Teal swan - what a woman needs from a man in a relationship

[Hulia]

2 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Eyes are the windows to the soul. They make a person come alive. They carry the expression of the heart. 

 

What is about actors? They are so authentic with all their glances, but they are not the roles, they play.

Btw italians are natural actors. In Italy you can really spend 3 hours at pool not moving from the spot and not being bored. Because you have a sheer  THEATER around you! 

[Hulia]

8 minutes ago, zeroISinfinity said:

@Hulia We are same. Trust me. 

Why not show your photo? You don´t even need to undress  

2 minutes ago, zeroISinfinity said:

@Hulia Blonde slavic type and nordic are the same. Whole europe is mixed. Rus origin for example Nordic people mixed with slavs.

Proto german - balts - slavs. Same root. 

I know ?

[intotheblack]

5 hours ago, Gesundheit said:

Call me gross, superficial, or whatever you want, but I honestly can't be satisfied with only one woman.

I'm not the biggest player, so I certainly don't claim a versatile sexual experience. But from what I've noticed from consciously watching porn, I am absolutely certain that I can't be monogomous. At least, I can't be happy in that kind of relationship.

To be more specific, my sexual appetite shifts every few days to a week. I might find blondes incredibly sexy today, but then after a few days, they're just normal and they don't spice or entice me up anymore. Suddenly, I become attracted to brunettes. When I'm in a certain sexual mood, all other moods get closed off. No matter how beautiful the woman is and no matter how beautiful I thought she was a few days ago, if she's not compatible with the current mood, I won't be turned on by her. And in fact, an average-looking girl that is compatible with the mood will turn me on like crazy.

I've been very watchful over my sexual mood over the past few years, and there's no particular pattern that I've found. It's an irregular circle at my best estimate. Sometimes, I get turned on by curvy girls, sometimes by skinny, sometimes white, sometimes black, sometimes a mixture of different things, etc... There's absolutely no logic for why I have these shifting moods. Eventually, I will find the same blondes sexy again. It just might take me a week, a month, or more.

Sounds like you just don’t really know what you want.  Which is fine. 

But stop claiming that all guys have the same mindset as you.

I think the porn is warping your mind a bit mate 

 

 

Edited March 9, 2021 by intotheblack

[zeroISinfinity]

2 minutes ago, Hulia said:

Why not show your photo? You don´t even need to undress  

I will skip that. Want to really skip that. Like for real. Have my reasons. 

2 minutes ago, Hulia said:

I know ?

Somehow attracted to contrast. I am black haired dude with hazel eyes haha and yes my preference is complete oposite of that. I guess it's natural. 

[Farnaby]

@Emerald gotcha. We seem to agree on almost everything. However, I'm not sure what is more shallow or conscious/deep. In the end those could just be our egoic judgements. Like someone else said, it depends on the perspective. But I agree that a society that exclusively chases physical beauty would be less ideal than one that integrates the intimacy and emotional aspects with the more "shallow" ones.

[Hulia]

10 minutes ago, zeroISinfinity said:

I will skip that. Want to really skip that. Like for real. Have my reasons. 

Somehow attracted to contrast. I am black haired dude with hazel eyes haha and yes my preference is complete oposite of that. I guess it's natural. 

What reasons? Mustache (I hope not!)? Pimples?

I heard exactly the opposite. That people are attracted to those who look more like them, because familiar looks trustful. For me it´s true. I noticed, that I feel more comfortable with people who look more like me.  

But no luck with "italian" guys. Probably they are like you attracted to complete opposite. Blond girls with blue eyes. 

[intotheblack]

Seinfeld - men have no idea what women want 

 

Edited March 9, 2021 by intotheblack

[Preety_India]

19 minutes ago, Farnaby said:

I'm not sure what is more shallow or conscious/deep.

If you don't know for sure what classifies as shallow or deep, how do you work through spiral dynamics (assuming you do)? 

 

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, jjer94 said:

Been lurking this thread and laughing my nonexistent ass off 

As a recovering nice guy, I figure I ought to share my experience with all of this.

Lots of insightful people on here. I think @Emerald's perspective is the most integrative one on the thread.

Relationship dynamics are incredibly nuanced — they're a tricky interplay between psychology, spirituality, biology, culture, and other systems. Everyone's at a different place, with different beliefs, different wounding patterns, etc., so different sets of advice will land differently for different people. 

