Attachment Styles Test

[soos_mite_ah]

I found a really good attachment styles test. Instead of boxing you into one style, it gives you a percentage which I find to be more detailed since the vast majority of people is probably not all one type. It also has a description of the types under your results. 

https://dianepooleheller.com/attachment-test/#header

Also, any tips dealing with or coping with any attachment style is welcome especially for avoidant dismissive attachment styles but I have some bias there lol

[Loba]

I always tend to get an extreme example with these things, I doubt it's at like 1.  My opinion on it is that people are just naturally oriented in a certain way. 

Edited March 16, 2021 by Loba

[soos_mite_ah]

31 minutes ago, Loba said:

  My opinion on it is that people are just naturally oriented in a certain way. 

I once took this test a few years back in like 2017 and my results were really different. Since then I have done a lot of self development work along with therapy and that helped immensely. I suddenly remembered this test exists so I retook it. 

[Loba]

@soos_mite_ah That is wonderful to hear, congratulations on your growth.

[Roy]

I answered as honest as I thought I could, I guess I'm pretty balanced?

[egoeimai]

My results. They don't seem pretty good. Lol

[soos_mite_ah]

Nu Mindframe has a lot of good videos on this and this is how I really learned about the subject in more detail as well as got started on dealing with some of the unhealthy aspects that came with my attachment style. She has a whole playlist talking about each individual style, why they develop, and how to deal with them. 

[soos_mite_ah]

I just took the test.  I took option B because apparently their site is down for maintenance and I can't make an account. I found some of the questions on the test repetitive. Like if I have an answer for one question, I'm going to have the same answer in the other one or at least have it in the ball park if I'm sensitive to wording. An example of this is if you agree or disagree to the following statements:

Quote

I do not often worry about being abandoned.

I rarely worry about my partner leaving me.

These two questions seemed too similar. As a result, I felt like it double counted some of my responses if that makes sense. 

21 hours ago, modmyth said:

I suspect that years ago, I would have tested as much more avoidant-dismissive as a direct result of my upbringing. Now I think a lot of my avoidant traits tend to offset the anxious traits directly (as a sort of element of push/pull and hot/cold), although if you're in close contact with someone in an intimate relationship frequently, stuff keeps coming up, whether you're deliberately working out issues together or you're piling more stuff on.

21 hours ago, modmyth said:

It's hard to say though without going as deeply as possible into the heart of the WHY though, without turning yourself inside out. How these patterns work out in relation to each other and in what layers and why is probably even more important than quantification IMO.

I agree, how your personal attachment style manifests is more important than the quantification. I just don't think it's accurate if a test says you're all one or the other without any elaboration regarding where you fall under anxiety and avoidance. The way different attachment styles intermingle with each other can vary from individual to individual and it's something you have to contemplate on your own. There is only so much you can do to quantify emotions. 

For me, my tendency or being dismissive avoidant isn't so much about me being emotionally unavailable to the people in my life rather it has more to do with me being emotionally unavailable to my own needs. I often feel like I'm in between secure and dismissive because I fulfill one half of the dismissive side (being emotionally unavailable to my own needs) but not on the other half (disregarding people and being emotionally unavailable to others). A lot of less detailed tests say that I'm either one or the other without elaborating on how much of the other types I scored on. I think the result can give you only give you an idea regarding where you should start and what you should focus on more whether it is the anxiety, avoidance, or both but it can't explain everything at play. To me it's more of a snapshot if anything. 

I also think that attachment style can evolve over time and isn't just something determined in childhood. Different relationships, influences in your life, and the accumulation of different life experiences can all be a factor. 

Quote

unpopular opinion: at least a bit of hot/cold makes things interesting and exciting. Not sure if actually inherently dysfunctional to not be evenly mooded and in preferences all the time.

I don't think a little bit of hot/cold is bad. It is a good way of creating chemistry. But I think it crosses the line when that becomes the entire dynamic of the relationship to the point where one or both parties aren't getting their need met, are getting possessive because of anxiety, or are withholding or avoiding communication etc.

Edited March 17, 2021 by soos_mite_ah