I'm an insecure alpha male.

[7thLetter]

I wrote something similar to this in the past on these forums, but seemed like a bunch of people here left hate comments on that thread for some reason lol. Maybe I was a jerk back then, at that time I was in my PUA phase.

Anyways. What I wrote in that previous thread was that, it always seems like people always stare or quickly glance at me in public and it bothers me. People in the comments were basically asking if I'm ugly, no I'm not. I consider myself at least a 7/10 in terms of physical appearance. I believe it's because of the way I walk or carry myself. Which brings me to the topic of this thread, I view myself as an insecure alpha male. One co-worker at a previous workplace one time described me as "hard on the outside, soft on the inside."

Often times when I walk in a room, I see in the corner of my eyes, people take a glance at me. In their minds they're probably thinking "Huh?! I better stare at him because maybe he's up to something!" For them to later realize I'm literally doing nothing or just walking in the room. This bothers me. It happens so often that it makes me a bit insecure. Naturally I carry myself in a confident way like an alpha male, but sometimes I try to carry myself in the opposite way in order to avoid people glancing at me. I also often try to avoid eye contact with people because if I look at them they instantly sense I took a glance at them. WHY?! With normal people this doesn't usually happen. It's a common occurrence for other people to walk by, but when its me I got people's heads turning breaking their necks. I don't know where my eyes should go, sometimes I close my eyes and walk. If I look and walk in their direction it's as if they think I'm about to approach them. Sometimes when I'm speed walking towards my destination, people look in the direction I'm walking towards, as if I'm some undercover cop about to arrest somebody. "Woah this guy is walking, I wonder what's about to happen." If I'm behind someone at a fast food line up, its like they feel my presence behind them and they look at me. wtf.

This is a weird thing to struggle with I know. Being in the gym is also a struggle sometimes because it feels like all eyes are on me. And sometimes its not even just a feeling, people are LITERALLY looking at me, and this reinforces my insecurity, the feeling of being stared at.

If anyone sees what I look like in person, I seem like the tough guy type, its the way I look and dress. But on the inside I'm pretty soft, I like cats, often times I'm kind, I like my childhood favorite TV shows like Spongebob. Get to know me on a personal level and you'd know I'm not the type of guy people initially would assume I am. I own a pair of white sneakers with Mickey Mouse on it, for the style, but also to let people know I'm no harm.

With girls I appear to be somewhat of a weak man around them. Mainly through text, text is the death of me and the girl. In person I can be normal with them as if they were another normal human being, but with text I scare them away with awkwardness.

Not sure what answers I'm looking for here but anyone got any comments? Is there some sort of imbalance here, are certain chakras blocked? Advice on the last thread were basically to just let it happen, be you. But that didn't really help, it still bothers me from time to time.

 

[Preety_India]

Alpha people give out strong vibes, could be the reason why most people look back at you. 

But this is not a serious thing. You could simply ignore people looking your way. 

Maybe subconsciously you're looking or staring at other people, so they are simply reacting to your stares. 

In any case, ignoring people is the best option 

 

 

Edited March 11, 2021 by Preety_India

[7thLetter]

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

Alpha people give out strong vibes, could be the reason why most people look back at you. 

Certainly could be the reason why.

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

Maybe subconsciously you're looking or staring at other people, so they are simply reacting to your stares. 

This could also be a reason why additional stares at me occur. This subconscious behavior wouldn't happen though if a bunch of people didn't stare at me in the first place. So its a combination of both, people actually staring at me for no reason which reinforces the insecurity within' me, then later on me subconsciously staring at others believing everyone else is also staring at me which leads to the additional stares.

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

In any case, ignoring people is the best option 

I try, not easy though

Edited March 11, 2021 by 7thLetter

[7thLetter]

1 hour ago, modmyth said:

@7thLetter How would you ideally like to come off, either in specific situations, but also just generally?

Like a normal person. What is normal though anyway

I'm cool with the way I am now, I'm just not cool with other's initial perception of me. I don't want people to be afraid of me or cautious around me, because that's how it can seem to me at times. Maybe they think I'm up to no good and about to steal shit or something. When in reality I'm not that type of person. But this is just how reality is, this would only be fixed if I changed my physical appearance completely or if I went ahead and had a friendly conversation with every single person in my vicinity.