Like a hyper-masculine dude would take well to listen to Emerald's advice about getting in touch with his feminine side — learning how to feel feelings with self-compassion and self-acceptance, even the ones that hurt. Learning how to express those feelings safely. Learning how to hold space for a woman's feelings without needing to fix or control them. 

I, on the other hand, have spent most of my life feeling my feelings and holding space. I was the highly sensitive boy who cried every other day, who had friends-that-were-girls who friendzoned me, was constantly bullied by hyper-masculine men...so I learned to repress my masculine energy pretty early on.

I am very familiar with holding space for all emotions, for myself and others. I do believe that intimacy (into-me-see) is about having the feminine safety to be able to healthily share any emotion ("I feel _____") and have it be accepted. 

But I am a stereotypical socially anxious beta male. I don't need to learn how to get in touch with my divine feminine — it's the divine masculine that I struggle to embody. It's the decisiveness, discipline, grit, leadership, reliability, drive, protectiveness, and focus that I crave to embody now more than ever. And I can't forget the biological element of this — that hormonally speaking, men are (generally) more wired to embody these qualities. 

I don't shun my inner nice guy anymore, though. I believe that nothing grows in shame — to try to "kill" the nice guy or be something other than what I am is counterproductive. It's the paradox of acceptance — accept the fact that you are what you are right now, and then you can change. You'll want to change naturally — to grow and express your genetic potential. 

While a lot of my fawning nice guy dynamics can be immature and manipulative, I can hold compassion for myself that I've had to be this way to survive the environment I've lived up to this point. I can also appreciate the niceness that is genuine, as well as my ability to be highly empathetic and considerate. 

The issue I find is that while there's a ton of role models of women who express their divine feminine, there are very few role models of men who express their divine masculine. Beyond Deida's Way of the Superior Man, Robert Bly's Iron John is a decent, poetic map for recovering nice guys. There's also Glover's No More Mr. Nice Guy and his men's circles around the country. I also recently discovered Sacred Sons, which seems like an awesome place to develop divine masculine. And who can forget Harville Hendrix and John Gray.

Now, and especially in the pandemic, we men are more lone wolves than ever. I think that's another huge factor. We've been taught this neoliberal nonsense of the rugged individualistic man that has never been in the history of humanity how men have behaved. No man is an island. Some of the best healing, I've found, comes from group work with other men. One of the best ways to kill polarity is to treat a woman like one of your bro friends instead of as your partner. Best to meet those bro needs with other bros. 

Anyway, my two cents. 

It is really difficult to find a man who connects with Divine Masculine. He's usually on one side of the horse or the other.

And given that this forum is mostly a lot of recovering nice guys, many of them will want to throw out the baby with the bathwater in fear that it will make them less desirable.

But in reality, being kind, warmhearted, generous, gentle, good humored, and laid back are VERY attractive qualities in a man.

But they're only attractive qualities if he's also in touch with his personal sovereignty and his instincts... the things that most people associate with masculinity. 

I like to think about an attractive man as being like a fierce lion with an expert lion tamer. 

If a man's lion is caged and has been beaten into submission, it's not attractive as his lion tamer is a shitty lion tamer.

If a man's lion runs amok ripping throats out willy nilly, it's not attractive as his lion tamer is a shitty lion tamer. 

A man must be like an expert lion-tamer to his lion (his instincts for survival, sex, and violence) by honoring the nature of the lion and appreciating it without caging or suppressing it. But he must also learn to channel the lion's energy into pro-social behavior as opposed to harmful behavior. 

And that's why a really attractive man is like a combination of kindness but with capacity for ruthlessness. 

But most men fall on one side or the other because of insecurities and fears around their masculity... one side being the nice guy, the other side being the brutalizing man. And both are denigrated expressions of what is exalted when there is integration between the two poles of masculine expression.

 

[zeroISinfinity]

9 minutes ago, Hulia said:

What reasons? Mustache (I hope not!)? Pimples?

Haha no not at all. First want to fix my private life to make it stable and maybe then I will decide to do "God's work" but don't want every women to fall inlove with me or to put myself in danger of that. But hey @Nahm is there. Safe baby all covered. Maybe help my countrymen. 

