It's All Write

[mandyjw]

THINK Mandy, THINK. 

Bleh.

Potatoes. Balloons.

I feel tired and unmotivated, and I want to stop resisting that. I equate productivity with happiness, and I've been SO productive lately. Today, not so much. Oh well. I feel fat too. Maybe I should double down on that and bake cookies. Eh, too much work. Why make chocolate chip cookies, when I can just eat the chocolate chips without the effort? Bleh hormones. Damn full moon. 

I feel confused. 

I miss playing with people, hilarious, fun, sharp conversations. 

Come play with me!

Huh, I wonder what's wrong. 

Oh well. Once I got rid of the religious dogma/fear, I realized I COULD play with myself. 

Hey, hey, I've been thinking of a new sensation

I'm picking up good vibrations

I split myself into two in the first place, why not do it for fun?

Because you KNOW you're pretending. 

Isn't that the point of enlightenment, to KNOW you're pretending?

Or just to Know? 

Who wants to know? I came here to have fun.

It's not about you.

It is about me, it's so ABOUT me, it's all me. 

You're a terrible conversationalist.

Ha! 

Ha. 

Well that was unsatisfying. Why would I waste my time arguing with myself?

Because you're looking for fun in all the wrong places?

Are you saying I'm not fun? Wait a second, I just remembered that I'm married and I can distract my husband with random obnoxious messages at work. He said that it was very windy today so I told him that it's because I decided that today blows. No reply. Fuck. 

Alright, I have convinced myself to do dishes. 

That's a lie. 

Go take an italicized flying fuck. 

Ah... just like old times. Well, not quite. 

Taking mental masturbation to great new heights. 

 

 

 

[mandyjw]

Alright, we've diggen a hole in the opposite direction. I don't think diggen is a word. Dug. We've dug a hole in the opposite direction. Like rock bottom of the emotional scale. It's so bad, I can't even express how bad it is, which is why I express. 

Ok, what do we do? We have one job, drop the heavy thoughts. 

I am a disappointment. An enormous disappointment. I've disappointed someone and I've disappointed myself. All because I really didn't want to disappoint them, I wanted to please them. I don't think it's fair to take this perspective.

Ok choking up, have to wait until my kid's BHP worker leaves. 

Happy thoughts, put your happy face on. 

I like to pretend that I'm a competent adult sometimes. 

I dunno, I watched a floral arranging video, now I feel dead inside, and also in a very decorative but also lazy mood. My own ADD is so disloyal to my depression. 

Bleh. I'm obsessed. 

obsession (n.)

1510s, "action of besieging" (a sense now obsolete), from French obsession and directly from Latin obsessionem (nominative obsessio) "siege, blockade, a blocking up," noun of action from past-participle stem of obsidere "to besiege" (see obsess). Later (c. 1600), "hostile action of an evil spirit" (like possession but without the spirit actually inhabiting the body). Transferred sense of "action of anything which engrosses the mind" is from 1670s. Psychological sense "idea or image that intrudes on the mind of a person against his will" is from 1901.

 

Possession, obsession? Come on barf, it up, get it out. Let it out Princess, don't hold it in! 

You "got" a taste of something reeeeally awesome and amazing. And now, anything less feels awful. But there is nothing less, this IS that awesome and amazing thing. But yeah, you're fucked, you're mind fucked. It was really nice, but there's no putting that thing back together again. There's no looking back, turning back whatsoever. So where do you want to go? 

I want to act out of love and inspiration. I want to help people, I want to laugh, and live, and not cling but flow with life and all it has to offer because it is ever changing. I don't want to be like a stuck record player, getting stuck on thoughts, or perspectives that feel bad. I want to learn to let go, I want to get really, really good at letting go. I want to realize that I wasn't actually able to hold on to anything in the first place. 

I'm always thinking about what people think, obsession. 

Where do you think you'll get focusing on obsession? obsessing about obsession? YES that's all I've ever done, I've obsessed about my obsession. What happens if I just allow myself the obsession? I'm afraid if I allow myself the obsession I'll lose it. 

HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK? 

Not the obsession, the thing.

Oh, so you think you OWN the thing.

Yes, I'm not the one who is possessed, I posses.

So you're a demon?

I think so.

Oh God. 

God doesn't visit here.

This is REALLY going downhill you know.

