Teal swan - what a woman needs from a man in a relationship

[John Iverson]

On 3/9/2021 at 5:43 PM, Leo Gura said:

Isn't that obvious?

What guy actually likes those toothpick tomboy fashion models? They are good for some avant-garde pretentious art shows, but they are not what the average guy wants to nail.

If you want to know what average guys find hot and high-value, go to a porn site with user voting and search for 5-star rated videos. There you go. Not much mystery to it.

What guys like is very obvious. The problem is that women really dislike knowing what guys like because most of them ain't it

And hey, I get that. If I was a woman I wouldn't like it either. I would think its "gross" and shallow.

Women just want to be loved regardless of their looks. Unfortunately that's not how most men work.

Now somehow i get the point of women's side here, women wants to be loved regardless of their looks but men have judgement of what woman is 10/10 hb or it is 9/10 Hb or she's not attractive, then i don't bother even aproach her,  men are operating like this normally, so women are looking it as gross because they want also to be picked, and that's where their survival is at stake, they are scared that they cannot get the attention they deserve or they don't get any love for a man or a man won't bother choose them, because it is a game and a also a market, sex is also a market, across this market it scattered the "value" for man it is the physical attraction it is more strong within us, tho underneath it is the secondary other preferences like intelligence, etc etc, and with woman ,it is the value of humor? Personality? Being strong, Masculine, charisma, who is more like that they will choose him around men who is less..  it is A Game and Market

Edited March 10, 2021 by John Iverson

[knakoo]

10 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

I've never said I have multiple girlfriends. You imagined that.

I remember you saying something like "when I take maca, my girlfriends tell me to stop taking it lol". 

[Emerald]

8 hours ago, Gesundheit said:

The thing with enlightenment is that it removes falsehood and keeps the truth. So, it doesn't make sense to say that everything remains the same. It simply doesn't. I don't know what ideas you have about enlightenment, but it isn't as simple as realizing an insight and memorizing it forever. It's infinitely a lot more than that.

What you think right now is a need is not necessarily a need after enlightenment. For example, connection and relationships are not really a need. Anyone can survive without them, even in this unenlightened state.  Although, granted, most people won't survive well, but will still survive nonetheless. Watch this particular self-bias of your female agenda.

Before enlightenment, trauma will result in PTSD, shadow, mind-body complexes, bitterness, suffering, defence mechanisms, etc... 

After enlightenment, none. Trauma will not affect you anymore.

Enlightenment will free you from all the unnecessary "needs" that you once imagined are absolutely essential. It will make you a perfect human. Invincible. I've glimpsed that many times, and I'm moving towards it slowly.

The only necessary things to survive are air, food, and water. The rest are imaginary needs that are programmed into our DNA and psyche.

Sex is not necessary for survival, only for replication. Connection is not necessary for survival, only for the illusion of safety. Relationships are not necessary for survival, only for the ego's life story.

Get some experience beyond the ego and get back to me.

Too many people here speculating about what enlightenment is without ever having even a glimpse of it.

Enlightenment doesn’t dispossess you of your basic human needs... neither physical nor psychological.

It doesn’t even necessarily help you clear your psychological baggage... though it can help you do that because when you have transcended the ego perspective and/or dissolved the ego you don’t have to avoid your Shadows to preserve your ego.

[zeroISinfinity]

6 hours ago, Hulia said:

When I had my first job in Germany, they told me something like: At last we have a woman in our department, so that the order will be established and the cafe will become delicious... We guys are too stupid for that. ?????????? And I´ve got the better education and qualifications than anyone in our department. I can tell you, it was a shock for me to hear these offensive words. 

? Funny story. So you never made 'em coffee? 

23 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Get some experience beyond the ego and get back to me.

Too many people here speculating about what enlightenment is without ever having even a glimpse of it.

Enlightenment doesn’t dispossess you of your basic human needs... neither physical nor psychological.

It doesn’t even necessarily help you clear your psychological baggage... though it can help you do that because when you have transcended the ego perspective and/or dissolved the ego you don’t have to avoid your Shadows to preserve your ego.

Have no idea what enlightenment is. ✔️

Edited March 10, 2021 by zeroISinfinity

[Hulia]

2 hours ago, zeroISinfinity said:

? Funn story. 