Sometimes I just want my physical appearance to match my personality. It surprises people when they get to know me and my silly side, because I probably look like the type to be stuck up.

But then I also don't want to change just for others. This is one reason why I tend to hang out on my own these days. Around other people it always seems like I'm being criticized for something. "Too shy, too quiet, too this, too that."

I like people but also don't like people.

Whatever I've done to work on myself in the past is how I became the person I am today so it is what it is

[PureRogueQ]

Well relax, your mind is just looking for reasons to people actions and trust me, if you will get caught in it , you will look for smallest details in people face expressions, movements and make whole story out of it , which will highly vary from how you feel at the moment , your already ruminating beliefs and will be wrong 90 % of time.

Spread your wing and walk like a free man. 

 

Edited March 11, 2021 by PureRogueQ

[diamondpenguin]

On 3/10/2021 at 4:28 PM, 7thLetter said:

I wrote something similar to this in the past on these forums, but seemed like a bunch of people here left hate comments on that thread for some reason lol. Maybe I was a jerk back then, at that time I was in my PUA phase.

Anyways. What I wrote in that previous thread was that, it always seems like people always stare or quickly glance at me in public and it bothers me. People in the comments were basically asking if I'm ugly, no I'm not. I consider myself at least a 7/10 in terms of physical appearance. I believe it's because of the way I walk or carry myself. Which brings me to the topic of this thread, I view myself as an insecure alpha male. One co-worker at a previous workplace one time described me as "hard on the outside, soft on the inside."

Often times when I walk in a room, I see in the corner of my eyes, people take a glance at me. In their minds they're probably thinking "Huh?! I better stare at him because maybe he's up to something!" For them to later realize I'm literally doing nothing or just walking in the room. This bothers me. It happens so often that it makes me a bit insecure. Naturally I carry myself in a confident way like an alpha male, but sometimes I try to carry myself in the opposite way in order to avoid people glancing at me. I also often try to avoid eye contact with people because if I look at them they instantly sense I took a glance at them. WHY?! With normal people this doesn't usually happen. It's a common occurrence for other people to walk by, but when its me I got people's heads turning breaking their necks. I don't know where my eyes should go, sometimes I close my eyes and walk. If I look and walk in their direction it's as if they think I'm about to approach them. Sometimes when I'm speed walking towards my destination, people look in the direction I'm walking towards, as if I'm some undercover cop about to arrest somebody. "Woah this guy is walking, I wonder what's about to happen." If I'm behind someone at a fast food line up, its like they feel my presence behind them and they look at me. wtf.

This is a weird thing to struggle with I know. Being in the gym is also a struggle sometimes because it feels like all eyes are on me. And sometimes its not even just a feeling, people are LITERALLY looking at me, and this reinforces my insecurity, the feeling of being stared at.

If anyone sees what I look like in person, I seem like the tough guy type, its the way I look and dress. But on the inside I'm pretty soft, I like cats, often times I'm kind, I like my childhood favorite TV shows like Spongebob. Get to know me on a personal level and you'd know I'm not the type of guy people initially would assume I am. I own a pair of white sneakers with Mickey Mouse on it, for the style, but also to let people know I'm no harm.

With girls I appear to be somewhat of a weak man around them. Mainly through text, text is the death of me and the girl. In person I can be normal with them as if they were another normal human being, but with text I scare them away with awkwardness.

Not sure what answers I'm looking for here but anyone got any comments? Is there some sort of imbalance here, are certain chakras blocked? Advice on the last thread were basically to just let it happen, be you. But that didn't really help, it still bothers me from time to time.

 

Being insecure doesnt sound very alpha to me. Get in better touch with how you feel tough guy. 

[7thLetter]

On 3/11/2021 at 3:06 AM, modmyth said:

@7thLetter  At what point do you recall noticing being treated this way for the first time, or when it started being a pattern? Perhaps you come off as hard because you come off as relative unemotive and not emotionally open or relaxed?