Yeah, but I can't help but laugh. 

demon (n.)

c. 1200, "an evil spirit, malignant supernatural being, an incubus, a devil," from Latin daemon "spirit," from Greek daimōn "deity, divine power; lesser god; guiding spirit, tutelary deity" (sometimes including souls of the dead); "one's genius, lot, or fortune;" from PIE *dai-mon- "divider, provider" (of fortunes or destinies), from root *da- "to divide." https://www.etymonline.com/search?q=demon

Alright, well that makes sense. 

 

 

 

Edited March 29, 2021 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

Husband came home to find me reading the etymology of he word "possess". 

Hmm.. pose(s).

"Are you possessed?"

"No, I possess. I'm a demon. Can I take a shower?" (Will you watch the kids?) 

"I don't know, where are you going to put it?"

Oh... right! It's the experience of the "thing" I want and only can ever "have" anyway. 

 

 

[mandyjw]

I already have no preferences. I think that this disturbs me, which means, I DO have a preference, I prefer to have preferences.

Hmm.. seems pretty solid. Or not solid at all. I mean, I can go with this, I see the brilliance in it. Pick up the preference when you want and drop it when it's turned into a restriction. 

I did an AMAZING job at focusing for several days, so what if I slipped up and had a "come down" yesterday? My preferences are more defined than ever, and I can always light the fuse on them, throw them up into the sky and watch them explode while I say "oooo, ahhh..." if I like. 

I care about how I feel but not to the point that I am worth sacrificing how I feel for caring about how I feel.  That might have been what happened yesterday. Who cares? Turns out you can't think feeling. 

My awesome ability to focus over the past few days, and suddenly accomplishing a bunch of projects I couldn't manage to do before, came from choosing the easy, natural things to focus on. These are the things I really wanted and brought resistance to before my world expanded a lot and I found some other things I really wanted more and deemed much more IMPORTANT. I have to drop the subject(s) that I care about the most because I'm like a toddler left to himself in a room with an open can of paint and a dog in this area, I can't be trusted, disaster will ensue. I mean sure, it can all be cleaned up, eventually, maybe, but not easily, that's for sure. 

I just need to get more adept in the art of pyrotechnics before I can focus there I guess. 

 

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

26 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

Hmm.. seems pretty solid. Or not solid at all. I mean, I can go with this, I see the brilliance in it. Pick up the preference when you want and drop it when it's turned into a restriction.

That sounds cool to me and not just to or from the personal pronouns that’s used. If that makes any sense. Sounds like you’re acting spontaneously through the essence of being, to try to phrase it another way.

I admire you’re willingness to put yourself out there in front of the camera. I’m not able to that it seems. It takes a lot of courage to willingly be vulnerable. I let go of that being something to aim for in expressing,,,,, I’m ok with being the way I am, though.

Ive used terminology connected with a Fourth Way point of view in the past trying to communicate. I’m trying not to do that because it’s looks like my trying to highjack the conversation. I’ve caught myself doing that in a lot of conversations with different people. Everyone has been pretty gracious about it. Just wanted to express that about you living through being. It’s pretty neutral phrasing IMO and also out myself in acknowledgment of my use of words that may come across as dogmatic sometimes in conversations. Gotta go. Just heard someone in the driveway.
Have a good day.

[mandyjw]

@Zigzag Idiot Thanks! I once did a short interview for a feature in a gift store I was selling some of my jewelry in. It was before YouTube was a well known thing I think. The guy who filmed it was surprised said I was a natural and they had a lot of other artists they interviewed who could not speak in front of the camera and they had a time with it. For whatever reason, I've always loved cameras because I know the camera isn't judging me and if I make a mistake I can try again. People on the other hand are different. That's a perspective I'm trying to let go of. The camera is like training wheels to me, so it's weird to me that some people are more afraid of cameras than they are other people. Makes no sense, but none of our fears and insecurities make sense anyway, I guess. 

I think that the teachings we follow have a lot of their own lingo so communicating with them is inevitably like that. It's good to be aware of it, and I think it's always good to find alternate ways of communicating the same thing. But sometimes you have to use the terminology and it introduces someone else into a new way of thinking too. 

[mandyjw]

This morning I started worrying about something with my husband's job, and my father-in-law. A lot of strange, unlucky things seem to be happening. I want to jump in and control them and am trying to be aware and not focus on this. I decided to go pick up some dishwashing gloves at the store. The cashier has a very cool vibe and I noticed that his name tag said Phoenix. When I went out to my car, there was my father in law parked next to my car. What. The. Hell? He isn't supposed to be here! Is he here to talk to me about something? In person? I decided to play it cool and sit in my car a minute before I did anything and then I realized it was just someone with the same truck who looked exactly like him. I noticed that for several minutes after my legs felt odd, like all the fear went down into them and I was ready to run, or collapse, one of those. 

