A better me

[SilentTears]

This journal is becoming a better me, my tips, and ideas to actualize myself in ways which I want. 

Since being away from this forum I can say the biggest thing I've learned is how little all of this matters to me. 

Having gone the path of enlightenment, awakenings, energy etc. since i was younger (still am young) I now see the importance of cultivating a masculine self. 

Each of us grow from life experiences and so much more plays a factor into ones own growth. From what I've seen i can say the best type of people are people who have take on a dualistic and non dualtic approach to life. one who is grounded, calm, masculine, while also highly aware, conscious and full of wisdom. 

Having taken a more grounded, calm approach to reality I can strongly say I was never complete as a pure mystic type of person. I say this more in the sense that My personality, and self were still growing under all these life experiences. 

My biggest insights: 

- Learning how to function as someone with a strong sense of self. 

- The deep importance of improving ones life style in more then just aspects of spirituality.

-Understanding myself and the importance of each action I take as a living being.

- My deep influence of everyone and everything I come into contact too. (be it just thoughts or physical action.) 

 

Things i've done while staying as a pure masculine male:

- I've cut out a lot of bullshit, however I have also gained some bullshit since i left meditation behind while I did this(should not have done that lol) 

-Learned how to be a calm, grounded person while also being able to be like a gadiator at a moments notice, so basically  control over myself.

- Learned how to handle women and the lack of caring I actually have for them. Women are never the priority. Its a nice insight to have when im still young. To live my life like a free bird. 

-How to channel my energy into what I truly want in life. 

I took away the last portion of this post as I realized I conveyed what I wanted to say in the wrong manner. 

Knowing who I am now I now realize how important it is to treat other properly and with care. How you chose to be says a lot about how we are internally. Everyone has a different energy and thought pattern to them so of course we treat people differently based on that too, however the importance of spreading positivity where it is needed or rather to those who deserve it is more important then anything to me. 

Bring able to be vulnerable and letting my true intentions free aka being able to tell someone how great of a person they are or how nice their energy is whenever you feel like it. That is the true importance of this all. 

 

 

Edited March 19, 2021 by SilentTears

[SilentTears]

As a grow older I realize the importance of calmness when handling any situation. 

Before when I used to meditate all the time I was deeply ungrounded and displayed a hyper type of unconditional love to everyone as I knew and saw reality for what it was. 

Now I display a calm gentleness to everyone. 

I still know the same truths and I can still tap into unconditional love, truth and consciousness. It’s just the different in the level of maturity. 

One was still a child and the other (now me) is a slightly older child. 

I see people walk trough life with little development and just getting older. 

I wish for my life to be one where I get older while developing like crazy. A never ending cycle of rebirth. 

[SilentTears]

A big insight into life I’ve had is learning to focus on ones own(my) dreams and just understanding that everything that sheds off when achieving said dream isn’t aligned with it. 

Of cource, that’s the obvious. 

I more mean to say how we should focus on what we “want” and learn to achieve these things without framing it in a way that is influenced by others. 

I tend to notice people do things based on how they believe society will view them after they have accomplished said goal. You can replace “society” with “girls” or “family”.

Being man and just understanding the relation between oneself, ones inner nature, and reality creates a different harmony with nature itself. 

A man desires, and he takes what he wants. He knows what it takes to get what he wants and does it in not just a muscle-mind type of way, but strategically analyzes and claims what is his. 

The focus of my life should be and is my goals. Who I want to be, what I want to do. 

Everything else is just add ons, replaceable. 

 

[SilentTears]

Today I’ll write about the importance of ones energy. 
 

energy will be aura, and the level of frequency which you are operating at. 
 

pretty much your energy attracts or pushes away anything and everything that is happening to you. It is influenced by everything you do and every decision you make. 

what a lot of people don’t realize is that their energy is influenced by who they talk to, what music they listen to and pretty much whatever they are around physically and whatever they think of. 
 

having done a lot of energy work I can strongly say that most people should get into the habit of becoming more energy sensitive as it will help guide people to understanding most people’s intentions and understanding what to do in social situations.

 

[SilentTears]

The goal of ones life should be: 

-mental clairty

-happiness 

-love

wait, I mean the goal of my life. 

live, laugh, love. 

——-

ones approach to any situation already predetermines the outcome by a large margin. 

Edit: 

 

Edited March 19, 2021 by SilentTears
It’s a good song!

[SilentTears]

The importance of a clear, emotionally stable goal is of the most importance. 
 

without a clear goal you won’t get far and you’ll be fickle in what you do. 
I think I heard Leo say this back when I used to watch his videos, however having this insight myself(well understanding it on a deeper level) is always nice. 
 