The way I carry myself definitely changed significantly for me when I got into pickup. But it could also be a combination of that and doing meditation, working out, working on myself overall. Seems to be a permanent change.

On 3/11/2021 at 3:06 AM, modmyth said:

 

How relaxed do you feel in your body? Do you feel a sort of rigidness in your body and hyperconsciousness of your body and surroundings? (Like you vs. everything else in your environment). Sometimes I think it's about putting out a vibe, or even differences in the way you interact and watch your environment that people respond to. Not necessarily in a very conscious and deliberate way, but humans tend to be very sensitive to all sorts of social cues even if we don't know why.

 I feel fine but its just different when there's people around or near my personal space bubble. When I'm in the gym, I do feel hyperconscious of my surroundings. People using the bench right next to me for example. It always feels like they're looking at me, but in most cases they're not.

And yeah definitely. Like what Preety_india and I were talking about above, subconsciously I do put out somewhat of a strong vibe in the way I walk without even trying and causes people to look at me. And since I get a handful of glances per day, this reinforces an insecurity that makes it feel like if these handful of people stare at me, then maybe everyone else is staring at me also, when they're most likely not. My eye contact is really strong too, a quick glance usually will make people automatically sense it. I never really know where to put my eyes so I always just look at my phone to try and avoid this.

On 3/11/2021 at 3:06 AM, modmyth said:

 

I also often used to get people reacting to me in the way that you described in public, and then I would have people who got to know me better who would say, you are intimidating to talk to (but you're much friendlier than I expected). (Which I generally interpreted as code for "you look like a bitch". Heh.) Not in even in a bad mood, don't have anything against you, I just have places to go and things to do, and am not going aggressively out of my way to appear softer/ more friendly.

It definitely wasn't my imposing stature and gender, haha!

In a nutshell:

Maybe it could also be a personality thing about us introverts (assuming you're the introverted type).

[7thLetter]

12 hours ago, diamondpenguin said:

Being insecure doesnt sound very alpha to me. Get in better touch with how you feel tough guy. 

So are you saying Alphas can't be insecure?

Is there a specific checklist that you follow where every point has to be checked in order for someone to be considered an Alpha?

How about a masculine female with a vagina, does that make her a female or a male? At what point is she not considered a female according to your checklist?

Edited March 12, 2021 by 7thLetter

[Arcangelo]

On 3/10/2021 at 6:28 PM, 7thLetter said:

I wrote something similar to this in the past on these forums, but seemed like a bunch of people here left hate comments on that thread for some reason lol. Maybe I was a jerk back then, at that time I was in my PUA phase.

Anyways. What I wrote in that previous thread was that, it always seems like people always stare or quickly glance at me in public and it bothers me. People in the comments were basically asking if I'm ugly, no I'm not. I consider myself at least a 7/10 in terms of physical appearance. I believe it's because of the way I walk or carry myself. Which brings me to the topic of this thread, I view myself as an insecure alpha male. One co-worker at a previous workplace one time described me as "hard on the outside, soft on the inside."

Often times when I walk in a room, I see in the corner of my eyes, people take a glance at me. In their minds they're probably thinking "Huh?! I better stare at him because maybe he's up to something!" For them to later realize I'm literally doing nothing or just walking in the room. This bothers me. It happens so often that it makes me a bit insecure. Naturally I carry myself in a confident way like an alpha male, but sometimes I try to carry myself in the opposite way in order to avoid people glancing at me. I also often try to avoid eye contact with people because if I look at them they instantly sense I took a glance at them. WHY?! With normal people this doesn't usually happen. It's a common occurrence for other people to walk by, but when its me I got people's heads turning breaking their necks. I don't know where my eyes should go, sometimes I close my eyes and walk. If I look and walk in their direction it's as if they think I'm about to approach them. Sometimes when I'm speed walking towards my destination, people look in the direction I'm walking towards, as if I'm some undercover cop about to arrest somebody. "Woah this guy is walking, I wonder what's about to happen." If I'm behind someone at a fast food line up, its like they feel my presence behind them and they look at me. wtf.

