Teal swan - what a woman needs from a man in a relationship

[intotheblack]

5 minutes ago, Emerald said:

I'm reading through the comments since yesterday, and it's not looking good.

Lots of guys on here with really apparent chips on their shoulders in relation to women. And lots of willful ignorance around the female perspective on sexuality and relationships. And a lot more of just doubting women's sincerity and/or ability to communicate what they want.

So many of the guys on here have such a skewed view of female emotions and sexuality that they are basically lining themselves up to attract very harsh and insecure women to themselves that mirror their own insecurities. And it will be a self-fulfilling prophecy that will seem to confirm their suspicions over and over again, the more unconscious/traumatized women they attract... further entrenching them in the cycle of distortion and unconscious dating behavior. 

And then, the women who actually are relatively conscious, compassionate, and who have done a lot of work on themselves will automatically sort them out because their instincts will lead them to a man who matches them with regard to their mental/emotional state. And they won't even realize that they're being unconsciously filtered out as unhealthy men by healthy women. 

And much of this is based in fear of femininity and the fear of being deemed lesser, so there is a desire to construct a narrative where they feel more in control of how women feel.

And this comes from their own low self-esteem and fear of their own feminine side, so they prefer to stay in a narrative that is deeply distorted but feels empowering to them where they can remain armored and in control as opposed to recognizing other perspectives and really allowing themselves to be fully human and have the intimacy that all people need. 

And it's especially a shame that Leo (as an influential person) has a lot of these same chips on his shoulder relative to emotions, intimacy, and femininity because he just green-lights all the unconsciousness relative to his understanding the female perspective and frames it as conscious and parades a distorted perspective as truth. And you can see all these guys feel emboldened in their distortions once he validates them. 

Ultimately guys, this is mostly your problem to sort out as you will be the ones reaping the consequences of this problem. 

And I can tell you all about the female perspective until I'm blue in the face. But understand, I'm not doing this for my own health. I'm mostly sharing this perspective to help the men on here understand so they can at least have some chance of experiencing a fulfilling relationship and satisfying their woman. It doesn't do any good to be so myopic towards your own survival agenda if you're looking for a real relationship.

So, for those that are working on themselves, if you want a fulfilling relationship to a relatively conscious woman, then you're going to have to be conscious relative to how you approach relationships. And you'll need to be multi-perspectival in how you approach relationships without getting stuck in the reductive perspective of seeing man/woman relationships as purely a cruel survival game.

And all this farcical alpha nonsense may get you laid here and there by women who line up with that... but it isn't going to cut it if you're looking to satisfy a woman and have a good relationship with her.

Women who are relatively attuned to their intuition will recognize your willful ignorance and defensive behavior for what it is... weakness and fragility and fear of the feminine. 

 Beautifully said

[Forestluv]

To the males on the thread: tone down the derailment, immaturity and quasi objectification / misogyny. Step up your maturity or the thread will get locked. 

[integral]

49 minutes ago, Lyubov said:

so you had sex with a granny? 

 

1 hour ago, TheAlchemist said:

@integral I'm torn between strongly wanting and strongly not wanting to have your superpower ?

 

1 hour ago, Peter Miklis said:

@Aquarius

I especially don't understand this? 

Yes, granny or alien action, its a state of mind.

If there where more high intelligence species on this planet, we would be having sex/relationships with them. 

1 hour ago, integral said:

hahaha i know, its dangerous, she might just nit me a sweater.

Interesting interpretation, there is the aspect of wanting her to be happy, but to do this it involved molding myself into desiring her, takes a few seconds to do it. Now im permanently attracted to her and fantasizing about it. If i choose i could reverse this molding anytime. The only condition is that its morally correct with me or else i cant mold. Like consent. 

Well i dont desire relationships, they just happen automatically. Again it really could of been an alien creature, with alien cultural relationship rituals, i would just mold and be fully content with all of it. 

Sort of the lesson here is, we are a blank slate that got stuck on a specif way of doing attraction/relationships by culture. All emotions, desires,attachment,expectations are fully moldable to any configuration. 