Quote

I heard exactly the opposite. That people are attracted to those who look more like them, because familiar looks trustful. For me it´s true. I noticed, that I feel more comfortable with people who look more like me.  

I do agree to certain extent but you forget that men ussualy like ladies with brighter tan and women with darker tan. 

 

Quote

But no luck with "italian" guys. Probably they are like you attracted to complete opposite. Blond girls with blue eyes. 

Haha. 

Edited March 9, 2021 by zeroISinfinity

[Hulia]

7 minutes ago, zeroISinfinity said:

but don't want every women to fall inlove with me or to put myself in danger of that.

Haven´t we fixed, that this is what all men want? To get laid by as many women as possible. And the women want to fall in love. Look, it fits!

Are you a shell?

Edited March 9, 2021 by Hulia

[Emerald]

23 minutes ago, Farnaby said:

@Emerald gotcha. We seem to agree on almost everything. However, I'm not sure what is more shallow or conscious/deep. In the end those could just be our egoic judgements. Like someone else said, it depends on the perspective. But I agree that a society that exclusively chases physical beauty would be less ideal than one that integrates the intimacy and emotional aspects with the more "shallow" ones.

Instincts are neither conscious nor deep. They simply are what they are.

So, while no one's instincts are any more or less conscious than the instincts of another person... there are certain instincts that come with a lot more potential negative consequences than other instincts.

In this case, this leaves men in a position where they are responsible for channeling those pluralistic and aesthetically focused instincts into pro-social behavior, where women's instincts naturally tend to fall more naturally into alignment with pro-social behavior. 

So, it isn't so much that men and women's instincts are more/less conscious than one another's. It's just that different instincts link in to different consequences, and if a man expresses those instincts in an unconscious way, the negative effects will be felt a lot more intensely. 

[zeroISinfinity]

16 minutes ago, Hulia said:

Haven´t we fixed, that this is what all men want? To get laid by as many women as possible. And the women want to fall in love. Look, it fits!

Are you a shell?

Hahahaha. 

Ok. How concious and wise you beleive I am? 

But.... 

Understand male and female nature how it actually is or in general. 

I was a devil and still am to certain extent. Have my flaws and I don't hide them.

 

Edited March 9, 2021 by zeroISinfinity

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, Samuel Garcia said:

From a self-actualisation viewpoint pursuing intimacy and connection in a relationship is certainly more noble than pursing someone based on how they look. However desiring intimacy and desiring physical looks are both selfish endeavours. Why would anyone even desire connection and intimacy in a committed relationship? Isn't it to just be satisfied at the end of the day? Leo is spot on when he says that one would probably not pursue a relationship if one was completely happy within oneself. 

So even though valuing how someone looks is shallow, from a higher perspective wanting intimacy in a relationship could also be seen as ''shallow'' because it is fundamentally still selfish.

I've always been someone who has sought love in other people my whole life. And after failing to seek the relationship I dreamed of with a women, looking back I can see even the most lovely, caring, conscious women I have met in my life are fundamentally selfish. Even though they may have empathy for my low-self esteem, even those nice women don't want to build an intimate connection with me -- Why would they? My self issues and depression is not something attractive to anyone. So even the most conscious of women I have met have their own bias. The bottom line is that it is a game of ego-survival -- not noble pursuit. We can talk about conscious relationships but isn't that more survival? Find completeness within yourself.

Enter spirituality.

All love is only for oneself. So turn towards that Self.

All motivation stems from self-focus. This is true.

Human beings only have two types of motivation. One is to go towards what we think will make us feel good. The other is to go away from what makes us feel bad. Both are self-focused.

There is no way to get away from self-focus. BUT we can expand our experience of what "self" is. When we recognize that all is Self, then we can truly care about "others" as an extension of our Self.

But on the more instinctual level, all people need relationships to thrive. Not necessarily romantic relationships, but relationships nonetheless.

We are a social species. And even though now we have the infrastructure in society built up to where we can isolate ourselves from others, we still reap the psychological and emotional consequences of not meeting those social needs... even if we've grown acclimatized to it and become numb to it. 

So, even if we perceive ourselves to be fulfilled in isolation, if we're not meeting our needs we won't truly be fulfilled because we are living out of alignment with our nature.

But you're incorrect in thinking that self-focus makes something shallow. Because all is self, honoring self-focus is the most loving thing you can do. But that is true if, and only if, you recognize the truth that all is self.

