It's All Write

[mandyjw]

@Nahm  (I normally use three laughing emojis when something is really funny, but I better stop before it's too much.)

[mandyjw]

Ironically I had no plans of continuing this journal. I started a new journal and it got deleted with the data loss. 

Lately I've been so busy and so energetic that I haven't been writing that much. The daylight hours are so long it's hard to sleep and there's so much to DO. It felt great until a couple days ago when I started to feel like I'd been on vacation too long and was starting to get homesick. Funny that our vacations are mostly full of activity. I listened to the beginning of an Eckhart Tolle video that autoplayed while I was working and someone asked how they could reconcile what he teaches with Abraham Hicks (without naming her). He said that there's the inward and outward movements, the creating and dying back. As an explanation within duality, I equate this with seasons, I generally feel great about the busy, energetic seasons and then loathe the winter, yet understand one depends on the other. This turned into such a huge pattern of suffering over the years, that seems so silly and impersonal. Before the shift I had I almost got stuck in idolizing the spiritual winter stage, then discovering the law of attraction resulted in huge experiential understandings which in turn after the fact may have flipped the balance.

The belief that happiness comes from conditions, that happiness comes from events, circumstances and things and is something that someone can have and something someone can lose or secure is so sneaky. You actually create best when you aren't expecting anything from it, this is the essence of creation. I guess that's why I like journaling. I like the amount of focus that trying to explain something in a way that someone else might understand helps me find me on a certain subject. When I'm journaling on my own, it's often lazy and lacks flow and intention. Yet, I also don't really expect anyone to read it or get anything from it, it's for me. So it tricks me into finding a good balance. 

I got stuck in this really self centered perspective that I was the chosen one. Years ago I adored and kept contemplating this line from the Sia song, "I'm still fighting for peace."

And I want it, I want my life so bad
I'm doing everything I can
Then another one bites the dust
It's hard to lose a chosen one

You did not break me
I'm still fighting for peace

 

Funny when you put the song lyrics together with this video I made.

"It's hard to lose a chosen one." How strong this narrative has been of the chosen one. Jesus Christ. Harry Potter. The hero's journey. Essentially you are your own chosen one. You are your perspective. And so much more, you are all the possibilities and the choosing. 

In the narrative anyone who chooses himself is a narcissistic asshole. "I volunteer as tribute." Because if I don't I loose lose someone I love, someone weaker than I.  Jesus Christ.  I must do this only as a sacrifice, to save others. I make myself infamous, I make myself eternal in the story, eternally heroic and loved by sacrificing myself for others. 

12 This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. 

You're telling me now, that this as an ideal is suffering? This is all bullshit? Jesus, is co-dependence love?

Hello? Hello?
C-can you hear me?
I can be your China doll, if you like to see me fall
Boy, you're so dope, your love is deadly
Tell me life is beautiful
They think that I have it all
I've nothing without you
All my dreams and all the lights mean
Nothing without you
All my dreams and all the lights mean
Nothing, if I can't have you

 

[mandyjw]

I Am the True Vine

15 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. 2 Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. 3 Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. 4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. 5 I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. 7 If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. 9 As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. 10 If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. 11 These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.

12 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command you. 15 No longer do I call you servants,[a] for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. 17 These things I command you, so that you will love one another.

Oh. Right. Jesus' "I Am" was source not body mind character Jesus. Seems so clear now. Damn what an amazing LOA teacher he was. Whew. Love for another verses vs co-dependence, depends on body identity. 

Damn it. 

"I'm nothing without you. "

Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.

It's TRUTH and it's LIES! 

Oh fuck it, now that I'm laughing and crying, I'm gonna stop at a high point and go mow the lawn. 

These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.

 

[mandyjw]

@dflores321 ?❤

Yeah, I don't know why it seems like we have resistance to transitions. It's a kind of letting go of something we didn't want anymore but thought we wanted. I don't think it's something we can make happen although we can put the intent out there, and just be aware of that point when the transition wants to be made. Which involves our letting go of thinking that the pleasure is dependent on the activity. 