Mirage. from French mirage (1753), from se mirer "to be reflected," from Latin mirare (see mirror (n.)). 

 

Edited March 30, 2021 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

 I love Esther so much. It's like listening to this mature, adult voice of wisdom, that is also the exact same intensely familiar inner child that was always BURSTING to get out, that I always wanted to let free, did many times and mistakenly started judging myself for at some point. It's like the undoing of everything misled adults taught me and that I absorbed from others on my own. 

This one below follows my questioning last night, (and much longer) about obsession, this one made me bawl. 

Last night I started questioning whether I think, or whether I receive thoughts. I thought at first that the real answer is that I receive thoughts, I am aware of the thoughts. This puts vibration as primary importance because I've experienced how a low vibration perpetuates thoughts that feel awful and aren't "true" and the thoughts fuel it further. However I can't only receive thoughts, there has to be some intentionality there. I am very sensitive to receiving thoughts from other people, and the antidote to this sort of self imposed suffering that I pass off as not in my control, is to get intentional about my thoughts and care about how I feel. 

Right now I feel very confused. I can't come up with an intentional thought that gets out of the confusion, so I want to receive thought, but only from a  place of feeling good. So ironically I'm journaling to be be intentional with my thought so I can raise myself to that state.

What is obsessive thinking? I think a thought I'm sick of thinking, the core desire is for a new thought, that will only come from an increased vibration. So with thought from the same vibration, I try to dismiss the thought, I tell myself I am obsessive and I am a problem, thinking is a problem. Thought tells itself it's the problem, and because I am only ever a thought, this is about me. I spin the cycle of thinking harder, faster, harder, faster. 

The other thing that happens is these vague places or images mixed with strong feelings. Sometimes these feel absolutely wonderful and occasionally, they feel horrible. There's no real content, no way to really communicate them, and if I could they are fleeting, and they seem to pop up all over the place. They sometimes seem to defy the rule of vibration. 

I think honestly "vibration" is sort of like electrons bouncing around. It doesn't follow a rule, it follows a trend, you can have anything bounce in from anywhere. I have no idea. 

Maybe as you raise your vibration old stuff comes lose, and comes up to light. 

"You're not enjoying this as much as you should be." 

[mandyjw]

Oh. My. God.

Just like that?

That's pretty much, everything. I can't get around it. I'm trying really hard to ruin it, but it totally went Meta on itself. I try to ruin everything.

My psyche, my "OCD" was trying to show me this in the most intimate, personal way. I am SUCH a good receiver. I took it to heart. "There's something wrong with me." 

There's something very, very RIGHT with me. 

[mandyjw]

ruin (n.)

late 14c., "act of giving way and falling down," from Old French ruine "a collapse" (14c.), and directly from Latin ruina "a collapse, a rushing down, a tumbling down"

Thinking I could "ruin" anything was all along part of the collapse I really sought. 

 

[mandyjw]

Strange things I love,

Freezer burned ice cream.

The smell of mold, like a good moldy basement. Mmm. 

Running through mud. 

Jello molds from the 50's. 

 

[mandyjw]

I want to focus! What do we want to focus on? No idea!

Give me and F, give me a U... I mean O! Give me a C, give me a U, give me an S! What does that spell? 

A small Ford car?

No!

I feel like a bunch of misled, somewhat jumbled creative energy, I feel like this describes what I am quote accurately and if you read Nissargadatta, he pretty much agrees with that. Come to find out, the actual energetics of "where babies come from" is FAR more complicated and delightfully awkward than even sex ed. 

But did this happen in the past? NO! It is mandyfestation, (oh geez, that sounds awful) right NOW. 

Ok, what do we want to focus on? I've been making a lot of these recently, they are for wearing essential oil. perfume or pet or people ashes. The purple glass on the top is specialty and just came out, and I've worked 17 years in glass without having a nice shade of purple like this. There are some absolutely brilliant glassmakers who live on the west coast who have filled in all the missing color gaps in the glass pallet. It's just a husband and wife I think. When I started glasswork pink turned to gray unless you were really careful, and they solved that and totally innovated silver laden glass. They are absolutely brilliant, really. It's amazing how much brilliance shines in weird niches across the world, that you have to be really involved with to even understand enough about it to fully appreciate it. 

