Do Most Women Prefer Men With A Big Ego?

[Emerald]

3 hours ago, Frogfucius said:

@Dodoster Now Emerald, or anyone, please correct me if I'm wrong, because I don't have much experience with relationships, only observations and feedback from women. But I think most women initially go through that “sparkle” stage at a very young age. At that time, it’s more of an innocent thing, and the girl is inexperienced with men and dating. It’s like a drug, and gives the young woman a very big “high”. But most of the time, the guy they’re into is also inexperienced, and also selfish and doesn’t really know what he wants. So he’s liable to burn her in a very big way. And since women are more in-tune with their emotions on average than men are, women then become on guard about blindly falling for some guy again like that. If they do start to feel those feels, they’re definitely more cautious and on guard with the man they’re into. It’s going to take much longer to fall for him than it did maybe when she was younger, because she still has that memory of getting burned. Most women I have dated have told me about that quote unquote "asshole" who burned her in the past, when she was very young.

I think maybe women with a lot of dating experience are more casual about things, and aren’t concerned about taking things too seriously. They kind of go with the flow, more like a guy would. I don’t know, maybe my point of view is skewed.

Certainly cynicism is possible if a woman has had bad experiences. Maybe it is difficult to find a woman who still experiences these strong emotions due to the nature of our society. For me, however, I still get all starry eyed when I get a crush, even though I'm married and don't act on my crushes. But culture looks down upon feeling and expressing strong emotions (for both genders) as it is seen as feminine and weak. We culturally prefer stoicism and being dispassionate. So, everyone gets conditioned into reacting in a nonchalant way and adopting the IDGAF attitude. This becomes a habit of blunting out emotions and numbs us out to them. It's why our culture is so off the hinges and unconscious in many ways, because we habitually ignore emotions and consider this ignorance to be a strength. So, I would say that it's a sign of psychological health if a woman (who naturally is femininely oriented in this way- as some women naturally orient in a masculine way) can experience these intense emotions without ignoring them because of past experiences of being looked down upon for being feminine, past negative experiences with men, and social conditionings toward stoicism.

Edited October 14, 2016 by Emerald Wilkins

[Emerald]

3 hours ago, Dodoster said:

Refreshing to hear. But most women i would bet, are not like you.. Are they? My ex seemed to be, but i never felt she had sparkles for me. She never listen to me and always speaks. But she didnt look at other guys, i dont even know why. I even told her, idk why you with me, i wouldnt even date me, im so ugly :D.

I would be inclined to think that most women are naturally like this as this is what I've experienced. However, some women may be naturally more masculine in this way and get attractions in a way that men generally do. So, there can be exceptions to the rule, where a woman naturally feels more detached. She could also be repressing her emotions due to negative past experiences and culturally conditioned cynicism. I used to be this way (and I still have some of these tendencies) because of the way I was treated for expressing strong emotions as a child. I had always been a highly sensitive and easy to excite child, but people took this a reason to dismiss me, call me annoying, make fun of me, see me as weak/incompetent, or keep me from things. So, many young girls decide that being "like a girl" isn't for them because of the poor treatment and people always trying to make belittle and discourage them from things that their male peers are not discouraged from. So, putting away emotions becomes a deeply ingrained habit pretty early on for many. Luckily for me, some parts of my sensitivity were impossible to hide so the facade broke apart quite a bit when I turned 20. But I would wager, that even though this problem is common, there are many women who are not afflicted by it and still in touch with their emotions is a very strong way.

[Falk]

On 13.10.2016 at 4:34 AM, Frogfucius said:

It seems to be that way. I don't know. Everything I have learned from dating 'experts' is basically to be the biggest, self-assuring ego you can be, and you'll get lots of women. That seems to be the case.

Women have interest in me initially, but then it fades and they become more interested in friendship, if any type of relationship at all. I'm passive, relatively low energy compared to the big ego guys, very unattached to things. I'm not weak or needy, just unassuming and meek. What I am does not spark sexual passion in women, at least not over the long term.

I don't think I have what it takes to ever maintain a romantic relationship. It's just not in my cards to pretend to be something I'm not. I think the only chance I'll have is with someone who is on the same path I am, and there aren't many out there I come across in ordinary life who are interested in the philosophical and spiritual musings that I am interested in.

I just feel like a steaming pile of dog shit. A failure. I can't maintain what other men can easily. I've tried pickup, I've tried online dating. Nothing has ever worked out. "Action, action, action" just brings me more frustration and doubt.

I just made huge changes in my life ...so about some month ago i was in a similar spot as you describe .... here is what i think about that now:

"Nothing has ever worked"??? ... What exactly must happen that "IT" "WORKS" ???

What do you want? a kiss? sex? a longterm relationship?

You ask what women like? Why do you want women to like you? 