 

[mandyjw]

Ahh... the drama, the devotion, the feeling. I am the creator of it all. d ram a God is right in the middle of it. I am always right in the middle of it. Mama always told me so.

I Am the synchronicity and the conductor behind the fireworks show. I line them up and light the fuses. I am the spectator, the ooooer and aaahhher. 

I Am the hilarity, the punch line, the happily ever before, the alpha and the omega. I am the narcissist and the co-dependent, Narcissus and Echo. 

I Am the mundane, the worthless, the rags to riches, the riches to rags. I am the idol and the devotee, the teacher and the student, the master and the servant. 

I Am the apple, the snake, God and the Devil, Adam and Eve, the Garden, the trees and the Sword. 

It truly does all revolves around Me, and I Am Nothing. 

Nothing.

Without You. ?

  I Am nothing without any "one" to see me, to look upon me. I am nothing without a second, nothing without imagination. 

“You cannot see My face, for no one can see Me and live.” Exodus 33:20

 

 

[mandyjw]

 

[mandyjw]

I have a theory that everyone is already pretty centered, down to earth and stoic (for the most part about most things) but we let other people's aversions get to us. My mom expressed shame to me growing up and told me a few times that I wasn't taught right, I wasn't taught social constructs, proper table manners, etc, and that she was sorry because I would go out in the world without these things. I got the message that I SHOULD be ashamed and I was lacking. I think mom thought this would protect me, and was some sort of disclaimer, but it was more of her own voicing her own shame around it.

I've noticed that with growing up in a rural area that there is a lot of shame as well as pride about it. And it's very obvious that you cannot have one without its opposite. Maybe people who are given more pride messages get more stuck, I'm not sure though. 

It's a lot to work through, it's an interesting challenge really, and it's also not an issue at all. 

An aversion is an illusion. We say we have them. "I hate snakes." Never was able to get behind that one either. But in pure awareness this is never an aversion. I have experienced this a lot and kept thinking "what's wrong with me, I shouldn't be ok with this." And so lack of aversion becomes part of my white trash background identity. I have never been averse to many smells or foods, but I have a good sense of smell and taste. The sense of anxiety I have when I have to cook for someone is huge because I have zero standards. 

It's an epiphany to learn that I've created these feelings myself. That other's aversions are not something wrong with me or a reflection on me. 

Motives get all mixed up. "I want a clean house so I won't feel shame." This ends up being a demotivator and will create a messy house and shame. 

"I want a clean house because I love how it feels." This ends up being pure motivation which doesn't fear or look at the possibility of the opposite of the desire. The desire is a nice feeling whether the outside manifestation matches or not. it's a desire, in itself it doesn't matter if its reflected or not, the desire doesn't change. 

[SilentTears]

On 6/23/2021 at 9:32 AM, mandyjw said:

I Am the synchronicity and the conductor behind the fireworks show. I line them up and light the fuses. I am the spectator, the ooooer and aaahhher. 

I Am the hilarity, the punch line, the happily ever before, the alpha and the omega. I am the narcissist and the co-dependent, Narcissus and Echo. 

I Am the mundane, the worthless, the rags to riches, the riches to rags. I am the idol and the devotee, the teacher and the student, the master and the servant. 

Wow, I really liked this. Another thing I enjoyed was that when you typed this your energy changed for every scenario change. 

It shows how much you have developed. How little your ego controls and tries to be solid. Feels free and flexible. 

Personally, my energy tends to stay more solid and less flexible and I’m curious if it’s for the fact that you are female and I am male or that you let go of your sense making more. By that I mean ego. 

 

Edited June 26, 2021 by SilentTears

[mandyjw]

@SilentTears ?Thanks!

I Am the male and female, the rid and the flexible, the focused determination and the spontaneous joy. I Am the Protector and the Vulnerable, the ancient rock wall and the little sparrow that momentarily lights upon it. 

Turn the light around and love what loves. Just zoom out so big picture that you end up right back within the open depths of your own Heart. 

 

 

[AtheisticNonduality]

@mandyjw You'll probably think this is pretty bizarre, but this is the most extreme form of what you're talking about. https://nymag.com/arts/art/profiles/58864/

[mandyjw]

@AtheisticNonduality  What I'm getting at is far less interesting than that.

