Why 'Assholes' Have a Better Chance with Women than 'Doormats'

[Emerald]

I've just thought up a good analogy that may clear this issues up for people. 

Let's say that, in this analogy, being authentic and conscious means being up on a horse... squarely in the saddle.

Then, on the right side of the horse you have aggressiveness, harshness, and being an asshole. Then, on the left side of the horse, you have passivity, weakness, and being a doormat.

Now, people who are up on the horse will be attracted to other people who are up on the horse, as these are people who are whole unto themselves and are anchored in their healthy personal sovereignty.

But a high percentage of people (perhaps the majority) are unconscious and dealing with traumas, and don't sit up on the horse. They've fallen over on either side. 

Most women end up falling on the left side of the horse and becoming a doormat, often due to being indoctrinated that way.

So, if an unconscious man wants to attract a woman, the most effective thing he can do is compensate for that is by falling over on the right side of the horse as this will seem to complete what's missing in the woman who has fallen over on the left side. If a woman is missing her ability to be assertive, she will be attracted to and attract men (and other people) into her life that are aggressive to compensate.

This creates a co-dependent relationship dynamic. 

So, if you wonder why "Assholes" are more attractive to more women than "Doormats" (falsely called Nice Guys), then this is why. Unconscious and fragmented people try to find their missing fragments in other people. 

But if you want to be attractive to someone who's up on the horse, then you have to be up on the horse yourself. That means you have to get in touch with your natural personal sovereignty as opposed to aspiring towards being an asshole. 

Assholes may get more women than average... but not because that's inherently more attractive to women. It's inherently more attractive to women who have been traumatized a particular way... which is a LOT of women. 

[Preety_India]

Right. They are more complementary to the vulnerable side of women.. 

[Leo Nordin]

Why would anyone date a doormat? 

[Emerald]

Just now, Leo Nordin said:

Why would anyone date a doormat? 

If a woman has fallen over onto the right side of the horse instead of the left.

[aurum]

@Emerald

This debate just keeps going in circles.

I feel the bottom line is this: Men, if you're looking to just get laid with as many women as possible, even if it's unconscious and not fulfilling, then just become some alpha chad who knows how to play the game of social dynamics. Bonus points if you take a low consciousness job like club promoter. No one is going to deny that will work.

But if you're actually looking for something real, something fulfilling, something that requires you to be a conscious adult that can handle a relationship, then you need to integrate your feminine. And integrate it in a way that is authentic to you.

Given that this is a non-duality forum, none of this should be surprising. You should have already been working on integrating your feminine, because your feminine is where things like intuition, creativity and compassion come from. This should not be controversial, it is essential to what we are all doing here.

[Emerald]

4 minutes ago, aurum said:

@Emerald

This debate just keeps going in circles.

I feel the bottom line is this: Men, if you're looking to just get laid with as many women as possible, even if it's unconscious and not fulfilling, then just become some alpha chad who knows how to play the game of social dynamics. Bonus points if you take a low consciousness job like club promoter. No one is going to deny that will work.

But if you're actually looking for something real, something fulfilling, something that requires you to be a conscious adult that can handle a relationship, then you need to integrate your feminine. And integrate it in a way that is authentic to you.

Given that this is a non-duality forum, none of this should be surprising. You should have already been working on integrating your feminine, because your feminine is where things like intuition, creativity and compassion come from. This should not be controversial, it is essential to what we are all doing here.

Exactly 

[Preety_India]

Pro tip to assholes - if you wanna be an asshole anyway, try being a good asshole instead of the badie one. 

Like a wanna be badass. That might be safer for the woman. 

[Hardkill]

@Emerald most guys are still used to being a doormat for women. In fact, most women end settling for men who are beta males that will suck up to them.

[Preety_India]

Just now, Hardkill said:

@Emerald most guys are still used to being a doormat for women. In fact, most women end settling for men who are beta males that will suck up to them.

After trial bro. Énd stage. After all the juice is squeezed by a long list of assholes, finally the remainder stays with a beta.. But main thing already given to asshole. What's the point of beta afterwards. 

