Venting: not happy with my life, not at all

[Blackhawk]

@Superfluo 

I answer here instead of in that thread.

If you didn't see I edited my post a bit, so it says: "Therapy, anti depressants and other medicine, etc."

There is no solution to my problems. I have nothing to live for, it's not possible for anyone to love me, there is no hope for me. I'm dead already, I only live because I'm hardwired for survival which seems to be impossible for me to override + I don't want to ruin my parents lives. I suffer pretty much all the time every day and it will be like that for the rest of my life, which I hope will be as short as possible.

And all this suffering is for nothing, it's meaningless. (I'm talking about the "what is the meaning of life/everything?" question.)

I don't believe in any woo-woo wishful thinking fantasies which people talk about in this forum. I only believe in stuff which has been proved scientifically. But a exception is that I believe in Consciousness after death, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I will keep my memories from this life, I think that's unlikely. I "believe" in the Universal, attributeless, formless, impersonal Consciousness which is present in all living beings, and I think it's immortal and limitless. I wrote "believe" in quotation marks because that word isn't really right for it, because Consciousness is the unbiased witness of also beliefs. So it doesn't matter whether you believe in it or not. It is what breathes life and existence into everything.

No advice can help me, no advice has ever helped me, so don't give any advice in the hope of helping me. Just so you don't waste your time. But for your and our pastime/entertainment, you can of course write anything you want.

And no, currently I don't want to take psychedelics. I have tried it once or maybe twice, and the hell experience traumatized me and I suspect it gave me some chronic mental disorder. So I would be stupid as fuck to fuck myself up even more with psychedelics.

Edited March 7, 2021 by Blackhawk

[Dunnel]

@BlackhawkI wish you good luck, my friend. 

[Blackhawk]

4 minutes ago, Dunnel said:

@BlackhawkI wish you good luck, my friend. 

Thanks But my experience tells me that it will only get worse. But that's of course just me.

[Superfluo]

Okay.

It's absolutely normal to feel the way you feel, given your circumstances. You have valid reasons to feel that way. And you're not wrong for feeling wrong, hurt, desperate, powerless. Hopeless.

Your emotions are there for a reason. Your emotions are little children that need your attention.

[Natasha]

@Blackhawk If there was a thing or two that would cheer you up or make you feel happier in your current state, what would they be? Just curious.

[Preety_India]

@Blackhawk you need blessings, strength and hope. 

 

You will survive this phase. There is nothing to worry about. 

, 

[integral]

7 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

I "believe" in the Universal, attributeless, formless, impersonal Consciousness which is present in all living beings, and I think it's immortal and limitless. I wrote "believe" in quotation marks because that word isn't really right for it, because Consciousness is the unbiased witness of also beliefs. So it doesn't matter whether you believe in it or not. It is what breathes life and existence into everything

Why doesnt this belief set you free? 

7 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

there is no solution to my problems

Doesnt that mean there are no problems?

7 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

I have nothing to live for

Isnt that a good thing? Your free to live now for fun, with out obligations of any kind. 

7 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

it's not possible for anyone to love me

Why is that a problem?

7 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

I'm dead already

Perfect, so no need for suffering. Dead things dont suffer.

7 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

I suffer pretty much all the time every day and it will be like that for the rest of my life, which I hope will be as short as possible

I thought you where already dead?  

 

Your not seeing the obvious. There is nothing for you to loss or gain or do, so just live for fun. 

Nihilism is showing you that its all meaningless. What a relief right? Imagine this had meaning? That would be terrible. 

Edited March 8, 2021 by integral

[IAmReallyImportant]

7 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

@Superfluo 

I answer here instead of in that thread.

If you didn't see I edited my post a bit, so it says: "Therapy, anti depressants and other medicine, etc."

There is no solution to my problems. I have nothing to live for, it's not possible for anyone to love me, there is no hope for me. I'm dead already, I only live because I'm hardwired for survival which seems to be impossible for me to override + I don't want to ruin my parents lives. I suffer pretty much all the time every day and it will be like that for the rest of my life, which I hope will be as short as possible.

And all this suffering is for nothing, it's meaningless. (I'm talking about the "what is the meaning of life/everything?" question.)

I don't believe in any woo-woo wishful thinking fantasies which people talk about in this forum. I only believe in stuff which has been proved scientifically. But a exception is that I believe in Consciousness after death, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I will keep my memories from this life, I think that's unlikely. I "believe" in the Universal, attributeless, formless, impersonal Consciousness which is present in all living beings, and I think it's immortal and limitless. I wrote "believe" in quotation marks because that word isn't really right for it, because Consciousness is the unbiased witness of also beliefs. So it doesn't matter whether you believe in it or not. It is what breathes life and existence into everything.

