Do Girls Likes When A Guy Humiliate Another Guy?

[Raphael]

Here's something that happened to me two times in the past.

For a period of maybe ~2 years, I was pretty depressed and sometimes even a little suicidal. During these two years, I worked in two different offices as a software developer, they were mostly guys and only one or two girls.

In each office, I got into a situation where I got publicly humiliated by another guy. The person would say a very short and dry sentence that would cut me into pieces and that I didn't need because I was already feeling very bad. When it happened, the other guys stayed neutral and didn't say anything but to my surprise each time the girl laughed out aloud.

It blew me away because I thought girls would be offended and show compassion for me, but it wasn't the case. I currently have two theories that explain these situations:

1. These girls were dysfunctional.
2. Even if I got unfairly humiliated, even if I was depressed, even if the girls wouldn't like to be humiliated like that, and even if girls are naturally more caring and compassionate they couldn't resist and laughed because these kind of behaviors are typical male dominating behaviors that feminity is attracted to

I currently think that the second point is more accurate. What do you think?

Note aside: In my entire life, I never thought about humiliating someone who is in a bad position. I don't understand why someone would like to make someone else suffer like this.

[Preety_India]

I'm not sure in what way the guy was trying to humiliate you. Was he simply teasing you or being sarcastic and making silly offensive jokes or was he being downright mean? 

Often conversations between two people could be easily misunderstood. Maybe the girls took it lightly and thought the guy was simply joking. 

If the guy was seriously humiliating you and it wasn't meant as a joke, then those girls lack respect and social tact and manners. They shouldn't laugh at someone in a serious situation. 

Sorry but there are always those tiny minority of people who lack respect and are totally nasty and classless. 

Do not pay mind to them. I think most people including both men and women are going to be sympathetic to your situation so don't worry, most people are not like that. 

 

[Recursoinominado]

Some do, some don't.

The ones that do didn't properly mature, so, fuck them (metaphorically) 

[Arcangelo]

Learn Martial Arts

[Raphael]

5 hours ago, Preety_India said:

I'm not sure in what way the guy was trying to humiliate you. Was he simply teasing you or being sarcastic and making silly offensive jokes or was he being downright mean?

Downright mean, but it also looks like it was funny for them.

From one perspective it seemed like they didn't really understood how I felt, but at the same time these kind of stuff always happened to me when I felt bad in life. Similar things happened when I was a kid at school in moments where I suffered from a lot of depression. It looks like people don't like when someone feels bad and want to kill him with words.

Edited March 8, 2021 by Raphael

[Bando]

Stand your ground if somebody throws a personal insult address it, especially in an office setting you must have boundaries even if they are joking because it shows them that behavior is acceptable

[Willie]

Friendly banter between coworkers can be misconstrued as mean-spirited and disparaging by the receiving party. Are you certain it was meant to be offensive? I can understand being in a bad place mentally and not being receptive to their humor, it has happened to me also. But there aren’t many people who would take pleasure in kicking someone when they’re already down.

[Karmadhi]

Some do but personally that is a huge red flag and i would suggest you try to avoid such people, whether be girlfriends or friends. You do not need such toxic low conscious people in your life.

[Parththakkar12]

12 hours ago, Raphael said:

In each office, I got into a situation where I got publicly humiliated by another guy. The person would say a very short and dry sentence that would cut me into pieces and that I didn't need because I was already feeling very bad. When it happened, the other guys stayed neutral and didn't say anything but to my surprise each time the girl laughed out aloud.

This is female narcissism for you right here. Enabling toxic masculinity and then bitching about it.

It's a 'divide and rule' game, where they pick the winner. That's how they evaluate who's the strongest, the most confident. That bullying came across as 'confident' to her! That's the reality. That's what they mean when they say they're attracted to a 'confident personality'. This is what they have to gain from male conflict - they get to evaluate who's stronger.

Looks like 'toxic masculinity' ain't all that toxic after all!

Edited March 8, 2021 by Parththakkar12

[Keyhole]

No... I hate to see men doing this; I avoid men who mistreat their friends/colleagues like the plague or keep a mental note on it because it means I could be next one day.

As for the chick, I don't know, was she nervous or amused?
If amused, then she thinks cruelty is confidence like the guy above said.

Edited March 8, 2021 by Keyhole

[Raphael]

@Bando @Willie

This thread is more about understanding some female reactions than me.

3 hours ago, Willie said:

Friendly banter between coworkers can be misconstrued as mean-spirited and disparaging by the receiving party. Are you certain it was meant to be offensive? I can understand being in a bad place mentally and not being receptive to their humor, it has happened to me also. But there aren’t many people who would take pleasure in kicking someone when they’re already down.

Yeah, I think it was more a joke to them in a sense, but in another sense I think it was also voluntarily. I noticed that within guys when someone feels bad in life, at least 1 out of 10 guys (who will be a little more narcissistic) will start to pick on him and bully him, than the others will follow to not be seen as the weak bullied one.

In one of the office, I consider that it was voluntarily because I got continually bullied there and the boss would be the bully in chief who would traumatize all employees.

[Raphael]

47 minutes ago, Parththakkar12 said:

This is female narcissism for you right here. Enabling toxic masculinity and then bitching about it.

It's a 'divide and rule' game, where they pick the winner. That's how they evaluate who's the strongest, the most confident. That bullying came across as 'confident' to her! That's the reality. That's what they mean when they say they're attracted to a 'confident personality'. This is what they have to gain from male conflict - they get to evaluate who's stronger.