Some strongly disabled people want sex/relationships, if im the only opportunity they have for it, i cant allow them to go their entire life with out does experiences, so ill happily mold. 

Edited March 8, 2021 by integral

[Leo Gura]

These gender wars are like a conversation between a blind man and a deaf woman

[Emerald]

6 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

These gender wars are like a conversation between a blind man and a deaf woman

That's a false equivalency.

It isn't the same on both sides because there isn't a ton of distorted information about male sexuality. We all know about what men want and need in a relationship and you can go to 95% of the posts on the forum to see that.

And women never say, "Don't listen to men about what they want. They don't really know."

It's specifically blind men who believe they have 20/20 vision invalidating the female perspective. 

[Forestluv]

@Emerald I appreciate your patience. Most of your insights are unfortunately lost / missed by men in this subforum. 

[Preety_India]

@Forestluv tell that to Leo. 

 

 

[Mannyb]

I’m gonna go first and admit that I used to objectify women until just very recently & that’s what most men do, of course they’re just not aware of it. It stemmed from a sense of lack, wanting to find ❤️ through women instead of sharing love with a woman. What everyone wants is ❤️, thinking you want anything less is delusion. Happy women’s day btw! I also think that we should start emphasizing the difference between men/women & boys/girls, and it ain’t about age ? 

Edited March 9, 2021 by Mannyb

[RendHeaven]

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

We all know about what men want and need in a relationship and you can go to 95% of the posts on the forum to see that.

Wrong. There is your deafness right there.

Men more then anything want to feel NOT-dismissed.

In saying this, you dismiss the man's perspective (even if that's not your intention), and hence you are not really understanding/listening to their needs.

Every time you find a man on this forum screeching about "nice guys vs bad boys," or just sex in general, the translation is: "Am I enough? Please tell me enough. Please."

And every time, a barrage of women descend on these men calling them "not integrated enough" or whatever else.

Rather than accepting men at their level, you appear to chastise them from your throne.

Deaf.

And these are just the less developed men, by the way. Do you really know what a fully self-actualized man wants from his partner? It's not so obvious.

Now, me pointing this out to you will tragically come off as ME being blind to YOUR point against Leo (even though that's not my intention). Reading through my comment here may even in turn give you an urge to deconstruct all of my blind spots (no doubt there are many). And the cycle continues.

Leo is spot on.

49 minutes ago, Forestluv said:

@Emerald I appreciate your patience. Most of your insights are unfortunately lost / missed by men in this subforum. 

I agree

Edited March 9, 2021 by RendHeaven

[Gesundheit]

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

We all know about what men want and need in a relationship and you can go to 95% of the posts on the forum to see that.

What y'all might not know, though, is that most men don't even want a relationship. Most men mainly just want the sex so that they can go on with their lives. Males are fundamentally polyamorous by nature, and there's nothing we can do about that. That's how mother nature designed us for maximum survival.

[Mannyb]

@RendHeaven Women ARE supposed to help boys wake up and grow up, it’s not chastising, it’s evolution, they get to select and god knows how essential that is. These aren’t less developed men, these are traumatized boys. The lack of a right of passage has been leaving our society bereft of real men. A fully self actualized man doesn’t want anything from a woman, all he wants is to love her and ideally make her his queen through a sacred union. Rejection made me a man.

Edited March 9, 2021 by Mannyb

[RendHeaven]

7 minutes ago, Mannyb said:

@RendHeaven Women ARE supposed to help boys wake up and grow up, it’s not chastising, it’s evolution, they get to select and god knows how essential that is. These aren’t less developed men, these are traumatized boys. The lack of a right of passage has been leaving our society bereft of real men. A fully self actualized man doesn’t want anything from a woman, all he wants is to love her and ideally make her his queen through a sacred union. Rejection made me a man.

I agree.

I know that it's not chastising.

That's why I specifically said it APPEARS to be as such.

