Making new friends

[Preety_India]

. 

I had to abandon my previous journal because I didn't want to read stuff posted by others. So starting a new one. 

Please don't comment on this journal. 

 

Disclaimer - the journal is not about anyone here. So if you assume shit, it's your problem. 

 

Edited March 19, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

Friend's traits. 

Make friends with people who respect me 

Who give me space

Who keep me emotionally safe 

Who are not toxic. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

how-to-find-higher-quality-people-and-friends/

 

/62882-how-to-deal-with-friends-who-use-and-dump-you

 

Edited March 19, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

 

Edited March 19, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

OK now start with a clean slate. 

 

Always keep a blueprint in mind 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

What are the boundaries I need to set with friends 

 

Never have people who lie to you 

(my ex used to lie a lot to me) say no to people who have previously lied to me about something 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

10 signs of fake nice people 

• Humble bragging - false modesty. They will act like they are humble but indirectly brag about their moral Superiority. They will act like they don't care too much but actually they do. 
• Passive aggressive behavior.. Trying to act sweet and nice as a facade but then having bad intentions reflected in their mean jabs that are generally sarcastic. Not showing their true intentions. 
• Ghosting... Very important. It's the biggest red flag of toxic and fake people. They suddenly fall off the radar, They suddenly refuse to answer your calls or reply your texts. Ghosting  often occurs right after the  relationship is seemingly going pretty well. The other person might even seem nice and polite and all of a sudden they can completely cut you out of their lives. 

 

• Crocodile tears. Ted Cruz comes to mind. 
•  
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• . 
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[Preety_India]

I just want to take a quick break 

[Preety_India]

All the stress has been draining me so badly. 

[Preety_India]

 

Continued 

• Ghosting - at this point it is obvious that their friendliness was just an act 
• Crocodile fears - people who tend to fake emotions 
• Fake smile - fake people often tend to show a fake smile 
• Can't listen - genuinely nice people are always ready to listen. Fake nice people are generally very self centered. It's all about them. They will steer the whole conversation towards topics that involve them. Not you. For example you might try to relate your experiences and explain your struggles at school or work and they will then someone cuts in and then giving you a long story of their personal experiences in that area, completely neglecting what you had to say. 
• They always seem to want something. There is usually a reason why a fake nice person is so kind and considerate to you. They want something. They always steer the conversation to their needs and desires. Usually they will ask you to do something for them. Or they will discover that you have something you want. 
• They are only nice to people who have powers. They only act in a positive way towards those who have power. It's always a good indicator to see how a person treats those who are less fortunate or less powerful. If their nice behavior is directed solely to those who have power, then that nice behavior probably isn't genuine. 
• They like to gossip and criticise others. If they are gossiping in order to come close to you. They might gossip in a way that makes them look nice. They might act with a false sense of concern for other people's misfortune. But they aren't genuinely concerned. For example they might talk about someone else's substance abuse issues with a gossipy and unsympathetic tone while pretending to be concerned. Sometimes it's hard to spot this behavior. But it's a big sign of fake niceness. 
• They are rare. 
• You see a person's true colors when you are no longer beneficial in their lives. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

Continued 

• Ghosting - at this point it is obvious that their friendliness was just an act 
• Crocodile fears - people who tend to fake emotions 
• Fake smile - fake people often tend to show a fake smile 
• Can't listen - genuinely nice people are always ready to listen. Fake nice people are generally very self centered. It's all about them. They will steer the whole conversation towards topics that involve them. Not you. For example you might try to relate your experiences and explain your struggles at school or work and they will then someone cuts in and then giving you a long story of their personal experiences in that area, completely neglecting what you had to say. 
• They always seem to want something. There is usually a reason why a fake nice person is so kind and considerate to you. They want something. They always steer the conversation to their needs and desires. Usually they will ask you to do something for them. Or they will discover that you have something you want. 
• They are only nice to people who have powers. They only act in a positive way towards those who have power. It's always a good indicator to see how a person treats those who are less fortunate or less powerful. If their nice behavior is directed solely to those who have power, then that nice behavior probably isn't genuine. 
• They like to gossip and criticise others. If they are gossiping in order to come close to you. They might gossip in a way that makes them look nice. They might act with a false sense of concern for other people's misfortune. But they aren't genuinely concerned. For example they might talk about someone else's substance abuse issues with a gossipy and unsympathetic tone while pretending to be concerned. Sometimes it's hard to spot this behavior. But it's a big sign of fake niceness. 
• They are rare. 
• You see a person's true colors when you are no longer beneficial in their lives. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Love Tony Robbins on this. 

