Confession time - I like Bad Boys

[The0Self]

2 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

@Preety_India Assholes get more laid than good guys and that is a fact. No subjectivity here. You yourself have said you are attracted to players so nothing to be suprised here. 

Nobody likes to be abused but the same mechanics that create abuse are liked by girls (overly confidence, detachment, assertivness, dominance, going for what you want etc etc)

"Assholes get more laid than good guys..." ? I think you mean people who seem like assholes get laid more than guys who try to be or appear nice. True kindness and integrity (being a good guy), on the other hand, can get you laid. A lot. E.g. charismatic people. When picking up women, it doesn't help to appear like you're trying to be or appear nice, sure...but being an asshole is just dumb.

[Preety_India]

@Karmadhi I never said that. 

 

[Preety_India]

7 minutes ago, The0Self said:

"Assholes get more laid than good guys..." ? I think you mean people who seem like assholes get laid more than guys who try to be or appear nice. True kindness and integrity (being a good guy), on the other hand, can get you laid. A lot. E.g. charismatic people. When picking up women, it doesn't help to appear like you're trying to be or appear nice, sure...but being an asshole is just dumb.

Agree. 

[Consept]

I think every boy/man goes through the 'nice guy' or 'simp' phase which as I see it, can be defined as being what a woman says she wants. Ie respectful, put her first, put her on a pedestal, see her as your number 1 priority, I can sympathise with this as it's what's taught to boys in mainstream society especially if there's no strong role model to teach any different. The implication of this teaching is whatever your natural inclinations are as a man, they should be sacrificed and buried because to get a good woman you have to be a good provider and be what your woman needs you to be, so this erodes mens confidence to the point where they don't even know who they are anymore. 

This ultimately doesn't work for both sides, on the woman's side she just isn't attracted to males that are like this because they don't take charge, they dont know who they are, they actually feel different deep down inside to how they act which makes them inauthentic. For the man it doesn't work because he's going to try and hold this persona in the face of less and less attraction from his woman. 

A word on 'bad boys', traditionally seen as having a criminal element, not caring about anything, being kind of reckless, but maybe with a heart of gold, at least a suspected one. A youthful bad boy is more often than not also not very confident deep down, they just have a better persona, it's like they know what's attractive to women on a surface level and are using that persona as it works. It gives the impression of authenticity because actions are taken regardless of consequence, women my see it as such, but it's really just a play of authenticity. But these can not really translate into long term fulfillment for the guy or any girl he gets with because it is really a facade and he would need to build up true authenticity to get past it. Think Danny Zuko in Grease, hes seen as the cool guy but he hasn't got the authenticity to even come out and say he likes a girl. 

So that brings it to actual authenticity, this is what every girl says they want but have to actually be very well developed themselves to handle. The truth with this is that although you want it you may not like hearing these types of truths that you'd hear from an authentic person. Like you might not like the idea that he puts his happiness before your happiness, you might not like that he tells you upfront he doesn't see himself being with you long term, that he dote on you and call you honey and all that stuff. But because you're so attracted to authenticity you will always want to be with him because it gives you an experience of actual reality instead of this role playing most do. 

The dilemma that you have is that you want authentic but an authentic person will not be how you want them. If you want a top level authentic person you will only be his first option if you truly understand who they are and what they want and become that person that will truly enhance their lives. A lot of women expect or feel that they deserve a top level just because, that's fine you can have your standards but reality is if it's truly a top level guy he most likely won't choose you just because, you have to become a top level woman by his standards. 

 

[Preety_India]

@Consept this thread wasn't about me deserving or not deserving. By the way bad boys aren't considered top class. 

The thread was simply about me sharing my confession that I appreciate bad boys more after being hurt by nice men, who only appear nice and majority of nice men aren't actually nice but simply pretend to be, but bad boys not getting enough recognition in society and realizing that society has a need to demonize them and that being with them is breaking social norms. 

The guy who was described did not say that I did not match his standards, because in terms of social standards he was below me,but I pushed him away for social and family reasons

I don't know why the thread has devolved into who deserves what. 

 

[Consept]

34 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@Consept this thread wasn't about me deserving or not deserving. By the way bad boys aren't considered top class. 