That type of writing is somewhat inspired by this Thich Nhat Hahn poem by the way.

 

Please Call Me By My True Names

Do not say that I'll depart tomorrow
because even today I still arrive.

Look deeply: I arrive in every second 
to be a bud on a spring branch, 
to be a tiny bird, with wings still fragile, 
learning to sing in my new nest, 
to be a caterpillar in the heart of a flower, 
to be a jewel hiding itself in a stone.

I still arrive, in order to laugh and to cry, 
in order to fear and to hope. 
The rhythm of my heart is the birth and 
death of all that are alive.

I am the mayfly metamorphosing on the surface of the river,
and I am the bird which, when spring comes, arrives in time 
to eat the mayfly.

I am the frog swimming happily in the clear pond, 
and I am also the grass-snake who, approaching in silence, 
feeds itself on the frog.

I am the child in Uganda, all skin and bones, 
my legs as thin as bamboo sticks, 
and I am the arms merchant, selling deadly weapons to 
Uganda.

I am the twelve-year-old girl, refugee on a small boat,
who throws herself into the ocean after being raped by a sea
pirate,
and I am the pirate, my heart not yet capable of seeing and
loving.

I am a member of the politburo, with plenty of power in my
hands,
and I am the man who has to pay his "debt of blood" to my
people,
dying slowly in a forced labor camp.

My joy is like spring, so warm it makes flowers bloom in all
walks of life.
My pain is like a river of tears, so full it fills the four oceans.

Please call me by my true names, 
so I can hear all my cries and laughs at once, 
so I can see that my joy and pain are one.

Please call me by my true names, 
so I can wake up, 
and so the door of my heart can be left open, 
the door of compassion.

Thich Nhat Hanh

 

[SilentTears]

6 hours ago, mandyjw said:

 

@SilentTears ?Thanks!

I Am the male and female, the rid and the flexible,

 

I can feel the energy of your words. It’s been so long since I’ve had a awakening experience. Rather I’ve been developing in different areas of life and spirituality. I’m just more stable and focused. 

6 hours ago, mandyjw said:

ilentTears ?Thanks!

I Am the male and female, the rid and the flexible, the focused determination and the spontaneous joy. I Am the Protector and the Vulnerable, the ancient rock wall and the little sparrow that momentarily lights upon it. 

Turn the light around and love what loves. Just zoom out so big picture that you end up right back within the open depths of your own Heart. 

All of this just points to realizations you’ve had, which is amazing. 

It feels like your pulling from when you had those spontaneous quick awakenings. What I find interesting is how your energy has the enlightened type feel and still feels so solid and stable. 

Just to let you know. As an energy sensitive person your probably one of the very few on this forum who has great positive energy. Continue the good work Mandy ?

Edited June 26, 2021 by SilentTears

[mandyjw]

@SilentTears ❤ 

 

[mandyjw]

Alright, LOA Imma gonna reign you in baby. 

We're reigning you in all the time. 

You realize this is creepy, it's all very, very creepy. Me talking to you is like talking to the serial killer for consolation about how scared and terrorized I am that there's a serial killer loose.

?

Ugh! That devolved into higher wisdom fast. Too fast. Let's go back. Imma pretend you aren't the serial killer, that I don't know this, and can lay my head on your shoulder for solace. 

I don't have a shoulder. 

Stop ruining this! Jesus Christ, you're so f-ing creepy.

That's a new way to address the Holy Ghost. 

I put the ME in blaspheme.

Yes, you do. 

 Alright enough, so there aren't SUPPOSED TO BE SHARKS WHERE I SWIM. Like, YOU LOA, Holy Ghost somehow made this come into my awareness super duper fast. And the mushrooms? What is happening? It makes me want to control my thoughts. I've learned to stop trying to control my thoughts, that controlling my thoughts gets me more of the same. I wanna go swim in the ocean! 