 

[Preety_India]

This was nice 

 

 

[Preety_India]

@Michael569 I've read your comment. 

But you haven't really understood my brain and my mind. That's why you are unable to get my entire point on this forum. 

I don't like to argue with you. 

But just as a last attempt to make you understand my whole brain process, I will lay out an example to you. 

Imagine me as a very talented musician and singer. 

Lets say I'm very passionate about music and making songs. Maybe making songs and sharing it with the world gives me great sense of healing. People who understand those songs and their feedback to me creates a sense of comfort and being understood, my pain being understood, my talents being recognized, my loneliness cured 

Maybe I've always been very scared to come in front of the public or publicly sharing my music out of my introversion. 

Maybe I'm tired of making songs and always singing them in the four walls of my bathroom for years and years. Maybe after singing for years and years in the loneliness of my home, someone passing by my house heard me singing and were entranced and decided to inform a local music producer who visited my house and secretly recorded my voice and released my song to the world. I was later informed that people like me and my song. Maybe for the first time in my life I felt like there was someone out there who likes my songs. This is my only chance to sing to the world and it's too hard to resist, the producer told me this is my last chance and if I wish to be a singer I contact him as soon as possible, or forget the whole idea and miss out on a lifetime opportunity and keep singing alone in the bathroom for the rest of my life. 

I decide to sign up to get my music heard. At last I won't be alone anymore. Maybe there is healing. 

By releasing my music and getting adulation from the crowds has finally cured my loneliness and my scars. I feel accepted I feel loved. This is what I wanted. I clean up my died, I stop doing self harm. Maybe finally I'm ready to open up to the world after being in a lonely dark corner for so long, a place that I don't want to go back to because there's not much peace there. 

I release my music for 2 years. I become popular with people. I have no idea what I'm signing up for. 

Over a period of time, I see tons of people hating, abusers and trolls coming and bugging me, robbing me of the peace and healing that I worked so hard for. They are harassing me wherever I go. They interfere with my work, they trash my music, they abuse and stalk me in whatever I do. 

Now I continue to release my music, despite all these trolls, haters and abusers bringing me down so that I don't achieve what I'm set out to achieve. Maybe they hate my work, my music or they hate the fact that the public gives me attention. 

But did I really sign up for this hate, troll and abuse??? 

I thought I had signed up for healing with people who understand and offer me support, to take myself out of my lonely corner and finally do what I wanted to do, to not hide from the world anymore, to not hide my talents but display my talents, to not keep my  passion limited to the walls of my bathroom but to display my talents to the world to get my talent recognition.. 

But what about trolls?? Trolls will always exist. So should I stop writing music and singing and releasing music because trolls don't like me??? 

I will have moments where I will feel drained and defeated by the same trolls. I will feel stressed out, burned out, but the passion in me is still burning strong, it's still telling me to keep producing more music. Because I'm not going to go back to the bathroom just because the trolls decided to steal my days and weeks. 

Even if I disappear and come back, they will be back. How many times will I go back to the bathroom to run away from the trolls? 

So my frustration won't end. There won't be any easy solution other than simply losing my dream, stop releasing my music, stop the healing that was helping me, stop being in public, go back to my introversion, into my shell, go back to my lonely corner, my bathroom and start self harming again. But my heart doesn't want to go back to my lonely ways. It's very much enjoying the public attention and support, except for these bunch of trolls who ruin all the happiness that is curing me. 

So who can control these trolls and maintain peace?? Maybe Moderators. 

Maybe people who are specifically recruited to take care of trolls? 

I understand that it's a tough job but dealing with naysayers and trolls and aggressors is equally tough. 

If this place didn't have Moderators it would have been completely taken over by trolls and bullies and abusers by now.. And genuine people would have never received any help here. 