The thread was simply about me sharing my confession that I appreciate bad boys more after being hurt by nice men, who only appear nice and majority of nice men aren't actually nice but simply pretend to be, but bad boys not getting enough recognition in society and realizing that society has a need to demonize them and that being with them is breaking social norms. 

The guy who was described did not say that I did not match his standards, because in terms of social standards he was below me,but I pushed him away for social and family reasons

I don't know why the thread has devolved into who deserves what. 

 

I wasn't talking about you specifically or what you do or dont deserve, with due respect I don't know you so I couldn't make any claims like that, I was just sharing some thoughts I've personally had on the general topic. When I say 'you' in the comment I wrote, its more of an overall you as in if it applies to you. 

Sometimes it's important to look at other perspectives and nuances of topics, but if its the case you just wanted to state they've you've switched from nice guys to bad boys, without further discussion or expansion then that's cool as well. 

 

[diamondpenguin]

Yall are gonna give me a panic attack. 

Edited March 18, 2021 by diamondpenguin

[diamondpenguin]

@Preety_India You can't be saying you like "boys" as a grown woman. . How old are you anyway? 

EDITED BY MODERATOR , OFFENSIVE WORD REMOVED 

[Preety_India]

@diamondpenguin bad boys is a general word used for specific types of men. 

The word boy is irrelevant. 

I'm not dating 15  year Olds so be mindful of how you use your accusations. 

That was quite rude and disrespectful of you. 

I date men of my age or older . I've always dated older men. 

Yes I'm a grown woman and I date grown men. 

Do you know that  even men, no matter how old are still called "bad boys." 

 

[diamondpenguin]

6 hours ago, Preety_India said:

@diamondpenguin bad boys is a general word used for specific types of men. 

The word boy is irrelevant. 

I'm not dating 15  year Olds so be mindful of how you use your accusations. 

That was quite rude and disrespectful of you. 

I date men of my age or older . I've always dated older men. 

Yes I'm a grown woman and I date grown men. 

Do you know that  even men, no matter how old are still called "bad boys." 

 

@Preety_India I'm just trying to protect the kids. 

[Preety_India]

Just now, diamondpenguin said:

@Preety_India I'm just trying to protect the kids. 

Please stop making false accusations against strangers on the internet. 

 

[Byun Sean]

bro when will the sex wars end 

[Synchronicity]

Yyyyyep, I’m finishing dead last in the dating game?

I don’t have the social skills to present myself like that. That’ll filter me out so that women get the better guys who actually have those relationship skills 

[Preety_India]

2 hours ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

This is just basic female sexual cravings and desire, nothing necessarily wrong. Just make sure by bad boys, you don't mean actual bad boys who abuse and exploit.

Yes not those. Those are off the list. 

 

[Galyna]

On 3/16/2021 at 5:19 AM, Loba said:

You spent over a month wasting Galyna's time with your relationship crap

Wow, never thought people actually read my thread and really know me. 

I feel like with Alex's case, there is more to it than we can see on the surface. Plus, bear in mind, it is just a forum and we do not know people, just from their words. In order to really understand a person, you need to talk to him in reality. This forum has a lot of communicational constraints.  

Guys, do not take it too seriously. 

[wwhy]

On 3/9/2021 at 10:10 PM, Preety_India said:

I had met a few bad boy types but I tended to reject them because how could I show them to my mom. 

I didn't want to let down anyone. 

I'm not attracted to nice guys. Because they are fakest fakest fake. 

I  find them phoney, flakey, fakey and pretentious. Liars. 

They always try to act like they really care but actually they don't. 

My take, is this is all about control.

Controlling your future. You might as we say..

"I'm not attracted to nice guys. They give me false hope.

Unlike bad guys, when they do 'bad gut stuff' am fully prepared and expect it.

So my heart is never truly broken, unlike with those phoney, flakey, fakey and pretentious liars.

If you're going to break my heart, do not act like you won't mr, nice guy. Be like mr. bad guy, who gives me no false hope"

 

[Preety_India]

@wwhy you could say that. Bad boys can be abusive, not all the time but sometimes. 

Bad boys have actually helped me more than nice guys because bad boys have told me the truth about my situation and helped me to find a solution and stick to it. 

Whereas nice guys are like fair weather friends, they only want to be around when I am having happy days, not when I'm having difficulties. 

So what's the point of a fake person really? 

