionally. I felt a great amount of disdain and contempt. "Not being good enough." Which is the opposite of receiving respect and love. 

All of that is a lie I was taught growing up. Truth of the matter is that is their view of me. What matters is how I view myself. Having a strong self-image, self-respect, self-affirmation, and self-love. How I treat myself with self-care raises my attitude on life. Which raises the vibration one puts out to others. People feel that and mirror the emotional state. 

Edited March 24, 2021 by Ethan1

[zeroISinfinity]

That much self obsession is not good for you. Go do stuff you enjoy to do. 

How other people are or what you think of them doesn't matter at all. 

Do your own thing. 

My own parents didn't liked me so what still lived and still living life. Why would I bother what anyone thinks?! 

Love me hate me doesn't matter. 

Thsi human stuff really like a kindergarten. 

Edited March 25, 2021 by zeroISinfinity

[seeking_brilliance]

On 23/03/2021 at 10:20 PM, Preety_India said:

Sometimes I feel like I should just shut up and I will be liked more. 

But that way I lose authenticity  

Knowing when to be silent is not in any way less authentic. You could even make a game of it. 'How many times can I know something you don't know, but I'm not telling!' if you get ten points, buy yourself a pizza. 

Also, I can feel what you're feeling, I go there alot but I can promise you it's not true if you'd just stop believing it. As long as you beleive it, it will be true, and reality will wrap around that truth and feed it in a self perpetuating loop: for example people around you seem irritable or indifferent. How much of that is inherently true, and how much are you feeding it? 

[Preety_India]

@seeking_brilliance could you reach out to me in pm 

[seeking_brilliance]

@Preety_India yes, going to sleep right now, I will tomorrow.