Dealing with ego identification, backsliding

[goldpower123]

Recently hit a wall in my growth and fell back into an old habit, was doing super great and then came crashing down to the ego. Became crippled by fear for a bit and barely wanted to go out places. Back to this devil, low conscious and judgement. I know that it's not the Truth or fulfilling going down the road, but I guess I felt like submitting to low consciousness instead of facing myself; the harder option. What I should've done, and perhaps I'm suffering the punishment of not doing so. And here I was thinking I was developed and spiritual and righteous. I hit a wall, chickened out, relapsed an old habit and ran outside myself. (I know that sounds negative self talk, but I'm okay, I don't hate myself or anything)

I'm almost looking for any sign, just any, from the universe to point me back within (the right direction). The Ego is a trap I swear. It reals you in with innocent egotism and ignorance, but then you soon realize it's negativity for your soul or the real you.

It's difficult because its my entire life style, reason for living, will I live for pleasure or my dreams. At the moment I feel like my dreams have been crushed and struggling to find that inspiration, but perhaps that's all part of the journey. It might take a couple of these episodes in order to really see how important it is to align my will with the universe. 

 

[Surfingthewave]

@goldpower123

See yourself hitting the wall as you describe as a sign from the universe you're on the right track.

Speaking from experience, when we hit a wall it's because we're about to make some significant gains. 

Backsliding is all part of the path. The main thing is you're aware of it, that's massive progress. 

Dust yourself off, pick yourself up and keep going. 

My final point to you is, what really is a habit? Break it down. It's a thing we do over and over, but why? 

I've been able to to deal with soft and hard addictions on the path and just laugh at my ego for all the game playing. However, new ones always crop up. It's sneaky but all part of the fun. Be kind to yourself. Every moment has potential, an opportunity for progress. Don't buy into the stories we tell ourselves. 

[VeganAwake]

There isn't a better point to reach, that's just more illusion.

It's not about finding something, it's the collapse of that which thought something was missing. ❤