Don't be a fool like me

[diamondpenguin]

Hey guysss and girlzz. I want to tell you a story here today on how Leo’s latest holism videos have helped me heal my mind. So first I want to say that I have a lot of aspirations for life and they have been growing by the day. The thing is I have had a lot of motivation, but I lack the self self-discipline. I can’t focus, I can’t concentrate on anything because I keep eating crappy food, bouncing around between YouTube and video games, and jerking off to pictures of hot girls. I remember I saw this picture of some cute attractive guy and I was like “What the fuck I am doing, turn that gay shit off.”(hint).I was struggling to focus on really anything at all, but I got it done through just forcing that crap out of myself to get it done, and was eating crappy food while always trying to do my work and drinking just to try to get some more power so it speak out of myself to do it. I was always angry, and I always was in a bad mood and I hated myself. I remember this one morning I was playing a video game cause I didn’t want to do the stuff that would better myself, it was last Friday. It was a game where you have to rank up and I had literally almost got to the last level where I stayed up till 3am to try to get there and didn’t manage to get it done. So I woke up the next morning at 7am to try to get to the max level so I could compete at the highest level with the big dogs you could. The game I was one of the most masculine games you could play, it was a racing game as almost no girls like car racing.(another hint) My laptop I was playing on froze and it stopped loading for about 30 minutes as I sat there with my anger building and building and building. I was screaming “Fuck the conservatives and their hatred they’ve had upon me. This computer is worthless”. I couldn’t calm my anger because I was at war with myself, I didn’t realize it at the time, but now I know. So I was so angry that I punched the shit out of my laptop and my mouse bounced off my desk and onto the floor. Then it shut off and went to the blue screen of death. My hard drive was dead and so was my computer, this caused me instant regret. So I went onto the forum just to browse and stumbled into the stage-blue mega thread and read an example that Leo put there saying “Gay Conversion Therapy”. This left me thinking “Why do people hate gay people so much, what it is up with that?” Then I went to YouTube to find out what gay conversion therapy was and they were pretty much tormenting young gay boys and young lesbian girls. I thought it was stupid as I went to search up gay guys kissing on YouTube to see how bad it was. Here I was a fool and to me what I saw was not disgusting as depicted but when I saw these gay guys making out I got this feeling of love and ecstasy. My heart just melted and it brought me into a flashback to when I was 16. (Brace yourself) In the locker room underneath of the school where I kissed this gay guy. Then somehow the word got out, you know how it is with those gossipy teenagers. Then the next day I remember I sitting at the table eating lunch and I’ll never forget this. Some imbeciles came up to me screamed at me “Bitch Boy!”, “fa*****!”, “Why you looking at my dick you scummy cocksucker!”, There were some 30 high school kids who starting laughing at me and I started to cry just sitting hold my sandwich in my hand, it felt like I was in hell. I felt ashamed, guilt, and just like shit. Then remember after listening to some rap music when I was 17 and thinking that’s how I’ll prove to them that I’m manly, I’ll become a rapper. So off I went like a complete fool conforming to rap culture and toxic bullshit just to prove to some people that I was “Manly”. I gained 50 pounds eating ice cream and all kinds of other shit and was too scared to be seen as feminine, as a matter of fact terrified to be. I was always not confident and had no real focus at all. I still kept rapping for these last two years trying to prove myself like a fool that I was manly posting rap songs on the net. I even posted some here on the forum, and I see what I fool I was stuck in hip hop conformity. It breaks my heart to see that I plagued you all with such toxicity. I recently stopped rapping just because of the homophobic culture and gay bashing that it does. I remember I won those people over by making rap songs about saying gay is bad, and say shit like “fuck those stupid faggots”. On the surface I thought oh its fixed. But deep down I was wounded and torn and hated myself for it. I started doing stupid crap like I picked up a vaping addiction from my conformity which I quit last Veteran’s day cause it was ruining my lungs. That was a big foolish maneuver there as I self-reflect on what a fool I’ve been. So anyways last weekend when I watching those gay guys kissing each other I felt an ecstasy and love for life. And like nothing my cravings for playing video games all day, eating junk food, and watching YouTube all day…. Just dissipated like nothing. I have been exercising, motivated, and stronger than I ever was. I got connected back with my feminine side, and it has made me stronger. I can focus now on my work literally all day now, life is magic. This is all great, but something I realized yesterday that the sort of anti-gay conservative mindset was wedged into my mind like a dogmatic mind-virus. So last night I decided I was going to do Leo’s Shamanic Breathing to relieve my mind of this anti-gay shadow. Okay now it’s about to get good. I scowered the internet for the most cutest gay guy I could find. I found this adorable 20 year old guy with butterfly hairpins in his hair. I was like,”If he just isn’t the most sexiest thing”. Then I put my phone away and turned on my shamanic drum music. I did Leo’s shamanic breathing for an hour and I a lot of shit from my past came up especially in the first half hour, but the last hour made me feel like I wasn’t there at all. I had the whole vibration sensation that it gives you and looked around the room feeling this euphoric almost psychedelic state. It was very trippy as I sat there in this heavenly bliss for a couple minutes. Then I picked up my phone and opened it up to see the same picture of that same gay guy. He just looked like the most adorable, cutest, gorgeous, sexiest human being that I had ever seen. Then I got an erection and then got an orgasm while I was in this blissful, heavenly state. Then I really lost control of myself and starting writhing around laughing in a pure joy and ecstasy for a solid 5 minutes. I just felt such an intense love for all LGBTQ people and everyone in the world and the universe, but of course that guy, it was very freeing of trauma for me, very therapeutic indeed. The thing was that I embraced my feminine side because I had been demonizing that part of me for years. I merged with my masculine and now I am more Whole. I woke up this morning feeling so happy, elated, and felt like I could do anything. I was so pumped up and got so much stuff done this morning, this whole experience of embracing my feminine side and becoming more merged with my mind and body is a life-changing moment. I no longer feel bad for being bisexual, and I have been liberated from many of my addictions and lack of passion. Thanks and love you so much to Leo for inspiring me to heal my mind, and I love all of you here on the forum. It’s a real big problem I see everywhere that if you act feminine at all, people act like your a weak little bitch. The fact is that that couldn’t be any further from the case as Leo says all the time in his videos and he is most certainly right. If you read this whole thing, I love you.