This is a weird thing to struggle with I know. Being in the gym is also a struggle sometimes because it feels like all eyes are on me. And sometimes its not even just a feeling, people are LITERALLY looking at me, and this reinforces my insecurity, the feeling of being stared at.

If anyone sees what I look like in person, I seem like the tough guy type, its the way I look and dress. But on the inside I'm pretty soft, I like cats, often times I'm kind, I like my childhood favorite TV shows like Spongebob. Get to know me on a personal level and you'd know I'm not the type of guy people initially would assume I am. I own a pair of white sneakers with Mickey Mouse on it, for the style, but also to let people know I'm no harm.

With girls I appear to be somewhat of a weak man around them. Mainly through text, text is the death of me and the girl. In person I can be normal with them as if they were another normal human being, but with text I scare them away with awkwardness.

Not sure what answers I'm looking for here but anyone got any comments? Is there some sort of imbalance here, are certain chakras blocked? Advice on the last thread were basically to just let it happen, be you. But that didn't really help, it still bothers me from time to time.

 

Bro you really, REALLY need to do some psychedelics.

Try some LSD (75ug) + a couple of puffs of weed.

[7thLetter]

8 minutes ago, Arcangelo said:

Bro you really, REALLY need to do some psychedelics.

Try some LSD (75ug) + a couple of puffs of weed.

I have done them a couple times already and have some acid, shrooms & weed sitting around. Haven't touched them in a couple months though but thinking of doing a tab or a half this weekend possibly.

Last time I took a tab I had complete ego death for the first time which was pretty intense and really deep. Got me more in touch with my spiritual side after that experience. But over time I stopped focusing on spiritual practices and now I'm at a point where I'm focused on the external reality chasing pleasure. Maybe this explains the amplification of my insecurities, or not who knows.

Would you really recommend combining LSD with weed? Seems more about chasing fun rather than for spiritual purposes. LSD on its own is already a lot.

[Roy]

5 hours ago, 7thLetter said:

So are you saying Alphas can't be insecure?

Don't listen to him what he just said was nonsense. In fact it's the complete opposite, a lot of Alphas can be highly insecure! Which is why they feel the need to socially posture (aggressive/manipulative) and even put people down sometimes so they feel safe and "on top of the pecking order" so to say.

A natural, healthy Alpha has a strong sense of charisma and leadership about them, and can make everyone feel welcome and useful.

As for the OP's concerns; This may sound insultingly simple, but really all you have to do is smile and wave when people look at you . It's just a fact of life that people are gonna look and stare at each other. It happens to everyone so don't think you're so special and being targeted specifically.

If you feel that people are expecting a certain "vibe" from you based on the way you look, yea that expectation can be annoying. But you know what you can do to cure that insecurity? Shock them with authenticity. Be yourself so fucking well that it makes them second guess their assumptions so much that they're embarrassed 

[Preety_India]

@Roy A true Alpha is actually secure. 

 

 

[7thLetter]

4 hours ago, Roy said:

Don't listen to him what he just said was nonsense. In fact it's the complete opposite, a lot of Alphas can be highly insecure! Which is why they feel the need to socially posture (aggressive/manipulative) and even put people down sometimes so they feel safe and "on top of the pecking order" so to say.

A natural, healthy Alpha has a strong sense of charisma and leadership about them, and can make everyone feel welcome and useful.

That's true. I find a lot of Alphas tend to be successful business leaders or pickup artists and often times use manipulation to get their way.  Manipulation usually comes from a place of insecurity deep down, even though on the surface level they may seem pretty confident in themselves.

4 hours ago, Roy said:

As for the OP's concerns; This may sound insultingly simple, but really all you have to do is smile and wave when people look at you . It's just a fact of life that people are gonna look and stare at each other. It happens to everyone so don't think you're so special and being targeted specifically.

If you feel that people are expecting a certain "vibe" from you based on the way you look, yea that expectation can be annoying. But you know what you can do to cure that insecurity? Shock them with authenticity. Be yourself so fucking well that it makes them second guess their assumptions so much that they're embarrassed 

I actually remember I tried to do something similar to this one day. I committed to looking at every single person in the eye who walked by me and tried smiling at them. It just made me laugh cause they were probably wondering what was going on .