And it´s Germany, not Middle East! Imagine my shock. Though in other companies, in which I worked afterwards, it was not that bad, but still all the managers and group leaders are always men. In Ukraine at least Financial Mangers are mostly women traditionally. But not in Germany. Crazy. 

I made them coffee, but they had to pour it out  And beleive me, it wasn´t the worst case scenario, I am just to good for this world to do the right thing (and I was on probation  )

Edited March 10, 2021 by Hulia

[Emerald]

5 hours ago, Samuel Garcia said:

When I say ego, we are talking about an individuals bias -- ie survival for their needs and ideals. So would you agree there is not escaping that? You said relationships are conditional which true. The foundation for a conscious relationship and unconscious relationship is the same -- satisfying Emerald. The conscious relationship sure has more love involved but it is still conditional on you benefitting from it. That is survival.

Like many, I have sought love in a relationship but that never came to fruition. But just being honest about the years of struggle with women and being honest with myself has cut down the seeking significantly for me recently. Would you say I need an intimate relationship to be happy?

Repressing ego is not helpful for sure. But its good to be honest about it. Men care about physical attraction women care about masculine containment -- both are egoic anyway, They both serve an individual's desires. That is survival, you see? If people realised this, then they would not seek love in a relationship as much as they recognise people care about themselves primarily. How is there an escape from that? There isn't (Well enlightenment but you don't quite agree so let's drop that.) 

 

Again, the instincts are not the ego, nor is the individual bias. The ego is just the mind’s story of who you are versus who you are not. 

The instincts are self-interested because that is just a feature of how the body/mind mechanism works. Neither the physiology nor the biology changes with enlightenment. Your heart still pumps blood, your bladder still holds urine, and your psychology still predisposes you with needs for bonding. 

Your mind/body machine still has the same instincts and needs (both psychological and physical), even if you do see through the illusion that the mind-story called “ego” is real and is you.

But the basis of a conscious relationship is not satisfying “Emerald”. The basis of a conscious relationship is satisfying Self. It is seeing the other person as part of Self and holding their best interests with your own.

But as far as needing an intimate relationship... most people benefit from having one. But you can also meet your relationship needs through close friendship and family. Ideally, you want a really strong support system that can hold space for you.

But men enjoying women’s looks isn’t an outgrowth of ego... nor is women’s desire to be held/contained by a man. These are just a function of the mind/body machine that we are. We can turn these things into part of our ego story... but the instincts are just woven into how the human machine works.

If people realised this, then they would not seek love in a relationship as much as they recognise people care about themselves primarily. How is there an escape from that? There isn't (Well enlightenment but you don't quite agree so let's drop that.) 

Enlightenment isn’t about transcending your humanity. We still have the same human needs for survival and human-to-human love that we did before enlightenment.

Enlightenment isn’t meant for spiritually bypassing the human reality.

But again, best not for you to speculate about the realities of what it’s like from the enlightened perspective without first having direct experience of what the ego actually is. 

[Gesundheit]

24 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Get some experience beyond the ego and get back to me.

Too many people here speculating about what enlightenment is without ever having even a glimpse of it.

Enlightenment doesn’t dispossess you of your basic human needs... neither physical nor psychological.

Nice straw-man argument.

What enlightenment reveals is that there are no psychological needs. All psychology is imaginary and placebo. Enlightenment frees you from the person/ego/placebo effect.

[zeroISinfinity]

10 minutes ago, Hulia said:

And it´s Germany, not Middle East! Imagine my shock. Though in other companies, in which I worked afterwards, it was not that bad, but still all the managers and group leaders are always men. In Ukraine at least Financial Mangers are mostly women traditionally. But not in Germany. Crazy. 

10 minutes ago, Hulia said:

 

Unfortunatelly. I understand your shock. 

Ukrainian woman?

May I joke. 

God bless your soul. 

 

Quote

 

In Ukraine at least Financial Mangers are mostly women traditionally. But not in Germany. Crazy. 

 

[Hulia]

19 hours ago, zeroISinfinity said:

Haha no not at all. First want to fix my private life to make it stable and maybe then I will decide to do "God's work" but don't want every women to fall inlove with me or to put myself in danger of that. 

