Desire for Friendship might be a belief of mine.

[lmfao]

I recently started to look at this issue of friendship and loneliness in a more meta way. My attempts to make friends or be social involve me putting on a persona, being more rigid, inauthentic and meeker.

More simply put, all that's acting is pure habit and automatic memory when I'm with a group of people or with people. Being slightly more conscious, I loosen up, become a bit less neurotic, more quiet and I kinda lose the desire to hang around the other person/people since I get bored. 

--
So I was with a group of friends. My perception is that they had their flow/play going, and there was no room or space for me to talk and enter. When all the time intervals are taken up, what do I do to enter? I found myself forcefully interrupting a few times, I was listening and talking. But what was all the listening and talking for? I was talking and hanging around, out of compulsion and habit. 

So all these people are talking, and I wanted to talk to them. But they were all talking to each other. BUT, I really don't have or feel like there was anything interesting to talk about when I was talking! ? So what's going on? Why do I have these contradictions, and act on these patterns?

I don't think they're on the wavelength of how I enjoy or talk about things either. 
--
Maybe it was just a matter of the pieces not energetically fitting together in the moment. "So in that case maybe there can be a place of a friendship, but this very attitude of seeking something beyond what's now is the problem". Either way, I'm strongly open to the idea that my need or desire for friendship is just a belief and habit now. At the very least, what's true isn't what I've been doing so far. 

"I already knew this", but now I feel I know it with less insecurity, and so often these insights fall into either "overlooked obvious" or vague non-surfaced concepts.

Next step is actual inquiry or observation following a superficial glance. 

Edited March 7, 2021 by lmfao

[Origins]

@lmfao People have a consciousness. You have a consciousness. Learn to understand resistance and you'll have your flow. For example I just recently did a self experiment with a 2 dollar coin where I test my automatic reactions in response to putting it in my mouth and swallowing it. Notice the thoughts and experiences you have in response to that, do you feel the resistance? This experience is analogous to the resistance that we go through for any experience, thus you know that resistance is not you.

I can smell your resistance like a K9 at a police airport sniffing for crack up some traffickers ass, notice it in yourself as well but most importantly make the fundamental difference between the awareness that is you and the resistance that you're experiencing. Feel it fully.

Now run a similar experiment with something that you would normally be resistant to that you will challenge in that moment like I did with the 2 dollar coin that I ended up putting in my mouth to win against the thoughts that said not to. This way you'll be able to understand resistance and how to overcome it in a real tangible sense, enabling you to avoid any unnecessary pain connected to misunderstanding and experiencing resistance. Resistance is there mostly as a conditioned, learned or overall survival response that sometimes follows with stronger emotions to maintain resistance. But if you understand at a raw level, similar to fear, you can overcome it with ease enabling you to achieve pretty much any of your goals relative the extent that resistance previously impeded your ability to do so. 

You've gotta get in there. Be bold. By understanding resistance at this core level you'll give yourself far greater opportunities to be creative here. Let me know if you require any further elaboration through insightful questions. 

There are things we ought to be (which means you can intelligently wire yourself here as well) resistant to and there are things we ought to not be, by understanding it both experientially and conceptually as well as how we can use awareness to become aware of, experience fully and through that transmute our state for any resistance we're experiencing on literally anything, we give ourselves the opportunity for far greater psychological health on whatever thing it is we're confronting. 

Edited March 7, 2021 by Origins

[lmfao]

@Meta-Man That summarises it well

On 07/03/2021 at 10:15 AM, Origins said:

@lmfao People have a consciousness. You have a consciousness. Learn to understand resistance and you'll have your flow. For example I just recently did a self experiment with a 2 dollar coin where I test my automatic reactions in response to putting it in my mouth and swallowing it. Notice the thoughts and experiences you have in response to that, do you feel the resistance? This experience is analogous to the resistance that we go through for any experience, thus you know that resistance is not you.

I can smell your resistance like a K9 at a police airport sniffing for crack up some traffickers ass, notice it in yourself as well but most importantly make the fundamental difference between the awareness that is you and the resistance that you're experiencing. Feel it fully.

Now run a similar experiment with something that you would normally be resistant to that you will challenge in that moment like I did with the 2 dollar coin that I ended up putting in my mouth to win against the thoughts that said not to. This way you'll be able to understand resistance and how to overcome it in a real tangible sense, enabling you to avoid any unnecessary pain connected to misunderstanding and experiencing resistance. Resistance is there mostly as a conditioned, learned or overall survival response that sometimes follows with stronger emotions to maintain resistance. But if you understand at a raw level, similar to fear, you can overcome it with ease enabling you to achieve pretty much any of your goals relative the extent that resistance previously impeded your ability to do so. 

