Embodying Feminine Energy

[LastThursday]

I've spent my whole life in masculinity and doing quite well at it. However I feel that's not the whole story, I feel I could have a better balance.

How do I get in touch with and embody feminine energy as a man?

Note, that I'm not talking about sexual orientation, attraction or finding a woman.

[Nahm]

What a great, great thread. One of the greatest delights on the path imhfo. How... letting go of masculine identity. Spot the roles & reactions, ‘the producer’, ‘the provider’, ‘the protector’, ‘the stronger one’, ‘the one sacrificing / carrying the weight’, etc. Just like you mentioned with sexual orientation & attraction, it doesn’t mean necessarily having different desires, preferences or inclinations, but they are seen through, and femininity arises in direct experience in addition. The sexual aspect is quite astounding and noteworthy though. It’s like being in tune with instruments and scales that weren’t on the radar before. Some unseen transparent walls are just no longer there, sensuality & depth of intimacy goes off the charts (ime). And not just sexually, emotionally. It’s like Irish intuition, insight, ‘seeing’ & relatability... it be Dublin. There is also a sort of unexpected revelation ime, that of experiencing everyone as your kids. Not in any lesser than manor, and the previous perspectives are still available, but also a new and profoundly moving much more fulfilling, satisfying and whole experience. In making the two (masculine & feminine) one, every one (which is typically experiencing as masculine or feminine) seems so innocent. Again, not lessor than, but profoundly child like. As if experiencing as a mom and dad simultaneously. Hard to put words to that one. In case anyone is concerned about venturing into this, the ass kicker is still there, just not being experienced so much, but at the ready so to speak. Again, in addition. It’s expansive, not reductive. 

Some practical ventures in this regard might be some long talks, yoga and or reiki classes (almost always all female ime). Having tea parties with a daughter, niece, or what have you, if available. Stuff like that. 

And to be fair... it’s also another full circle or revelation as far as the feminine sorrow, suppression, inequality, collective suffering, etc. 

[aurum]

@LastThursday

Think about emotions, roundness, flow, grace, aesthetics, nurturing and softness.

This is just some of what I feel represent the feminine in all of us.

Here's a list of more practical activities:

• Make your life aesthetically pleasing. Think of the cliche of a woman taking a bubble bath. She lights candles, maybe sets up some flowers for herself, maybe some soft music. And then she just enjoys. As a man, we feel this is all totally impractical and a waste of time. That's exactly right, the feminine isn't concerned with being practical. It's about the experience
• Do a soft form of yoga. Embrace the graceful and round movements that come with it. Be totally conscious while moving your body and slow everything down
• Make art. Art taps your right brain creativity as apposed to your left brain logic
• Wear clothing that is colorful. In general embrace colors
• Spend time just feeling in your body and communicating what you're feeling
• Hug people
• Put your hands on your heart and feel it
• Spend more time in nature
• Decorate
• Dance

[Forestluv]

The realization of being immersed in masculine domains and the desire to explore beyond it is half the journey.

There are many different constructs of masculine and feminine, this my current relationship with it. 

Masculine (yang) features are things like: intellect, analysis, logic, rational thinking, division, categorization, courage, grounded, control, debate, protecting, decision-making, assertiveness, determination. 

I spent the vast majority of my life immersed in these masculine domain. It can be great stuff, yet I wanted to venture into new domains. I found that I cannot intellectualize feminine (yin) domains from a masculine domain. The feminine domains are not about analysis and figuring things out. You gotta jump in the water.

Feminine domains (yin) are things like: feelings, connection, heart, letting go, surrender, vulnerability, appreciation, heart, love, gentleness, grace, creativity, intuition, compassion, empathy. 

