Teal swan - what a woman needs from a man in a relationship

[Emerald]

8 minutes ago, Mannyb said:

@Emerald I couldn’t agree more with all of what you’re saying, that’s why men should read & practice what’s in Deida’s books. Learning to love the feminine in the world, women, and themselves. ?? 

I have certainly heard good things about David Deida. I should check him out.

[zeroISinfinity]

To help Rap actually get a gf is the point everything else is philosophizing.

That's stand position I am holding. 

[Emerald]

21 minutes ago, zeroISinfinity said:

To help Rap actually get a gf is the point everything else is philosophizing.

That's stand position I am holding. 

But the thread is about Teal Swan’s video. Perhaps start another thread for that.

[zeroISinfinity]

@Emerald Just saying that Dating, relationships etc  is not one dimensional thing this holds true for everything else in life. 

Everyone wants beautiful, smart, good etc lady but I am sorry to say but you have to be like that and vice versa. 

 

[Emerald]

Just now, zeroISinfinity said:

@Emerald Just saying that Dating, relationships etc  is not one dimensional thing this holds true for everything else in life. 

Everyone wants beautiful, smart, good etc lady but I am sorry to say but you have to be like that and vice versa. 

 

No, you just said that everything that doesn’t relate to how to get your friend a gf is just philosophizing.

And then I mentioned that this thread is for discussing Teal Swan’s video... which is all about women’s sexual needs in a relationship with a man from the female perspective.

And that perhaps, instead of derailing the conversation about women’s sexual/relationship needs, you should create a new thread to ask for advice on how to get your friend a gf.

None of that has to do with one-dimensional talk about sexuality... nor does it have to do with men wanting smart, beautiful women.

It has to do with women’s desire to be in their feminine energy and feel held in a relationship... and the challenges around that.

[Farnaby]

@Emerald really interesting analysis and I found your Ayahuasca report very enlightening. I'm certainly guilty of tending to be avoidant when things get difficult. 

I have a question though. You say 

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

you'll find that a lot of men will want to have a little sex and then run away.

 

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

But all this comes down to the way that boys are socialized to suppress their feelings and instincts and put on a culturally masculine persona.

Don't you think it's possible that this has to do with how our biology functions differently, not only because of socialization? 

I also think this need to run away could also be linked to us men sometimes finding it emotionally easier to deal with a group of friends than with our girlfriend/wife. It's like a nice space where we can talk about stuff in a way that would trigger most women. So, in a sense it's an opportunity to not have to walk on eggshells. I'm not blaming women for this, because it's our responsibility to stop walking on eggshells, but it certainly seems easier around other men. I guess it's the same for you when you need to talk about stuff that would trigger men's insecurities. 

And maybe it's also related to us feeling more understood by other men because they probably have experienced the same issues or very similar ones in similar ways.

Edited March 7, 2021 by Farnaby

[Emerald]

9 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

I see. Wonderful analysis.

I've been reading carefully the thread, from it's beginning to now. I've been recognizing myself in your relationship history with the feminine as well as the one of @soos_mite_ah. I've been literally through each phases, due to the same causality.

Yes, in a nutshell, everything Feminine out-of-the-box of what is allowed and defined by the Masculine is a social taboo. Something between the laughing stock of society, a corpse in the closest and the tempting devil itself.

As a consequence, both male and female have a rocky relationship towards the feminine, which leads to its repression and shrinkage. So it ends up within our individual and collective shadow.

It seems like the interplay between the Feminine and the Masculine required a shrinkage of the Feminine for structural reasons, which manifested within the human psyche as the demonization and diminishment of the Feminine. 

Up to this day, we still carry the pattern and it materializes concretely by an environment hostile to the Feminine, its value and anything remotely associated with it.

And what allows its perpetration is the tendency that we as individual keeps on sweeping it under the rug (aka the shadow), through various self-deception mechanism. Dissociation, avoidance and emotional distancing are some of them...

The irony is that we are in a situation where the snake in biting its tale. Men especially keep on feeling the need to repress their Feminine to supposedly enhance their Masculinity, for survival reasons. And eventually get in exchange a non-threatening femininity they are seeking for . Sex and no risk for real intimacy because what makes good non-threatening femininity is a form of control of it.

Paradoxically, an excavation of the Feminine values would be a game changer on how humans handle survival. I can think that it would lead to more cooperation, love, care of one another, the creation of better education systems, as well as health care. Because the reason why we're ruled by a class of toxic selfish devils is because they aren't in touch with their own emotions and feminine values either!