And in a relationship this comes through as recognizing your partner as 'self' and looking out for their best interest in same way that you would look after your own best interests.

But self-focus isn't just an ego thing. The ego is just what limits our self-focus down to our narrow idea of the self. We have to expand our sense of self and allow ourselves to be maximally self-focused and maximally self-loving.

This is the root of a conscious relationship, and there is nothing shallow about it.

So, that's the issue with the way you and Leo seem to be thinking about "selfish" drives. You consider them shallow... but that adds a lot of ideas onto them that simply aren't there.

There is not escaping self-focus. There is no such thing as a self-less act. But luckily, all is self.  

[Farnaby]

39 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Instincts are neither conscious nor deep. They simply are what they are.

So, while no one's instincts are any more or less conscious than the instincts of another person... there are certain instincts that come with a lot more potential negative consequences than other instincts.

In this case, this leaves men in a position where they are responsible for channeling those pluralistic and aesthetically focused instincts into pro-social behavior, where women's instincts naturally tend to fall more naturally into alignment with pro-social behavior. 

So, it isn't so much that men and women's instincts are more/less conscious than one another's. It's just that different instincts link in to different consequences, and if a man expresses those instincts in an unconscious way, the negative effects will be felt a lot more intensely. 

I guess the problem always boils down to repression. If we repress the masculine instincts in people, they manifest in more toxic ways and the same goes for feminine instincts. 

It would be nice if we could just honestly admit that we like both: a nice body (whatever that means to each person) and the deeper intimacy and connection that we can build together. 

Coming back to Teal Swan's videos on this topic, I have to agree with her when she says that the masculine has been repressed in men, when it's actually needed for a feminine woman to feel safe and contained. 

[jjer94]

21 minutes ago, Emerald said:

So, that's the issue with the way you and Leo seem to be thinking about "selfish" drives. You consider them shallow... but that adds a lot of ideas onto them that simply aren't there.

?.

Maybe it's just me, but I notice a lot of spiritual bypassing around these sorts of ideas in spiritual communities. 

"Selfish" has this negative connotation to it — that anything that's deemed selfish is therefore bad and must be either transcended or controlled. That if you desire sex, porn, or anything considered "shallow," you're unspiritual in some sort of way.

The kernel of truth in that perspective is that desiring "shallow" things could be considered a sign of spiritual immaturity, and that yes, eventually they evolve into needs and desires that are more harmonious with the greater whole. 

The downside of that perspective is that it's a great excuse to shame yourself and shadow all of your "shallow" desires. Just because something is immature doesn't mean it's shame-worthy. It just means it's more out of alignment. The immature first grader can't skip grades, so best not to tell him to go for a PhD. And it's best for the first grader to not shame himself for not being able to do the coursework for a PhD.

Like Leo has said in the past, sometimes it's better to backtrack, work on the basic human stuff, fulfill the "shallow" desires in as healthy ways as possible, and build a psychological foundation before pursuing self-transcendence stuff. 

[knakoo]

Following is a amazing post to illustrate feminine containment, that can be present from the first date. I shared it on another thread before but I feel like sharing it here as well.

Step 2 : Building a safe environment, is the most relevant here, but I recommend you read the whole thing.

If you are a guy who has been doing pick up for many years this could be very useful, like it was for me. 

If you are a girl it will give you an example of a man ready for a conscious relationship.

 

https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/dnjzzo/dont_try_to_get_her_interested_attraction_is/

 

One thing I see a lot on this sub is questions about interest : "I want to know is she is interested", "I think she was interested but I couldn't escalate", "How to make that girl interested ?" and so on. I feel like addressing that, and would welcome any feedback or comments.

Interest is mental. It's in your head, it's rational, it's in control. Excitement is in your body, you feel it inside you. It's a powerful force that you can't control. Imagine you're going to see a movie, one you tell yourself "oh I'm really interested to see that movie", and the other one "Oh I'm so excited to see that movie !". Do you feel the difference ? In your opinion, which one will you go for ?

I had a discussion yesterday with one of my LTRs. She was telling me about this guy she had a date with. She told me "It went very well. I want to see him again but I'm afraid he will think there is seduction going on between us". I was surprised, and feeling bad for the poor guy, so I asked "well what makes you want to see him again if you don't want any seduction ?". And she told me he was very interesting, a fascinating person and discussion with him was smooth and intellectually stimulating. She would love to see him again. Obviously I told her he would probably like more than that and any guy I know after a date that went well would not be happy if the girl said "Hey I would love to see you again as friends".

