From zero to hero; non spiritual journey to ace life

[bastih]

hi, my biggest goal atm is to progress on a spiritual path and even though I don't care about materialistic world as I do about my enlightment it's crucial for me to change. With the way I am now it'd be impossible for me to achieve anything on my career path, let alone spiritual path. I've started changing myself in October 2020 with meditating for 1 min a day. I know it looks really funny but I would never expect better results than I've got from this. Later I added reading 1 page of a book per day and it scaled quite nicely. Before February 2021 I was meditating for 20 minutes a day and reading 50 pages per day. I had a habit of watching Ajahn Brahm every morning but with time his stories were very repetitive and I dropped it. When February came I've added one 5-minute affirmation but then I thought it would be better with visualization so I added 5 mins of visualization of it. But then I thought it might be worth to add other affirmations and I added 4 other affirmations so I basically added almost 1 hour of new stuff to my day and I expected it to work. Little did I know and my whole strategy crashed as soon as my girlfriend's birthday came. I couldn't force myself to do all the meditating and affirmating on hangover. A week later there was Valentine's day and same storry happened. My brain was overloaded and I didn't have enough will power to overcome every obstacle that came into my way. I never realized that those affirmations were the problem until now. Now I know that I need to get rid of them, at least for now. I'll be adding them with time like every other thing. I don't know what I was expecting to be honest haha. I lost a whole month but I learned a valuable lesson. I have a resolution for this year to read 52 books, one each week and I've only read 7 so I am already behind the schedule. I guess after removing affirmations from my day it'll become much easier to read my books.  

[bastih]

So I have dropped my affirmations and started working with my meditation habits and reading. I was just chilling for a past two days and today I started slowly coming back to my good habits. I feel a little bit overwhelmed because of the amount dopamine that hit me in the last 2 days. I guess to create perfect life I need to find balance between work and fun. At the moment I have no idea what the balance might be but I'm pretty sure I can't do much work before I feel burned. I'll do it step by step and see where it'll take me.