 I get a lot of value from this forum and I'm not going to let a bunch of trolls cloud that. 

I like to be here especially when I'm left alone and peaceful in my journals. I like to interact with myself in my journals. That's my personality 

 

I am completely aware that I tend to attract a ton of attention. It's not something I can fix. I like positive attention because it helps me feel less alone and heal better. 

Writing has been my greatest passion since childhood. I have a huge appetite for writing. 

I have spent sleepless nights just writing and writing and writing. Because that's what I did as a child. It was my greatest passion and hobby.. 

I am still not ready to write officially because I'm not very talented for it. I was rejected in many interviews for an editor or writer jobs because my writing was not up to the mark. I made a ton of mistakes and lack of articulation meant my writing was rejected by many people. There were much better and competitive writers than me and they got the job. 

But I didn't forget my passion. I still dream that I will write books and sell them. Maybe these dreams will never come true. 

I still try hard to sharpen my articulation skills. For the same reason I even started a journal for learning new English phrases everyday. 

new-english-phrases

Because of my host of medical problems I struggle to keep up with my writing and learning. 

This is a painful task for me to write so much but I do it diligently. 

Although sometimes it attracts the attention of trolls and i can't help it. 

But my Journaling work is although quite painful, it is the only thing that brings me the greatest joy in my life. 

And writing in secrecy creates loneliness. But writing in public feels like a healing. 

Why else will I spend so much time doing something if I wasn't really passionate about it? 

I spent the last 3 years here doing this same thing. That shows my grit to do it. 

But over the years, I also had to deal with a huge number of people who would write toxic offensive bullshit to me, hurt me for no reason, use my personal information and writing to troll, humiliate, insult, bully and harass me and put their negative projections on me.

Im going back to who I was in 2018 when I first came here. I didn't talk to anyone here for 2 long years 

Like a hermit I continued my exploration work quietly in my journals. 

But then I decided I needed to connect with people here. That's when I saw the depth of the problem in revealing my life to people here.

Maybe I'll again go back to my shell where I keep writing alone in my journals, but I surely do appreciate some people who leave sweet comments every now and then. 

But with that territory, also comes people who post rude comments. I certainly don't appreciate that, it interrupts my progress 

My problem is not really the forum per se. The forum is what I love to be on, that's why I spend so much time on here. 

My real problem is the people who write negative things to me, humiliate me or upset me because that is all unnecessary and gives me unnecessary frustration. 

I'm very peaceful introverted person. I am peaceful and sweet and pleasant to people who are pleasant to me. 

But when someone is trying to hurt me for whatever intentions, it leaves me upset and frustrated, drained and stressed. I tend to write that as well. 

My motto is, whatever it may be, joy or pain or hurt or upset, I write it all out in my journal. It's not my victimhood, although it could create such an appearance. 

It is just honest account of my deepest emotions and writing all my feelings and thoughts is a huge sense of peace, joy and happiness. 

So when someone or something interrupts my Journaling work, it's incredibly frustrating and disappointing. 

Maybe now you got the whole picture of how my brain works. 

 

 

[Michael569]

@Preety_India thank you. I read the whole post and I think I understand better now. I would however still go back to my original post. I would not say "leave the forum" what I was saying is "take a short break". It may do you good and come back once you feel relaxed, recharged and had some of your stress reduced. You may get  anew perspective on some things going around and on many of the forum dynamics. 

But the second thing I'll say is that it is a part of the internet to be met with opposition. That's just what it is. Some people are trolls but many who disagree are often just people coming with different perspectives, opinions and thoughts. Some of them may even be trying to help in their own way that may often seem as unpleasant simply because they present it in the way most natural to them. We all carry our own bias and emotional baggage that we unload whenever we can

When you open up about sensitive topics there will always be people who get attracted to that, that's just human nature. It cannot be prevented. Perhaps having a  very private journal such as One Note that is only for you would make you safe from these things, otherwise you leave the room for others to chip in and comment...like I do now.

[Preety_India]

@Michael569 I guess writing a disclaimer like "I dont want comments" might definitely help. 

 

[Preety_India]

This is cool 

https://youtu.be/4WM_90preEw

 

[Preety_India]

Yeah