I think sexuality is weakness

[Onecirrus]

I hate that I have these impulses. I hate myself for acting on them, anger almost always follows an orgasm. I've never had a relationship and don't really think too highly of women either. I was also raised to believe sex was bad and indecent by my religious mother. Even though I'm no longer religious could I still be subconsciously running that programming?

Simultaneously, I feel inadequate when others are more sexually successful than me, also making me angry.

[Preety_India]

 

@Onecirrus How is it weakness though? 

[Onecirrus]

@Preety_India I guess just how little control I have over it makes me feel weak

[Dunnel]

@OnecirrusI dont think sexuality in of itself is weakness, but you abusing your sexuality can be. I get you though. Have tried semen retention many times. Hardest thing in the world. You are probably sexually repressed. Should probably embrace your sexuality before you transmute it. 

[Preety_India]

@Onecirrus  that's because of lack of self control. 

Practice self control. 

 

[Thought Art]

@Onecirrus Thats because its you that is weak and sexuality that is powerful.

I have elements of similar fears. Looks like a fun project to work on.

Edited March 7, 2021 by Thought Art

[RendHeaven]

47 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

Thats because its you that is weak and sexuality that is powerful.

^

[Leo Gura]

@Onecirrus  You need to do some deep inner work on your wounds, emotional armor, and anger issues.

That's where all your attention should be focused for the next few years.

You can't really self-actualize until you heal those issues to a significant degree.

Psychedelics can be helpful for that.

[kag101]

3 hours ago, Onecirrus said:

Even though I'm no longer religious could I still be subconsciously running that programming?

Very likely. 

[Keyhole]

It can be a weakness or a strength, depending on how you use it.
Most people use sexuality in a weak manner, so no wonder you and many people feel that it is weakness.  It is.

I don't believe, as a general rule, that people who claim to use sexuality as a strength are honest, either.  I think you need to have a solid spiritual foundation first, and how many folks out there genuinely have this?...

Not many.  Personally, I've never cared for sex with other people; I've had a few one night stands, a few short term relationships and I had a long term boyfriend a few years ago and I enjoyed sex with him... sometimes, but from what I have seen and experienced, usually people will use your sexuality against you because they're... well... weak.  
But from what you have said, you want to have sex and that's a big deal for you, so, idk, maybe see a sex therapist to work through your beliefs.  They would be able to give you step by step instruction on what to do. 

It can be a strength when used in a spiritual setting, as this area needs to be unblocked in order to progress spiritually, and there is a hidden power that you can unlock in yourself the more you work on your sexuality in an authentic manner.  There is life force within sexual energy.  Siddhis can come from here.

Edited March 8, 2021 by Keyhole

[Emerald]

3 hours ago, Onecirrus said:

I hate that I have these impulses. I hate myself for acting on them, anger almost always follows an orgasm. I've never had a relationship and don't really think too highly of women either. I was also raised to believe sex was bad and indecent by my religious mother. Even though I'm no longer religious could I still be subconsciously running that programming?

Simultaneously, I feel inadequate when others are more sexually successful than me, also making me angry.

It makes sense with your background why you would feel that way.

But it's imperative for you to heal those wounds and integrate your sexuality and your feelings to have a healthy orientation to yourself and others.

I would begin by questioning what weakness means to you.

[aurum]

@Onecirrus

Shadow work, shadow work, shadow work. That's what I would do if I was you. And meditate if you don't already.

3 hours ago, Onecirrus said:

Even though I'm no longer religious could I still be subconsciously running that programming?

Almost certainly. Nothing to be ashamed of though, we all have programming.

3 hours ago, Onecirrus said:

Simultaneously, I feel inadequate when others are more sexually successful than me, also making me angry.

Anger is a sign that you have a need that is not being met.

Do some introspection. Why do I get angry? What emotional need of mine is not being met? Why do I see someone being more sexually successful than me as a threat?

[Emerald]

23 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@Onecirrus  You need to do some deep inner work on your wounds, emotional armor, and anger issues.

That's where all your attention should be focused for the next few years.

You can't really self-actualize until you heal those issues to a significant degree.

Psychedelics can be helpful for that.

@OnecirrusI second that notion. You'll be all jammed up in yourself if you don't. 

And this can impact you negatively in all kinds of ways that may seem totally unrelated to sex at first blush. 

[NK13]

On 7.3.2021 at 11:24 PM, Onecirrus said:

I hate that I have these impulses. I hate myself for acting on them, anger almost always follows an orgasm.

“Directly after copulation, the devil’s laughter is heard.” - Schopenhauer 

Schopenhauer called the sadness or melancholia that follows an orgasm "devil's laughter". Directly afterwards, we realize that we pursue procreation irrationally and unwillingly, without our own happiness in mind. We stare at the abyss of meaninglessness momentarily. It is the realization that we are all slaves to the will of life, no matter how rational we think we are.  

Interestingly, Schopenhauer thought that such drive is necessary because unless it exists, we have to be crazy to want to reproduce. ? 

Edited March 9, 2021 by NK13

[Leo Gura]

The devil's laughter is God's laughter.

You pursue sexuality not irrationally, but for Love.

[Epikur]

Kyle thinks male orgams is imperialistic
 

 

[Rilles]

Youre probably split between identifying with your religious mother and your own needs. So you get a sexual need, orgasm and then "become" your mother and beat yourself up for it. I usually dont like Freud but this is a case where it sounds like your Id and Super Ego are in conflict.

Work on yourself psychologically like the others have said. Is it a weakness to want to breath too? To want to eat? What makes sexual drive so special? Why is it so bad?

Edited April 13, 2021 by Rilles

[blankisomeone]

ok dude think whatever u will...