Teal swan - what a woman needs from a man in a relationship

[Hulia]

2 hours ago, Farnaby said:

I guess our biological instincts haven't catched up with how modern society works. 

It´s a question of time. It´s not that long that the society works in this way.  And the changes are already in process. 

The modern heros are no longer Rambo or Terminator but Neo or Harry Porter. 

[Emerald]

18 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

No, he speaks about it from the POV of what the guy needs to do from his side.

It is not a guy's job to be a woman's psychotherapist and heal her wounds. This would in fact be counter-productive since you ladies always complain about being accepted for not being perfect.

A man does not need to be guided into some deep feminine terrain, he just needs to be a man and bring out the feminine in her.

This is totally the wrong way to think about it. 

It isn't about being someone's therapist.

It's about intimacy... which is not possible if you're not seen, heard, and understood.

[Preety_India]

8 minutes ago, Emerald said:

This is totally the wrong way to think about it. 

It isn't about being someone's therapist.

It's about intimacy... which is not possible if you're not seen, heard, and understood.

Absolutely agree. I thought the same thing. Don't know how that was misconstrued. 

Supporting someone in their healing journey is not the same as being their therapist. 

This is like saying to someone - if you got cancer, don't expect me to be your doctor. 

 

[zeroISinfinity]

19 minutes ago, Emerald said:

This is totally the wrong way to think about it. 

It isn't about being someone's therapist.

It's about intimacy... which is not possible if you're not seen, heard, and understood.

Don't fall for this guys. 

Moment you show any sort of simp like stuff, she will leave you or will make you to leave her. Guy that has girl in mess. 

Most women already have planned next guy. 

Do speak for guys who are younger and are just starting dating game. 

Lkke for 21 old dating 18 year old girl has to " understand her". 

Give me a break honestly. 

Edited March 7, 2021 by zeroISinfinity

[zeroISinfinity]

More woman "needs to be understood" faster I am packing my bags. 

[Emerald]

10 hours ago, Surfingthewave said:

Teal Swan assumes alot despite her disclaimers. 

@Emerald has made some really important points about this issue of male containment, particularly the role it can play around femininity if there are feminine wounds around safety.

Males will never know what it is like to feel unsafe as a woman, so it is important for females to explain this carefully if this is an issue in a relationship.

Teal swan is coming from a very heronormative angle assuming sexuality and gender is binary. In many relationships this isn't the case. I think more and more there is fluidity in these areas, which could be why both genders can struggle with relationship roles and particularly managing attachment difficulties. 

Yeah, that's true. There's just a lot of wounds that come with the feminine territory at this juncture in human history. 

If a man isn't attuned to that, he'll usually inadvertently run roughshod over them because he doesn't have the firsthand experience to relate. And there's just a ton of misinformation around the romanticization of the mystique around female sexuality, and then the outright "Never listen to a woman about what she wants" thing. 

And on top of that women often steer clear of these wounds and ignore them because they're so intense and feel so disempowering, so they often don't know either.

All of these factors make it very difficult for men and women to get the deeper and more gratifying experiences of intimacy out of sex and relationship. And things just devolve into mutual masturbation that all feels very lukewarm. And most men are seemingly pretty content with the mutual masturbation. So, it's extra frustrating from the female experience. 

To achieve intimacy, the desire is for the man to truly penetrate the inner feminine terrain as an internal analogue to the way a man penetrates a woman physically. This is what sexual intimacy really is between a man and a woman... a man penetrating a woman on all levels: physical, mental, and spiritual. 

But the issue is that that terrain has lots of collective and individual wounds in it. It's all booby trapped. (No pun intended  )

So, at this current phase, achieving deep intimacy between a man and a woman is practically an Indiana-Jonesian task for the man. It's a total minefield. And it's frustrating from both sides. 

And that's one of the reasons why I think men in general have such an issue with avoidance and disassociation. 

When I was in my Ayahuasca ceremony last year, I experienced that my internal experience was a universe unto myself. And the masculine was across the room and facing away and disaligned. And I was wanting it to come and connect with me. And I was moltenly angry as there was a total powerlessness to get it to come up out of its avoidant state and to face me and enter the universe.

And then, I saw in my mind's eye, all these fish. And in seeing that I realized that this is the dynamic playing out between all men and women on Earth and in the masculine and feminine sides of all people. And also that it was a general energetic problem in humanity itself. 

[Emerald]

15 minutes ago, zeroISinfinity said:

Don't fall for this guys. 

Moment you show any sort of simp like stuff, she will leave you or will make you to leave her. Guy that has girl in mess. 

Most women already have planned next guy. 

Do speak for guys who are younger and are just starting dating game. 

Lkke for 21 old dating 18 year old girl has to " understand her". 

Give me a break honestly. 

You're so afraid of a woman leaving you that you let your insecurities keep you from learning how to be a better lover. 

