Cross Dressing

[TheSophie]

Hi people, I'll try to keep this simple.

I'm male, early forties and in a long term happy relationship - two kids, all nice. My partner knows I cross dress privately, I have skirts and tops in my clothes drawer along with normal male clothes. It's just a personal thing that relaxes me sometime. It's been part of me since my teens. I have no problem or issues with it - it doesn't eat me up inside etc.

I've been doing a lot of meditation work over the last year or so for anxiety, getting good results. I guess my question is how to apply this work to my dressing and my thinking about dressing.

On one side, by becoming more content with myself and able to not be so tied into thoughts and reactions and worries I could move myself away from that area of my life.

On the other hand, by accepting myself and wanting to find the true me, I could be more open and talkative about that side of me with others. I have no personal problem with others knowing, it's more a concern for how people would then view my kids and partner.

Clearly repressing everything seems a little on the unhealthy side, yet also I'm not going to put my kids in a position of getting bullied at school because their dad is weird.

Any thoughts? Any meditations good for thinking about this kind of stuff? If I was talking about sexuality I think most people would say 'be true to yourself'... is this any different? I am perfectly happy for this to remain a private thing, there is no desire to dress out in public (ok, maybe a little, but a LONG way from home where no one knows me) etc. or 'become a woman'.

Should I "let go" of it? "Embrace" it? Or is a middle way perfectly sensible and compatible with continuing self development work? Does this even have to be any part of my self development work if it doesn't cause me any stress?

 

Edited October 13, 2016 by TheSophie
spelling mistakes

[TheSophie]

I guess in self development terms:

Is my 'suffering' caused by not accepting that I'm male and being content with that, or

Is my 'suffering' caused by not accepting that my gender identity is non-binary and being content with that

 

[TheSophie]

Or......... 

If I was better at the whole meditation thing I would dissolve my ego and none of this would even be a problem any more

[Bob84]

To me it looks like there is no problem what so ever here.
It doesn't need to be part of it.

[Elton]

@TheSophie your suffering may be the fear of what others will say to your wife or kids.. 

You have to deal with your inner demons.