Let's imagine how less neurotic and aggressive society would become if everyone's basic needs would be covered...

But one has to start somewhere. And that somewhere is shadow work for everyone.

Yeah... there’s a lot male-washed feminine cultural standards of the day and of yesteryear.

That way, if women use the cultural narrative to connect to their feminine power, it will still be on masculine terms.

That way, society won’t fundamentally shift away from patriarchal customs and ways. 

Every time I’ve connected to the core of my Femininity it has always been both soft and powerful. And if everyone connected to that, society would really shift.

But of course, these larger societal shifts take time. But in the meantime, there is always the potential to hold space for that energy.

[zeroISinfinity]

Listening to Teal Swan feels like torture I really am proud of myself. 

Don't fill your head so much with this stuff go out and meet people. 

Have my blonde, time to spend time with her. 

[Emerald]

5 minutes ago, Farnaby said:

@Emerald really interesting analysis and I found your Ayahuasca report very enlightening. I'm certainly guilty of tending to be avoidant when things get difficult. 

I have a question though. You say 

 

Don't you think it's possible that this has to do with how our biology functions differently, not only because of socialization? 

I also think this need to run away could also be linked to us men sometimes finding it emotionally easier to deal with a group of friends than with our girlfriend/wife. It's like a nice space where we can talk about stuff in a way that would trigger most women. So, in a sense it's an opportunity to not have to walk on eggshells. I'm not blaming women for this, because it's our responsibility to stop walking on eggshells, but it certainly seems easier around other men. I guess it's the same for you when you need to talk about stuff that would trigger men's insecurities. 

And maybe it's also related to us feeling more understood by other men because they probably have experienced the same issues or very similar ones in similar ways.

It’s biological in the sense that men generally possess a greater capacity to disconnect emotionally.

Men have been wired biologically to have a greater potential to be able protect and provide through violence... which requires the ability to have distance from the emotions.

The issue is when men run away into that capacity to hide from everyday interactions with their loved ones and to avoid intimacy and human connection.

A healthy man is one who can use that capacity when it is needed and then be able to put his sword back in the sheath and live his life without the insecurity of needing to have his sword constantly drawn.

Now, it’s certainly true that male friendships offer a special kind of intimacy. But if you can only have intimacy and authenticity in male friendships, this will tell you a lot about you and your female partner’s barriers to intimacy.

[Hulia]

1 hour ago, knakoo said:

You clearly have some shadow around this topic. It feels so amazing to provide containment for a woman in this way. 

You misunderstand me. It definitely feels amazing to provide containment to somebody you love and get containment from somebody who loves you. No argument here. But why it should always be IN THIS WAY? Why not experiment with DIFFERENT ways?   

[Emerald]

8 minutes ago, zeroISinfinity said:

Listening to Teal Swan feels like torture I really am proud of myself. 

Don't fill your head so much with this stuff go out and meet people. 

Have my blonde, time to spend time with her. 

It probably feels like torture because it's triggering some wounds or dredging up some shadows in you.

Teal Swan's perspective on this can be incredibly helpful to you if you want to be a better lover/partner. Her perspectives on dating/sexuality/relationships (though heteronormative), are so incredibly accurate when it comes to what the average woman is really seeking in a relationship.

And if you really listen, having this added perspective can only help you. 

[Emerald]

Just now, Etherial Cat said:

I've read you once using as an analogy that Femininity needs basic soil while society cultivates an acidic soil, which I find very accurate. Cultivating Femininity in a sustainable way is horribly difficult because you can't survive or grow much of it due to the environment.

Holding space for it is surely possible though. But it's hardly possible without a firm basis of healthy Masculine energy to make that happen.

On a meta level, it is understandable that Femininity has a hard time to flourish and be developed under those circumstances.

Yes, that's usually how I relate it.

When the soil is basic only basic plants will be able to grow and flourish, and acidic plant will either not be able to grow at all or will only grow to partial capacity.

So, we as women are like acidic plants and men are like basic plants. And the soil is still 85% basic and 15% acidic... which is better than it was before. But still not ideal.

And you can see by the way that men really don't like looking at this and create lots of mental blocks about it, that there is a fear of allowing the feminine to come into alignment. And women have a similar fear because they've experienced that femininity equals weakness and the ground upon which they'll be lampooned or oppressed.