[Willie]

Glad you had a breakthrough! Keep that momentum going!

[John Paul]

Good for you

Yeah... there is an abundance of homophobia in the world... it sucks

 

 

[diamondpenguin]

2 hours ago, John Paul said:

Good for you

Yeah... there is an abundance of homophobia in the world... it sucks

 

 

It really does John. The lower the consciousness the more the hate people give off. 

 

3 hours ago, Willie said:

Glad you had a breakthrough! Keep that momentum going!

Thanks Willie, We're all aiming for infinite consciousness. 

[Tim R]

Wow man, what a story! Glad that you brought yourself a bit closer to yourself

[mandyjw]

[Leo Gura]

@diamondpenguin That's some fine shadow work right there.

[Preety_India]

You're such a delight. 

That's wonderful man. 

It's good to know you figured it all out. 

Feels liberated right. 

Fuck those people who show hate. They're low conscious stage blue crappy people. 

I just don't get the obsession with being heterosexual. As if sexuality is some kind of virtue or prize to hold. It's just a preference of the heart.. 

It's crazy how society is so steeped in narrow mindedness that it cannot allow people to be happy with who they are. 

Sucks mate. I wish you well.. 

[Abdelghafar]

That's a breakthrough, good job man. I'm really happy for you.

[fridjonk]

Well done, dude! 

[Rilles]

This is the most beautiful thing I have ever read on this site... Good on you, man! 

[RendHeaven]

Wow. You really did the work in one go. Keep it up!

P.S. So... are girls still attractive to you too?

[Pistachio2]

Like to hear that your doing better man keep up the good work. 

[ChickenFeathers]

Amazing story, thank you!

[Preety_India]

@diamondpenguin I'm so sorry that you were bullied by people. It's the most unfair thing in life. Nobody should get bullied. Bullies are the worst. 

 

 

[diamondpenguin]

9 hours ago, Tim R said:

Wow man, what a story! Glad that you brought yourself a bit closer to yourself

Thanks Tim, I'm really grateful for people like you to join us in this life journey. 

 

7 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@diamondpenguin That's some fine shadow work right there.

Thanks Leo, Your work has had such a great impact on my life and so many people's lives, your a real treasure to mankind. 

 

7 hours ago, Preety_India said:

You're such a delight. 

That's wonderful man. 

It's good to know you figured it all out. 

Feels liberated right. 

Fuck those people who show hate. They're low conscious stage blue crappy people. 

I just don't get the obsession with being heterosexual. As if sexuality is some kind of virtue or prize to hold. It's just a preference of the heart.. 

It's crazy how society is so steeped in narrow mindedness that it cannot allow people to be happy with who they are. 

Sucks mate. I wish you well.. 

Your so right Preety, lots of people are very narrow minded and thanks for your kind support. 

 

5 hours ago, Rilles said:

This is the most beautiful thing I have ever read on this site... Good on you, man! 

Thanks rilles, its something a lot of people are scared to embrace, I really think that accepting yourself the way you are makes you stronger. 

 

4 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

Wow. You really did the work in one go. Keep it up!

P.S. So... are girls still attractive to you too?

Love you Rend, yes girls are still attractive to me. 

[DIDego]

@diamondpenguin  Nice done and very well explained.  

Appreciated the straight forward writing, courage!

Happy for you able doing this kind of important deep work, that for probably many can be both a very sensitive region to deal with and also have a hard shell to penetrate first before able explore it at all.

 

Thanx for sharing 

[Explore]

That's beautiful, I root for you! It is such a great thing to embrace yourself as opposed to deny it.