No advice can help me, no advice has ever helped me, so don't give any advice in the hope of helping me. Just so you don't waste your time. But for your and our pastime/entertainment, you can of course write anything you want.

And no, currently I don't want to take psychedelics. I have tried it once or maybe twice, and the hell experience traumatized me and I suspect it gave me some chronic mental disorder. So I would be stupid as fuck to fuck myself up even more with psychedelics.

It reads like you think you don't have any hope. But doing things like opening a thread shows the opposite. That means you suppress emotions like hope, because of the fear what you might face or of the amount of work, which would be necessary to get over this. You feel stuck and you have the need to change something but feel powerless at the same time. You don't feel seen or recognized by others and you are frustrated.

You are not fucked up even if you think you are. And you never will be. It is ok to just lie around and do nothing, you can wallowing in negative thoughts and emotions. And there is nothing wrong with that. It just doesn't feel good and do you really believe the thought "I want to feel bad?". If you decide not to, I personally like this emotional scale from Abraham Hicks from Nahms site tools . Even if one doesn't want to do work right now, it is interesting to read.

[Blackhawk]

14 hours ago, Superfluo said:

Okay.

It's absolutely normal to feel the way you feel, given your circumstances. You have valid reasons to feel that way. And you're not wrong for feeling wrong, hurt, desperate, powerless. Hopeless.

Your emotions are there for a reason. Your emotions are little children that need your attention.

Thanks.

9 hours ago, Natasha said:

@Blackhawk If there was a thing or two that would cheer you up or make you feel happier in your current state, what would they be? Just curious.

Only unrealistic things, like: if I would win a million USD, if suffering in the world would cease, if Sweden would join NATO, if I wouldn't suck, and some other things.

7 hours ago, Preety_India said:

@Blackhawk you need blessings, strength and hope. 

 

You will survive this phase. There is nothing to worry about. 

, 

Thanks ?

7 hours ago, integral said:

1. Why doesnt this belief set you free? 

2. Doesnt that mean there are no problems?

3. Isnt that a good thing? Your free to live now for fun, with out obligations of any kind. 

4. Why is that a problem?

5. Perfect, so no need for suffering. Dead things dont suffer.

6. I thought you were already dead?  

 

7. Your not seeing the obvious. There is nothing for you to loss or gain or do, so just live for fun. 

8. Nihilism is showing you that its all meaningless. What a relief right? Imagine this had meaning? That would be terrible. 

1. I don't know.

2. No.

3. No.

4. -

5. I meant that I don't have hope.

6. Same as #5.

7. The theory sounds good but in reality it doesn't work like that.

8. Same as #7.

6 hours ago, IAmReallyImportant said:

It reads like you think you don't have any hope. But doing things like opening a thread shows the opposite. That means you suppress emotions like hope, because of the fear what you might face or of the amount of work, which would be necessary to get over this. You feel stuck and you have the need to change something but feel powerless at the same time. You don't feel seen or recognized by others and you are frustrated.

You are not fucked up even if you think you are. And you never will be. It is ok to just lie around and do nothing, you can wallowing in negative thoughts and emotions. And there is nothing wrong with that. It just doesn't feel good and do you really believe the thought "I want to feel bad?". If you decide not to, I personally like this emotional scale from Abraham Hicks from Nahms site tools . Even if one doesn't want to do work right now, it is interesting to read.

Whatever 

Edited March 8, 2021 by Blackhawk

[integral]

This is standard self defeating Nihilism. Wtv people say you have a concise explanation for why its wrong and your screwed. 

Going to explain things exactly as it is because your not capable of change. 

 

Your dumb, you know nothing and you dont know that you know nothing.

Your emotional intelligence is so poor that you cant tell that your logical mind is completely manipulated and controlled by your emotions. 

You believe wtv the world has told you, took it to its logical conclusion and think yourself to have it all figured out. 

Every thought that youve ever had is shallow and does nothing for you, but you still believe all of it with confidence. 

After reading this, the mind will instantly intuit a bullshit answer that keeps you running in circles. Cant wait to hear it.  

 

Ive seen this pattern enough times to know you want attention and to use this forum to feed your self defeating behaviour. 

Its ok, youll get what your looking for, everyone will come to "help" you, unknowingly feeding the fire. 

Edited March 8, 2021 by integral

[integral]

10 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

The theory sounds good, but in reality it doesn't work like that.

WTF would you know about reality? 

First step is to acknowledge that your dumb and that you know nothing.  

You just drove your mind in to a tree, stood on the wreckage and started boasting about your driving skills. 

