It's All Write

[mandyjw]

https://youtu.be/xzQvGz6_fvA

All this passion, all this drama, all the same source. The same "one" who finds you repulsive finds you intensely desirable and the same one that has these reactions has never seen you, never heard your name, doesn't know you exist and finds you hilarious. 

That's not true. Who ever experienced all those things at once? 

Who ever can experience any of them now? 

I'm a fraud. A total fraud. I don't know who I am or what I'm doing, but the feeling like I should... ooh that's the real fraud. 

We hijack the words feeling and sense for thoughts. 

fraud (n.)

mid-14c., "criminal deception" (mid-13c. in Anglo-Latin); from Old French fraude "deception, fraud" (13c.), from Latin fraudem (nominative fraus) "a cheating, deceit," of persons "a cheater, deceiver," of uncertain origin. Connections have been proposed to Sanskrit dhruti- "deception; error."

Ohhhh... I'm on fire. Anything you want... but cannot have. Oh! Oh! The burn. 

I cheated my way here. 

cheat (v.)

mid-15c., "to escheat, to seize as an escheat," a shortening of Old French escheat, legal term for revision of property to the state when the owner dies without heirs, literally "that which falls to one," past participle of escheoir "happen, befall, occur, take place; fall due; lapse (legally)," from Late Latin *excadere "fall away, fall out," from Latin ex- "out" (see ex-) + cadere "to fall" (from PIE root *kad- "to fall"). https://www.etymonline.com/search?q=cheat

Who gets "this" when I die? Who is the one that I falls to? falls, false. 

 

Beloved moth flying towards the flame,

Close your eyes just for the inner light

 

 

[mandyjw]

17 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

never heard your name, doesn't know you exist and finds you hilarious. 

https://youtu.be/TAezmJEt0Jw

[mandyjw]

 

[mandyjw]

"No we see not that." 

"The further back you step the better they all look." 

There are images in the way of what you are actually seeing. Images that superimpose, that cover up, conceal and hijack what actually is. Images of you, images of others, images of emotions, images, images images. 

Images of past hurts, images of faces, images of places, place, place, place.

Get out of my head, I love you and I hate you. I'm sick of this back and forth. What do you want from me? What do you want? You say to stop making it about others. What do I want?

I don't know.

I wiped the slate clean. I don't know how to get I back. Why did I write that? It was supposed to be it, not I. 

I want to feel at home, and safe. Country music, feels so familiar, so good, so wholesome, so safe. Dude probably runs a sex trafficking ring. 

I learned young not to play with the big boys. I stole my much older cousin's hat to tease him and remember quickly all the fun and play draining out of me when he angrily put his hands around my neck and I didn't know if he'd ever let go. I told my Mom and she was so concerned about pleasing my aunt and uncle that she didn't listen to me. Can't run to Mommy because Mommy is fucked in the head with her own people pleasing shit. 

It's not a good lesson to know. it's very limiting. I suppose I forgot it when I came to this forum. 

I guess I don't care so much anymore. 

Alright zoom out. Some kind of brilliant light is lighting the letters. 

What part did I come to play?

If you ask you're not the light. 

I didn't come to play a part. I didn't come to play apart. 

????

 

 

[JaseTurner]

On 14.12.2021 at 2:06 PM, mandyjw said:

"No we see not that." 

"The further back you step the better they all look." 

There are images in the way of what you are actually seeing. Images that superimpose, that cover up, conceal and hijack what actually is. Images of you, images of others, images of emotions, images, images images. 

Images of past hurts, images of faces, images of places, place, place, place.

Get out of my head, I love you and I hate you. I'm sick of this back and forth. What do you want from me? What do you want? You say to stop making it about others. What do I want?

I don't know.

I wiped the slate clean. I don't know how to get I back. Why did I write that? It was supposed to be it, not I. 

I want to feel at home, and safe. Country music, feels so familiar, so good, so wholesome, so safe. Dude probably runs a sex trafficking ring. 

I learned young not to play with the big boys. I stole my much older cousin's hat to tease him and remember quickly all the fun and play draining out of me when he angrily put his hands around my neck and I didn't know if he'd ever let go. I told my Mom and she was so concerned about pleasing my aunt and uncle that she didn't listen to me. Can't run to Mommy because Mommy is fucked in the head with her own people pleasing shit. 

I write texts quite often because I study at university and I have to write academic research in addition to my own literary texts. On the site https://fixgerald.com/ I found a plagiarism detector that helps me make my texts much better and make sure they do not contain plagiarism.

It's not a good lesson to know. it's very limiting. I suppose I forgot it when I came to this forum. 

I guess I don't care so much anymore. 

Alright zoom out. Some kind of brilliant light is lighting the letters. 

What part did I come to play?

If you ask you're not the light. 

I didn't come to play a part. I didn't come to play apart. 

????

Good video and very cool thoughts, thank you!

Edited April 27, 2022 by JaseTurner