So, it's a tricky situation. 

[knakoo]

2 hours ago, Peter Miklis said:

 

How many roles does man need to fulfill? Lover, care-giver, therapeutist, purphose-driven asshole, good looking? Lol

Just let man be the man, let woman be the woman. Relationship shouldn't be about therapy, everyone should take care of their own mental state. Or, pay for actual profesional.

Dude it is simply about having a desire to understand the girl, that's very natural. If you care about her then it is very natural to try to help if you can. It is not about being her therapeutist, that's such a caricature !

[knakoo]

2 hours ago, zeroISinfinity said:

Don't fall for this guys. 

Moment you show any sort of simp like stuff, she will leave you or will make you to leave her. Guy that has girl in mess. 

Most women already have planned next guy. 

Jesus the attitude some of you guys have haha !

[knakoo]

21 minutes ago, Hulia said:

You misunderstand me. It definitely feels amazing to provide containment to somebody you love and get containment from somebody who loves you. No argument here. But why it should always be IN THIS WAY? Why not experiment with DIFFERENT ways?   

The way a man takes care of a woman is different from the way a woman takes care of a man. The different way you seem to propose is the polarity switch that Teal talks about. That doesn't feel good for the man or the woman.

[Hulia]

12 minutes ago, knakoo said:

The way a man takes care of a woman is different from the way a woman takes care of a man. The different way you seem to propose is the polarity switch that Teal talks about. That doesn't feel good for the man or the woman.

I heard that people on the first trains fainted because of high velocity, wich was about 30-50 km/h. And today? Here we are. Rushing with a speed of 500 km/h or even flying in the sky and feeling good. 

Never thought that people on this forum are so conservative.

Edited March 7, 2021 by Hulia

[Hulia]

20 minutes ago, knakoo said:

The way a man takes care of a woman is different from the way a woman takes care of a man. The different way you seem to propose is the polarity switch that Teal talks about. That doesn't feel good for the man or the woman.

OK, I watched the first 5 minutes of the video. And again I cannot beleive, that people on this forum take this rubbish seriously.. 

[Emerald]

5 minutes ago, Hulia said:

I heard that people on the first trains fainted because of high velocity, wich was about 30-50 km/h. And today? Here we are. Rushing with a speed of 500 km/h or even flying in the sky and feeling good. 

Never thought that people on this forum are so conservative.

What must be understood is that this isn't based in traditional cultural notions of femininity and masculinity. In fact, gender roles themselves and the resistance toward gender roles both simultaneously cause a lot of tension and friction that keep men and women from orienting to one another, to themselves, and to the world in a way that's out of alignment with their authenticity.

So, it may appear as though people are being traditional and conservative and backwards, but it doesn't actually come from the same place. 

It comes from what most women really do actually want in a relationship. And even as it may resemble older traditions, it doesn't have to do with reinstating the rigidity and trappings of the old perspectives. 

But it is a very complex topic. There's a lot of potential for people to misunderstand and end up in old, stagnant, and disempowering cycles that were just the norm of yesteryear.

The pre/trans fallacy is applicable here. 

Before, there were very rigid gender roles between men and women and women were oppressed and there were all kinds of problems.

Then, we threw off gender roles and lived in rebellion and defiance of them, which allowed us to grow more as people but also disconnected us in some ways from our natural energy.

And now, we hope to neither go into conformity nor rebellion against the old gender roles. We will do what feels good because it feels good... not because someone says it's what should be.  

[Leo Gura]

7 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

@Leo Gura 

Am i asking for too much here?

Yes, you are stuck in your personal selfish biases. You are not seeing or caring about the female's survival agenda, instead pushing your own.

A woman needs a weak man as much as you need a dick in your mouth.

3 hours ago, Emerald said:

This is totally the wrong way to think about it. 

It isn't about being someone's therapist.

It's about intimacy... which is not possible if you're not seen, heard, and understood.

What I said does not preclude intimacy.

You are asking for feminine containment and then immediately asking for a gay friend. You can have one but not both.

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Yes, you are stuck in your personal selfish biases. You are not seeing or caring about the female's survival agenda, instead pushing your own.

A woman needs a weak man as much as you need a dick in your mouth.

What I said does not preclude intimacy.

You are asking for feminine containment and then immediately asking for a gay friend. You can have one but not both.

What if being intimate means understanding the person through and through? Isn't that a kind of containment as well?