I understand "My issue"

[Chumbimba]

Wow.. contemplation is so deep. I contemplated yesterday "What is neediness ?" I didn't get what neediness is but I figured out where it comes from and why I have been needy towards women. Neediness comes from the illusion of lack. Lacking something that you think you need. The literal emotion is emptiness. There was a hole in my soul I  wanted to fill with women's validation and attention. I mindfully felt this emptiness and I asked what I lacked. On the surface it felt like I lacked a woman and that if I go do pick up or if I get a girlfriend all my problems will be solved. I dug a little deeper and realized it was not a woman I lacked but I really lacked options with the opposite sex, not being able to attract the women that I want in my life. So I went deeper and asked why I can't attract them, all my emotional shit came up. "I am too ugly", "Women hate me" "They are bitches and whores who play hard to get" "They just don't like me I am not good enough" blah blah blah. I went deeper into contemplating and I realized maybe not only my issue but probably the issue of all incels, redpill, mgtow all those ideologies. 

 

The Truth: I don't know how to attract the opposite sex. For my whole life I have blamed women for not liking me. and it took me 20 mins of contemplation to realize that my anger and frustration and lack of results in this area came from my lack of knowledge. My incompetence you can say. The next question I asked is what do I think attracts the opposite sex.

What I think attract the opposite sex: I need to be nice to them, I need to impress them and I have to make them like me or they won't like me. I need money, I need status all this shallow shit just to get a girl to like me. I AM WRONG AS FUCK. just incorrect. All these showcase my insecurities. 

My whole life I would tell people "Oh I know how women work just do this, this and this"  giving out advice I didn't really believe and yesterday I was faced how ignorant I am about female attraction and it hurts. It hurts that I have lied to myself this whole time just to fit in. 

And Redpill, MGTOW, INCELS are angry because of this. Like look at the titles of some of these YouTube channels. I can see the anger and the hatred. I was one of the angry people. I am no longer angry because I understand. 

 

My Mission: To learn how to attract the opposite sex.

 

Thank you for listening

[flowboy]

Hey, congratulations on digging yourself out of that toxic hole! Not bad for 20 minutes.

Here's books I've read (also available as audiobook) that have helped me understand what attracts women:

1. Mark Manson - Models

2. David Deida - The way of the superior man

 

Dig in!

[RendHeaven]

1 hour ago, Chumbimba said:

I mindfully felt this emptiness and I asked what I lacked. On the surface it felt like I lacked a woman and that if I go do pick up or if I get a girlfriend all my problems will be solved. I dug a little deeper and realized it was not a woman I lacked but I really lacked options with the opposite sex

1 hour ago, Chumbimba said:

My incompetence you can say.

You're still only 5% deep.

Why is incompetence something that makes you feel empty? For example, I'm incompetent at cooking. But idgaf. I'm not empty because I'm incompetent at cooking. But for some reason, when it comes to women, you (and even I sometimes) attribute emptiness directly to our incompetence with attraction?

Why women? Take this seriously. It's not so obvious. "Well, cooking and dating are different," you say. Sure, but exactly how? Flesh this out. For example, take into account the cultural values you grew up in, your craving for acceptance, whatever the hell that even means (Yes, it's there. Bring it to light), etc. Why women?

Furthermore, why is competence so exalted in your mind's eye? And why must it be possessed by you?

Why aren't you content observing and accepting the competence of others? Why the need to acquire, monopolize, and hoard it?

What are you avoiding by trying to change your perceived incompetence?

What would happen if you just let that empty hole exist and you did nothing to plug it or cover it? Notice that this is the truest and deepest you can go with your contemplation.

To lock eyes with that existential emptiness, and to not deny, distract, or attempt to change. To be open and curious. To wonder, "who/what are you?" "can we be friends?"

Instead, we glance at that emptiness for a couple minutes at best, and we try to find a way-out of it. We triumph at our contemplation: "look! I peered into the void!" We think we learned a lesson about ourselves, we think we vanquished our foe, and we go back out in the world and continue to focus on personal gain.

I've done this time and time again in my own life. Emptiness never leaves you. At some point you'll have to befriend it