Being in solitude or going out there to overcome my social anxiety?

[fopylo]

@Loving Radiance I do mindfulness meditation every morning where I focus on my breath. I make sure to understand better that I'm going through a thought, but when I'm physically scratchy, then I scratch.

3 hours ago, Loving Radiance said:

Look beyond thoughts, judgement, interpretation, past and future.

How? ?
By meditating and practicing more mindfulness?

So basically you are saying that all experiences are valued the same if you can experience the all from a ground level?

[Nahm]

2 hours ago, fopylo said:

@Nahm (Oh my gosh I refreshed it by mistake so I need to write it from the beginning, ughh)

Yeah but it's not like I'm experiencing the original emotion I had. I have this resistance which is very tricky because it gets me to dissociate from my experience.

I knew I had to rephrase that. I meant like uncomfortable feelings and unease.

The emotional scale.

2 hours ago, fopylo said:

So lately I've been really up-ing my game in meditation practice. I meditate around 30-60 minutes everyday, do 9 minutes of liberation kriya yoga, ride my bike a lot to focus on body, environment and includes solo traveling. I have recognized a bit of a change but not too big. I feel like my mind is still active and trying to interpret my experience as I'm experiencing.

Awareness of thoughts meditation

2 hours ago, fopylo said:

But when they arise they come in a form of future, like "I want this to happen sometime in a future point in time". What if I want wealth, great relationships, to travel around the world? Also, if a desire just pops up in my mind, maybe it could be just a quick short term attachment but I might discover later that I don't even want it.. And why should I not think about it? Don't I need to get clear on what I want?

Write on dreamboard. 

2 hours ago, fopylo said:

Why would I not want? You'll need to explain to me how it is perfect ?

Explanation is more than ample. Time to do. 

[Loving Radiance]

3 hours ago, fopylo said:

By meditating and practicing more mindfulness?

So basically you are saying that all experiences are valued the same if you can experience the all from a ground level?

Yes & yes.

[fopylo]

@Nahm Alright so I went through all what you wrote about the emotional scale, but have a few questions:
How long should I stay on each emotion? (Like do I need to advance more and more until I reach Joy?)

Do I need to approach each emotion as the end, right? (not as a means to an end, otherwise I'll create resistance to this moment)

Anger/rage and sadness (but mostly anger) are very hard for me to get immersed in. It could happen to me rarely, but when I notice it I quickly suppress it, and so it last for just like a second. So how can I immerse myself in it? Especially with anger, it feels "un-spiritual", "not conscious". With sadness it could last maybe like 3 seconds but then I try to reinterpret it and use logic and monitor myself to feel sadness, but then it just feels mechanical.

I also want to note that I've just recently finished watching a video of Leo, and usually when I get into those introspective states I feel very conscious. And so I am not exactly managing to get a hold of what I'm feeling. I feel kind of content because I feel at more peace, but I don't want to go further on the scale because it will be too much for me. but I also feel very overwhelmed from it, but I can't find really something to be frustrated about.
In general it's a bit hard for me to assess my emotions, now that I have this scale.

In regards to the awareness of thoughts meditation, I basically focus on my breath and when a thought comes I try to gently push it aside and refocus on my breath. Are the effects the same? I'm asking because you specifically suggested this type when referring to an issue I said.

And in regards to the dream board, I haven't gotten to it yet. I have been working my way though other stuff (like the emotional scale, watching actualized.org), and I am kind of feeling overwhelmed from all of this knowledge. I will get to it eventually and update.
Lately I have more of these ecstasy moments of insights and journaling and turning inwards, which gives me a quite uncomfortable high, which takes a while for me to get to my normal state. The only way I can think of reducing it is by watching some series, entertainment or doing some other lower consciousness thing just so I could reduce this overwhelming.

Edited March 20, 2021 by fopylo
wanted to add something small

[Nahm]

@fopylo

Look at the scale, and start with the emotion you are currently experiencing. 

No need to “push thoughts aside”. Just refocus on breath. Don’t expect “effects”. 

Ecstasy isn’t uncomfortable. 

Overwhelming is on the scale. Start there. 

 

[fopylo]

@Nahm I mean, if I start on overwhelming, then do I need to advance to frustration and until I get to Joy? Like, sometimes I just want to be relaxed (not overwhelmingly relaxed and excited lol).