Think about it ... if women would want men with big ego ...would you boost your ego then? Would you change to make them happy? SO that they approve of you ?? so they tell you: oh you´re a good little boy now...

Or a you just whining about not beeing alpha enough? "Oh the world is so bad ...the alpha ego guys get the girls ...the world is so mean to me "  

I don´t wanna ridicule you...i want you to see how useless your attitude is...if you want a girl, just approach approach approach!!!

approach anxiety? excuse!! stop the fucking excuses ...What do you want? 

Make it about the progress... you win everytime you try ...and you loose everytime you don´t approach you don´t put in the work ... 

it is about the path !

"i tried pickup" ...so what did you do? go to a club with your friends on saturday stand in the corner with your sunglasses on and then wonder why the girls didnt want to suck your dick??

get out of your head !! be in the moment! i dont care how you do it ...just make it happen and i garantuee you ... within 5minutes you will be kissing/making out with 2 of 3 girls you approach!! IF that is what you want ....

you want romantic realtionship? why?? you think that will bring happieness?? you want a romance cover up for the fact that you don´t life your life on your deepest purpose? thats why the realtionship fails! 

dont focus on women.,. dont hope that a women will give you what you need... she can not! YOU!! have to make your life aweseome.... if you rely on other people it must fail ...

there are books about this ...read the books leo recommended / meditate look into these issues/ watch RSD, watch eliott hulse how to get out of your head and get into your body  ...blablabla ... you probably know all this!! you know the facts ...

FACTS!! will not change you ...FEAR ...will not change you ...FORCE will not change you ...

Instead find a mentor ... rely, repeat, reframe 

you will do it ... just stop beeing a fucking pussy   (i say this in a friendly way)

cheers and all the best

[Frogfucius]

@Falk Good shit man! It's good to call me on my bullshit. When I say I “tried” pickup, I mean I went to a bar a couple times and started conversations with random women, after a few drinks of alcohol. And while they would respond well, and invite me to go hang out with them at other bars and stuff, I still felt bad inside. And then I’d give up and get pissed off at myself, and basically walk away. I never took moral victory out of it, or like I made any kind of progress, so I gave up.

I know the problem. I’m insecure, I lose motivation easily, I don’t really know what I want, or why I want it. Completely lost. I need to work on my inner game to go along with the outer, otherwise it’s fruitless to pursue just one. This topic opened my eyes to my internal struggle. There’s nothing externally that’s wrong with me, but it’s all how I feel inside, and it’s how I identify or label myself. I gotta purge this fucking demon and just quit giving a shit about anything. I'll get there, I'll get there, it will just take time and a lot of work. The highs are pretty extreme right now, and the lows are extreme as well. I need some balance...

[Jhonny]

@Emerald Wilkins I immediately subscribed to channel after reading your comments here.Deeply insightful . Do some videos on Sexuality from a women's perspective also.

[Emerald]

15 minutes ago, Jhonny said:

@Emerald Wilkins I immediately subscribed to channel after reading your comments here.Deeply insightful . Do some videos on Sexuality from a women's perspective also.

Thank you for subscribing! I definitely have a strong interest in human sexuality. I think there are a lot of misconceptions surrounding female sexuality particularly since we tend to culturally view sex through a masculine lens. So, when young women are learning about their bodies and about sex, there are a lot of misconceptions, blindspots, and false assumptions/ideas as we culturally tend to view sex in a masculine linear fashion. But sex from the female perspective isn't very linear. Orgasm is necessary but doesn't necessarily equal satisfaction in the way it does to a man. So sex approached in the "get her to the finish line" way is normally not very satisfying for a woman. So, I might share more information on the topic in the future. But I'm a substitute teacher now though, so I tend to shy away from videos directly on the topics of sex or anything that could potentially get me fired.

[Lynnel]

On 13/10/2016 at 4:34 AM, Frogfucius said:

I just feel like a steaming pile of dog shit. A failure. I can't maintain what other men can easily. I've tried pickup, I've tried online dating. Nothing has ever worked out. "Action, action, action" just brings me more frustration and doubt.

I have been thinking about why people who had more advantages than I do and been doing some things for a longer time seemed to completely fail for no apparent reason. And after some analysis I understood. They lacked dedication. They were not serious about what they were doing !!

When you say, I've tried pick-up, what does it mean ?

For most guys it means : go out 2 hours a day and talk to maybe 2 girls while drinking and that's it.

For me it meant : go out from 9 pm to midnight and from 9 to maybe 4 am on the weekends, almost every fucking day, and sometimes even 30 days straight, all of this while writing my field reports, watching videos to understand what I did wrong, and on top of that reading self-developpement books to adress inner issues I had, and on top of that working at university and passing all the tests. And also going on dates, parties, and having sex. And of course when out I wouldn't just sit arround - I would seriously "work" and socialize almost all the fucking time. And I've done this for a FULL year. Not a week. A full YEAR, even slightly more

The difference in the mindset is as easy to see as the one in results.