Stop being needy, and you will have the strength to seek intimacy with a woman without being so afraid of abandonment.

[Preety_India]

Just now, Peter Miklis said:

 

How many roles does man need to fulfill? Lover, care-giver, therapeutist, purphose-driven asshole, good looking? Lol

Just let man be the man, let woman be the woman. Relationship shouldn't be about therapy, everyone should take care of their own mental state. Or, pay for actual profesional.

The thing is relationships are no joke and not a bed of roses. There are challenges in relationships for both men and women. If one is not ready for it, then stay with porn or look for casual stuff. Most long term relationships are going to come with their bunch of problems and challenges. 

We are not plastic. We are humans. As humans we go through endless challenges in life and relationships have to go through these challenges as well. 

Both men and women have to fulfil multiple roles in relationships. This is not exclusive to men. It also applies to women. 

You're misunderstanding the point. Nobody is asking a man to be a therapist. It's about having an intimate connection and sharing the person's struggles. Listening to them. Creating an intimate bond. Which involves understanding the other person's psyche. 

Cultivating understanding and intimacy is not the same as being a therapist. 

 

[zeroISinfinity]

1 minute ago, Emerald said:

You're so afraid of a woman leaving you that you let your insecurities keep you from learning how to be a better lover. 

Stop being needy, and you will have the strength to seek intimacy with a woman without being so afraid of abandonment.

Afraid of abandonment cheats women all the time. Unlike most man I admit that to ladies I am currently with. What fear? 

Needy? 

[Emerald]

3 minutes ago, Peter Miklis said:

How many roles does man need to fulfill? Lover, care-giver, therapeutist, purphose-driven asshole, good looking? Lol

Just let man be the man, let woman be the woman. Relationship shouldn't be about therapy, everyone should take care of their own mental state. Or, pay for actual profesional.

It's not something you do for a woman. It's something you do with a woman. 

It's not therapy. And it's not meant to be some complicated chore. 

It's intimacy. It's allowing yourself to see, hear, and understand someone... while also being seen, heard, and understood.

It's about really holding one another.

Without intimacy, you don't actually have a relationship to the other person. All you can have is a relationship to your idea of the other person and your projections onto them. 

Without the capacity to have real intimacy in your friendships and relationships, you will always be alone. 

[knakoo]

9 hours ago, ginger28 said:

The last part really hit me, because recently I got my first real girlfriend(me 22, her 20) and although she was my dream girl and we had a great 2 months, at the end she said she couldnt be herself around me and she felt like my mother. I also felt that I couldnt give her containment in so many ways(organizing dates, ordering the drinks, calling the taxi, communicating confidently how I feel about her bad behaviour) and that actually she was giving me containment. She was the rational leader. I knew it wasn't natural and it would ruin the relationship. I knew I should parent myself, since I didnt get that as a child(absent father and other things). But I was pretty insecure around her, was even afraid to show my personality. I felt she was wiser than me and I couldnt do much but watch her lose interest and get frustrated. Now I'm researching anxious attachment style, self-love, masculinity and so forth, going regularly to therapy, reading books, I wanna learn everything I should have learned as a child. I wanna do everything in my power to grow. I dont wanna feel like a kid, but like a man.

Try the Wim Hof method. A cold/ice shower everyday will help a lot with this !

[zeroISinfinity]

@Emerald Not really proud of that, sthg I am working on to correct. But younger guys will seek this advices and you women are so dishonest. 

If you really want to help, well it will bruise your ego and you don't want to allow that.

Because you have to admit some harsh truths. 

Edited March 7, 2021 by zeroISinfinity

[Emerald]

27 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Absolutely agree. I thought the same thing. Don't know how that was misconstrued. 

Supporting someone in their healing journey is not the same as being their therapist. 

This is like saying to someone - if you got cancer, don't expect me to be your doctor. 

Exactly. It's a very different thing. But there is a reason why men (generally) would tend to misconstrue this.

I just mentioned to an earlier reply about something I experienced in my Ayahuasca ceremony last year.

Basically, I experienced that the masculine energy is disaligned from engagement with the feminine energy. And that this was a representation of what was happening with most men and women on Earth.

The masculine is essentially disaligned from its core and has become avoidant and disassociative as a result.

Men desire intimacy too, of course. It's a human need. But many men feel threatened by it.

So, they will get triggered back into avoidance and disassociation if they haven't yet integrated their feminine side and worked through this collective issue in themselves.

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Emerald said:

Exactly. It's a very different thing. But there is a reason why men (generally) would tend to misconstrue this.

I just mentioned to an earlier reply about something I experienced in my Ayahuasca ceremony last year.

Basically, I experienced that the masculine energy is disaligned from engagement with the feminine energy. And that this was a representation of what was happening with most men and women on Earth.

The masculine is essentially disaligned from its core and has become avoidant and disassociative as a result.