They are there just for a good time and often times if I ever got fucked over, it was always nice men, cheating, lying stuff. That hurt me more than what bad boys did. 

Because one thing is true. That bad boys never lied to me. So there was a tacit trust. I could at least trust them with their words. 

The times when bad boys are tough to deal with is when they get angry, abusive, out of control or do drugs or go to jail, stuff like that. 

Of course nobody sticks around them for long and in the end they are alone. 

I only wanted to bring a perspective where the contrast can be shown and why a woman might be attracted to a bad boy and not a nice guy. 

A lot of people think that it got to do with sexual arousal. They assume bad boys are good at it. 

But the real reason at least in my case is that feeling betrayed by nice men, especially knowing that they front that sort of an "friendly loving" guy image, it's tough to trust a nice guy later in life. 

Not saying that I need to be with bad boys.. 

But would you like to be told the truth or would you like to be scammed or cheated? 

The answer is simple that human brains are attracted to honesty eventually. Because nobody wants to suffer. 

Once you suffer a series of betrayals by nice men, the whole nice guy charade begins to wear off. 

 

[wwhy]

10 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@wwhy you could say that. Bad boys can be abusive, not all the time but sometimes. 

Bad boys have actually helped me more than nice guys because bad boys have told me the truth about my situation and helped me to find a solution and stick to it. 

Whereas nice guys are like fair weather friends, they only want to be around when I am having happy days, not when I'm having difficulties. 

So what's the point of a fake person really? 

They are there just for a good time and often times if I ever got fucked over, it was always nice men, cheating, lying stuff. That hurt me more than what bad boys did. 

Because one thing is true. That bad boys never lied to me. So there was a tacit trust. I could at least trust them with their words. 

The times when bad boys are tough to deal with is when they get angry, abusive, out of control or do drugs or go to jail, stuff like that. 

Of course nobody sticks around them for long and in the end they are alone. 

I only wanted to bring a perspective where the contrast can be shown and why a woman might be attracted to a bad boy and not a nice guy. 

A lot of people think that it got to do with sexual arousal. They assume bad boys are good at it. 

But the real reason at least in my case is that feeling betrayed by nice men, especially knowing that they front that sort of an "friendly loving" guy image, it's tough to trust a nice guy later in life. 

Not saying that I need to be with bad boys.. 

But would you like to be told the truth or would you like to be scammed or cheated? 

The answer is simple that human brains are attracted to honesty eventually. Because nobody wants to suffer. 

Once you suffer a series of betrayals by nice men, the whole nice guy charade begins to wear off. 

 

Ok. I get where you are coming from.

I do not think they are "nice guys" though. If you are lying and dishonest, there's no way I'd consider you nice. Call them "fake guys".

I consider myself nice, but that does not mean swallowing someones BS or lying to them. To me, nice means not intentionally causing harm to someone else.  I can be blunt, but the intention is never to hurt. So I just don't think being straightforward is a bad guy trait, it depends on why.

Edited April 2, 2021 by wwhy

[Preety_India]

@wwhy to be frank most nice men are fake men. There are even memes on this. Nobody comes with a tag saying fake 

It's like a person pretending to be nice so that you begin to trust them. Their true colors are only shown later. 

Now the guys that you are talking about who don't want to hurt, I'd call them "genuine nice guys", however these men are quite rare. They either don't approach women that much, because they are not so much into gaming or they are just rare in terms of numbers. 

Bad boys and genuine nice guys, both are rare, they are both at the opposite end of the spectrum, towards the last portion. Whereas the middle of the spectrum is filled with all the nice creepy men. Who are fake and pretend nice. 

Bad boys are too brutal to deal with. So society deletes them. Genuine guys are easy to be scammed so they go out the other way. 

Then we are left with the manipulators. Well such is life. 

 

[wwhy]

@Preety_India I think the term "nice man" just needs to be abolished. A man is generally the protector and provider, and you cannot do that by being "nice". The word "nice" has evolved to meaning the same as "meek", "polite", "agreeable", "flexible" which are all actually feminine qualities. Whenver someone calls a really masculine man nice, what they actually mean is "humble" or "gentle". As in they see the power they have, and also see they are not intoxicated by it. That is the kind of man I strive to be, powerful and humble. That's my idea of a "nice man". When you truly have the power, you do not need to be fake or manipulative.