Is this bypassing, like can I just, be like, oh, no, I'm such a fucking saint, no shark gonna attack me, or is like, the fact that there could be sharks sort of adding the spice in life but right now they are giving me a touch of indigestion. I mean, I'm not the kind of person who enjoys roller coasters. I think of evvvverything. Everything. I think of MRSA infections on the roller coaster seat. It's really hard to live with a mind like that. 

You sound like a joy.

I AM A JOY. A REAL JOY TO BE AROUND. Did you wash that shoulder before I put my head on it, by the way? 

You do not think of everything. You TRY to think of everything. Thinking is finite. Everything is infinite. The finite cannot know the infinite.

Why does the finite suddenly know about sharks then? How come I live in the same place, but now it's wildly different, pandemics, ticks, sharks???

Is it not wildly more wonderful?

Yes. 

What was the bag you bought at the supermarket Thursday right before this all started, that you were so inspired by? Go get it. 

It says "Be Wild" and it has a whale's tale on it. Something felt so good about it. Ok, I get it. Wild is the opposite of control. It's being. It's letting the cork float. Even if a shark comes by and eats it. 

[mandyjw]

I can show you the world 

Isn't that what the Devil tempted Jesus with?

Shining, shimmering splendid

Yup, I'm pretty sure he said that too. 

Tell me, princess, now when did
You last let your heart decide?

Before Mama told me to avoid the likes of you. 

I can open your eyes

I never close them anymore anyway.

Take you wonder by wonder

Sounds naughty.

Over sideways and under

Really naughty.

On a magic carpet ride

A whole new world

Oh, a member of the Illuminati, are you? 

A new fantastic point of view

Probably brainwashing.

No one to tell us no

No one to hear my screams.

Or where to go
Or say we're only dreaming

Can I go back to sleep now?

 

 

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.

Don't go back to sleep.

You must ask for what you really want.

Don't go back to sleep.

People are going back and forth across the doorsill where the two worlds touch.

The door is round and open.

Don't go back to sleep. -Rumi

[mandyjw]

OH Source! Oh no you didn't. Source IS a serial killer, what it gives, it takes away. 

Serial... like series, like a book series. Oh. So there's really no taking away, only writing, on and on and on. 

Are you the story killer or the story writer and character killer? Who am I speaking to? No difference? 

My shark fear episode lead to something potentially very cool. I sent an email asking an opinion about it and received a field trip invitation. 

Why are women such cheerleaders, so fucking cheerful all the time? I mean, this is what I embody, the color I reflect that people seem to see. I dunno. My teaching lacks any "spiritual authority" and I "need to go through hell first" says youtube commenter. Some people completely mistake whining and resistance (the spiritual "man-cold") for some sort of badge of honor battle wound dark night of the soul that can be mistaken as authority by people who are also confused about suffering. It's about seeing through suffering, not writing a goddamn unnecessary novel about it that never ends. You're not playing Jesus Christ or Buddha, you're fucking George RR Martin. 

Oh wait this is my story. Get out of my story! Bye, now, buh bye. Oh whatever, you can stay, I don't care. I'm bad at endings and goodbyes cause I never began. 

 

 

[mandyjw]

Cool story bro!

My friend once said this to me and I cringed. I hated it so bad. I was newly excited about something she thought was old hat. Our friendship was already on the rocks. Shortly after we didn't speak for a year because of a lot of other stuff. But something about "cool story bro" really fucking set me off. 

I feel like when it comes to society and the world I thought I had to make my home in a cesspool. It stunk. It was awful. Then I had oh revelation of revelations, "I don't have to live here anymore, it's self created, I can live anywhere else!" So I moved out. I found a nice spot. But me and my stuff is still all covered with crap and we really haven't settled in anywhere. I hosed everything off, but it still needs some detailed cleaning. I mean, this change is fantastic, but I'd by lying if I said there wasn't a lot to do still to fully settle in to my worthiness and freedom. I'm a bit of a stinky hobo still. It's exciting, and... smelly. 

I still get stuck in thought traps, but I am so understanding of how the maze walls work now, that I always seem to see the light shining through the dark walls, and very quickly work my way out. The main revelation is there is no maze, there is no crap, it's all made of the same light. 