I asked her : "but what's different with me ?" (our relationship is still pretty recent, we had sex on the first date and we connect very well physically). And she said something along the lines of "I don't know. I'm just so excited when I see you. I never know what will happen, and when we see each other I feel like my brain just melts and my body takes the lead".

I feel it's something that happens more and more often to me. I used to be all in my head, trying to show I was smart, funny, nice, interesting. I was focusing on looking good, demonstrate value, making money. And I didn't have nearly as much success as I do now. Now I have girls telling me that they have butterflies in their stomach when they think about me, that I'm always in their head. I just had a girl texting me three weeks after having sex telling me it was so profound that she made changes in her life and solved some long-lasting issues since then. So they talk about it to their friends, who obviously are very curious and interested when they meet me, and so on... So I never have to make an approach or use online dating, I just have an endless number of people wanting to meet me, interact with me, and eventually get into sensuality or sexuality with me, if excitement is there.

So, how to generate excitement ?

I think excitement goes in three steps :

Connecting to your body

Building a safe environment

Being in the flow

Step 1 : connecting to your body.

First paradox, you can't generate excitement if you're looking for excitement. Why ? Because "looking for something" is already being in your head. Right now, reading that text, picturing how it would fit in your life, what plans you can do about it, it's all in your head. You're probably asking yourself "is this worth it to read that wall of text ?", "Is this guy bullshitting or is it really an effective method ?". It's all mental.

What you need to look for is connecting to yourself. It's being inside yourself. Not only when you're with that girl, but all the time. Just noticing what goes inside you, without trying to change anything. When you have an emotion, observe how you feel. Don't rationalise, don't avoid it, just stay with it.

Go for yoga, meditation, massages, anything that gets you a connection to your body and sensations. Hug deeply the people you meet, friends and family. Get used to eye contact, be at peace with your body and your nakedness (yes, by that I mean being naked in front of people). Dance, move, let your body decide what is right for it. Danse in the streets, take care of your posture, take time to close your eyes and feel your breathing. Observe the little things around you like the wind in the trees, like children having fun.

When you're with a girl you like, shortcut your thoughts into your body. If you hear a voice telling you "oh my god, I wonder if she wants me to go for the kiss ?", focus on your breathing and sensations. If you tell yourself "oh shit I don't know what to say, she must be bored right now", just breath and put your consciousness in your body.

You're there right here and right now. You're perfect the way you are at this exact moment. Life is an experience, you can sit inside of you and enjoy, look at the movie that goes in front of you, and be present with any emotion or sensation.

Step 2 : Building a safe environment

You know what is preventing most girls to be in their body during interactions ? A perception of danger. During a first date, most guys will be stuck in their head trying to get laid, while most girls will be stuck in their head trying to protect themselves from getting in a situation they don't want.

Anxiety is the number one excitement-killer. It's the best way to not be in your body and even to dissociate (it's when you get completely disconnected from your body because the sensations are too difficult to handle. It's very important you know this so you can identify it and prevent it in yourself and the person you're with).

Number one safety-builder is consent. Basically the girl should feel at any point that she can decide what she wants and nothing is forced on her. There is no pression, no expectation other than for her to choose what she wants. It's especially true in the first steps of the interaction when there is still a bit of tension. Asking "can I touch your hand ?" instead of touching it directly will reassure her. Maybe she will be surprised, telling you "well of course you can, you don't have to ask !", but deep down she can rest a bit a be a bit more in her body.

Ask for questions that have yes / no answers. Like "do you want us to go to my place ?" and not "Where do you want to go ?". If she hesitates, diffuse the tension "Ok, I feel that's a maybe, so maybe we can take it as a no right now and see if that changes at some point". Just let her know that she can take her time to decide, and that anything that is not an enthusiastic yes is a no. That's what safety is.

