Authenticity and vulnerability

[Barbara]

Hi there 

On the path of being more authentic in my interactions with others, I find two types of struggles that I would love some insights on.

On the one hand, sometimes I feel that what I have to say, would expose me in a way I don't feel completely comfortable with. 

On the other, I fear that sometimes, when talking about a topic that I happen to have reflected on and have my own conclusions of, I came out as cocky if I express it openly. 

Ultimately, I guess both of them are fear of how others perceive me and that will always affect my authentic way. I also do understand that's an extremely egoic thing to feel since all this resistance is a need to protect my "identity". And I usually, get a kick out of piercing through this ego resistance, but mainly with people that are close to me. Not so much with others.

Did you ever deal with this? How did you overcome it? I deeply appreciate everything you have to say.

[Elevated]

36 minutes ago, Barbara said:

On the one hand, sometimes I feel that what I have to say, would expose me in a way I don't feel completely comfortable with. 

The path I've laid out before me so far seems to be heading toward psychotherapist with a public presence. As such, I definitely have to learn to be very open about my own personal issues, such as mental health, sexuality, family, etc. I've learned that there are just appropriate places to be more open than others. In school I usually don't talk about my sexuality, but I do talk about my mental health because I'm in psychology so it's kind of expected. When I'm with my friends I'm very open about all aspects of my self, though I have surrounded myself with very liberal, open-minded friends who value authenticity as well.

I guess my point here is, that you have to learn to read the room. You have to learn when your authenticity is relatable, or when it just seems like you're oversharing. A really big pointer I received when it came to mental health for example, is that people are okay talking about mental health if you say, "but I'm working on it, and have been making great progress." People want to know that you're in control. If you're generally a relatable person they enjoy being around, and you've developed that baseline level of trust that you're not a "weird" person who doesn't understand basic social norms, you can be quite open about that kind of stuff. 

36 minutes ago, Barbara said:

On the other, I fear that sometimes, when talking about a topic that I happen to have reflected on and have my own conclusions of, I came out as cocky if I express it openly. 

How do you know that you came across cocky? 

Either way, a really good channel I've found for being socially relatable and authentic, is JulienHimself. He is an ex-pickup coach turned spiritual social skills guy. Basically Stage Orange realizing the limitations and evolving into Stage Green where he cares more about social emotional bonding and being a good person. 

Here are a few videos to get you started if you're interested. I haven't watched them in a while, but I remember them being decent enough:

 

Edited March 22, 2021 by Elevated
A few words for clarity

[Qna]

@Barbara

In trying to be authentic you already failed. 
 

You just gotta do it, there is no “how” process. 

[Qna]

I just got this insight for ya:

You just gotta drop this whole game youre playing. Its that simple.

The reason you're keeping this game up is because you want love. You convinced yourself you can only feel love when youve received validation or, when you perceive yourself to be “ authentic”. 

Just feel love and this game of wanting to bw authentic shuts itself down.

Or.

You can find yourself a group of people you feel a strong sense of belonging with. Then you will feel love, and wont try to get it in these sort of ways. 
 

A good way to feel a sense of belonging is by getting a boyfriend  hit me up

 

[Barbara]

21 minutes ago, Elevated said:

my point here is, that you have to learn to read the room. You have to learn when your authenticity is relatable

I do get you here. But to me, looking for being relatable would damage the authenticity, I feel. But might be a solution. I would have to put it into practice and see how I feel.

21 minutes ago, Elevated said:

How do you know that you came across cocky? 

I don't. It's just a fear, based on perception. The problem might also be my definition of cocky. I guess it's a kinda scarce mindset, actually. 

I'll check the videos. Thanks!

Good luck with your path mate

@Qna Absolutely agree with you, but I did not say I was trying to be authentic. I'm just being and encountering some struggles in the way

Edited March 23, 2021 by Barbara

[Hardkill]

6 minutes ago, Barbara said:

I do get you here. But to me, looking for being relatable would damage the authenticity, I feel. But might be a solution. I would have to put it into practice and see how I feel.

I don't. It's just a fear, based on perception. The problem might also be my definition of cocky. I guess it's a kinda scarce mindset, actually. 

