How do you explain the "shit" that comes up during and after meditation?

[Endangered-EGO]

Yesterday I meditated quite a lot, and ended the meditation with letting everything go. Even the desire to focus or not get lost in thought.

Suddenly I felt like a very quick emotional pain with the thought. How the hell is this absurd thing (past trauma) possible in the universe. The degree of disturbity and absurdity about that thing that came up was INTENSE. I don't want to go into details about that, but after the meditation I got mildy irritated and got really really angry and couldn't calm down. I didn't try to be honest.

How do you explain that. I was told it is a good thing, but I am not sure. Is it my ego that subconsciously supresses anger and emotional pain, that sneaks up when the ego is down? Now, today I feel good, better than before the meditation. Ego backlash? I'm going to watch that video now, just to be sure.

I guess these are the same walls that break during shamanic breathing and after taking psychedelics. On the other hand I think intense meditation could be harmful to me. Not sure.

[Nahm]

2 hours ago, Endangered-EGO said:

Yesterday I meditated quite a lot, and ended the meditation with letting everything go. Even the desire to focus or not get lost in thought.

That’s the veiling story, the one of you in time, the separate physical object, the idea of you & yesterday.  Is it necessary? Questions can be asked in more clarity without a story influencing, coloring.  Liberation. 

Notice the distinction of identification, or, identifying, of what happens & what happen to you. 

Quote

Suddenly I felt like a very quick emotional pain with the thought. How the hell is this absurd thing (past trauma) possible in the universe.

Exactly, it isn’t. As you so poignantly said, the discord was felt with the thought, not the past. How offensive, perhaps. Yet, to...who? No one ever hires a lawyer for more suffering. 

Quote

The degree of disturbity and absurdity about that thing that came up was INTENSE. I don't want to go into details about that, but after the meditation I got mildy irritated and got really really angry and couldn't calm down. I didn't try to be honest.

If the question were how do I create a website, you’d read, understand, directly experience, and create that. No biggie, no need to reinvent the wheel, millions have already done this. Or, conversely, one could focus on what doesn’t feel good, not look into better feeling, remain ignorant, misunderstanding, and creating more suffering. 

Similarly, ‘how do I let go, express, move forward’... ‘how do I create reality’?...The emotional scale. 

Always up to you. Keep expressing your way up the scale, imo. 

Quote

How do you explain that.

Direct experience: A thought. Not a past. If there’s an argument at this end of this convo, it is in your favor. Well being, liberation, alignment as one, not two (awareness & idea of you). 

Quote

I was told it is a good thing, but I am not sure. Is it my ego that subconsciously supresses anger and emotional pain, that sneaks up when the ego is down? Now, today I feel good, better than before the meditation. Ego backlash? I'm going to watch that video now, just to be sure.

Indeed, blame is a higher vibration than anger. With so much desire to create, why stop there? 

Don’t fear or resist feeling, allow, feel, express, clear it out. 

Quote

I guess these are the same walls that break during shamanic breathing and after taking psychedelics. On the other hand I think intense meditation could be harmful to me. Not sure.

‘For me’ is a textbook example of the thoughts which come and go freely in meditation. Nothing implies anything is “your fault”... sans a thought. Meditation could be said to be sitting, breathing, and doing basically nothing but relaxing, emptying, letting go, clearing out. How can that be the cause of anything? Perhaps there is resistance, in the sense, a refusal to express and or let go? If however meditation is deeply believed to be harmful, simply don’t meditate. Try something else. You might find there are a lot of ‘something else’s’ to address or fix a problem, which circle back to focus and feeling, and the letting go of the perspective that there is a problem. 

[Endangered-EGO]

@Nahm okay okay, a slight readjustment into the now is what I need, and creation of sth, instead of focussing only on the dissolution of the walls and what's behind it, which is illusory in nature. Less story, more presence! Good good, thanks again for your detailed analyses of the situation!

[Nahm]

@Endangered-EGO

Awesome. ?? 

Expression (rather than any suppression, repression or bypassing) really is the key. What makes it tough is the thoughts which arise about past or future can be kinda ‘attention getting’. Keep relaxing the body over and over, gently focusing on breathing from the stomach. Allow feeling to come up and out, without resisting how you feel.  Allow thoughts to come and go, also without resisting. It’s all so worthwhile, as a big dose of what you do want typically follows such allowing & releasing. 

Also, kinda ‘btw’... the emotional scale is quite natural. Notice how you went from anger to blame ?? and then naturally mindfully to contentment ??. It can function as a guide, a scaffolding, so we express purposefully with some rhyme or reason behind it, thus lowering the ‘getting lost in the thought story’ potential. Excited for you man, Godspeed. Don’t forget about that dreamboard. ?