[Pav]

@Emerald Wilkins There's this chapter of a book by Alan Watts that I think you'd be interested in. The chapter is called 'Consummation' in his book 'Nature, Man and Woman'. He talks about sexuality, spirituality, and our relationship to nature. I found it to be incredibly eye opening and by far the truest thing I've read about sex.

[Emerald]

12 hours ago, Mat Pav said:

@Emerald Wilkins There's this chapter of a book by Alan Watts that I think you'd be interested in. The chapter is called 'Consummation' in his book 'Nature, Man and Woman'. He talks about sexuality, spirituality, and our relationship to nature. I found it to be incredibly eye opening and by far the truest thing I've read about sex.

I'll definitely have to check that out. I've gotten recommendations to look into Alan Watts quite a bit, so I'll have to take the time to do so. Thank you.

[Tron]

On 10/14/2016 at 9:44 AM, Frogfucius said:

 

It just sucks. I don't know what the fuck I want, why I want it, or how to get it. I'm lost.

HA. I am feeling the same way right now. I'm not sure if casual sex or something serious is whats best for me at my point in life. 

But one thing that makes me more at peace with myself than in the past despite being confused about this stuff, is due to the fact that I have worked on my anxieties and self acceptance in regards to women and dating. I may not know what I want right now, but I forced myself to go on so many dates, to interact with so many women, and overall find the self love and confidence in the face of rejection's ugly face. Thats what took me up a level of understanding with all this. 

For awhile I felt as if I couldn't do any of this, but now I feel as if I can. And that brings me so much more overall peace in a place that I was once incredibly insecure. 

Edited October 18, 2016 by Tron

[Epiphany_Inspired]

My response could be based on an underlying neurosis, or this may be a natural personal preference...it is still based on judgemental perceptions I am working to overcome... but I offer it to you regardless (on the off chance it provides some insight into women like me)....

I seem to prefer the "in-between guys" too much confidence is not attractive to me at all, neither is too little...high confidence comes across as "over-confidence", arrogance, belittling, pompous, etc...while under-confidence comes across as meek, desperate, etc...One of the most attractive qualities I have found, in relation to confidence, is: an acknowledgement of their own self-worth/ love, while simultaneously remaining somewhat humble. I have noticed other women with different preferences, some women prefer low-confidence...although there may be neurotic, co-dependant reasons... 

[Frogfucius]

@Epiphany_Inspired Thanks for the insight! Yeah, a lot of what you said makes sense. Maybe it has to do with balance? The more balanced a person is, the more they enjoy balance in the other person? And one polar opposite is attracted to the other, to form a type of balance? Who knows, but it’s exciting to me.

[smd]

Well women have egos, too.  It seems like a one-sided question because you're asking an ego-based female whether she likes men with big egos.  I suppose it matters if the woman is interested in say: big house, big cars, lot's of kids, & bragging rights in her social circle about what her man is and/or what she does.

Leo's mentioned it before: oxytocin.  If you can have sex, it might be enough to create a bond with the woman and then the ego no longer matters.  That bond in a relationship is almost unbreakable.  Only the man in the relationship has the capability of screwing it up or severing it once it has taken hold.  That has been my experience any way.  If women I was dating were flighty or rejected me, it was because we hadn't had sex yet.  They have to give in that first time & for some of us, well it's not easy to accomplish even that.

[avk123]

I see that this thread is going very wide in terms of the information being provided, so I hope we can stay in track here. 

Are women looking for men with big egos?

Any of you have sisters and mothers ? have you tried asking them that question ?

 

 

[Frogfucius]

On 10/25/2016 at 7:14 PM, smd said:

Leo's mentioned it before: oxytocin.  If you can have sex, it might be enough to create a bond with the woman and then the ego no longer matters.  That bond in a relationship is almost unbreakable.  Only the man in the relationship has the capability of screwing it up or severing it once it has taken hold.  That has been my experience any way.  If women I was dating were flighty or rejected me, it was because we hadn't had sex yet.  They have to give in that first time & for some of us, well it's not easy to accomplish even that.

I really don't think it's that simple as chemical reactions to touch. Oxytocin is released by hugging someone (of the same gender, even) or petting a dog. It's a bonding chemical, yes, but not the deciding factor on whether a woman or man is going to stay in love in a relationship or be loyal forever. And blaming men for relationship failures? I don't really think it's that simple. Men and women change over time. Experiences change, tastes change, complacency sets in. That romantic "love" chemical, that was present at the onset, is like a drug that lasts for maybe a year or so. Not everyone that falls in love stay together forever. Human relations are too dynamic to pin it on one thing, I would imagine.