I'll check the videos. Thanks!

Good luck with your path mate

@Qna Absolutely agree with you, but I did not say I was trying to be authentic. I'm just being and encountering some struggles in the way

Maybe you should try making more complaints about things and sounding more vulgar more than you usually do for about anything for a few weeks just as an experiment to see how you feel and see how it goes.

Edited March 23, 2021 by Hardkill

[Barbara]

@Hardkill How come?

[Barbara]

@Elevated Really cool videos, thanks for sharing! The second one is really cool and intense to watch. Great exercises. I'll definitely take on this knowledge and apply it to see how it goes. 

[Hardkill]

1 hour ago, Barbara said:

@Hardkill How come?

You think it sounds crazy? lol

Edited March 23, 2021 by Hardkill

[Barbara]

@Hardkill I simply don't know what you intended to say with that.

[Nahm]

Imagine watching the movie Groundhog’s day, but twelve times, each time with a different actor narrating a totally different script / narration. Morgan Freeman, with a spiritual affirming narrative. A Matthew McConaughey narration where he just basically makes everything sound cooler and more interesting, etc. Then notice, it’s the same movie regardless of the narrative. You’re being you....and...some thoughts are arising. The thought might be about wether or not you’re being you, but you’re being you alright. Being yourself is not vulnerable, is the only power there is. 

 

 

[Hardkill]

24 minutes ago, Barbara said:

@Hardkill I simply don't know what you intended to say with that.

I mean perhaps take the risk of sounding more blunt than you usually are and see how people react to you and how it affects your relations with others.

 

[Origins]

@Barbara You care if people like you (solve that). Combine that with connection over attention. Done. Seriously, if you're coming from that energetic resonance that's a whole lot more interesting than its opposite. Thought experiment that and you'll see it for yourself. If you're not connecting with solely you (no thoughts, this is all energetic) you're playing a character for the world to respond to in the way you want. That an't real. Life doesn't give us what we want per se, it gives us what we're authentically aligned to. Good luck

2 hours ago, Barbara said:

Hi there 

On the path of being more authentic in my interactions with others, I find two types of struggles that I would love some insights on.

On the one hand, sometimes I feel that what I have to say, would expose me in a way I don't feel completely comfortable with. 

On the other, I fear that sometimes, when talking about a topic that I happen to have reflected on and have my own conclusions of, I came out as cocky if I express it openly. 

Ultimately, I guess both of them are fear of how others perceive me and that will always affect my authentic way. I also do understand that's an extremely egoic thing to feel since all this resistance is a need to protect my "identity". And I usually, get a kick out of piercing through this ego resistance, but mainly with people that are close to me. Not so much with others.

Did you ever deal with this? How did you overcome it? I deeply appreciate everything you have to say.

 

[Cherylann]

I’ve felt the same.   More and more I try to just not say anything and keep it to myself.  I normally regret it when I come off as cocky.  It does depend on the audience.... for sure.    I’m learning to just zip it... and listen instead.  Unless I get the signal that they are interested in listening or that it might be fun.  if I make a mistake, fuck it.  i just use it as a learning opportunity.  Better luck next time.  

[Barbara]

@Origins It's true that I do care if others like me or not, and that has to be resolved. Resonates so deeply what you say about interacting from a place of connection and not attention. I'm just wondering tho, if it would change my vulnerability boundaries.

[mandyjw]

You can't just tell yourself to stop caring what other people think, the key is to realize what you want more than that. The key is to tap into the kind of inspiration that so completely consumes you that you don't give a thought to what anyone is thinking. You fall in love with that kind of living so much that nothing else will do. It's like when you fall in love with someone and hell or high water couldn't keep you apart. Before there were all kinds of thoughts about doing things right, and pleasing other people, but you get so swept off your feet in your intense focus on this one person that there's no doubt, no question. That's the sort of feeling, the sort of inloveness with life in general, regardless of specific people or conditions that you're here for. 

[LastThursday]

11 hours ago, Barbara said:

Ultimately, I guess both of them are fear of how others perceive me and that will always affect my authentic way.

No person is an island.