Societal shame, social pressure and influence has an incredible potential (at the essential core of it) to enlighten a society. But until the individual sees that it is FOR them, not conFORming them, Ooooo! that was good, they will beat their heads up against those walls time and time again. 

I am bad. I am bad.

Cool story bro!  You're out of touch, uncool, unworthy. Guess what? Victoria's Secret models are so hot, if you don't look like that, you're worthless. Guess what? Victoria's Secret models are out, if you're a body shamer, you're worthless. Guess what, Mom jeans are so ugly, you'd rather die than be caught in them. Guess what, Mom jeans are the new hottest thing. 

I'm timelessly out of style.

 

style (n.)

early 14c., stile, "writing instrument, pen, stylus; piece of written discourse, a narrative, treatise;" also "characteristic rhetorical mode of an author, manner or mode of expression," and "way of life, manner, behavior, conduct,"  https://www.etymonline.com/word/style

 

OH GOD! YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP! HOW IS THIS FUCKING POSSIBLE?

It's not. And you can. You are. 

Cool story bro.

 

Edited June 29, 2021 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

The disgracer is the disgraced. 

conduct (v.)

early 15c., "to guide, accompany and show the way," from Latin conductus, past participle of conducere "to lead or bring together; contribute, serve," from assimilated form of com "with, together" (see con-) + ducere "to lead" (from PIE root *deuk- "to lead"). 

Leading and teaching often gets wrapped up influencing. Influencing is also intertwined with entertainment. People seem to miss that entertainment and teaching are the same thing. Cookie Monster gets it. But a lot of teachers and people in charge of education don't. Teachers and parents get that kids learn social behaviors and speech from popular entertainment. If you can capture a kid's heart and respect, you can teach him anything. Anything, to the point of indoctrination.  

influence (n.)

late 14c., an astrological term, "streaming ethereal power from the stars when in certain positions, acting upon character or destiny of men," from Old French influence "emanation from the stars that acts upon one's character and destiny" (13c.), also "a flow of water, a flowing in," from Medieval Latin influentia "a flowing in" (also used in the astrological sense), from Latin influentem (nominative influens), present participle of influere "to flow into, stream in, pour in," from in- "into, in, on, upon" (from PIE root *en "in") + fluere "to flow" (see fluent).

The only influence is Source. 

indoctrinate (v.)

formerly also endoctrinate, 1620s, "to teach," formed as if from Latin (but there seems to have been no word *indoctrinare), perhaps modeled on French endoctriner or extended from earlier (now obsolete) verb indoctrine, endoctrine, "to instruct" (mid-15c.); see in- (2) "in" + doctrine + -ate (2)). Meaning "to imbue with an idea or opinion" first recorded 1832. Related: Indoctrinated; indoctrinating.

If you don't have someone's heart the only other way to teach is through negative motivation or fear. It gets most mixed up when both are present, the possibility of love lost is the worst fear. Paint a picture of what the person does NOT want to be as motivation to get them to do and act in a certain way. This is where there is no real learning taking place but only conforming. We often get so good at conforming, that we do it automatically to protect ourselves, being afraid of peers laughing at us, or other negative consequences. At some point early on we seem to stop examining the conforming action, or questioning the result that is feared, and we spend our energy jumping through hoops, never feeling safe.

As a 10 year old kid I started having OCD symptoms. The start of my distance running at that age and taking spirituality(Christianity) very seriously, coincided with all this, and the only thing that "healed" it was getting deeply distracted with real life, having fun and making money as a teen and young adult. As a kid, I was not particularly drawn to rituals, except for in one instance. I had a pet rabbit who lived in my room and when I left my room I started saying bye to him, and told myself if I did not do this he would die. The insanity was that I was making my own rules that I would need to conform by by repetitively making habitual effort out of negative motivation. I was aware that I was compelled for illogical reasons and this I knew, was not sane.

In hindsight, the nature and suffering of my mental illness was the very knowledge that I had an unknown (at the time) mental illness. No one had told me about the existence of OCD. The flip side is that in the realization that I was acting under a compulsion that was illogical, I had deep insight into the matrix and the nature of it being self created. But I didn't know how to stop until shortly after I learned about the existence of OCD. There is power in a name.