I wonder if that's maybe sort of my "issue", I seem to have the unfortunate tendency to think that if I don't get more popularity or feedback from something, that it's trash. But the brilliance of creation is its own recognition, it needs no other. Imagine if nature was like "Ok, you ungrateful little fuckers, you aren't appreciating the flowers enough, we're NOT MAKING THEM ANYMORE." 

[mandyjw]

Lady from the church just delivered some Easter bags for my kids and inside is a lenticular printed card with the stone in front of Jesus' tomb "moving" or flipping from one image to the next. Her license plate reads 666. I cannot tell you how much I'm enjoying that. Anyway, my son was fascinated with the card and I tried to describe how it worked. Then it hit me, movement IS perspective. It's only ever perspective. Movement in time or place is two thoughts, experienced together as one? 

perspective (n.)

late 14c., perspectif, "the science of optics," from Old French perspective and directly from Medieval Latin perspectiva ars "science of optics," from fem. of perspectivus "of sight, optical" from Latin perspectus "clearly perceived," past participle of perspicere "inspect, look through, look closely at," from per "through" (from PIE root *per- (1) "forward," hence "through") + specere "look at" (from PIE root *spek- "to observe"). The English word is also attested from early 15c. as an adjective, "pertaining to the science of optics."

Right. Cause a movie (move ie) is a bunch of frames, but there are no frames in real "life", but we have to do the framing (thinking) ourselves in order to experience time and movement and progression, ultimately us/world is the two frames.  

progression (n.)

late 14c., progressioun, "action of moving from one condition to another," from Old French progression and directly from Latin progressionem (nominative progressio) "a going forward, advancement, growth, increase," noun of action from past-participle stem of progredi "go forward," from pro "forward" (see pro-) + gradi "to step, walk," from gradus "a step" (from PIE root *ghredh- "to walk, go"). The musical sense of "an advance from one note to another" or later one chord to another is by c. 1600. Related: Progressional.

 

Reminds me of the @Faceless here on the forum, or J. Krishnamurti I've been told or this. https://www.blogger.com/blog/post/edit/4061075808484662238/4979570694074447007

So learning to "stay" and realizing you don't ever move are one in the same. 

I'm still working on teaching myself to sit before I try to teach stay, and it doesn't go so well when I run out of treats or a squirrel runs by. Or the UPS man.

That reminds me of something that happened one winter we got several blizzards and I was leaving but had to stop because the UPS driver showed up and I couldn't easily get out of my car cause I was parked momentarily by a snowbank. I struggled to get out to take the package and complained about the snow to the driver and instead of commiserating or even humoring me, like is the well practiced regional societal expectation of relating to one another, he just said " I LOVE it", with such clear, real enthusiasm, I was taken aback. Couldn't forget it either. It was one of those interactions that's far better than anything good that can randomly happen to you, like finding a $20 bill on the street. You just don't always fully "get" the value at the time. 

Edited April 2, 2021 by mandyjw

[SilentTears]

On 3/29/2021 at 11:45 AM, mandyjw said:

Potatoes. Balloons.

I just randomly jumped on here and now I’m stuck with a wide ass Grin cause of this. Thank you Mandy, have a great day. 

[mandyjw]

1 hour ago, SilentTears said:

I just randomly jumped on here and now I’m stuck with a wide ass Grin cause of this. Thank you Mandy, have a great day. 

You too!

 

 

[mandyjw]

I love and am also annoyed that I can let go of any perspective. Just, *poof*. It's funny that we think it's so world shattering and profound to realize what is already our direct experience and always has been. 

I'm feeling a bit lost, like, "where am I gonna go, what am I gonna do", and sort of wanting to know/own this in a way that I can secure and that in return secures me. I know from experience that doing this is a prison cell, because a self made prison cell is never very secure. 

secure (adj.)

1530s, "without care, dreading no evil," from Latin securus, of persons, "free from care, quiet, easy," also in a bad sense, "careless, reckless;" of things, "tranquil; free from danger, safe," from *se cura, from se "free from" (see secret (n.)) + cura "care" (see cure (n.)).

Ahhh, yes THIS sounds more like real security. 

prison (n.)

late Old English, prisoun, "place of confinement or involuntary restraint, dungeon, jail," from Old French prisoun "captivity, imprisonment; prison; prisoner, captive" (11c., Modern French prison), altered (by influence of pris "taken;" see prize (n.2)) from earlier preson, from Vulgar Latin *presionem, from Latin prensionem (nominative prensio), shortening of prehensionem (nominative *prehensio) "a taking," noun of action from past-participle stem of prehendere "to take" (from prae- "before," see pre-, + -hendere, from PIE root *ghend- "to seize, take").