Being authentic and vulnerable is an outward expression, not a thought in your head; it is for other people to admire and recognise. If you're not fearless about expressing yourself, then you are not being authentic. It's about breaking out of the role others expect you to have, but also not behaving out of neediness. Being authentic or vulnerable is a two way communication that flows freely.

[The_Truth_Seeker]

16 hours ago, Barbara said:

Hi there 

On the path of being more authentic in my interactions with others, I find two types of struggles that I would love some insights on.

On the one hand, sometimes I feel that what I have to say, would expose me in a way I don't feel completely comfortable with. 

On the other, I fear that sometimes, when talking about a topic that I happen to have reflected on and have my own conclusions of, I came out as cocky if I express it openly. 

Ultimately, I guess both of them are fear of how others perceive me and that will always affect my authentic way. I also do understand that's an extremely egoic thing to feel since all this resistance is a need to protect my "identity". And I usually, get a kick out of piercing through this ego resistance, but mainly with people that are close to me. Not so much with others.

Did you ever deal with this? How did you overcome it? I deeply appreciate everything you have to say.

That's crazy. Have you ever tried DMT?

[Origins]

@mandyjw That's literally all I did. It works. I mean, there's neat psychological tricks I've taught myself as well, for example visualising a mirror being in front of my own experience of reality reflected of what other people believe while simultaneously visualising darkness in the void of my own awareness as a symbolic reminder of my own ever present awareness. 

My approach is on the subject of perception and seeing through the illusion, which takes no energetic alliances with life, yours is to not perception but of an energetic frequency, both I think are suitable means, the latter reflective of "the flow of life" and not being caught in its vicissitudes, through this lens, the social kind.

6 hours ago, mandyjw said:

You can't just tell yourself to stop caring what other people think, the key is to realize what you want more than that. The key is to tap into the kind of inspiration that so completely consumes you that you don't give a thought to what anyone is thinking. You fall in love with that kind of living so much that nothing else will do. It's like when you fall in love with someone and hell or high water couldn't keep you apart. Before there were all kinds of thoughts about doing things right, and pleasing other people, but you get so swept off your feet in your intense focus on this one person that there's no doubt, no question. That's the sort of feeling, the sort of inloveness with life in general, regardless of specific people or conditions that you're here for. 

 

@Barbara You will continue to find your own resolve that is pertinent to your own personal self inquiry unless I'm otherwise prompted as I've learned that it is this sort of natural and direct investigation that has resulted in the most changes from myself, others presenting me their signs and signals and me finding my own personal answer in between. There are various personality styles and personality responses to this aspect of life of course. 

Yeah it would, but connection is not at all the absence of boundaries, connection of course is just simply where we can connect to. This is relative personal comfort levels of any one person involved. Stack em way up high or way down low, its your prerogative relative to where you've learned is your line of best fit for the person, situation, time, place. Sometimes we feel really shitty and that's okay, we don't have to experience the same level of connection we did the previous day with the world, we just need to move to the level of connection that we'll feel comfortable with and that in turn will leave us with no regrets and with higher esteem after it. How do you connect with a great white shark? All things equal, through a steel cage. I hope that analogy gets to the point of vulnerability. A further example pertains to orca whales, at the beginning you'll be frightened and at certain times you should have a certain level of fear and have certain precautionary boundaries that you connect through rather than beyond and once this space has been "sorted", vulnerabilities and boundaries can shift for higher connection relative to that changed felt space that's yours to determine and whoever else you wish to be a part of that process.

6 hours ago, Barbara said:

@Origins It's true that I do care if others like me or not, and that has to be resolved. Resonates so deeply what you say about interacting from a place of connection and not attention. I'm just wondering tho, if it would change my vulnerability boundaries.

 

Edited March 23, 2021 by Origins

[Barbara]

7 hours ago, LastThursday said:

Being authentic and vulnerable is an outward expression, not a thought in your head; it is for other people to admire and recognise.

Why do you think that? Just questioning for the sake of curiosity to explore the topic. Not judging

@Origins Really appreciate your answer, pal. You've enlightened me immensely already. I'll follow and do intuition-based trial and error from a place of connection.

Not wanting to pester you, would you say that aiming to be relatable (sweet spot between relatability and authenticity), as mentioned above, would be about attention, connection, or both even?