Help me with this entanglement

[Findus]

I am 21. I am studying Psychology at Uni. Will finish in 1.5 years. 

Three Conditions:

I have some life purpose ideas which I started to some degree: YouTube, Comedy and Spiritual teacher (later in life)

I have a solid spiritual development for my age (Ox herding pic 4)

I stilll have many addictions (weed, alcohol, youtube) and my self-discipline is my biggest obstacle.

The Situation:

My addictions are hindering my life purpose work to a great degree. My addictions fill a void in me, this void always occurs when I realize that there is nothing to do. This realization comes from the fact that I know from my enlightenment experiences, "this is the perfect moment". (but still, I feel bad doing nothing all day)

So why do I have to create this grand, hard to achieve life purpose for myself? Why do I need a life purpose to fill the void? Shouldnt this be done through spiritual work? 

I fear that my "life purpose" is nothing more than an ego trip which is trying to create a big name for myself. Create a person that was so significant and outstanding with his work. I fear that if I achieve my life purpose (for example, a successful comedian), I will be in the same spot that I am now. (still addicted, still confused)

And how do I get rid of these addictions? Through meaningful work and a grand vision of who I could be? Isnt that an addiction in itself? This void can only be filled through ultimate wholeness right?

The Options:

Option 1: Go full in on life purpose and hope my addictions will resolve along the way as my project gets more successful, achieve full enlightenment later in life.

Option 2: Go full in on spiritual development, rid oneself of addiction, rid oneself of need to be successful. After that life purpose will come naturally. 

Option 3: Go full in on ridding oneself of addiction first (dont know how), to then fully do life purpose work

 

What is The Way?

 

-

 

Edited March 11, 2021 by Findus

[Moksha]

Hey @Findus, I can relate. I have a background in psychology, and for most of my life have been keenly invested in spiritual insights and growth.

My 2 kids are your age (20 and 22), so caveat emptor  It doesn't really matter, at the end of the day, you will find your own path.

I read something this morning that resonates with what you are asking. Simple, but powerful:

Light the lamp within.

- Dhammapada 18:238

Realize that the lamp is inside of you. Light it, and follow where it leads. None of us can tell you what to do, but the answer is already there, within you. Instead of asking what is "The Way", consider that the answer may be different, not only from one person to the next, but from one stage of each person's life to the next stage. 

The Way, for you, is to light the lamp within yourself. Connect with the Consciousness that you are. When you are present, the path will be clear, and it will be customized to your needs.

There is no reason you can't move forward on the path of doing, while deepening your awareness of being. Consciousness has its own cadence, and sometimes it emphasizes one over the other, but most of the time people are both being and doing. The being will empower the doing. The doing will honor the being. They go hand in hand.

My advice is to deepen your spirituality first. Not saying to drop out of Uni or anything, but that is the most important step. Once you are connected with You, everything else will fall into place.

[Nahm]

@Findus

What is the point of the tale of the tortoise and the hare?  What is actionable of that story which you’ve been missing thus far?

Contemplate & realize that. One bird, all your stones so to speak. The fundamental belief at play btw, imo, is “the realization comes from the fact that I know from my enlightenment experiences”. Without that misunderstanding, nothing else you mentioned stands true, and thus the beliefs would not be acting as blockages. 

 

 

[Breakingthewall]

@Findus imo the best way to control addiction is meditation. if you meditate EVERY day time enough, nothing to do will not create anxiety. If you stop doing it, anxiety will eat away at you, at least in my experience. Arrive to the point where the silent is, many times every day if you can, and the compulsions will disappear. It seems very simple, I see it very clearly and again and again I abandon the practice because I consider that it is no longer necessary, that I can be in a meditative state driving or doing whatever, and no. in two or three days the compulsive mind takes absolute power

[gettoefl]

1 hour ago, Breakingthewall said:

@Findus imo the best way to control addiction is meditation. if you meditate EVERY day time enough, nothing to do will not create anxiety. If you stop doing it, anxiety will eat away at you, at least in my experience. Arrive to the point where the silent is, many times every day if you can, and the compulsions will disappear. It seems very simple, I see it very clearly and again and again I abandon the practice because I consider that it is no longer necessary, that I can be in a meditative state driving or doing whatever, and no. in two or three days the compulsive mind takes absolute power

fully agree ... meditation is the only wholesome addiction, it keeps one on the straight and narrow ... it needs to be the bedrock, the unquestioned, the non negotiable ... every minute on the mat pays big dividends and is another knock on the door of awakening 

[Hen Zuhe]

@Breakingthewall Great advice, I agree with you. 

I add to this advice: patience, constance, and preseverance in meditation each day to obtain control the addiction.

Then make it necessary to totally eradicate your addictions.

Step by Step.

Namaste

 

[Breakingthewall]

@gettoefl @Hen Zuhe yeah it's the key, but in my experience meditation it was practically useless hell until a couple of breakthroughs with 5meo. Many people are so identified with their ego that meditation for them is nothing more than a hard exercise of will, like holding your breath. a complete ego break changes the schemes a lot

[gettoefl]

1 hour ago, Breakingthewall said:

@gettoefl @Hen Zuhe yeah it's the key, but in my experience meditation it was practically useless hell until a couple of breakthroughs with 5meo. Many people are so identified with their ego that meditation for them is nothing more than a hard exercise of will, like holding your breath. a complete ego break changes the schemes a lot

it was hell for me til i reorganized my lifestyle to arise at 4am every morning, now it is automatic and the two hours breezes by, i couldn't say it is enjoyable and i cannot say in the 2 years i have done this anything remarkable happened but i certainly feel on the right track and will not quit

[Grateful Dead]

2 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

yeah it's the key, but in my experience meditation it was practically useless hell until a couple of breakthroughs with 5meo. Many people are so identified with their ego that meditation for them is nothing more than a hard exercise of will, like holding your breath. a complete ego break changes the schemes a lot

Interesting. In what way do you think this can help in terms of mindfulness meditation?

@Findus I think it would be best to work on your life purpose mainly and while you do that try to get your addictions under control.

How often do you use weed and alcohol? It's good to do some stupid things when you are young and have some fun imo but you need to know when to stop and get shit done.

Psychedelics and meditation are very powerful to get rid of addictions. Leo for example suggests in a video that to get over addiction you should do one hour strong determenation sitting every day.

Edited March 13, 2021 by acidgoofy

[Breakingthewall]

3 hours ago, acidgoofy said:

Interesting. In what way do you think this can help in terms of mindfulness meditation?

Well meditating is detaching from the egoic mind, right? the problem is that if you are very attached to it, it is almost impossible, a torture of forcing yourself to be still and to try to watch your thoughts pass without clinging to them when it is the same thoughts that are trying to stop thinking ... violence. when you do 5meo, for the first time in your adult life (at least in mine) you really stop thinking and your mind becomes an absolute emptiness, the limits are broken, your reality flattens and you see that emptiness is what you are , Being. this does something in your mind permanently. If you sit down to meditate, it has suddenly become relatively easy (at least possible) to undo the limits of the mind, the words, and feel your mind empty and expand. This to a certain extent, not so easy or perfect, but the job is to get into silence and emptiness more and more, and if the mind has not seen before, in an artificial way, that emptiness is reality, being, what must be approached to really be yourself, you are going to reject it very strongly because for the mind emptiness means death. The other way is to do as gettoelf and have an iron willing, but not everybody has

Edited March 13, 2021 by Breakingthewall