How to deal with feeling sad and sorry for other people?

[BlackMaze]

I finally realized for good that emotions are the the only thing that keeps me from creating a good life. I have read in the past the science of getting rich many times and also applied it (in the past). What i realized is that gratitude, giving thanks as often as possible is the solution to feel good and connected and to have emotional mastery. Firstly i wanted to share this because it works surprisingly well. The only times i have difficulty feeling good by being grateful is when i feel sorry and sad about someone else. In my case these people are my parents. They are suffering both big time. I can only help them to a point but it really affects me. I can feel amazing and then just look at them or speak to them and at the very least i feel sad. They wasted their lifes and now they have to deal with their mistakes. There is no option to just go away. How do i deal with this? I can feel great and then suddenly i feel depressed just by looking at them or interacting with them. Is there a way to not get affected at all? 

[Zigzag Idiot]

@BlackMaze I was going to quote some Castenada but doing a search on Actualized I encountered a post where I paraphrased some Gurdjieff and Castenada both. The main thing I was going for was Castenada’s use of the term - the place of no pity. In a vague way, this was his description of Love. It took me some time to make the connection but once I did, it helped me in situations like the one you describe. Feeling sorry or having pity for others actually does them a disservice.

This may or may not make any sense to you. Good luck,,,,,

Here’s the post from last year-

Cleaning the atmosphere of your luminous egg gives you inner quiet. There are different practices for this.

You are then free inside of other people. What they do no longer provokes one's ego.

 

The Four Moods

Ruthlessness, Cunning, Patience, And Sweetness.

 

Ruthlessness should not be harshness

Cunning should not be cruelty

Patience should not be negligence

Sweetness should not be foolishness.

 

A mood of abandon but not recklessness; a mood of caring but not indulgence.

Be ruthless but charming

Be cunning but nice

Be patient but active

Be sweet but lethal

 

Ruthless without being self-important

Ruthlessness, the opposite of self-pity

Ruthlessness is a total lack of pity

 

The place of no pity is the site of ruthlessness. Ruthlessness, being a specific position of the assemblage point, is shown in the eyes of sorcerers. It’s like a shimmering film over the eyes. The eyes of sorcerers are brilliant. The greater the shine, the more ruthless the sorcerer is.

Ruthlessness is not cruelty. Ruthlessness is the opposite of self-pity or self-importance. Ruthlessness is sobriety.

Ruthlessness is Love with a big L.

[BlackMaze]

2 hours ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

@BlackMaze I was going to quote some Castenada but doing a search on Actualized I encountered a post where I paraphrased some Gurdjieff and Castenada both. The main thing I was going for was Castenada’s use of the term - the place of no pity. In a vague way, this was his description of Love. It took me some time to make the connection but once I did, it helped me in situations like the one you describe. Feeling sorry or having pity for others actually does them a disservice.

This may or may not make any sense to you. Good luck,,,,,

Here’s the post from last year-

Cleaning the atmosphere of your luminous egg gives you inner quiet. There are different practices for this.

You are then free inside of other people. What they do no longer provokes one's ego.

 

The Four Moods

Ruthlessness, Cunning, Patience, And Sweetness.

 

Ruthlessness should not be harshness

Cunning should not be cruelty

Patience should not be negligence

Sweetness should not be foolishness.

 

A mood of abandon but not recklessness; a mood of caring but not indulgence.

Be ruthless but charming

Be cunning but nice

Be patient but active

Be sweet but lethal

 

Ruthless without being self-important

Ruthlessness, the opposite of self-pity

Ruthlessness is a total lack of pity

 

The place of no pity is the site of ruthlessness. Ruthlessness, being a specific position of the assemblage point, is shown in the eyes of sorcerers. It’s like a shimmering film over the eyes. The eyes of sorcerers are brilliant. The greater the shine, the more ruthless the sorcerer is.

Ruthlessness is not cruelty. Ruthlessness is the opposite of self-pity or self-importance. Ruthlessness is sobriety.

Ruthlessness is Love with a big L.

That was a great read. Thank you for sharing it. I do need to give it some thought as how to translate this into action. 

[Nahm]

12 hours ago, BlackMaze said:

Is there a way to not get affected at all? 

Yes, no longer believing thoughts. 

[mandyjw]

Your perception of them is not quite accurate, which is why it feels bad. Drop the thoughts until you're feeling better around them, then notice what is there to appreciate. There's a lot. There always is. 

No one can possibly waste their life. If someone WERE to waste their life, they would be a Great Selfless Teacher, a bodhisattva, there to show you and teach you by contrast what you want to do with YOUR life. So is that a waste? Nope. See what I mean? It's just not possible in the grand scheme of things. There is no waste in this universe whatsoever. 

 

[allislove]

12 hours ago, BlackMaze said:

Is there a way to not get affected at all? 

Thoughts are clouds, but you are the sky. Rest as "I AM", be the sky consciously. ?

[Leo Gura]

@BlackMaze Feel deeper into it. Embrace the sadness. The ignorance of others is something you need to embrace as part of yourself and the existential tragedy of reality.

This sadness has deep spiritual significance. You, as God, must realize that even God cannot save a devil who refuses your help. And to love that devil in the face of that is the highest Love!

You haven't mastered Love until you've learned to love ignorance in all its many and ugly forms.

[BlackMaze]

Thank you all. It's pretty clear to me now that i should focus on spirituality otherwise i will keep running in circles. It's obvious that to keep fooling myself doesn't work. Seriously i have no idea how my life would be right now if i never entered this forum. 

[Joel3102]

I consider myself a fairly empathetic person, and it can be a burden sometimes. Like you have to stop yourself from getting super sad or feeling sympathy to the point where it hurts for other people who have misfortune.  

[JTL]

@Leo Gura I have been using the technique of letting go of thoughts and to deal with OCD for a year know, and it has been very effective, but when I feel sad or fearfull,  I get unsure if I should try to let go of it, or not, dont want to suppres them , or  embrace it feel deeper into it, is there any right way ?