What do I take myself to be? ?

fun (n.)

"diversion, amusement, mirthful sport," 1727, earlier "a cheat, trick" (c. 1700), from verb fun (1680s) "to cheat, hoax," which is of uncertain origin, probably a variant of Middle English fonnen "befool" (c. 1400; see fond).

OOOOH! Diversion. 

divert (v.)

early 15c., diverten, "change the direction or course of; change the aim or destination of, turn aside or away" (transitive), from Old French divertir (14c.) and directly from Latin divertere "to turn in different directions," blended with devertere "turn aside," from vertere "to turn" (from PIE root *wer- (2) "to turn, bend") with, in the first word, an assimilated form of dis- "aside," and in the second with de- "from."

Sense of "draw off (someone) from a particular intention or state of mind" is from c. 1600, hence the meaning "amuse, entertain" (1660s). Related: Diverted; diverting.

Amuse A muse. 

muse (v.)

"to reflect, ponder, meditate; to be absorbed in thought," mid-14c., from Old French muser (12c.) "to ponder, dream, wonder; loiter, waste time," which is of uncertain origin; the explanation in Diez and Skeat is literally "to stand with one's nose in the air" (or, possibly, "to sniff about" like a dog who has lost the scent), from muse "muzzle," from Gallo-Roman *musa "snout," itself a word of unknown origin. The modern word probably has been influenced in sense by muse (n.).

Muse (n.)

late 14c., "one of the nine Muses of classical mythology," daughters of Zeus and Mnemosyne, protectors of the arts; from Old French Muse and directly from Latin Musa, from Greek Mousa, "the Muse," also "music, song," ultimately from PIE root *men- (1) "to think." Meaning "inspiring goddess of a particular poet" (with a lower-case m-) is from late 14c.

You sit around getting older
There's a joke here somewhere and it's on me
I'll shake this world off my shoulders
Come on, baby, the laugh's on me

[mandyjw]

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation." 2 Corinthians 

Christ- Source. 

Ok, meditation has been working amazingly well the past couple days, but Ima hit a wall. Geez! Stay quiet, mediate, express, channel, there's no duality between the two, you cannot make any rules. Or you make your own rules, one of those. I feel too distracted, like there's tension in my chest and peeling carrots for dinner feels like an insurmountable task. 

My daughter is already so much better at finding things than her older brother. The Easter egg hunt today, for whatever reason the female brain is often FAR better at finding things and scanning an environment. it's like the male brain is so honed in all the time it cannot stay open. Yet she is prone to scattering. (Am I bullshitting myself, fascinating and distracting myself by drawing differences between two genders? Goddamn it, I want to know why all the gurus are male. Osho said people don't think during orgasm. What a fucking idiot.) Very few typical males can psychologically handle the amount of scattered focus it takes to take care of a room full of young children and cook dinner. It's like the lack of being able to focus on one thing can be violent unless you're already flighty. Yet she has a kind of focus that is invaluable and amazing. 

I'm not sure where that's headed, but I reserve the right to completely change the subject. I went to the cemetery in gray snowy weather to cheer myself up and it didn't really work. 

I cannot seem to decide what I want to do, like the indecisiveness is starting to get intolerable. It's even tied with intuition, and I just want to make aligned decisions. I intend to work on this.

Yesterday I had things line up SO amazingly. I went out on a hike to film a video with few intentions but to enjoy myself which I did, and it turned into the most intense feeling channeling kind of experience I've had while filming anything. 

Jesus' parable of the talents come to mind, I might not be so classically intelligent but I have one hell of a strong mind, and if I just let it run on autopilot with all these sort of beliefs I've carelessly taken on it's HELL. I have to put it to work, I have to focus. 

I think I'm TOO willing to throw it all away. Like I'm so indecisive, I don't actually GO with anything, I'm ready at the drop of a hat to let something go, to listen to intuition, to be told a better way of doing something. 

I don't know what this song has to do with anything but I'm choosing it, and it will be my peeling carrots soundtrack. 

random (adj.)

"having no definite aim or purpose," 1650s, from at random (1560s), "at great speed" (thus, "carelessly, haphazardly"), alteration of Middle English noun randon "impetuosity, speed" (c. 1300), from Old French randon "rush, disorder, force, impetuosity," from randir "to run fast," from Frankish *rant "a running" or some other Germanic source, from Proto-Germanic *randa (source also of Old High German rennen "to run," Old English rinnan "to flow, to run;" see run (v.)).