So if your photos or even videos appear on internet, it would mean you private life is fixed and stable? Game A won?  

Edited March 10, 2021 by Hulia

[zeroISinfinity]

55 minutes ago, Hulia said:

So if your photos or even videos appear on internet, it would mean you private life is fixed and stable? Game A won?  

Yeah I guess. 

Game A, Game B what da... We all have  to swim,some waters are less poluted then others and have more or less obstacles. 

Swimming technique is the same. First learn to swim properly and waters won't matter that much to you. You can also choose in what waters you want to swim. 

Edited March 10, 2021 by zeroISinfinity

[Emerald]

2 hours ago, Gesundheit said:

Nice straw-man argument.

What enlightenment reveals is that there are no psychological needs. All psychology is imaginary and placebo. Enlightenment frees you from the person/ego/placebo effect.

On the absolute level there are no needs... not even to live.

But in the relative human perspective, all your needs are there just the same. 

Like I said, don't speculate on it. Get some experience and you'll see the distinction between the absolute and the relative and how the relative still runs by the same rules. 

[Gesundheit]

@Emerald

On the absolute level there are no needs whatsoever. That's correct. But I'm not talking about the absolute level. I am talking about the relative level. On the relative level, psychology is an illusion. So, it only seems and acts real for the unenlightened. The enlightened is aware of the illusion and doesn't fall for it or get affected by it.

There's a subtle distinction here. You're insisting that psychology is important/real and not imaginary. But the truth is that you have no evidence for that whether on the relative level or the absolute level, except your imagination. You're imagining that there is a set of rules for healthy relationship with reality and that there are certain behaviors that constitute/represent healthy psychology, but that's simply incorrect. This assumption is fundamentally false for various reasons, including:

1. It's made-up by unenlightened, and mostly materialistic humans. Therefore, it's irrelevant to enlightenment.
2. It doesn't take relativity into account. It assumes that the world is objective/external, that reality is set in stones, and that the individual has no, or very little power/control over it. The truth is that the individual has an incredible power that gets unlocked after enlightenment, because reality is manifesting through the individual, it's not simply imposed on them.
3. The models you have for healthy psychology are a human product, which makes them imperfect/flawed.
4. It's not wise to attach to any particular belief system regarding psychology, or anything else for that matter. Don't paradigm-lock yourself into whatever models you have studied so far. If you can't yet see the potential that I'm talking about, that's because you haven't experienced it. So keep an open mind. All models have their limitations, and they cannot capture the entirety of reality.
5. Academic psychologists themselves have disagreements on the most fundamental question: "What is psychological health?". So whatever ideas you have about psychology are not actually yet approved by the experts. Psychology is one of the least understood fields of science.

It's ironic that you're telling me not to speculate, when in fact you're falling into a bunch of epistemological errors without even knowing. Check your assumptions before preaching. You have no idea what my levels of realization and embodiment are.

Edited March 10, 2021 by Gesundheit

[Emerald]

5 minutes ago, Gesundheit said:

@Emerald

On the absolute level there are no needs whatsoever. That's correct. But I'm not talking about the absolute level. I am talking about the relative level. On the relative level, psychology is an illusion. So, it only seems and acts real for the unenlightened. The enlightened is aware of the illusion and doesn't fall for it or get affected by it.

There's a subtle distinction here. You're insisting that psychology is important/real and not imaginary. But the truth is that you have no evidence for that whether on the relative level or the absolute level, except your imagination. You're imagining that there is a set of rules for healthy relationship with reality and that there are certain behaviors that constitute/represent healthy psychology, but that's simply incorrect. This assumption is fundamentally false for various reasons, including:

1. It's made-up by unenlightened, and mostly materialistic humans. Therefore, it's irrelevant to enlightenment.
2. It doesn't take relativity into account. It assumes that the world is objective/external, that reality is set in stones, and that the individual has no, or very little power/control over it. The truth is that the individual has an incredible power that gets unlocked after enlightenment, because reality is manifesting through the individual, it's not simply imposed on them.
3. The models you have for healthy psychology are a human product, which makes them imperfect/flawed.
4. It's not wise to attach to any particular belief system regarding psychology, or anything else for that matter. Don't paradigm-lock yourself into whatever models you have studied so far. If you can't yet see the potential that I'm talking about, that's because you haven't experienced it. So keep an open mind. All models have their limitations, and they cannot capture reality.
5. Academic psychologists themselves have disagreements on the most fundamental question: "What is psychological health?". So whatever ideas you have about psychology are not actually yet approved by the experts. Psychology is one of the least understood fields of science.