Final tip for consent, the "thank you for you no" method. Whenever you hear someone declining your proposition, look at her in the eyes and say from your heart "thank you for your no". Why ? Because saying no is hard. Many girls are afraid to say no to guys because they don't want to hurt their feeling, they don't them to be frustrated, they don't want to argue. By saying that you put value on her being able to say what is right for her and affirming her boundaries. That's also great for you because you don't want anyone to do something with you they don't want to do, right ? I can't overstate how powerful it is and how I have seen some girls completely drop all their mental barriers after hearing that. Of course you have to really mean it, if you ask again 3 minutes later or if you show frustration, it doesn't do any good 

Another way to build safety is to have emotional and vulnerable discussion. The question "how do you feel ?" (and NOT "are you okay ?") is your best friend. You can ask it at any moment about anything. Go deep, don't stay on the surface. Learn to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is the most attractive trait in a human being. Scientific experiences have been made that show that we connect through our vulnerabilities (look at "the power of vulnerability" Ted Talk if you haven't already). The more you'll be able to talk about your emotions, your fears, your struggles, your emotional wounds, even your relationship to your parents, the more quickly you will build a deep sense of connection and security. Whatever is shared, especially if that's something emotional, welcome it and don't judge it. Listen attentively, and thank her for being herself in front of you. Most people never hear a thanks for just opening to someone, but that's very courageous. Be willing to show who you are, even the parts you struggle to love, and be open to welcome fully that person.

I need to precise something : you're not trying to please her. If you try to please her and agree with everything she says because you fear she will not like you, you will end up in the "boring zone" (which is the real name of the friend zone, being friends is great, being boring is not). Be honest and don't try to be liked, just try to integrate that person into your world, to make her feel at home in the interaction with you. Like she would with someone she has known for a long time and feel intimate with.

Step 3 : being in the flow

Ok so now you're able to connect to your body at will and are not intruded by self-judging thoughts. The beautiful person in front of you is completely secure and ready to abandon herself to her sensations. So what should you do ?

Nothing. There is nothing that should do. Don't try to impress her, don't try to "demonstrate value", don't try to escalate, and don't try to have sex. Instead, allow yourself to be who you are. What do you feel like doing ? Express what goes trough you. Be vulnerable, be authentic. If you feel awkward, say it, the other person probably feels it too. If you are afraid, share it ! If you want to touch her, ask for it. You want to be with her in a more intimate place ? Propose. You don't have anything to say ? Just contemplate the silence. You feel good ? Just say "I feel good when I'm with you". Smile if you feel like smiling, let spontaneity express itself through you (but don't ask yourself to be spontaneous !), be present and follow your intuition.

Being with the flow means not resisting to anything that life trows at you. She is expressing some negativity ? Don't consider it as a "shit test", it's just the expression of some insecurity. Take care of it. Be caring with everyone, but do not care about anything. Caring about someone is being present for that person, it's being deeply committed to make the experience as truthful and meaningful as possible. Caring about something is taking things personally, it's taking a no as a rejection, it's trying to make the person like you, it's putting expectations on what should happen.

When you're in the flow, you never know what will happen. This is something that I hear all the time "wow, I didn't expect us to have sex / to spend the full day together / to feel something so intense / to have so much fun". Why ? Because I didn't intend for any of those things to happen. I just tried to be present in the moment, listening to my desires and acting on them without expecting anything from the other person. Fulfilment doesn't come from reaching objectives that only generates more objectives. Fulfilment comes from loving the experience no matter what happens and feeling gratitude for being alive right here and right now.

Here are a few words I would advise to get rid of because they all put your power on external forces. You're better off without them :

Shit test : No one is testing you. You're yourself, there is nothing to test about that. Some reactions can generate anxiety inside you, and it's fine. Accept it as any emotion, smile, and stay connected to yourself.

Being rejected : you can't be rejected. You're a complete human being, nobody has the power to reject you. But they can decline your propositions. Start conversations with a closed question : "can I talk to you for a minute ?", "Can I sit with you ?". If you hear a no, just say "thank you for your no" and move on.

Cockblock : You can't be cockblocked if you're in the flow. The situation can change, people can interact, but it's not about you. A few days ago I was about to have a threesome when one of the girls' roommate got in the apartment in tears because of a break-up and we spent the evening giving her emotional support. Was I "cockblocked" ? No, I just adapted, took the change of situation as an opportunity to bring support to someone and made a deeper connection with three people. Use the word "opportunity" instead, it will change your mindset.

