Can true growth be corrupted

[goldpower123]

Recently I've been experiencing a very harsh ego backlash, I remember I was doing amazing and very positive on my path, went my longest on No Fap and felt real inner growth. Like when you reach new heights for the first time you can almost smell the growth. Really out here in life doing things. Then I remember I hit a wall, felt very negative about myself and relapsed on No Fap, hit rock bottom, ego identification and was fearful and low conscious. Doubting self actualization, the path, my inspiration, etc. and I've honestly really been working through this for a week or two now it has very difficult. Like actual suffering. I think it's getting better. Started to see number synchronicities everywhere too and started moving differently.

From what Leo said this sounds exactly like the spiritual purification process, but I was worried that I corrupted my growth some how, or that I did something wrong when I relapsed on the path, or if this is actually a sign I am making real true growth and my inner self is changing. 

What do you think about this? Would love some answers or thoughts, thanks.

 

[allislove]

It can't go wrong, my friend. There is no growth actually, you are perfect as you are now, and there is only this now.

"You are the Master, and not the slave of your mind. You are the Driver, not the driven."

[SilentTears]

@allislove gave a beautifully put answer, however I would like to share from a different angle to see if that helps 

I would like to agree that it is more of a spiritual purification that most I see go through when starting this path.

usually this is a sign for real true growth and transformation in ones very center of self. 
 

your actions now are more important then any time. 
 

stick with what you know is beneficial for you and know that no matter what happens it’s alright bud. Just continue on everything is gunna be alright. No matter the consciousness levels, no matter the suffering you experience. If you stay true to what is beneficial and self growing it’ll be alright. 
 

watch your feelings too, don’t judge yourself for feeling bad or even try to escape as that can create more resistance. Instead allow those emotions and experiences to arise. It can be tuff or easy. That said, I would recommend always meditating, eating better etc. just because I say don’t try to escape doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to change. 
 

focus on what feels good, check out spiritual teachers like Abraham Hicks. She’s always good with re framing something that may not feel good to the present you. 
 

you are always free as every second is new. Every choice is your choice. Make the most out of your life. Your free bud. Lol you got this! 

[goldpower123]

Yeah, thanks for the responses. Consciousness has to be down in order to have up

[Nahm]

@goldpower123

There was a belief you need to be different (inner growth) and activity which satisfied it. But the belief in the first place might not have been addressed, and so it seems it came back around again. To add a little structure around the reference, it’s like skipping contentment when using the emotional scale.