What is a good age to settle down for a guy?

[StarStruck]

Definitely after 30, I would say between 30-35. I'm aiming for 25-30 year old to settle down because I want to start a family one day. If I pass 35 I feel like it would be awkward to settle down with a 25 year old. The difference feels to great. Anyway, that is my opinion. What is yours?

[Arcangelo]

NONE.

Family is a luxury wage slaves can't afford to have. To start a family you gotta have some serious cash.

Do you have that cash?

Will you jump off a plane knowing that the parachute only opens 50% of the time? That's what marriage is.

 

Back in the day when we were living in farms having a family was an asset. The more kids the better. Nowadays it's a liability.

When I was your age I used to think the same: Settle down by 30-35

Then I found The Ruby Pellet

Thank God! Feels like I dodged a bullet.

Now I got all the time for myself and all the money I spend it on me. My dad is always telling me how lucky I am for not having a family. He's got 4 kids and 2 divorces. He is always telling me to go get a vasectomy.

 

@StarStruck If you want company get a cat or a dog.

 

 

Arc

 

[zeroISinfinity]

1 hour ago, StarStruck said:

Definitely after 30, I would say between 30-35. I'm aiming for 25-30 year old to settle down because I want to start a family one day. If I pass 35 I feel like it would be awkward to settle down with a 25 year old. The difference feels to great. Anyway, that is my opinion. What is yours?

25 years old guy. Love it. Good luck. Wishing you best in regards to finding one willing. 

I love women I really do. But never was a fool. (commenting for myself) 

When they can't get what they want all talk starts for their agenda lol. 

Edited March 22, 2021 by zeroISinfinity

[StarStruck]

@Arcangelo who is Ruby Pellet?

A dog and a cat can't have conversations with me. And can't give me kids. 

I don't like loneliness unfortunately. I'm in solitude since the lowdown. Lockdown is driving me crazy. 

[StarStruck]

37 minutes ago, zeroISinfinity said:

25 years old guy. Love it. Good luck. Wishing you best in regards to finding one willing. 

I love women I really do. But never was a fool. (commenting for myself) 

When they can't get what they want all talk starts for their agenda lol. 

You mean you don't trust women?

[zeroISinfinity]

5 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

You mean you don't trust women?

Not about that. When you want to form family you don't fool around. Before you can do whatever you want. 

Before enlightenment and falling for trick of life I wanted now I don't. 

Edited March 22, 2021 by zeroISinfinity

[Arcangelo]

24 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

A dog and a cat can't have conversations with me. And can't give me kids.

Yes they can (have conversations). You will be amazed!

And they will be your fur babies!

 

Edited March 22, 2021 by Arcangelo

[At awe]

There’s no number.

[StarStruck]

21 minutes ago, zeroISinfinity said:

Not about that. When you want to form family you don't fool around. Before you can do whatever you want. 

Before enlightenment and falling for trick of life I wanted now I don't. 

I want to reach enlightenment before marriage too. I'm busy on it. There is slow progress.

18 minutes ago, Arcangelo said:

Yes they can (have conversations). You will be amazed!

And they will be your fur babies!

 

That sounds so sad, bro.

Edited March 22, 2021 by StarStruck

[Lyubov]

35-39 is fine to settle down with a 25 yo that wants to be a mom and raise kids. once you hit 40 I think it's maybe better to go for 28+

[Tangerinedream]

10 hours ago, StarStruck said:

I want to reach enlightenment before marriage too. I'm busy on it

You think you will be enlightened and still thinking about your selfish needs? 
 

how about meeting a partner who you actually care about for who they are?

instead of just a womb to be impregnated so You can get your ‘family’ 

[StarStruck]

5 minutes ago, Tangerinedream said:

You think you will be enlightened and still thinking about your selfish needs? 
 

how about meeting a partner who you actually care about for who they are?

instead of just a womb to be impregnated so You can get your ‘family’ 

That is what I want. It is not easy for me.

And I think enlightenment alone is not enough so I'm also into selfhelp.

[kras]

The sad thing is that society(especially in my country) look down on you if you are not married.

As though you are some sort of a half human. Your parents and friends feel sorry for you and you feel sorry about yourself.  And lots of people here settle for the first oppurtunity they have and i can see how misrable they are. 

"You are 30 and not married? Whats wrong with you?"

Edited March 23, 2021 by kras

[Consept]

If your issue is loneliness then why not solve that before bringing someone else in? If you need someone there to avoid that feeling then are you even making a choice? 

You've dressed up the question as if it's you just deciding a good time to have a wife and kids but this doesn't seem to be the case. If you had said something like 'I want to share my love, knowledge and being with others in a familial situation', then yeah I'm with you but if your reason is literally I don't want to be alone so I'm going to find someone to have kids with and they can keep me company, then you really need to look into that. 

