When going through a breakup

[ryank940]

When going through a breakup, i'm very conscious that it's important to let yourself grieve and feel the negative emotions etc, rather than suppressing, avoiding, resisting, ignoring them etc. I feel that avoiding the negative emotions works against you and makes it harder to overcome a breakup, and in the long run probably leads to a lot of issues that never got dealt with.

 

However, i'm sure that it's also good to exercise, connect with friends and family and be productive and get into a positive cycle of actions. 

 

But my question is, is exercising/connecting with family/being productive just a form of avoiding grief and negative emotions of a breakup.

Or, is it better to do a combination of both: if you feel really negative, be by yourself and let yourself feel negative emotions, and then during the times when you feel ok, that's when you should exercise/connect with family and friends/be productive?

 

Edited March 23, 2021 by ryank940
typo

[Preety_India]

Don't engage with positive stuff too soon. Give yourself time to get angry and upset about the breakup. The normalcy and recovery should come later. 

Look up the term toxic Positivity. 

Try to take things slow and give yourself the opportunity to feel the entire range of human emotions that erupt during this phase 

Repressing these emotions creates shadows that are much more difficult to deal with later. 

 

Edited March 23, 2021 by Preety_India

[ryank940]

@Preety_India I find that I feel down a few times throughout the day, and during those times I just sit with my feelings and try to grieve as much as possible and fully feel the emotions.

But the rest of the day I just feel fine, should I still just sit there and not do anything or should I start to take positive actions?

[Preety_India]

@ryank940 don't do much. There is no hurry to take positive actions. Let the tide pass. Sit there and feel it but take care to not get all wrapped up or overly emotional. 

Treat yourself gently and its completely okay to grieve so no pressure. 

Give yourself 2 weeks to grieve and you will continue fine after that. 

 

[bracknelson123]

Just feel the anger and let the pain run through your body as it is a very important phase, If you directly try to get positive then you would not be able to find the answers to some questions, you should give yourself some time and feel this negativity and try do not let this negativity overcome you. 

[RendHeaven]

do both.

[Eternity]

When I went through a really bad breakup some years ago, I found a book on how to get over it.  The one important thing I came away with was that  you give yourself time to grieve but you also set a limit on your grieving time.  You keep certain mementos or photos, unless you threw them away, in a box and at a certain time each day you have a grieving time for yourself.  You must do this at the same time each day.  Get out all your mementos and photos and let your grief just flow.  Cry or scream or beat up some pillows, basically full out rage and do this for 2 hours, even when you are tired of it.  Eventually the whole thing becomes really really tiresome, and when you just can't keep up your grieving, it's time to get rid of the mementos and the feelings of grief will be sated.

The rest of your non-grieving time can be taken up with other activities.  You were an individual before your ex came into your life and you can be an individual again now that your ex is gone.

[integral]

Frame everything in the 3rd person.

While pointing to self ask:

1) Why does she feel bad about the break up? 

2) What will she do now?

3) How will this change her life?

4) ...

Its an exercise that separates the character from the observer. 

Can also try pointing to your self as a it. 

1) Why does it feel bad about the break up?

This is meta-ego training. 

Ya know its working when there is a experience that nothing is happening to you. A realization. Its happening to that other person over there.  

Edited March 25, 2021 by integral