This reminds me, maybe I might start trying this again

[Parththakkar12]

@7thLetter What's really going on is that you haven't found a way to authentically carry yourself or express yourself in relation to other people.

Your sense of self is your inner core, who you really are. Your personality, however, is who you project yourself out into the world as. Generally, for most people, their personality/behavior does not match who they really are on the inside. This is an inauthentic way of being.

Some people will tell you to 'just be yourself'. How do you do that though? If you 'just be yourself', if you just tell your boss to their face that you hate them, that's not going to go so well. It's not so simple. It's a gross over-simplification of the situation. Very few people are able to 'just be themselves'. Those who can do that are usually either sociopaths or simple-minded extroverts.

The real solution is to create your own personality according to what you want to stand for in the world, what your authentic values are. It's like seeing what you stand for, what need you're meeting in the context of business and then creating a brand around that product/market-need. Your brand, in the context of business, is the way your market sees you, their image of you as a company/product. If that business reflects your Life Purpose, that business is an authentic business that genuinely meets real needs. The same goes for yourself relative to people. Other people see your potential, they see some sort of spark in you, but you don't see it yet. They can't put their finger on what it is because you haven't. They can't do that for you, unfortunately. This is making it so you're not sure as to what they see about you, how they perceive you, whether you should believe them or not, what they say about you doesn't fully make sense to you, etc. They themselves aren't sure about you because they can't be.

With people, your personality is equivalent to your brand. If you take control of your personality, the image you project out onto the world, then you will feel more in control of how you make people feel. This is what PUAs leverage. They've learned to act confident and leverage that with women. They still aren't fully secure though because most of the times, it's inauthentic behavior to get into women's pants. The way to be secure about it is to have that personality match who you are at the core. That's authentic self-expression.

For example, what's happened with me is that I am self-confident when I'm by myself. However, I have struggled to carry this over to social interactions and people keep telling me that I lack self-confidence when that's clearly not the case! This has been a major gaslight for me, in fact. They will tell me that 'your social skills are bad' or 'you aren't opening up more'. None of that is true. What's really going on is that when people are inauthentic and when they tell you that they're authentic, that's a huge gaslight and it can get extremely difficult to wrap your head around, especially when they're telling you to 'just believe them'. This could very well lead you to lack confidence with people, even though you're confident in yourself. What helped me was just lots and lots of research and integration-work and experimentation as to what's really going on with people and how I could play a role in that whole situation.

Edited March 13, 2021 by Parththakkar12

[NoSelfSelf]

Why do you think you are alfa?

[Espaim]

Seems like paranoia/hypervigilance coupled with grandiose delusions for me. They often go hand-in-hand. Do you ever consume stimulants?

If I take too much coffee i feel the same way. Like I'm a God but everyone is waiting to just attack me or something

Edited March 13, 2021 by Espaim

[Barbara]

 This was life changing for me. Maybe it helps. Be more authentic! That’s the greatest love expression. 

[7thLetter]

@Parththakkar12 Definitely got some good points there. Although I often feel the way I carry myself is just natural to me, it just happens without me even trying.

@NoSelfSelf I have many characteristics that make up an Alpha, but also many Beta male traits. I guess I'm sort of in the middle.

 

[7thLetter]

3 hours ago, Espaim said:

Seems like paranoia/hypervigilance coupled with grandiose delusions for me. They often go hand-in-hand. Do you ever consume stimulants?

If I take too much coffee i feel the same way. Like I'm a God but everyone is waiting to just attack me or something

@Espaim I mean maybe what you're saying is true to some degree but using those words make it seem a bit overexaggerated.

It's not a crippling insecurity that makes me stay stuck at home and never want to be in public. I obviously still go outside, gym everyday, interact with people sometimes, had a somewhat of a decent social life in my past. So its not as extreme as you make it seem to be, or as extreme as I probably made it seem in this thread. But I understand its not easy to figure out the extent of something just based on text itself.

@Barbara I'll check it out thanks

[Arcangelo]

4 hours ago, 7thLetter said:

gym everyday,

Reespek