I've found it helpful to enter places with embodied beings. The best way to learn a foreign language is to hang out with people that are fluent in that language. . . I got my full-on shot of feminine every Wednesday breathing with Rebecca Llewelyn. She is pure embodied Divine Feminine and is the group (I'm often the only male there). It is a very different way of relating to reality. . . Next, for about an 80 / 20% ratio of Feminine / Masculine, I'm a member of Yoga with Adrienne. She isn't just yoga, she adds in a lot of insights - most of which are in Feminine domains - yet I like how she mixes it up. Someone more of a fem / masc balance is Kamilla. I also spend some time with men that have embodied both yin and yang - yet I haven't come across many that have embodied both. Guys like Matt Kahn feel to fluffy to me. I resonate more with someone like Gabor Mate. Yoga with Tim is a good example of about a 30/70 mix. . . Most men that do yoga or breathwork have some embodied feminine. 

 

[soos_mite_ah]

I think the biggest thing is being more emotionally open and empathetic. That can consist of a lot of things including but not limited to 

• Practicing more kindness and expressing appreciation 
• Opening up to both your male and female friends instead of feeling like you have to be strong all the time 
• Acknowledging when you need help and asking for it instead of feeling like you have to do everything yourself
• Prioritize human connection and intimacy
• Self care and taking time for yourself for things like a nice face mask, a bubble bath, and doing your eyebrows. That goes a long way
• Letting yourself cry

[LastThursday]

Amazing, some beautiful answers here. Too much depth, how do even start? Deep breath.

[Flowerfaeiry]

I've been trying to get in touch with my feminine more lately. I feel like I've always taken it for granted. I don't really know how you would go about getting in touch with your feminine. Some of the things I've been doing mostly surround my body and how it looks/feels. Wearing pretty clothes that make me feel girly, taking excellent care of my hair and skin (facial massages, brushing my hair 100 strokes every night), wearing some sort of floral essential oil and smelling good. Also, doing hatha yoga, paying attention to how my body feels throughout the day and making adjustments, making sure I look good both at home and when I go out. Really amping up the self-care of my body has been big for me and feeling feminine. I also feel very feminine when I am connecting with other humans. When I go out and express myself clearly, I feel like a very powerful and beautiful woman. 

[LfcCharlie4]

I know you said not about Sexuality etc 

But, recently I've been investigating Trantric Sexuality, Mantak Chia etc, and its fucking Amazing to put it bluntly. 

Instead of the typical Masculine (defo has its place) animalistic 'quickie' you focus on Connection, Intimacy & Presence with your partner and truly get in touch with both sides during this process, it can also be done alone, this has helped me more than anything in integrating the feminine. 

It's kinda like what @aurum said regarding the Bubble Path except on Steroids, all the focus is on the pleasure and feeling good for the joy of it, not for any end goal or practical reason which is what most men tend to chase after during Sex / watching porn. 

Also, at least Ime, it completely blows Porn / One night stands etc out of the water. 

Aside from that, things like Essential oils, salt lamps, crystals, aesthetics / looking good etc, anything that embodies feminine traits!

[LastThursday]

With my masculine analytical head on, these are some of things that have come up so far:

Should I have a masc/fem switch, where I embody whichever suits the situation best? Or is it a sliding scale between one or the other. Or, is it a pix 'n mix of masc/fem traits that I can use at any particular time? (I realise the masculine tendency here in trying to see the utility of femininity.)

12 hours ago, Nahm said:

Spot the roles & reactions, ‘the producer’, ‘the provider’, ‘the protector’, ‘the stronger one’, ‘the one sacrificing / carrying the weight’,

Very much roles I have taken on in my life. Is it enough just to recognise them for what they are, or should I actually let go of these, or just tone them down? Or is it more about making space for more feminine roles?

12 hours ago, aurum said:

Make your life aesthetically pleasing.

This resonates strongly with me. I feel like I have an aesthetic temperament, but it's not readily expressed outwardly. Paying much attention to my appearance for example seems like effort and vanity, but perhaps I should be doing it for myself than for other people? I love the idea of colourful clothing, my wardrobe is dark and inoffensive (and British). I used to wear brighter, lighter colours when I was younger. I also very much like the idea of flow and grace - flowing summer dresses with flowers - not sure I can pull that off in the heart of middle class England, but maybe in Brighton...

12 hours ago, Forestluv said:

Feminine domains (yin) are things like: feelings, connection, heart, letting go, surrender, vulnerability, appreciation, heart, love, gentleness, grace, creativity, intuition, compassion, empathy. 