By ecstasy feeling I mean that it is very overwhelming in the moment. Sometimes I have those moments when I'm very highly conscious and start journaling a lot/ recording a note and it feels like my mind is rushing with more insights about myself and life, but then it takes quite a while for me to get back to my "normal" state. It is not so comfortable being in those states, although I get most of my insights in this state.
But I still didn't understand how to immerse myself in a so called "un-spiritual" emotion.

[fopylo]

@Loving Radiance If so, then why would someone want to be successful and live the good life? What will drive him to live his passion and become ambitious if all experiences are valued the same? You might as well not do anything in life and be content, but is sounds kind of depressing

[Loving Radiance]

@fopylo Feeling this paradise and having success, living the good life, feeling passion and being ambitious doesn't contradict itself. This is the most functional state to make & experience life.

You keep asking questions even when it should be clear for you what you want to do right now. It's easy to distract. So, no more theory for you. Look beyond and trust.

[fopylo]

@Loving Radiance

4 hours ago, Loving Radiance said:

This is the most functional state to make & experience life.

You mean the state of being grounded?

4 hours ago, Loving Radiance said:

You keep asking questions even when it should be clear for you what you want to do right now.

Also, I want to let you know that it is not clear to me. I'm asking questions because I want to understand it first mentally (at least the basics). And I also don't know what I want to do right now. I am distracting myself because I feel clueless on what to do next

[Loving Radiance]

4 hours ago, fopylo said:

And I also don't know what I want to do right now. I am distracting myself because I feel clueless on what to do next

On 19.3.2021 at 5:38 PM, Nahm said:

Quote

But when they arise they come in a form of future, like "I want this to happen sometime in a future point in time". What if I want wealth, great relationships, to travel around the world? Also, if a desire just pops up in my mind, maybe it could be just a quick short term attachment but I might discover later that I don't even want it.. And why should I not think about it? Don't I need to get clear on what I want?

Write on dreamboard.

?

[Nahm]

10 hours ago, fopylo said:

@Nahm I mean, if I start on overwhelming, then do I need to advance to frustration and until I get to Joy? Like, sometimes I just want to be relaxed (not overwhelmingly relaxed and excited lol).

I’d say relaxed is about the same as contentment. Continuing on up the scale is up to you. 

10 hours ago, fopylo said:

By ecstasy feeling I mean that it is very overwhelming in the moment. Sometimes I have those moments when I'm very highly conscious and start journaling a lot/ recording a note and it feels like my mind is rushing with more insights about myself and life, but then it takes quite a while for me to get back to my "normal" state. It is not so comfortable being in those states, although I get most of my insights in this state.
But I still didn't understand how to immerse myself in a so called "un-spiritual" emotion.

Adding the duality of spiritual and un-spiritual emotion is unnecessary. 

[fopylo]

@Nahm

45 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Adding the duality of spiritual and un-spiritual emotion is unnecessary.

I guess what you said is true. But it can be really hard to accept it in practicality. You see all those gurus - Eckhart, Sadhguru, Osho... And you don't see them behaving like some stage red/orange behavior, so I kind of built an image unconsciously of what it means to be spiritual. No one really teaches you this. This duality is very tricky. It's basically erasing the category and meaning of "spiritual" and instead saying that all of what's going on is just life together, and the notion of "spirituality" was created by those who didn't understand it and created this duality. So basically there is no such thing is "spiritual" teachings and  teachings which are not. It is kind of paradoxical. I believe at some stage you just drop this word

Edited March 21, 2021 by fopylo
typo

[fopylo]

@Loving Radiance lol you just pointed out 2 contradicting things I said. I seem to be tricking myself here. But I still don't have such clarity on what I want to achieve. Even when I do have something that I'm considering on accomplishing then I have those walls of unconscious belief systems, resistance, victim identity, procrastination, and anyway to distract myself using very firm excuses.

I'll get to this dream board sometime later. Just started a holiday so I will consider looking into it. Many things that have to do with goal setting, creating a vision for the life you desire, what do you want out of life, and all that create overwhelming in me and I tend to avoid digging into it too much

[Nahm]

@fopylo

It seems the way you keep adding in a perspective to what was said, a perspective which doesn’t feel good to you, is being done consciously, on purpose. If not, reading this thread would be a pretty easy way to become aware of it. 

[fopylo]

@Nahm What do you mean by "adding in perspective"?