Obsessing over one girl

[Godishere]

Hey guys, 

So basically I'm looking for some advice here, or just general thoughts. I

I started seeing this girl 3 weeks ago, and it started off amazing and very full on. We stayed together 12 of the first 15 days, then all of a sudden, the last few days days (5) or so, she has been a bit cold. We are still catching up tomorrow for dinner, but she hasn't been inviting me over to stay, although she has been "busy with friends". For whatever reason, I can't stop thinking about her now and it's driving me mental. I know there are plenty of fish in the sea etc. But yeah, I'm constantly wondering if she is seeing another guy and checking if she's online. Basically just being a beta ass bitch which I am aware of.

What is the root problem here? Do I need to just let this one go? Do I need to stop looking for someone to make me happy?

Any thoughts would be appreciated so I can cut this behavior and thinking at the root as it's making me very neurotic. Thanks

[intotheblack]

Could be something like this..

things moved to fast and she backed off..

she realised she doesn’t want to get in a serious relationship with u and doesn’t want to lead you on, but won’t tell you that so is distancing herself instead. 

Or something happened to make her see you in a different light? Perhaps seeing eachother so much became too overwhelming and needy so she got freaked out ?

Or she really is just busy, and you already spent a lot of time together. 

What I would do is back off! Don’t text her too much! Yes go meet her on the next date but then after that don’t contact her.  Try to chill and do things to take your mind off her. 

I know it’s hard, almost relationships can feel like a dagger to the heart when they fizzle out. 

This is just my thoughts as someone who has experienced being on the receiving end from a guy doing that and also being the one who did the distancing.
 

 

Edited March 16, 2021 by intotheblack

[Gili Trawangan]

2 hours ago, Godishere said:

Do I need to stop looking for someone to make me happy?

Yes, for sure.

[mandyjw]

You can't "just stop it". You aren't neurotic or beta ass, judgements like this only make the attachment stick worse. Be aware of the thoughts and impulses to check her status online, don't judge yourself for them, don't try to control them too much. If you can, find something you really want to do to take your mind off it. Call a friend, go play a sport, etc. 

[Chew211]

@Godishere

Did you already do the didily with her?

If not, then likely she lost interest.

If so, then maybe it's a temporary loss of interest.

 

I'm a guy, but even I would get tired of hanging out with the same chick several days in a row. 

Right now I'm only seeing one, but only once a week. 

If I got a lot of stuff going on, or if I'm stressed,etc then I wouldn't want to hang out with any chicks-- either I want to be alone or with my friends. 

 

There's plenty of reasons why a girl could be acting some way, either communicate upfront and/or don't worry about it. There's not a lot to be gained by trying to figure out why a girl acts a certain way. 

[Peter Miklis]

I may be biased right now, since I'm doing Leo's LP course, but I think this attachment of yours can be solved in a way you wouldn't expect.

What do you want out of life? Like, what do you REALLY want? What meaningfull things could you pursue? What are your top 10 values?

I think once you really figure this out, you are not going to have this problem with assigning too much meaning to one women ever again. You literaly won't let yourself do that, because that would mean betraying your values, all of which are infinitely more meaningful.

[How to be wise]

@Godishere Rejection breeds obsession.  When someone rejects you, it only makes you want them more.

[EnlightenmentBlog]

I'm sensing neediness. Play cold yourself and see how she reacts.

[Lyubov]

Just take it easy. Deep breathes and calm yourself. Maybe pump the brakes on the attention you’re giving her by 20%. I’ve felt this way before when I didn’t have a lot of options and one girl would come along that I liked all of a sudden seemed so special to the point I’d worry about losing her. Let’s say you had four or five other potential dates lined up. It wouldn’t hurt nearly as much cause you knew you had other options with other girls you like. Focus on building more opportunities in the meantime. 

[zeroISinfinity]

23 hours ago, How to be wise said:

@Godishere Rejection breeds obsession.  When someone rejects you, it only makes you want them more.