That's a lot! And none of those am I particularly strong on. I suppose it's a case of practise and constant awareness of these domains and some bravery in embodying and showing these. I think I know what they mean, but do I really? 

5 hours ago, Flowerfaeiry said:

Some of the things I've been doing mostly surround my body and how it looks/feels.

Even paying close attention to my body seems weird. So far my body is very much a vehicle for "doing" stuff and not particularly something to be pad attention to closely. I have been doing some work with self-hypnosis though and paying more close attention to letting go of bodily tension: I have this image that masculinity is about rigidity, tension, accuracy - and that femininity is more about fluidity, lack of tension and looseness. I don't know I could be wrong.

12 hours ago, Forestluv said:

Most men that do yoga or breathwork have some embodied feminine. 

Certainly starting activities which are seen as feminine might be a good starting point. I used to do Tai Chi for a number of years, and liked the gracefulness of it, but I guess it's seen as mostly masculine. Yoga hasn't appealed, yet I haven't investigated it enough to know. But I'm sure there are also other feminine activities. Dancing is good, except I've got two left feet, I'm really bad. I will have to investigate more feminine activities.

12 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Letting yourself cry

Very much something I do in private. I've certainly opened myself up to this in the last few years, and it feels great just to be able to let the emotion out. I know that I do have emotions, but because they're hard to analyse I don't know what to do with them, especially around other people. There's also the expectation of friends that expect me to be a certain way, so it's a bit of a game. To break out of my mould would take some courage.

1 hour ago, LfcCharlie4 said:

I know you said not about Sexuality etc 

Oh very much, I said it to stop the thread degenerating. But certainly embodying and expressing connection, intimacy and presence seems very attractive to me. As @soos_mite_ah says: Prioritize human connection and intimacy. I'm not very forward in connecting with people and I think it stems from being embarrassed about myself (see my journal). Maybe getting in touch with my femininity and body and aesthetic is a way to be less embarrassed. I also feel strongly that I want to avoid neediness and that also stops me connecting with people. It's definitely a thorny problem for me, and maybe there's a feminine solution to it.

 

 

 

[LfcCharlie4]

@LastThursday  I'm no expert, but I would say don't integrate Femininity at the expense of Masculinity, more in addition too it, and then embodying whatever feels best for you, of course Normally (everyone unique ofc) men TEND to be more Masculine overall & Females more Masculine, but its a sliding scale. Like, personally, in a relationship Dynamic I take on the more Masculine energy, whereas my Gf takes on the more feminine. 

If you haven't, read 'The Way Of The Superior Man' by David Deida, he explains this REALLY well, like life changing well.

and, I completely resonate with that, the best advice I could give is learn to completely LOVE yourself and being Happy alone, so then, when someone does enter your life you aren't dependent on them for happiness, but you improve each others lives without quote on quote 'Needing' each other to function. This allows you to be vulnerable, intimate & develop a connection beyond your wildest dreams whilst also knowing one day it will 'end' either through Separation / Death etc, so you just fully enjoy each moment together. 

This is radically different from 'mainstream societies' notion of needing someone to be happy, Rupert Spira talks of this really well, and it really helped me in entering my new relationship  

Good luck man! 

[aurum]

2 hours ago, LfcCharlie4 said:

But, recently I've been investigating Trantric Sexuality, Mantak Chia etc, and its fucking Amazing to put it bluntly. 

Instead of the typical Masculine (defo has its place) animalistic 'quickie' you focus on Connection, Intimacy & Presence with your partner and truly get in touch with both sides during this process, it can also be done alone, this has helped me more than anything in integrating the feminine. 

Have you read Slow Sex by Diana Richardson? It talks about all this. I found it way more paradigm shifting than Mantak Chia and a lot of other tantric teachings.

[Nahm]

1 hour ago, LastThursday said:

Very much roles I have taken on in my life. Is it enough just to recognise them for what they are, or should I actually let go of these, or just tone them down? Or is it more about making space for more feminine roles?