There's a reason Harry Potter says Voldemort's name and disturbs people with it all the time. You give power to what you do not wish to give language to. Language diffuses it. We are taught the opposite in enlightenment "work" and it is deeply misleading and dangerous. This is too strong of a statement, and sort of falls into patterns that I'm examining here. Perhaps I made this assumption on my own to conform to my standard idea of enlightenment. You must let go of language before you realize that there is a message inherent to language, a message for you, that you are not just using language for yourself. Then we finally stop being used BY language. Ooooo... 

The remaining insight to this that I did not see was that other people did not hold a "real" reality that I could conform myself to. I knew mine was completely fictitious. I desperately required other people and their authority to hold an image of myself as being sane, good and ok. I did not see at the time that I was creating that as well, and the con-for-me-ing I was doing only to myself. If I got too close to other people they would see that I was not ok, that I was fake, a pretender and so that must never happen because if they saw it I would see myself through their eyes and see that I was not ok, fake and a pretender. Non-existent even.

I sensed long ago that my own opinions and understanding of the world could not be trusted, and so the only way I thought I could truthfully see myself was through another's eyes. I never questioned the impossibility of this. 

 "But He added, “You cannot see My face, for no one can see Me and live.” 

Edited June 30, 2021 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

Explain yourself!

Impossible.

"I'm afraid I can't explain myself sir, because I'm not myself, you know. Caterpillar : I do not know. Alice : Well, I can't put it any more clearly, sir, for it isn't clear to me."

When you realize that thought is not for a "you", that thought is for thought, that "you" can not actually use thought but are a thought, thought stops using you. Then for the first time, it seems like "you" can truly, fully use thought for the intended purpose of creation. You become the author, not exclusively the character, and only the character can reappear in future stories. The author is the constant whether writing, planning or not. 

Edited July 1, 2021 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

I've noticed a common thread when realigning with Source that I always did know "this" at heart but I let other influences train me away at times. It gets complicated to explain that there are no other influences, but that they are self created. The ideas of success, attention and fame I had turned out to be attempts at not being a silly little girl. A desire is not what you do NOT want. The core desires within them are realized to be already here. What I really wanted from youtube was friendship, fun interactions and ultimately some sort of avenue to finally be able to write and speak. The writing part was quite specific. 

Hello!

The experience is fully here. 

I keep thinking I should make something out of the writing. This is very strange but, I can't seem to keep a journal on my own. I can't seem to write well and really enjoy it, except here on the forum or a few other places. I kept thinking this was some sort of self absorption but then I heard an Abraham Hicks recording about how energy and desires from the room pulls energy from Abraham. Is that what's going on? 

Popping into this world shook the silly, inconsequential little girl identity. Powerful, successful men make me very uncomfortable. Jesus was supposedly God come to earth as man (as are we all, oh wonder of wonder, grace or graces) and powerful, successful men killed him. This is not my personal trauma. I read the Sara book series and there was a powerful, successful man character and description that made me go a bit, like WTF? Honest to God, I think Esther is one of the greatest spiritual teachers and shares or shared this perspective somewhat. You'd think my generation would be better equipped, but I think our tactics are still quite a bit off. 

I wonder if identity doesn't really work out well unless you're a powerful, successful man. Is a powerful, successful man character any more consequential than any other character, or a sparrow in the author's mind? What a silly, inconsequential question!

inconsequential (adj.)

1620s, "characterized by inconsequence;" 1782, "not worth noticing;" see inconsequent + -al (1). Related: Inconsequentially.

It is Awareness that is so inconsequential, it is the background for consequence and sequence. 

We are the very merging of the silly inconsequential with infinite, invulnerable power. 

I cannot believe that any of this was possible. I feel like I am on the edge of a long dark forest, and all I see is openness and light. I thought I would spend my life in the dark and was content only to dream of the light. I did not know that the light with which I dreamed it with eyes shut was itself the very light I longed to see with open eyes. Out of contentment without content, nothing can be contained.