RAN dom. Like a bat out of hell. 

[mandyjw]

Last night I wrote the most ridiculous, brilliant journal entry, got a whole bunch of insights and synchronicities, my son came up and asked me why receptacles are called receptacles in the middle, and I considered how the thing that physically receives the appliance wanting of energy, is the actual source of the power. I was questioning my indecisiveness, and that my ability to channel is based on my having no preferences, and being willing to go in any direction I'm called. I came to the conclusion that it's about fun. Choices are fun, but I like to KNOW so clearly what I want that it's not a choice, because I'm so clear about what I want.  

Then I lost the journal entry and realized that the point of it had been purely for my own personal enjoyment. I'm still a little offended about that. 

I really am in a position where I have an amazing, rich, free life, that's FULL of choices. I want to start truly enjoying how wonderful this freedom is, rather than doubting every choice so much, but feeling into the fun of the choice and getting in tune with what choice feels best. 

I made a deeper connection that before that this is what desire is about, it's about clarity and feeling. 

Listened to this song all my childhood, and never actually knew what voulez vous meant until 2 days ago. 

 

Ain't no big decision.

ah Ha 

 

Seems Shania Twain got it right. I wanna be free to feel the way I feel. 

Edited April 5, 2021 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

Ok, Uncle! I take it back. I feel like crap. Is chewing gum meditation? I haven't chewed gum in forever but I feel like I'm gonna hurl. 

Why are people so interested in the details of life rather than what life is? I guess I can't imagine not being interested in both. My kid keeps arguing with me about zero equaling infinity, he talks about infinity all the time, asks me questions to math problems including infinity. I answer with zero is infinity. He argued so I asked him if light was a "thing". He said no. I asked him if he could see any "thing" without light. He said no. 

I'm not feeling good today and kinda feeling crappy for not being more productive. 

productive (adj.)

1610s, "serving to produce," from French productif (16c.) and directly from Medieval Latin productivus "fit for production," from Latin product-, past-participle stem of producere "bring forth" (see produce (v.)). Meaning "fertile, producing abundantly" is by 1706. Related: Productively; productiveness.

Ha, no wonder I feel like I'm pregnant today. (I'm not pregnant.) Nothing like being pregnant to make you LAZY AS FUCK. Yet you're also being incredibly productive by not doing anything. (Keep on telling yourself that.)

I will!

Old music videos, etymology, this is getting repetitive, time to shake it up. 

"Keep it away from your face. Keep your core tight. "

Well that was entertaining, but I'm not sure the advice applies here. 

Maybe I'm thinking too literally. 

literal (adj.)

late 14c., "taking words in their natural meaning" (originally in reference to Scripture and opposed to mystical or allegorical)

Yeah, that's where people go wrong, everything is mystical. 

Ok. So what is the mystical meaning of keep it away from your face? Maybe like, with "your face" jokes, you shouldn't take things so personally. "Keep your core tight", hmm... maybe like maintain your connection with source, keep your focus on your breath. Belly breathe. 

Good advice shake weight dude, thank you. 

 

Edited April 5, 2021 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

I dunno belly breathing, you're just TOO effective, like three breaths and I feel amazing. It's too good to be true! What are you trying to sell me? A shake weight? I'd like to hold on to my currency, my problems, I mean. I have a headache straight in the middle of my eyes, and it feels so vaguely crappy I'd like to die. I'm gonna keep that currency, thank you. I'm gonna keep thinking about it and all these problems I think are related but aren't very vaguely. I don't have to belly breathe. 

currency (n.)

1650s, "condition of flowing," a sense now rare or obsolete, from Latin currens, present participle of currere "to run" (from PIE root *kers- "to run"). The notion of "state or fact of flowing from person to person" led to the senses "continuity in public knowledge" (1722) and "that which is current as a medium of exchange, money" (1729).

Hmm. Doesn't really seem like something the nature of which I can hold on to. Damn it. 

It's hard to sell things to people who already have everything they need. 

And that's why creation and desire are indispensable and interrelated. And also somewhat ridiculous. Here's to you, shake weight guru. 

 

 

"On a hot summer night
Would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?
Will he offer me his mouth?
Yes
Will he offer me his teeth?
Yes
Will he offer me his jaws?
Yes
Will he offer me his hunger?
Yes
Again, will he offer me his hunger?
Yes
And will he starve without me?
Yes
And does he love me?
Yes
Yes

On a hot summer night
Would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?
Yes
I bet you to say that to all the boys"

 

Edited April 5, 2021 by mandyjw