Physical type, as in "I'm not her physical type" : There is no physical type. Attraction is not about putting people into boxes. When a girl is attracted to you, she is not having a checklist of things you have and don't have, giving you a grade and then telling herself "hey, that's good enough for me". That's just mental bullshit. Attraction is about what you feel, what goes in your body. No matter how you look, you can still connect with anyone. You can build excitement, you can have a meaningful moment with no expectation.

League, as is "she's out of my league". There is no league. The most attractive guy I know is very average-looking. He's just magnetic, because he loves himself, he connects to his body, he builds the most amazing sense of safety and he is so much in the flow it's like he's synched to the other person. When he listens to you, it's like nobody has ever listened to you before. When he touches you, it's exactly the way you want to be touched. And there is never any pression to go forward or to do anything that is not right for you. The only important thing about appearance is that you love being in that body and you take care of it.

The more you practice being in the present moment, the easier it gets. After a while you'll realise that the girls you find the most attractive are also the ones that you connect with the most intensely. Why ? Because once you're not in your head, you will see beauty as something authentic and personal, not "this girl is pretty because she has nice make-up and good symmetry". You will go for physical features that appeal to you, that make sense to you. And your intuitive mind knows what is right for you.

It was a bit longer than expected, I hope it will help some of you. I can assure you that once you get into that authentic and mindful connection, seduction becomes like a dance. You let your mind go and deeply connect to yourself and the other person. You will see girls having a huge smile whenever they see you, you will have much better sex whenever you want and you will feel love and gratitude in your body and can share that feeling with the world.

I wish you all a wonderful journey.

[Emerald]

31 minutes ago, Farnaby said:

I guess the problem always boils down to repression. If we repress the masculine instincts in people, they manifest in more toxic ways and the same goes for feminine instincts. 

It would be nice if we could just honestly admit that we like both: a nice body (whatever that means to each person) and the deeper intimacy and connection that we can build together. 

Coming back to Teal Swan's videos on this topic, I have to agree with her when she says that the masculine has been repressed in men, when it's actually needed for a feminine woman to feel safe and contained. 

Yes, that's what I experienced in my Ayahuasca journey last year.

The masculine way out of alignment from its center, and it was all the way across the room avoiding me. 

This wasn't a visual experience. I just knew it was happening that this dynamic was being played out across the entire species. 

[Emerald]

26 minutes ago, jjer94 said:

?.

Maybe it's just me, but I notice a lot of spiritual bypassing around these sorts of ideas in spiritual communities. 

"Selfish" has this negative connotation to it — that anything that's deemed selfish is therefore bad and must be either transcended or controlled. That if you desire sex, porn, or anything considered "shallow," you're unspiritual in some sort of way.

The kernel of truth in that perspective is that desiring "shallow" things could be considered a sign of spiritual immaturity, and that yes, eventually they evolve into needs and desires that are more harmonious with the greater whole. 

The downside of that perspective is that it's a great excuse to shame yourself and shadow all of your "shallow" desires. Just because something is immature doesn't mean it's shame-worthy. It just means it's more out of alignment. The immature first grader can't skip grades, so best not to tell him to go for a PhD. And it's best for the first grader to not shame himself for not being able to do the coursework for a PhD.

Like Leo has said in the past, sometimes it's better to backtrack, work on the basic human stuff, fulfill the "shallow" desires in as healthy ways as possible, and build a psychological foundation before pursuing self-transcendence stuff. 

Yeah, there is a ton of spiritual bypassing. I think it's mostly because people have a lot of insecurities around sexuality and relationships. 

It becomes a more comfortable narrative if we can somehow minimize or feel in control of our instincts in this way. 

[integral]

@knakoo Fantastic comment, the only reason i know its the truth is because im living it. But i think it takes some lucky life conditions to get the insights to operate this way. Its not going to be enough to describe it to them, they need practical training advice for each step. Also im guessing your personality type is naturally suited for observation and being present.

In the MBTI world, this mode of operating and results described in your comment is a common pattern for some INTJs. Ive seen it many times (star struck attraction women get). 

Im assuming all of this came naturally to you like it did with me? Or did you read a number of books and practiced?

Its the same attraction a guru has, their presents and communication style is enough to show people a new way to being they never new was possible. Just being in their presents is enough to change someone.

The women are seeing in you a whole new world, can cause them to change their lives and is the ultimate seduction. 

Edited March 10, 2021 by integral