Men desire intimacy too, of course. It's a human need. But many men feel threatened by it.

So, they will get triggered back into avoidance and disassociation if they haven't yet integrated their feminine side and worked through this collective issue in themselves.

Exactly! 

 

[knakoo]

9 hours ago, Hulia said:

No human being likes to take all decisions and bear responsibility for all the possible mistakes but would rather prefer to sit on a couch and relax. But the half of human beings, called men, is forced to take decisions because of gender role allocation. That´s all.

You clearly have some shadow around this topic. It feels so amazing to provide containment for a woman in this way. 

[Emerald]

1 minute ago, zeroISinfinity said:

@Emerald Not really proud of that, sthg I am working on to correct. But younger guys will seek this advices and you women are so dishonest. 

If you really want to help well it will bruise your ego and you don't want to allow that.

I'm being 100% honest with you right now. You must understand that I've done the brunt of my inner work in relation to masculine/feminine dynamics. 

My desire is to get people to wake up to these polarity related issues, so that people can have a better relationship with others and with themselves. And this requires someone to get their own issues with feminine/masculine dealt with.

I don't want to keep you from having success with a woman. I want to tell you that, what you might define as success with a woman isn't going to be interpreted that way by the woman, even if they've told you otherwise. For women, it's all about intimacy... even if they themselves have armored themselves to it or have tons of wounds in that areas.

So, don't misconstrue my advice as advice on how to 'get' a woman. It's not that. 

I'm telling you what women actually need to feel good in a relationship and bond deeply with her partner. And this requires a man to be able to open up and allow for intimacy to happen. And this is something that can't be gamed. It's too close to the core of one's being. Intimacy is honest.

Now, a great many men and women are too armored to actually have intimacy at this current juncture.

So, the best thing you can do is to work through your own issues with intimacy, and then you'll be more likely to line up with a female partner who has also worked through her issues with intimacy to the same degree.

[Emerald]

12 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

What do you mean by avoidant and disassociative? Could you develop more on how it concretely manifest? I think we all could use some example.

When it comes to the disalignement from the engagement with the feminine energy, I have the feeling that it shows up very well in human behavior by the way men refuse to seriously consider listening and engage with what women have to say. There is a serious communication problem happening.

That is definitely one way. 

But beyond that, men often have a split between their masculine and feminine energy because of negative societal attitudes about men expressing things that are considered feminine. This includes being in touch with his emotions. So, that's the root of the problem right there. Not only does it disconnect a man from his feminine side... it also disconnects him with his masculine side... which pertains with his personal sovereignty and what he really wants because he is shifted away from his emotional core.

The way this shows itself is that men will tend to cope with things through maintaining emotional distance. This extends to relationships, but is not only applicable to this area of life.

I'll take my dad for example. Mind you, my dad is a very nice guy. So, not to say anything negative about him. But one thing that was always an issue is that he would often spend a lot of time disassociating once he got home... usually through zoning out in front of the TV. And this is kind of the same idea behind men who create "man caves" and stuff like that. It's seen as totally normal, but it's actually a coping mechanism where he can avoid the world. 

And then, in relationships, you'll find that a lot of men will want to have a little sex and then run away. There is a desire there for intimacy. But he only goes far enough to stick his dick in and then either runs away literally or figaratively through avoidant tactics in relationships.

Also, if you notice on this discussion board, several men reacted to the suggestion of intimacy like a cat being thrown into bath-water. So, there's that too.

But all this comes down to the way that boys are socialized to suppress their feelings and instincts and put on a culturally masculine persona. Men and boys are expected to armor themselves and never show weakness. And there's a lot of social consequences when they do.

So, anything relating to softness, femininity, and intimacy will be a trigger. And there's a lot of fear of social rejection underneath all of that. So, there's a lot of uncomfortable emotions and extreme responsibilities to avoid... hence the avoidance.

Edited March 7, 2021 by Emerald

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, Peter Miklis said:

However, I don't think this is something you can prepare for anyway, so I feel it's kinda counterproductive for the purphoses of this forum, which focuses on attracting women.

Actually this forum is the best place for it. Where else do you find people discussing these aspects so freely? Also a lot of men are not only interested in attracting women but also having stable long term intimacy with women. 

[Mannyb]

@Emerald I couldn’t agree more with what you’re saying, that’s why us men should read & practice what’s in Deida’s books. Learn to love the feminine in the world, women, men and ourselves. It’s one of our biggest shadows. ?? 

Edited March 7, 2021 by Mannyb

[zeroISinfinity]

@Emerald I do agree with you not that I don't. 

May I take you @Raptorsin7 as example. Forgive me please, will remove post.

To help Rap man to get laid and get gf my or Leo's advices will actually get him gf. 

Not yours even if it is accurate but it's more for developed and mature people who themselves gone through all the mistakes. 

Someone who didn't lacks experience etc will benefit far more with "superficial" stuff.