Really? 

How old are you? 

[Leo Gura]

Root problem is neediness, over-investment, and failure to close.

You should have slept with her by now. Instead you are being her gay friend and she can smell your neediness and lack of leadership.

[Username]

@Godishere

I think that that a best method is to assume that the person you are interested in is reciprocating your interest. This way you remove pressure from yourself and need for validation - this way you aren't needy. If you try to extract validation it makes her less willing to show it.

If she isn't interested it just means that you are not compatible so there is no need to be worried about that anyway. Do you want to be in a relationship with someone who isn't compatible?

[diamondpenguin]

Lol, you really need a lot more self-esteem dude. You have to go into it with the attitude that you are "the shit". You gotta have the mentality of if this girl dont wanna fuck me, then I'll go find someone who will. Because you ain't got time for that shit. To yourself you gotta be the man, and just with that sort of attitude and confidence of, if they ain't fuckin with me, then I ain't fuckin with them. Girls will fiend for you, they will dream about you. Dont overly worry about your looks, that's for bisexual and gay guys. Girls want you to be well-groomed and have a "I am the shit" mentality. You gotta be a legend to yourself and know that if this girl doesn't want to hangout with you, you ain't gonna tolerate it. You'll move on. I know you want to be caring and compassionate towards her, but you just gotta be ruthless, dangerous, and unattached. She wants to look at you as this image of man that she fiends for, not the other way round. @Godishere

[LastThursday]

On 16/03/2021 at 7:52 AM, Godishere said:

We are still catching up tomorrow for dinner

And...? Sorry, just nosey.

[Arcangelo]

On 3/16/2021 at 1:52 AM, Godishere said:

We stayed together 12 of the first 15 days, then all of a sudden, the last few days days (5) or so, she has been a bit cold.

No kidding. Wow! shocker!

Dude what did you expect???

You see her once, twice a week max.

 

"busy with friends".

Hehe yeah... Ask yourself this: If I was Leo DiCaprio will she still be busy with friends?

 

On 3/16/2021 at 1:52 AM, Godishere said:

I'm constantly wondering if she is seeing another guy and

Always assume that.

On 3/17/2021 at 11:01 AM, diamondpenguin said:

Lol, you really need a lot more self-esteem dude. You have to go into it with the attitude that you are "the shit". You gotta have the mentality of if this girl dont wanna fuck me, then I'll go find someone who will. Because you ain't got time for that shit. To yourself you gotta be the man, and just with that sort of attitude and confidence of, if they ain't fuckin with me, then I ain't fuckin with them. Girls will fiend for you, they will dream about you. Dont overly worry about your looks, that's for bisexual and gay guys. Girls want you to be well-groomed and have a "I am the shit" mentality. You gotta be a legend to yourself and know that if this girl doesn't want to hangout with you, you ain't gonna tolerate it. You'll move on. I know you want to be caring and compassionate towards her, but you just gotta be ruthless, dangerous, and unattached. She wants to look at you as this image of man that she fiends for, not the other way round. 

Solid post!

On 3/16/2021 at 1:52 AM, Godishere said:

What is the root problem here?

 

On 3/16/2021 at 1:52 AM, Godishere said:

We stayed together 12 of the first 15 days,

^This

 

On 3/16/2021 at 1:52 AM, Godishere said:

Do I need to stop looking for someone to make me happy?

Yes OFC

On 3/17/2021 at 5:58 AM, Lyubov said:

pump the brakes on the attention you’re giving her by 99%.

FYP

 

Arc

 

 

 

Edited March 20, 2021 by Arcangelo

[Godishere]

@Leo Gura Dude of course I slept with her, I stayed at her house multiple times ? I'm not a complete simp. However, yes it has become evident to me my neediness and over attachment.

I have since let go of pursuing her and it has been liberating, she has also become far more receptive. Almost hard to believe the nature of game works in this unbias way.