satori becoming intense, i dont know if i am ready

[AdamR95]

I had a few satori experiences last month and it was beautiful, but now its starts to become very intense and frequent. I have a feeling like i have reached a point of no return and world is not gonna be the same for me. I dont  know if i am comfortable with it and i dont know if i should dive in or not. Maybe it will pass but its not happening yet, but at the same time as the experiences become more deep i feel a fear from my ego. Maybe a big ego backlash is going to happen soon i dont know. I think the fear is a fear of unknow because i dont know what is gonna happen. I feel like a conversation with someone who went through similar things could help me to feel more comfortable. Can someone who knows what i am talking about share his/her experiences with me?

When i am in these states i have a feeling of deep unity and i see everything as a gods body. I observe my self from third perspective and feel so present that future and past do not exist for me. I feel the flow and that everything is perfect and i feel more autentic then ever and its just happening automaticaly. Everything looks like a reflection of myself. But sometimes i also feel confusion, mood swings, sleepeness, demotivation and fear, its a little messy.

Edit: this one is weird, i also feel strong stream of light shining from my eyes

Edited March 22, 2021 by AdamR95

[traveler]

I went through the same thing when I started "my spiritual journey." I also had all of these concepts and fears about my ego and what was going to happen. It is truly a full circle though. You wake up from a world you thought you knew into states of high consciousness and mysticality. You will find out in time that states are "not it" either. Insights from higher states can point much more directly than any spiritual teachers ever could, but there is a high possibility that "the ego" will take hold of that experience and go on a search for the next one. Liberation or enlightenment is not about states, it is the end of seeking. "Full God mode," as some likes to put it, is already what is, it isn't something that needs to be acquired. It isn't what the ego imagines it to be; an all powerfull state where the ego can bend and manipulate reality to it's liking. When the seeking stops it's like going full circle. This is exactly what was always longed for, and it is TOTALLY unknown, extraordinary ordinariness with no boundaries. 

There is a loss of that controlling energy that wants to figure out why fear, sleepiness, demotivation and confusion is happening to me. A loss of the story about what is as a real reality. The end of trying to grasp something real and valuing things in terms of their help or hindrance to my fulfillment down the line. This is all about taking L's?

[Rilles]

If you never take the leap youll never know what you miss...

[AdamR95]

7 minutes ago, traveler said:

I went through the same thing when I started "my spiritual journey." I also had all of these concepts and fears about my ego and what was going to happen. It is truly a full circle though. You wake up from a world you thought you knew into states of high consciousness and mysticality. You will find out in time that states are "not it" either. Insights from higher states can point much more directly than any spiritual teachers ever could, but there is a high possibility that "the ego" will take hold of that experience and go on a search for the next one. Liberation or enlightenment is not about states, it is the end of seeking. "Full God mode," as some likes to put it, is already what is, it isn't something that needs to be acquired. It isn't what the ego imagines it to be; an all powerfull state where the ego can bend and manipulate reality to it's liking. When the seeking stops it's like going full circle. This is exactly what was always longed for, and it is TOTALLY unknown, extraordinary ordinariness with no boundaries. 

There is a loss of that controlling energy that wants to figure out why fear, sleepiness, demotivation and confusion is happening to me. A loss of the story about what is as a real reality. The end of trying to grasp something real and valuing things in terms of their help or hindrance to my fulfillment down the line. This is all about taking L's?

ironically stopping searching for enlieghtement and letting go makes me to fall deeper in these experiences, thats why i think i reached point of no return

Edited March 22, 2021 by AdamR95

[traveler]

3 minutes ago, AdamR95 said:

ironically stopping searching for enlieghtement and letting go makes me to fall deeper in these experiences, thats why i think i reached point of no return

I remember a sense that the bottom of the cup had fallen out and there was nothing real and solid to stand on anymore. There is a point of no return, the ground won't solidify and reappear if the bottom has fallen out, the one who tries to find that ground is fighting a losing battle. It can be overwhelming and scary for the me, but the full circle is that there never was any solid and real ground and there was no one to stand on it. 

[Frenk]

Read the book perfect brilliant stillness by David Carse, it might help

[allislove]

@AdamR95

Relax attention, deep breath, do not cling to the thoughts about the future. Perhaps, express yourself somehow. I dunno "dance", "sing", "run", "draw", anything that relaxes the monkey mind and helps to be present.

[AdamR95]

4 hours ago, Judi said:

@AdamR95  Are your satoris fully spontaneous in the sense that they seem to be triggered by nothing at all? No meditation , no contemplation, no yoga or psychedelic?

@Judi I think its triggered by being very present wich i have been last days. I did LSD two months ago but i dont think it has too much to do with it, because i wasnt that much aware shortly after the LSD. The satoris started to happen during last month, initally i though it was just one experience of high wich would fall off that day but it continued to this day and it looks it stays.

I am aware the confusion comes from the ego but i let it express itself even i know deep down its ok.

[Carl-Richard]

I had this experience at the exact same date as you last year. My problem is I fear it too much. I still do.

[Nahm]

@AdamR95

Regarding what was ‘seen’ in satori, how many of you are there?

The thoughts that don’t feel good, are not about you. They’re about an idea of you, as a separate entity and physical object in time. So they feel, off. One way to go, is ‘oh, that thought feels off because I’m literally more fucking awesome than could be comprehended’. In a loose ‘organization’ sense, I refer to these as ‘self referential thoughts’. Makes it easier to spot them...as the awareness of them. 

[Carl-Richard]

53 minutes ago, Nahm said:

One way to go, is ‘oh, that thought feels off because I’m literally more fucking awesome than could be comprehended’.

Man the grace is too strong 

Edited March 22, 2021 by Carl-Richard