Fear

[Raphael]

For a few years, I have been entertaining a feeling of fear in my abdomen. Sometimes it is burning like a fire inside that prevents me to sleep. This is not something temporary, but something that I have been dealing with for a few years. The first time it happened was during my first panic attack. Even if I don't have panic attacks now, I noticed that this feeling sometimes becomes stronger when I deal with people who show strong emotions like anger, jealousy, bitterness (toxic stuff in general), or when I want to go fast to attain my goals, or when I watch porn. I also had this feeling one time when watching a TV show and when the character was in a difficult situation.

I don't really know how to let it go. What would be general steps, things to check, and/or to explore?

Edited March 14, 2021 by Raphael

[neovox]

This only occurs when you have emotional triggers, or occurs other times but increases with emotional spikes? What treatments have you tried? Is it in you stomach or more intestinal? What it your best. guesss as to what is happening in your body? Does eating or drinking effect anything? How are your BM frequency and consistency? How's your diet? What medications do you take regularly?

[Raphael]

2 hours ago, neovox said:

This only occurs when you have emotional triggers, or occurs other times but increases with emotional spikes?

When they are emotional triggers, when I work (I have some work traumas). Sometimes I feel a craving to self-actualize and want to go fast and try to go fast, and therefore it increases this fear. I also feel like it can happen when someone wants to become close to me, but I'm not sure, I need to inspect that more.

2 hours ago, neovox said:

 What treatments have you tried?

I didn't try that many things except doing some introspection and a little of forgiveness.

2 hours ago, neovox said:

Is it in you stomach or more intestinal?

Yeah, it can be in the stomach and also a little upper. Sometimes it is near my chest.

2 hours ago, neovox said:

What it your best. guesss as to what is happening in your body?

I is trying to resolve past traumas and process accumulated pain and fears.

2 hours ago, neovox said:

Does eating or drinking effect anything?

Maybe.

2 hours ago, neovox said:

How are your BM frequency and consistency?

I think they are faster than usual when I experience the fear.

2 hours ago, neovox said:

How's your diet?

My diet is healthy. I eat eggs and fish, but no meats. I also eat rice every day with vegetables and fruits.

2 hours ago, neovox said:

What medications do you take regularly?

I don't take medications.

[Surfingthewave]

@Raphael If you're resolving past traumas then this feeling of fear is to be expected, I went through something similar myself.

For me the feeling of fear was not wanting to move towards difficult feelings. 

Once I had done, processed the feelings and integrated them they moved through me and I could let it go. It can stop you from self development. 

From my own experience, self care was reallly important during this process as was a good therapist. Also I stopped meditation for a while as the feeling of fear seemed to get trapped (for me meditation when dealing with my trauma not advised). 

Edited March 15, 2021 by Surfingthewave

[neovox]

I would guess you're correct in your thinking of past trauma. @Surfingthewave gives sound advice based on experience.  Building a regular relationship with a therapist you have good chemistry with . I have had trauma that I had to work through.. My way of making sense and making peace was writing. Something about the act of writing it all out with brutal honesty. All of my emotions would spill out through my hand. Then I would throw it all away immediately. Everyone is unique. The thing with trauma is you've hidden some pain away from yourself and it shows up in other ways; like your stomach. You want to bring out to the light of your awareness and let it be...  allow yourself to feel what you've avoidedy.. Crying is the best for healing.  Also, I never used it for trauma but I highly recommend getting into breathwork. Its supposed to be very effective for healing trauma, . Leo's video "shamanic breathing" check it out if you haven't already. But the most direct way I know from to process pain is to  get  yourself crying. . Get.a good ugly cry session. I  You will know what to do.  Love and very best wishes

Edited March 15, 2021 by neovox

[Raphael]

@Surfingthewave

Yeah, sometimes I'm afraid of my fear and afraid of resolving my traumas. This is a quite ironical strange loop. What did you do to solve your issues aside from therapy and stopping meditation?

@neovox

Thank you. I did some breathwork in the past, it's a little difficult, but quite powerful. I will do more of it in the future

[Surfingthewave]

@Raphael Yes our traumas can form a strong identity. It does become a strange loop. 

Yoga, journalling, talking to friends, walking in nature, listening to music and also taking time out to relax and process were other things that helped. I felt pretty exhausted by carrying all the heavy emotions around. 

It's important to be kind to yourself. Being afraid of resolving traumas is normal as it is a way of protecting yourself. In my experience working through it has super charged growth in other areas. 

Edited March 15, 2021 by Surfingthewave