Falling into scarcity when i start interacting with a girl i like

[kras]

I tend to fall into scarcity every time when i start interacting with a girl who show interest in me and i like her.

I've been on a two dates with one girl,  i like her, its obvious that she likes me either. 

The problem is that i am acting super cool and i don't show any neediness or clinginess externally, but internally i feel that scarcity and its very painful. 

Constantly overanalyzing when we text for example: does my text is cool? am i showing confidence? do i look beta or a nice guy with this text? does my text convey neediness? will i offend her with this text? And i am always afraid not to do something that gonna turn her of.

 

 

P.S

We haven't have sex yet, just kissing. 

 

Edited March 22, 2021 by kras

[Preety_India]

I don't think this will work. Such a high degree of insecurity would cause problems sooner or later.. 

Try to fix it by not being so harsh on yourself, maybe look into building self esteem. 

Next is to have an "I don't give a fuck attitude", this in no way means you shouldn't care if she is offended, but it means you are not really looking to impress but just be yourself. You can always do little things to make the relationship without feeling like a slave to someone's emotions and still do your part as a partner /potential partner. 

You're entitled to as much happiness as a guy as she is. So make sure whatever you do does not come from a place of insecurity but from a place of stability, security, passion and acceptance and of course love, not from a place of fear of losing or offending. 

Do not give into cognitive dissonance in a relationship. Be open in your communication. If she is offended, rather than playing games, she could straight up let you know, you could do the same. 

Don't keep room for suspicions and doubts as they turn into shadows that haunt the relationship later

 

 

[kras]

7 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

I don't think this will work. Such a high degree of insecurity would cause problems sooner or later.. 

Try to fix it by not being so harsh on yourself, maybe look into building self esteem. 

Next is to have an "I don't give a fuck attitude", this in no way means you shouldn't care if she is offended, but it means you are not really looking to impress but just be yourself. You can always do little things to make the relationship without feeling like a slave to someone's emotions and still do your part as a partner /potential partner. 

You're entitled to as much happiness as a guy as she is. So make sure whatever you do does not come from a place of insecurity but from a place of stability, security, passion and acceptance and of course love, not from a place of fear of losing or offending. 

Do not give into cognitive dissonance in a relationship. Be open in your communication. If she is offended, rather than playing games, she could straight up let you know, you could do the same. 

Don't keep room for suspicions and doubts as they turn into shadows that haunt the relationship later

 

 

Yeah i try this behavior, of course not i a sense of being rude but the problem is that fake it till you make it doesnt work for me, because soon or later the insecurity, scarcity and fear of loss kicks in... And yes, i have managed to suppress it, but the emotional damage is much bigger..

Edited March 22, 2021 by kras

[EnlightenmentBlog]

14 hours ago, kras said:

The problem is that i am acting super cool and i don't show any neediness or clinginess externally, but internally i feel that scarcity and its very painful. 

Constantly overanalyzing when we text for example: does my text is cool? am i showing confidence? do i look beta or a nice guy with this text? does my text convey neediness? will i offend her with this text? And i am always afraid not to do something that gonna turn her of.

Best time for that self-development work. Just stay conscious and continue. You can only burn off old patterns with conscious suffering. 

 

14 hours ago, kras said:

Yeah i try this behavior, of course not i a sense of being rude but the problem is that fake it till you make it doesnt work for me, because soon or later the insecurity, scarcity and fear of loss kicks in... And yes, i have managed to suppress it, but the emotional damage is much bigger..

You have to investigate for yourself where these feelings come from. For me, journaling is a good way to do that. Sit down and ask yourself why do you feel needy. Why do you feel insecure? Where do these feelings come from?