Emerald is doing her job splendidly. My only point is that she is still deaf nonetheless.

Edited March 9, 2021 by RendHeaven

[Emerald]

28 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

Every time you find a man on this forum screeching about "nice guys vs bad boys," or just sex in general, the translation is: "Am I enough? Please tell me enough. Please."

I brought this up in my earlier post. 

It's a lot of insecurity and fears of worthlessness. And then wanting to construct an easy-to-understand narrative around women's sexuality to feel more secure and in control of women's feelings... which they see as the ultimate measuring stick of whether they're enough or not.

And then, of course, men can feel even more in control if they can continue to believe that women don't really know what they want. 

And this is why I keep repeating myself. Men with this insecurity end up shooting themselves in the foot. 

They want so badly to be enough in women's eyes, that they construct a narrative in their mind where they can get some success with women and feel enough. But then, that narrative will only take them that far. And then once it gets past a certain point, they will only orient to their idea of a woman and not the woman herself... basically guaranteeing that he won't give the woman what she really wants, which is intimacy. 

So don't think that I don't feel this on so many men. 

It's very frustrating to try to get it across because, as a woman, I have a lot of personal experiences with being dismissed and ignored even in times where I've had the most accurate and sound perspective. So, there are definitely wounds there for me that this triggers. And I may get a little sharp if I'm ignored for a long time.

But I do fundamentally see what underlies men's insecurities around intimacy with a woman. It's fear of being seen and judged as lesser. 

Edit: Here is my post from earlier...

I'm reading through the comments since yesterday, and it's not looking good.

Lots of guys on here with really apparent chips on their shoulders in relation to women. And lots of willful ignorance around the female perspective on sexuality and relationships. And a lot more of just doubting women's sincerity and/or ability to communicate what they want.

So many of the guys on here have such a skewed view of female emotions and sexuality that they are basically lining themselves up to attract very harsh and insecure women to themselves that mirror their own insecurities. And it will be a self-fulfilling prophecy that will seem to confirm their suspicions over and over again, the more unconscious/traumatized women they attract... further entrenching them in the cycle of distortion and unconscious dating behavior. 

And then, the women who actually are relatively conscious, compassionate, and who have done a lot of work on themselves will automatically sort them out because their instincts will lead them to a man who matches them with regard to their mental/emotional state. And they won't even realize that they're being unconsciously filtered out as unhealthy men by healthy women. 

And much of this is based in fear of femininity and the fear of being deemed lesser, so there is a desire to construct a narrative where they feel more in control of how women feel.

And this comes from their own low self-esteem and fear of their own feminine side, so they prefer to stay in a narrative that is deeply distorted but feels empowering to them where they can remain armored and in control as opposed to recognizing other perspectives and really allowing themselves to be fully human and have the intimacy that all people need. 

And it's especially a shame that Leo (as an influential person) has a lot of these same chips on his shoulder relative to emotions, intimacy, and femininity because he just green-lights all the unconsciousness relative to his understanding the female perspective and frames it as conscious and parades a distorted perspective as truth. And you can see all these guys feel emboldened in their distortions once he validates them. 

Ultimately guys, this is mostly your problem to sort out as you will be the ones reaping the consequences of this problem. 

And I can tell you all about the female perspective until I'm blue in the face. But understand, I'm not doing this for my own health. I'm mostly sharing this perspective to help the men on here understand so they can at least have some chance of experiencing a fulfilling relationship and satisfying their woman. It doesn't do any good to be so myopic towards your own survival agenda if you're looking for a real relationship.

So, for those that are working on themselves, if you want a fulfilling relationship to a relatively conscious woman, then you're going to have to be conscious relative to how you approach relationships. And you'll need to be multi-perspectival in how you approach relationships without getting stuck in the reductive perspective of seeing man/woman relationships as purely a cruel survival game.

And all this farcical alpha nonsense may get you laid here and there by women who line up with that... but it isn't going to cut it if you're looking to satisfy a woman and have a good relationship with her.