It's ironic that you're telling me not to speculate, when in fact you're falling into a bunch of epistemological errors without even knowing. Check your assumptions before preaching. You have no idea what my levels of realization and embodiment are.

Claiming that there's no such thing as human psychology on the relative level by looking for them on the absolute level and invalidating the materialist perspective is spiritual bypassing. 

This will lead you and others into some pretty gnarly psychological issues because you will have invalidated the relative truth of human psychology.

Imagine that someone were making this same argument about the existence of germs. And saying, "You're not experiencing these germs directly. Germs are made up by a bunch of unenlightened materialists." And then, you refuse to wash your hands to prove how enlightened you are and how good you are at seeing through the illusions of Maya.

And then you catch a disease and die.

That's what you will do if you ignore the reality that human psychology is a part of this relative existence. 

[Gesundheit]

@Emerald ??‍♂️

You're right, from the unenlightened perspective.

[Emerald]

Just now, Gesundheit said:

@Emerald ??‍♂️

You're right, from the unenlightened perspective.

You're not enlightened nor do I imagine that you've had any glimpses of that perspective. But if you did have a glimpse at some point, you haven't integrated it well enough.

I understand that you're trying to argue because you want to be right, and you react like you seem to think I'm over here just like "Haha! You're wrong" and getting into random keyboard wars with you. You're trying to compete with me for some reason. 

But I want you to understand that what you're saying is misinformation... and dangerous misinformation at that.

If a person (including you) ignores their psychology because you've convinced them that their psychology is an illusion that will go away when they're enlightened, that person may start repressing their psychological awareness. And that person would be in for some really hard times and a constriction (not an expansion) of conscious awareness. 

So, stop speaking from a space of ignorance as though you're an expert, because there are very real consequences for getting people to believe what you're saying. 

Your perspective isn't integrative enough yet. Explore deeper and get more firsthand experience.

[Gesundheit]

@Emerald 

I've had enough of your fearful/neurotic projections. And now, it's just funny.

I'm out of here.

[Hulia]

3 hours ago, zeroISinfinity said:

Yeah I guess. 

Game A, Game B what da... We all have  to swim,some waters are less poluted then others and have more or less obstacles. 

Swimming technique is the same. First learn to swim properly and waters won't matter that much to you. You can also choose in what waters you want to swim. 

I won´t buy it. This part with no difference whether A or B, this water or that water. But I still fish wish  you good luck! You will need it with your character ?

And I wonna see your face! ?

[Farnaby]

@Gesundheit As a psychologist, I have to agree with @Emerald.

Even if on the absolute level many psychological needs stem from the ego and lead to suffering (as the Buddha said), bypassing those needs will have some serious consequences on your overall health, not only mental but also physical. 

However, you're right when you say that no paradigm is perfect or complete and that there is no 100% agreement on what mental wellbeing really is. I would even argue that many psychologists haven't done enough deep inner work to really know what psychological health really means and they get stuck teaching new coping mechanisms that may cause less suffering than the previous ones but will eventually not solve the deeper issues. 

But anyways, my point is that taking care of your psychological needs is as important as taking care of your physical needs. Neglect one of them and you will see some nasty consequences sooner or later.

[Samuel Garcia]

6 hours ago, Emerald said:

But the basis of a conscious relationship is not satisfying “Emerald”.

Say that when Emerald is not satisfied in the conscious relationship. Self-deception is a sneaky one

6 hours ago, Emerald said:

We still have the same human needs for survival and human-to-human love that we did before enlightenment.

You should go to a Rupert Spira meeting and tell him people need other people for love 

[AdamR95]

3 hours ago, Gesundheit said:

@Emerald ??‍♂️

You're right, from the unenlightened perspective.

If you would be so enlightened that you dont need to care about psychology then you dont need to eat, sleep, breathe etc. because you would be abslute formlessness. But you are here in a human form. So dont be so naive that you dont need to care about these things

Edited March 10, 2021 by AdamR95