Looks like 'toxic masculinity' ain't all that toxic after all!

These girls were normal stage blue girls. And yeah, I also think they laughed because it showed a "strong man" being masculine and just wanted to follow the masculine energy.

[Raphael]

8 minutes ago, Keyhole said:

If amused, then she thinks cruelty is confidence like the guy above said.

They looked amused.

[Preety_India]

6 hours ago, Raphael said:

Downright mean, but it also looks like it was funny for them.

From one perspective it seemed like they didn't really understood how I felt, but at the same time these kind of stuff always happened to me when I felt bad in life. Similar things happened when I was a kid at school in moments where I suffered from a lot of depression. It looks like people don't like when someone feels bad and want to kill him with words.

If they find it funny, I would say that they are being unkind and mean. Hostile energy. 

I'm not sure if they are getting attracted to toxic males or not because their behavior with other men is not visible or known to me so I can't derive conclusions on the basis of whatever info is given. 

All I can say is that they are being hostile and they are best avoided or ignored. 

 

[Preety_India]

1 hour ago, Parththakkar12 said:

That's what they mean when they say they're attracted to a 'confident personality'.

Careful with such generalizations. 

Not every woman is going to laugh at him. 

When I say that I like a confident man, it can mean a ton of different things, for example how confidently the guy approaches me, how he handles situations, how he responds to my requests etc etc. 

Confidence does not mean I'm expecting two guys to fight with and see who wins. 

Not every woman is hateful. 

 

[Keyhole]

@Raphael Not a good sign, but also please don't take it to heart.  Women who do that are not doing it to you, but because they want to follow but are following the wrong energy.
Are you in your early 20's?  When I was in my late teens/early 20's my ex would do this to other people when we first started dating and I had no experience beyond a few flings, I was never amused, but I took it to mean that he was intuitive, "alpha"; but I was/am also not a confident girl.  Women can also look a certain way on the outside to impress a guy, even if she might not be feeling that way on the inside.

It isn't you, it's them 100 percent.  Please internalize this.
People who act like that have problems.  You can't find abuse amusing and not have serious problems.

Pity them and try not to make their problems your problems; you are more important than their dysfunctional opinions and behaviours.  Anyone who is seeking to learn about and understand situations like this is guaranteed to have a better chance at growing in the right direction in the long term.

 

Edited March 8, 2021 by Keyhole

[Preety_India]

26 minutes ago, Raphael said:

These girls were normal stage blue girls. And yeah, I also think they laughed because it showed a "strong man" being masculine and just wanted to follow the masculine energy.

I don't think that this is a gender issue as you're trying to make it out to be. 

Some people tend to laugh or make fun, it's simply their silly instincts. It could be both male or female. 

For example a group of guys could be laughing at me on the street, I wouldn't automatically jump and say it's a gender thing. Because it could easily be women doing the same thing. 

It's not gender specific. In this case it could even be a bunch of guys laughing at you. This could be a human issue rather than a gender issue. 

Some people are kind. Some people are not. 

I don't think you can draw a deep conclusion on the basis of someone simply reacting to a situation when you are not perfectly sure what's going on in their minds. 

What if they are not thinking the way you are thinking about them. 

Careful about cognitive dissonance. It can easily ruin relationships with the opposite gender. 

If you are already thinking negative about those women, even little things that they do will be used by you for confirmation bias 

A person's personality cannot be fully evaluated from just a few reactions and situations. It takes a lot to know how and what that person really is 

If they are unkind to you today, the same people could be kind to you in a distressing situation. Your paradigm could easily get shattered 

Don't build an entire paradigm about gender or humanity only on the basis of a few situations and responses. 

A single response doesn't define an entire person because we are complex beings. 

 

[Parththakkar12]

29 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Careful with such generalizations. 

Not every woman is going to laugh at him. 

When I say that I like a confident man, it can mean a ton of different things, for example how confidently the guy approaches me, how he handles situations, how he responds to my requests etc etc. 

Confidence does not mean I'm expecting two guys to fight with and see who wins. 

Not every woman is hateful. 

 

This is how it's worked historically in tribes. This tribalistic attitude is reflected in the context of high-school with high-school teenagers!

It pays us to see that women generally don't care on a biological level. It takes a special individual to actually have compassion for men and to actually not want men to fight each other.

Also, it pays us to see that 'toxic masculinity' is toxic only when it hurts women, not when it benefits women! Not when women can manipulate it to their ends.

Edited March 8, 2021 by Parththakkar12

[Preety_India]

3 minutes ago, Parththakkar12 said:

This is how it's worked historically in tribes. This tribalistic attitude is reflected in the context of high-school with high-school teenagers!

It pays us to see that women generally don't care on a biological level. It takes a special individual to actually have compassion for men and to actually not want men to fight each other.

Also, it pays us to see that 'toxic masculinity' is toxic only when it hurts women, not when it benefits women! Not when women can manipulate it to their ends.

That's a misogynistic mindset. Well it benefits the patriarchy right?

Generalizations about how all women are going to be is not a great idea 

Both gender fail in certain respects. Let's not try to make everything a woman's fault. 

 

[Chew211]

I got a rather controversial answer.

GirlS will go with what/who is popular. 

I capitalize S because this is mainly in a social context. 

This is why I prefer meeting a girl one to one instead of a group setting. That way she'll be more of an individual and less of a shill for the collective. 

That being said a lot of guys nowadays would also be shills for the collective-- lack of masculinity after all. 

Oh, and yes, obligatory "I'm just speaking generally, there are exceptions." disclaimer.