Edited March 8, 2021 by integral

[Dunnel]

@integralare you trying to help this guy or make him kill himself? Jesus christ. 

[integral]

@Dunnel Hes a hyper rational, thinker, intellectual type, XNTX like me, not a feeler. It was designed to shake his confidence in his abilities to think and know (root of the problem). Definitely not appropriate for all situations. 

Its possible love affirming comments is all he needs to get unstuck, if that is the case i apologize.

 

Edited March 8, 2021 by integral

[Dunnel]

2 hours ago, integral said:

@Dunnel Hes a hyper rational, thinker, intellectual type, XNTX like me, not a feeler. It was designed to shake his confidence in his abilities to think and know (root of the problem). Definitely not appropriate for all situations. 

Its possible love affirming comments is all he needs to get unstuck, if that is the case i apologize.

He told me that he was suicidal. Usually you want Love when you are in this state, not rational arguments. I would suggest stepping into his shoes, but if you would want that people harshly criticize you I can understand where you are coming from. I personally would have gotten more depressed getting messages like this. Reminds you of how cynical the world is. Makes you forget about Love. 

[integral]

On 3/7/2021 at 1:04 PM, Blackhawk said:

just so you don't waste your time. But for your and our pastime/entertainment, you can of course write anything you want.

@Dunnel Maybe i took this to literally. 

I read his past posts to get an idea of his issues before commenting. Its surprising but hes a rational type that thinks hes always smarter then the comment hes reading. Everything people write is wrong sais his "rational" thinking mind.  Stuck in a endless self defeating rational loop.

He needs to recognize that his thinking process just drove him into a pit. Therefor proof his thinking mind is not worth listening to. 

“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” Albert Einstein

Communication does not work with him, hes to clever, he can run circle around any topic. Hes using the same thinking that got him into this mess, it wont work, it needs to be thrown out the window and relearned from scratch. 

Ive been to the end of suicide/dispair and back, bed ridden for years, the only thing that got me out of it was a paradigm shift. Im betting its the same for him. 

Edited March 8, 2021 by integral

[Dunnel]

@integralIdunno, maybe this does help. I almost killed myself yesterday though so it just hurts extra when you look yourself in the mirror. Its also possible to say all this without being an asshole. But theres definately people that respond well to this. He might be one of them. I dont know him. You seem to. Whats super tricky about depression is that you know what you ought to do, so when people tell you to buckle up you feel like a piece of shit. Then you try to buckle up, and then you go back where you started and feel like an extra piece of shit. The only thing that really helped me is love. Its the strongest purpose for bearing any kind of suffering. 

[integral]

@Dunnel Making some very good points, in my case i needed insight not love. i acknowledge that i should of communicated this gentler, i just know what hes capable of if hes given a inch of room to wiggle, he will find a way to escape. 

24 minutes ago, Dunnel said:

so when people tell you to buckle up you feel like a piece of shit

Didn't think of this, i hope that isn't how he experienced it. 

@Blackhawk  Sorry i tried to approach this in a way that was probably a mistake. I honestly dont think your dumb. Was really trying to force you to see your thinking mind for what it really is. But as you said nothing anyone says will change your mind... 

“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” Albert Einstein

Edited March 8, 2021 by integral

[Dunnel]

@integralAll is well, my dude. 

[snowyowl]

On 07/03/2021 at 6:04 PM, Blackhawk said:

There is no solution to my problems. I have nothing to live for, it's not possible for anyone to love me, there is no hope for me. I'm dead already, I only live because I'm hardwired for survival which seems to be impossible for me to override + I don't want to ruin my parents lives. I suffer pretty much all the time every day and it will be like that for the rest of my life, which I hope will be as short as possible.

... I don't believe in any woo-woo wishful thinking fantasies which people talk about in this forum. I only believe in stuff which has been proved scientifically. 

Sorry to hear you're going through this suffering. I don't know if it's true whether there's a solution, have you tried scientific medical treatment? What are your symptoms? The other option, if you can't change something, is to accept it and make the best of life with whatever limitations you have. Many people do live with disabilities etc, and life is far from perfect, but as long as you're struggling with the perceived gap between who you are and who you want to be, and make it into a problem, then you're missing out on the good things which are practically possible in the real world. Are you willing to change your beliefs? 

"The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change."

"What I am is good enough if I would only be it openly."

Carl Rogers

Edited March 11, 2021 by snowyowl

[Harry2]

I don't think words ever helps anyone but it can lead to many other things. And also you don't need help. It is just perfectly fine the way it is including the thought that it isn't fine (if any). Any resistance you feel towards your experience of life is also an experience and is perfectly allowed to exist. In one sentence it is exactly what it is.