Overcoming social anxiety and getting better with girls

[museumoftrees]

Me and my ex-gf of one year broke up a month ago. Separation anxiety and a serious case of Oneitis has been settling inside my mind this past week. I've been too confident during the relationship and neglected her feelings so now she decided that she needed space. My self-esteem has taken a toll. I feel rejected, unlovable, alone and a prisoner to my lack of relationship skills. I've been getting advice from my family and friends but it's all too vague and not helpful.

I've been aware of the whole relationships and dating self-help subcategory for 2-3 years but i've been putting off doing any real work in that area because of laziness and fear. I've just been getting the girls that are easily attracted to me because of my looks. I'm scared of experiencing rejection and looking stupid in front of others but I know that I will never feel worthy of myself if I never face my fears. I don't have many options in my life right now in terms of sexual partners because I am scared of approaching and I don't know the techniques to attract girls and close with them. I don't want to revert to porn to get my sexual stimulation, I want to fix this and get it over with.

I need a concrete plan to overcome social anxiety and to get better with girls. I want to do serious work and I am looking for tips, teachers, videos, exercises, a plan basically. I don't know where I should start. I should maybe do a mix of therapy for social anxiety and learn pick up artistry but I don't know where to start. I have traumas to heal but also outwards techniques to learn. Everything could help. I'm confused and even depressed a bit. Let me know what you guys think

love

[SamC]

@RendHeaven is our local expert and supporter when it comes to this subject. I suggest you read his how to deal with brake up journal (:

[museumoftrees]

17 minutes ago, SamC said:

@RendHeaven is our local expert and supporter when it comes to this subject. I suggest you read his how to deal with brake up journal (:

I will! Thanks for the reply

[RendHeaven]

@SamC PFFFT bruhhhh 

@museumoftrees Link in my bio lol. Feel free to DM me.

[aurum]

4 hours ago, museumoftrees said:

 I should maybe do a mix of therapy for social anxiety and learn pick up artistry but I don't know where to start.

I think you're on the right track.

This was basically the combo that I did for a few years.

As far as a concrete plan, I can't give you that. Part of this work is that you have to develop your own plan that suits your needs. But here are some general tips:

• Learn all the theory around dating and attraction. Read books (Way of The Superior Man, Men are From Mars, etc) and watch PUA content on YT (Austen Summers, Natural Lifestyles, Sasha Daygame, Playing With Fire, etc)
• Find friends who you can go out with to help you approach
• Get in physical shape and get your fashion down if you don't already
• Do spiritual work (meditation, yoga, breathwork, psychedelics, retreats etc)
• Consider a good therapist, ideally one with some spiritual knowledge

I know it's a lot, but if you do all this you'll be on a solid path. The PUA stuff can be kind of manipulative and creepy but it's a good first step for a lot of guys.

[Loving Radiance]

15 hours ago, museumoftrees said:

I'm scared of experiencing rejection and looking stupid in front of others but I know that I will never feel worthy of myself if I never face my fears. I don't have many options in my life right now in terms of sexual partners because I am scared of approaching and I don't know the techniques to attract girls and close with them. I don't want to revert to porn to get my sexual stimulation, I want to fix this and get it over with.

On living true to yourself. There are also many good articles for you to read.

[museumoftrees]

6 hours ago, Loving Radiance said:

On living true to yourself. There are also many good articles for you to read.

Nice! I like the theory and the writing on there, it's helping me. thanks

[museumoftrees]

17 hours ago, aurum said:

I think you're on the right track.

This was basically the combo that I did for a few years.

As far as a concrete plan, I can't give you that. Part of this work is that you have to develop your own plan that suits your needs. But here are some general tips:

• Learn all the theory around dating and attraction. Read books (Way of The Superior Man, Men are From Mars, etc) and watch PUA content on YT (Austen Summers, Natural Lifestyles, Sasha Daygame, Playing With Fire, etc)
• Find friends who you can go out with to help you approach
• Get in physical shape and get your fashion down if you don't already
• Do spiritual work (meditation, yoga, breathwork, psychedelics, retreats etc)
• Consider a good therapist, ideally one with some spiritual knowledge

I know it's a lot, but if you do all this you'll be on a solid path. The PUA stuff can be kind of manipulative and creepy but it's a good first step for a lot of guys.

A part of me feels ashamed telling another person I think I suck at attracting girls and therefore I have been putting up getting a therapist for years but I know it's the right thing to do. I wouldn't tell my own family i'm having troubles attracting females, i'm too ashamed of it. It's even more shameful when you are considered handsome and well dressed by everyone around you (collegues, family, friends).

I think a big component of men not acting in that area of their lives is the shame that comes with it. I haven't finished my drivers license yet and I don't know how to build a business, etc and i'm not a tiny ashamed by it. But being attractive to women is a different thing. Counter-intuitively shame promotes stagnation and regression more than evolution. I don't want to be seen being bad with girls lol.

Nevertheless you have been helpful my man. Thanks a lot for your reply. I might not do everything you've listed on there tomorrow but eventually i'll gradually chip away at it.