It also seems you're using enlightenment as some kind of spiritual bypass. Ken Wilbur talks about how important 'cleaning up' is, as in in cleaning up your mental bullshit, your fears, anxieties, insecurities etc. This should be your priority atm, this means therapy, it means a lot introspection etc etc, before you go down any of these roads you're talking about. If you don't and you make big decisions like starting a family, these will be things that will still affect you and most likely you'll pass onto your family 

[Tangerinedream]

2 minutes ago, kras said:

The sad thing is that society(especially in my country) look down on you if you are not married.

As though you are some sort of a half human. Your parents and friends feel sorry for you and you feel sorry about yourself.  And lots of people here settle for the first oppurtunity they have and i can see how misrable they are. 

Then you should go against societal norms. Maybe get out of that town? 
 

 

 

[flowboy]

@StarStruck  Hah don't listen to those trolls. Go for what you want.

And take responsibility for it.

Yeah, worrying about the right age is just going to get in the way:

• Scenario 1: you have met the right person to start a family with, but you worry that the age isn't "right" and so you fuck it up
• Scenario 2: you are not with the right person, but you think you are at the right age, so you do it anyway and have a problematic marriage and pass those problems on to your kids

[StarStruck]

1 minute ago, kras said:

The sad thing is that society(especially in my country) look down on you if you are not married.

As though you are some sort of a half human. Your parents and friends feel sorry for you and you feel sorry about yourself.  And lots of people here settle for the first oppurtunity they have and i can see how misrable they are. 

 

That is why I'm postponing it until I'm 35.

 

Just now, Consept said:

If your issue is loneliness then why not solve that before bringing someone else in? If you need someone there to avoid that feeling then are you even making a choice? 

That is my plan. Currently I'm in therapy and reading a lot.

Quote

You've dressed up the question as if it's you just deciding a good time to have a wife and kids but this doesn't seem to be the case. If you had said something like 'I want to share my love, knowledge and being with others in a familial situation', then yeah I'm with you but if your reason is literally I don't want to be alone so I'm going to find someone to have kids with and they can keep me company, then you really need to look into that.

Thanks for that insight.

Quote

It also seems you're using enlightenment as some kind of spiritual bypass. Ken Wilbur talks about how important 'cleaning up' is, as in in cleaning up your mental bullshit, your fears, anxieties, insecurities etc. This should be your priority atm, this means therapy, it means a lot introspection etc etc, before you go down any of these roads you're talking about. If you don't and you make big decisions like starting a family, these will be things that will still affect you and most likely you'll pass onto your family

Definitely need to read Ken Wilber anytime soon. There are a lot of books to read. And I'm going to therapy once a week. I just want my progress to go faster because time is going so fast. I'm 32 and I want to start dating but first I need to clean up my mental bandwidth as you said.

 

[StarStruck]

4 minutes ago, Tangerinedream said:

Then you should go against societal norms. Maybe get out of that town? 
 

 

 

What is good and wrong depends on the person. Everybody has different "why's" for living life.

What I really want, is to settle down one day, preferable find someone who is stage yellow. I'm not fully stage yellow so I really need to work hard but my current solitude is dragging me down.

 

3 minutes ago, flowboy said:

@StarStruck  Hah don't listen to those trolls. Go for what you want.

And take responsibility for it.

Yeah, worrying about the right age is just going to get in the way:

• Scenario 1: you have met the right person to start a family with, but you worry that the age isn't "right" and so you fuck it up
• Scenario 2: you are not with the right person, but you think you are at the right age, so you do it anyway and have a problematic marriage and pass those problems on to your kids

I'm aware of that. Age of your partner is just one factor to consider. Most important thing is chemistry but that doesn't mean age is not important in the consideration.

[Tangerinedream]

17 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

That is what I want. It is not easy for me.

Because everyone is searching for a ‘perfect’ person.  Sorry but no human is perfect and people age no matter what.  
everyone is so busy searching they don’t appreciate what they have in the moment.

 

 

[flowboy]

Don't fall into the trap of thinking you have to be perfect before you can start dating.

Also, if it's not lasting forever, that's okay. It's good, even crucial I'd say, to have some relationship practice before you start the one you want to have the family with. Because you will get to know yourself in ways that you really can't, in solitude. Relationships bring up deep shit that you can then resolve. It wouldn't have come out in solitude. Your partner will trigger you like no one else. And that's a good thing.

I can recommend to listen to some good podcasts on relationships, like some Aubrey Marcus podcast, and Kat & Tully.

Relationships can be catalysts for growth. Just find someone who is also into evolving themselves and personal development. And you can grow together.

And those are not easy to find.

In fact, there have been threads made where people ask "where to find conscious partners" and it turns out, only Leo knows the right hunting spots for that, and he's not willing to share.

Edited March 23, 2021 by flowboy