Two examples in the situation of girls(though I’d apply it to about everything)

1) you really know what her want so you go and get her for yourself.

your able to come off confident, sure of yourself and stable when questioned by yourself or others. 
 

2) you don’t know if you really want her so you are kinda dominant, however you keep pulling back and never truly committing(of course this can work if your lucky, but it’s not a good game plan). This comes off as lacking that deep masculine principle and even if you achieve it you probably won’t be truly happy. Or the happiness is short livid since you aren’t commuting to it. 
 

1 is living your life free and full of your own passion

2. is being on auto pilot and letting the world lead you. Aka, the path of least resistance. 
I don’t mean that in the way of which Abraham Hicks teaches but more of you just fall into place wherever and letting your life be guided by others. 
 

____
following the path of least resistance can be very beneficial if you know what you want and have a clear solid goal in mind, however if you don’t it can be a trap. Of course everything is circumstantial. 

[SilentTears]

I’m really tired today, however I find it very beneficial to write as the energy and state of mind I’m in now have a deep understanding to them. 
 

For the first time in a long time I just feel like a calm lake. 
 

Im seeing reality through a new lens. 
 

reality changes based on the energy your in. People can live on the same earth and have completely different experiences. 
 

sometimes your meant for things so your guided energetically to them. Sometimes.

——

Its interesting to watch my energy change from a masculine type of male to a chill and calm type of person. Laid back. 
 

 I’m not exactly sure what to do with myself right now. 
 

In the past I saw everything as perfect so no matter what I did I knew that it was an absolute perfect thing. 
many sadness, any love, any emotions and thought are absolute consciousness at play. It twirls, spins and laughs within and with itself. 
 

every action and everything is complete consciousness at play. 
 

then I started seeing reality from a pure masculine viewpoint. One where reality is very “real”, important and valuable. Calm, grounded, wise, and full of passion.

I of course kept my past experiences and integrated them which was nice. 
 

now my energy is changing so much tonight. I feel like I’m being destroyed and then recreated energetically. 
 

ive changed my energy thousands of times to masculine, love, purity, calmness, and pretty much anything I wanted with just a mental command. It’s easy. 
ive learned so much from seeing reality from allll these perspectives and understood so much. 
 

ive noticed that I’m constantly growing and that I’m always guided in whatever is best for me. A constant growth. A constant love for life. It’s pure beauty and bliss. It’s pure love. Haha 

gosh, my energy really is changing. 
*rants some more* 

im noticing/seeing a decomposition of my ego at the moment. It’s dying and dying. It’s hard to explain the beauty of it all. The self ahahah. What a funny joke yet not at all and so much more yet all just words pointing to the same thing. 
infinite reality, infinity cannot be explained. Your brain goes “akdhksah” whenever it sees and when you get kicked back here it’s like “holy baby Jesus” LMAO. 
I wonder why I’m dying? I mean my sense of self keeps slipping then coming back but more pure and free. True freedom. True awareness. Truth, “understanding” on this plane of reality. 
the contextualization of all that is. 
so much is flowing through me that I can’t even type any of it. Too profound, too “much” lol. Nothing can ever be too much. 
*swoosh* 

off goes my mind. Off goes my self. Off goes my body. Off goes my heart. Pure positive truth and awareness of direct experience is what is left. Good day all. ?

[SilentTears]

To a beautiful life. 
 

the beauty of the sea, the cool winds which blow across the empty mind. 
the empty mind which produces something is no longer empty. 
that something that is produced is nothingness. 
 

yada yada

have fun and go wild!!!! Wooooo. Lol 

life’s good and my purpose is no purpose. 
 

no mind = empty mind = love = you

stillness is a state. Love is being. Beingness is all that arises. All that arises is like the calm grass. The swaying trees. The heavenly sky. 
 

the sky, the earth, the sea, the ocean. That which is that which is. Labels on beauty. Mind grows stillness stops. When stillness stops it does not become more still but the opposite. Yeahhhhh 

life’s pretty good. 
 