[Hardkill]

1 minute ago, Preety_India said:

After trial bro. Énd stage. After all the juice is squeezed by a long list of assholes, finally the remainder stays with a beta.. But main thing already given to asshole. What's the point of beta afterwards. 

Well, most women generally swing the pendulum from wanting alpha males to wanting more beta male providers. What women truly want is a man who has a good balance between alpha male and beta male traits and is a genuinely honest.

[Preety_India]

Just now, Hardkill said:

Well, most women generally swing the pendulum from wanting alpha males to wanting more beta male providers. What women truly want is a man who has a good balance between alpha male and beta male traits and is a genuinely honest.

Bro, you figured it out. Must have been a woman in the past birth. Preach bro preach.

[Preety_India]

@Hardkill how do you know so much about women when you rarely talk to them? 

Whats the secret? You seem to know women. Do you mind read or what? 

Your name should have been   killhard instead of hard kill. 

 

 

Edited March 8, 2021 by Preety_India

[Hardkill]

39 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Bro, you figured it out. Must have been a woman in the past birth. Preach bro preach.

 

37 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@Hardkill how do you know so much about women when you rarely talk to them? 

Whats the secret? You seem to know women. Do you mind read or what? 

Your name should have been   killhard instead of hard kill. 

 

 

Haha. I call myself hard kill because despite all of the failures I've made throughout my entire life and even though I tend to be a pessimist, I still die hard and give up hard. For almost a decade, I've asked tons and tons questions from many of the best experts out there on cold approaching and dating. Plus, I may not have approached over 1000 girls in my life, but I actually have cold and warm approached hundreds of them in all kinds of venues for over 4-5 years. Quite frankly, that's still way way more than the amount that most men would ever even dare to approach or ask out throughout their entire lives. As a matter fact, I got my first and only girlfriend ever from cold approaching her during the daytime out on the street. We were together for almost 3 years before she broke up with me a few months ago. Furthermore, I've tried online dating myself like crazy and got some lays from it.

Edited March 9, 2021 by Hardkill

[Preety_India]

@Hardkill are you European?. 

[universe]

The question is.

While we now live in a time where assertive man will always be more attractive than weak man. And woman who are passive will most likely be seen more attractive than aggresive ones.

Is this a reflection of our social times and collective psychological wounds.

Or is this something that is foundational to masculinity and femininity. And thus will always be true?

[Gesundheit]

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

But if you want to be attractive to someone who's up on the horse, then you have to be up on the horse yourself.

Someone who is up on the horse does not feel attracted to anyone. That would defy the whole purpose of the horse.

In my opinion and experience, attraction only happens when I'm not on the horse, fundamentally due lack of completeness/perfection, which makes me seek it in another. A complete person does not feel attraction. They certainly feel aroused, but attracted as in emotionally engaged or invested, no. Maturity is measured by how much we invest emotionally in others. The less mature, the more investment. And vice-versa.

[Forestluv]

16 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

Assertiveness is timelessly attractive. But assertiveness can be interpreted/ transformed into assholery. That's basically as case of too much assertiveness. 

Assertiveness is like an artist's paintbrush - it can be used to create beautiful paintings or ugly paintings. 

[Derek White]

I think some of it is social conditioning for sure, but what about the biological aspects? 

Males can impregnate females with impunity, whereas pregnancy can be deadly for females. 

Therefore, females are more picky when finding partners. That's why females look for males who can protect them and will take care of their children. Which means they look for men who are above them in the social hierarchy, successful, and taller.

 

I think we are focusing too much on femininity and masculinity or dominating and submissive. Most people are somewhere in the middle of these things.

In reality, what men and women want is much more sober and grounded. Like women want someone who is taller than them, speaks their language, has similar political/religious beliefs, is an upstanding member of society, etc. these things are much more important than masculinity and femininity. 

 

[Hardkill]

3 hours ago, Preety_India said:

@Hardkill are you European?. 

I was born and raised in the US and I still live there. Though I have Central and Eastern European Jewish heritage.

Edited March 9, 2021 by Hardkill

[Preety_India]

34 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

I was born and raised in the US and I still live there. Though I have Central and Eastern European Jewish heritage.

I see. A lot of eastern European are Jewish I guess.