(Imo) More so... awareness of the reactions which arise only from the identification with the roles. It’s not about the psychology. It’s about unfettering love in every possible way... un-conditioning ‘identity’. 

 

[LastThursday]

1 hour ago, LfcCharlie4 said:

If you haven't, read 'The Way Of The Superior Man' by David Deida, he explains this REALLY well, like life changing well.

Thanks I'll give it a read and Slow Sex too sounds intriguing @aurum.

35 minutes ago, Nahm said:

un-conditioning ‘identity’. 

Sort of confused about this. Is feminity and masculinity an identity or are they just ways of being? I don't feel as though I will need to identify with feminity as much as to be feminine in some ways. But you're right, I do identify with masculinity sometimes even consciously so. Maybe I should be less identified with masculinity. Hmm, tricky stuff.

[Epiphany_Inspired]

As a female, quite masculine in thought... I can suggest a basic exercise: in situations where this may be of benefit (which there will likely be many): maybe attempt to override mental logic with intuition and its sensations.

[Nahm]

2 hours ago, LastThursday said:

Sort of confused about this. Is feminity and masculinity an identity or are they just ways of being?

Same One, appearing as the “two”.  As the sphere of the world, there are roles, identities, etc. As the sphere of the lens, there are thoughts and thought attachment. As being, appearing as the spheres, there is love, peace, beauty, the true nature. One is none of these, one is all of these, and all the sam’s/sara’s in between. 

Quote

I don't feel as though I will need to identify with feminity as much as to be feminine in some ways. But you're right, I do identify with masculinity sometimes even consciously so. Maybe I should be less identified with masculinity. Hmm, tricky stuff.

Yes, not more identity, and not per se less either, but the wholeness of the blend of being experiencing. 

If you haven’t, check out the movie The Hurricane. It’s basically the cinematic portrayal of this topic and theme. 

[mandyjw]

@LastThursday Do you do or have you done anything artist or creative in nature? I find that men who are musicians or artists in some way generally have an amazing balance if you can call it that. Creativity is about getting in touch with a kind of allowing or receiving energy. It's best if what you're creating isn't for any real purpose that gets in the way of the fun or exploration of it. Women are so creative, we can even make people, we made ourselves and all the men too.  Somewhere along the line someone decided making people was important to do or not do, and then it became much less fun I think. ?

[LastThursday]

4 hours ago, Nahm said:

If you haven’t, check out the movie The Hurricane.

Great suggestion. Half way through, good film so far. Let's see what I get from it.

3 hours ago, mandyjw said:

I find that men who are musicians or artists in some way generally have an amazing balance

 

3 hours ago, mandyjw said:

It's best if what you're creating isn't for any real purpose that gets in the way of the fun or exploration of it.

I'm a great music lover both listening and playing. I do compose the odd piece the rare time inspiration takes hold. And I was good at art in school, mostly sketching and working with clay. Both those things are definitely avenues I should explore more - your suggestion is taken onboard. My work is very left brain heavy and I think it distracts me from my more creative side.

 

@Epiphany_Inspired thanks that's a good reminder of how things fit together. I think with masculinity there's a tendency to translate intuition and emotion into logic and and analysis and then work with those (and pretend that intution and emotion don't exist). I'm guessing that maybe femininity cuts out the middle-man (lol) and uses intuition and emotion directly to reason with? What do you think?

[blackchair]

you can learn a lot from drag queens, go watch one episode of Rupaul drag Race....its little over the top but great learning tool

[LfcCharlie4]

20 hours ago, aurum said:

Have you read Slow Sex by Diana Richardson? It talks about all this. I found it way more paradigm shifting than Mantak Chia and a lot of other tantric teachings.

 

Nope, but I've watched her Ted Talk on the same matter, does the book go into greater depth? 

Have you heard of Taylor Johnson on YouTube, I just joined his course on this topic, its been amazing so far!

Edited March 16, 2021 by LfcCharlie4

[The_Truth_Seeker]

I don't understand these feminine and masculine discussion. May be it is for smart people. I'm too dumb to understand this. Lol 

 

I'll stick with Linear Algebra. Lol