I am that which is not seen. I am not that which is seen. 
the eyes cannot see and the ears cannot hear. The heart cannot beat and the mouth cannot breath. 
the air cannot move and the sky cannot shine. 
I am a small pebble. The pebble of life and love. 
~~~~~

[SilentTears]

Okay okay, don’t get mad but I stole the cookies. Yeahh I ate them all. My bad 

 

 ?‍♂️ ? the Crystal river glows a healthy and young man. Man is man. Women is man. 
 

I mean that to understand a women you must first understand yourself. For one cannot be defined without the other. 
 

when understanding another it ultimately points back to oneself and I don’t mean that in a nondualstic sense. I simply mean that which I mean. 
 

when understanding others we first describe ourselves by the words we speak, the way we view that other person and how we express our thoughts to another. All of that which we project is ourselves. 
 

[SilentTears]

When I start to meditate I feel like 

 

just not to a extent. Like 7/10 of this from 20 min of meditation. I start to see infinity and nothingness. My perspective switches so fast, and I swirl. My ego desolves and I’m left bare and naked. 

You realize that the ground you were standing in falls apart. The reality you believed in doesn’t actually exist. It’s a swirl of everything. You spin and go “I forgot how to think” while your sense suddenly expand into infinity and nothingness. 

Both and nothing. 

 

AND THATS WHY I STOPPED MEDITATING. Fuck. 

[SilentTears]

Okay but seriously, why does this happen. Cause consciousness wants that to happen. I mean I get sent to love and other higher states of consciousness easily. I can see nothingness and infinity. It’s like a portal opens and I just look through them. Switching so fast makes me desolve myself. 

I become more pure in all ways the other thing is that when I fall apart it’s like dying and I have to go through that from every meditation. Like come on man and just tryen to chill. 

Universe says “lol Na bro give me a second” *swoosh* and there goes my sense of self. There goes al of existence. There goes concepts themselves. There “it” goes...

Tbh tho, it’s pretty amazing. I have so much love, appreciation and grounded principles. I am me and I love it. I love you too. 

Its just. When your ungrounded your mind swirls. It’s hard to explain. Your heart beats fast as fuck. Your mind stops or goes extremely fast. Your breathing stops or goes faster and faster. It really feels like that doctor strange video. 

Just taking about this makes my mind swirl. Good day all. *bows* and exits the stage.

[SilentTears]

The importance of staying grounded while doing this work is import. That is if one wants to operate from this plane of reality. 
it’s easy to get engrossed into spiritual experiences and lose the self so completely it’s radically different then anyone can imagine. 
however, I wish to have those experiences and still come back a calm, collected, strong moralized person. 
After meditating yesterday and having the experiences I had I can say I’m probably going to be in and out of grounded calmness and spiritual awakenings. My purpose is to integrate those awakenings in ways which serve me and have my knowledge deepen in spirituality. 
 

 

[SilentTears]

I am going through another spiritual awakening. I can feel it coming on like waves come into the shore. Back and forth. But it comes more and more to engulf me into a sea of emptiness. A sea that is full of love and life. 
 

life falls apart only to become complete. 
 

the world spins and deconstructs itself. 
 

my heart beats. 
okay , this feeling of a spiritual awakening is supreme. 
I can’t explain it with words. 
 

purpose = no purpose. Everything 

to my future self. The world feels as if it’s losing balance. The ground feels infinitely deep and it feels as if the ground is moving. Like there is no ground. Infinity in every direction. I’m falling and rising infinitely. 
 

my mind is no more 

complete wholeness. Me you, love. Me you love

Infinite  Beauty.

the snow holds are footprints for us to look back upon. The sun melts it into the whole earth to bring upon more life. Our life is like that. We walk and leave behind footprints only for our stories to heal the whole. 
 

I feel it is time. Goodbye.

[SilentTears]

I found old pictures.... well I went through old pictures on my phone and I’m like woah. My old self was pretty great ngl. He used to do so much self improvement work. 
since I’m much more energy sensitive now I felt my old energy and that just instantly silenced my mind. 
It felt like a blue buzz. 
 

there is not much point to this journal anymore I just wanna document my experiences now. 
 

 

[SilentTears]

Reality really is perspectival. I can be an enlightened being that sees love, light, and consciousness and live my life that way. I could have lived a life in a grounded, strong moralized person, and then seen life through his eyes. 
I could have seen life through the eyes of a mystic staring into nothingness. 
I could have lived any way and each way produces different energy, different consciousness perception. 
 

reality is just however you wanna see it. 
 

you can make your life however amazing or whatever if you wanted to. 
 

your life is in “your” hands to play, mold, and laugh with. 
 

the experiencer is the creator. Life is life. Then there about and infinite number of dimensions and realities and when I see them my mind kinda starts to go “...”.

seeing into infinity easily really does force the “self” to die. All the resistance of self just fades. All that is left is a infinite consciousness that perceives reality for what it is. 
 

the anger, the love, the happiness. It’s all there. A loop. Reality= infinity = love= you= me= nothingness. 
 

ive mainly dealt with the love, light, prosperity side to enlightenment and haven’t been in the nothingness very much. 
 

I see love and light which is perception itself. Then I can also see infinity which makes me feel as if I’m dying. 

Edited April 2, 2021 by SilentTears