Women who are relatively attuned to their intuition will recognize your willful ignorance and defensive behavior for what it is... weakness and fragility and fear of the feminine. 

Edited March 9, 2021 by Emerald

[Emerald]

28 minutes ago, Gesundheit said:

What y'all might not know, though, is that most men don't even want a relationship. Most men mainly just want the sex so that they can go on with their lives. Males are fundamentally polyamorous by nature, and there's nothing we can do about that. That's how mother nature designed us for maximum survival.

A lot of men are afraid of intimacy. So casual/short interactions based mostly in mutual masturbation will feel like the safest way for a man to meet his needs if he's dealing with avoidant patterns. 

Not as to say that most men wouldn't enjoy casual sex. The enjoyment is certainly there to be had.

But often, when it comes to avoidance of deeper relationships, it doesn't come from a genuine lack of desire to have them. It usually comes from fears of vulnerability or fears of losing themselves in a relationship. 

But this tendency actually runs counter to human survival. Human beings are meant to pair bond (or in earlier societies) settle down with a small group of male and female sexual partners so that all adults raise all the children. 

Men having indiscriminate sex with lots of female partners, even in nomadic times, leaves most of those children and the women in serious jeopardy. So, it isn't actually good for survival, as we are a social species with responsibilities for one another. 

Also, such a relationship will never really satisfy a woman unless she's GENUINELY looking for indiscriminate sex too. So, if you want a bunch of sex, you'll certainly be able to find women who (for one reason or another) are willing to sleep with you. But just don't fool yourself into thinking that you've given them something really satisfying. 

[RendHeaven]

@Emerald It's a stunning paradox indeed, that to truly help these men (or any struggling person) you have to slap them across the face and put them in their place; but also, to truly help them, you have to be 110% accepting of them with no will to change them.

The best teachers, I believe, will manage to honor both sides of this coin fully.

15 minutes ago, Emerald said:

It's very frustrating to try to get it across because, as a woman, I have a lot of personal experiences with being dismissed and ignored even in times where I've had the most accurate and sound perspective.

I understand.

My heart goes out to you and all women here, truly.

Sometimes I'm moved to tears thinking about how I could've/would've/should've listened to women more. 

And then I resolve to be better next time, and yet I still manage to not hear you guys with a totally open heart.

And I'm well aware that my resolve is rare among men. If even I sometimes stick my head in the sand, then men as a whole are buried miles underneath land wedged somewhere within a continental crust

Edited March 9, 2021 by RendHeaven

[DnoReally]

Im reading this thread, everyones sharing their feelings and then.. and then

 

On 8.3.2021 at 0:03 AM, Leo Gura said:

A woman needs a weak man as much as you need a dick in your mouth.

[Raptorsin7]

Does anyone posting about Male and female relationships in this thread actually have a relationship with a high quality partner of the opposite sex?

 

[Yahya]

@Leo Gura Awesome analogy

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

These gender wars are like a conversation between a blind man and a deaf woman

@Preety_India

 

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

@Forestluv tell that to Leo. 

 

 

I think Leo will be enough open minded to hear this.

 

 

I forgot to wish everyone. Happy women day!

 

 

 

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, Forestluv said:

@Emerald I appreciate your patience. Most of your insights are unfortunately lost / missed by men in this subforum. 

<3 

[Gesundheit]

@Emerald 

9 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Men having indiscriminate sex with lots of female partners, even in nomadic times, leaves most of those children and the women in serious jeopardy. So, it isn't actually good for survival, as we are a social species with responsibilities for one another.

Ever heard of condoms, safe sex, etc...?

Yeah, of course, there are men with avoidant attachment style. But that's beside the point.

Men are polyamorous regardless of attachment styles. It's just the way it is. It might not make logical sense from the evolutionary perspective, but it makes absolutely perfect intuitive sense from reality's perspective.

You're the expert on masculine and feminine polarities, so you probably know better. This should be obvious to you on an intuitive level. Although, granted that your logical mind won't like it. But what can we do? It is what it is.