You've gotta get in there. Be bold. By understanding resistance at this core level you'll give yourself far greater opportunities to be creative here. Let me know if you require any further elaboration through insightful questions. 

There are things we ought to be (which means you can intelligently wire yourself here as well) resistant to and there are things we ought to not be, by understanding it both experientially and conceptually as well as how we can use awareness to become aware of, experience fully and through that transmute our state for any resistance we're experiencing on literally anything, we give ourselves the opportunity for far greater psychological health on whatever thing it is we're confronting. 

@Origins Don't worry, I've got just the idea for a similar experiment. It's something I've been putting off for a week now. I'll have to see how intense or hard or how much I resist it. After I do this tonight, there may be other more difficult things I resist to in the future which serve as better training. 

Very important thing you talked about, not confusing the resistance for you. Because that's what it comes down to in large part, it really does. 

Edited March 8, 2021 by lmfao

[LfcCharlie4]

Don't force it, although I'll admit its hard post-school to make a group of friends. 

As well as @Meta-Mans suggestions, have you considered reading some Social Skills books, just basic level stuff and understanding the fundamentals, there's lots of good products out there. 

I would say don't force friendship though. as I defo don't feel how you said, I'm always buzzing to meet my friends and go out with them, even if they aren't 'spiritual' or whatever, you can have other interests outside of self-improvement & spirituality. 

Obvs Covid makes it harder, but websites like meetup.com will be your best friend, find things you like to do and meet up with them and try connect (where improving social skills comes in) 

For example, If I travelled to a new country, one of my biggest interests right now is Crypto, I'd find the local crypto meet ups and then go from there & usually you can find other common ground and get the ball rolling 

Like anything the more you 'practice' the more natural it becomes for you

Also, we all have different desires and needs for our social lives and that's unique to each of us 

I'm very extroverted and LOVE being around people, seeing my friends, dating, meeting new people, developing relationships etc etc, some people are the complete opposite to that 

So, first uncover what you want if you could have any social life possible, then work out how to get as close to that as possible

[Origins]

@lmfao yeah no probs mate its really simple one test that can be analogised is just look at anything you do and try and do the opposite, examine the resistance that comes up. The better peeps get at discriminating between resistance and awareness they'll learn more and more that the resistance has nothing to do with them outside of a conscious choice towards creative action

[lmfao]

 

18 hours ago, LfcCharlie4 said:

As well as @Meta-Mans suggestions, have you considered reading some Social Skills books, just basic level stuff and understanding the fundamentals, there's lots of good products out there. 

I would say don't force friendship though. as I defo don't feel how you said, I'm always buzzing to meet my friends and go out with them, even if they aren't 'spiritual' or whatever, you can have other interests outside of self-improvement & spirituality. 

Obvs Covid makes it harder, but websites like meetup.com will be your best friend, find things you like to do and meet up with them and try connect (where improving social skills comes in) 

For example, If I travelled to a new country, one of my biggest interests right now is Crypto, I'd find the local crypto meet ups and then go from there & usually you can find other common ground and get the ball rolling 

Like anything the more you 'practice' the more natural it becomes for you

Also, we all have different desires and needs for our social lives and that's unique to each of us 

I'm very extroverted and LOVE being around people, seeing my friends, dating, meeting new people, developing relationships etc etc, some people are the complete opposite to that 

@LfcCharlie4  Yeah it's a tricky balance for now I suppose, since I can't figure out what I want. It might sound like some sort of edgy and emo "Who needs people?". And while it is that to an extent, it's also me seeing beliefs/habits I adopted which don't make me happy.

Or motivations/habits with apparent contradictions. Where I find I way to be unhappy whichever case. So truth is still unknown

18 hours ago, LfcCharlie4 said:

So, first uncover what you want if you could have any social life possible, then work out how to get as close to that as possible

Right 

40 minutes ago, Origins said:

@lmfao yeah no probs mate its really simple one test that can be analogised is just look at anything you do and try and do the opposite, examine the resistance that comes up. The better peeps get at discriminating between resistance and awareness they'll learn more and more that the resistance has nothing to do with them outside of a conscious choice towards creative action

Thanks man ?. I like that framing 

[Origins]

@lmfao sweet as