Becoming Recluse; Sounds Bad But Feels Good

[primitive_girl]

So, there is nothing odd about my life. I loved high school/college. I have lots of best friends. There is a little trouble in the relationship dept, as I have had 3 relationships, all lasting around 4 years and ending. This includes a marriage that resulted in a daughter I am now raising. However, I'd like to try and not make this all about me but more in general... 

Does anyone feel like the more they develop mentally, the less desire they have to be social? I go to the gym daily. I just ended my last relationship 3 months ago although it felt done long before. Since then I have no desire to date. No "mojo". I do things with my daughter (10 yrs old) and I am a good mother. But strictly personally, I keep to myself. I'd rather spend all my time thinking. People seem to disappoint me when they get too close. But I don't even think it's that. 

In general, I find myself thinking there is so much more to life than relationships or chasing "the one". I feel like I am more interested in pondering over a deeper meaning of life and how I can make the most out of what's left of mine. I think when I drown myself into social interactions I feel like I am distracted from a bigger truth- just not sure what that is? 

Is there a simple answer to this?

[Sarah Marie]

Yes! The more and more I study and think the more I feel disconnected. However I feel totally content with it. Sometimes I struggle with the disconnect with those closest to me, but overall I find it peaceful. 

[primitive_girl]

So expanding on that I just wonder... is this unhealthy? I turn down invitations to go out. There are some things I will attend but only with the people who have been in my life the longest. I think that's why I joined this! 

Also I always assume one day I'll be "ready" and go out and soak up lots of different people and their personalities. I do love to travel. I believe strangers are more pleasant than most people you know casually (not best friends or family). 

We'll see where this new journey takes my mind and body.

[David]

You sound a lot like me. 

There are simpleanswers to most things, so simple in fact,  that is why they're often overlooked looked. I have personally gone through periods of varying degrees of social activity. My take on it now is to be aware of the ebb and flow and to take advantage of what life is offering us to the fullest. If you are in a situation to be social, enjoy it, learn from it and when you get the chance to be alone basically the same. 

 

A point I have often pondered is how we are never really alone and at the same time when I have felt the most alone it was among many others. 

 

Now the deep issue. As we become more and more aware we see how dim the light in others is. Sometimes, while driving in particular, I look around and see people who though awake are barely conscience. It's not a matter of want/don't want to connect with others it's that there is nothing to connect with. And that is in my opinion why, as we go down this road, we find ourselves becoming "reclusive" as you say. And why I wanted to be a part of this forum; to see if I can find some connection with people whose lights are shining bright. 

[Rosecharan]

I find the more introspective I get the more I find lacking in those around me and its this "lacking" that I perceive that makes me want to distance myself from them.  The connection with those I love is not lessened by this, but - the need in me to either require them to evolve or take a back seat is my downfall.  My evolution has nothing to do with anyone else, and the effort I put into it just takes some solitary time, and despite my best effort to share what I am learning, it always gets some sort of cynical response or none at all....its exhilarating and daunting to me, this self awareness journey, I can only imagine how it must seem to those who don't yet have the need (balls) to undertake a task of this magnitude.  My path is mine, and the boulders in the way are mine to conquer, and if by osmosis those in my life can glean some sort of insight as to how to conquer their own then I have been a catalyst of postive change, as Leo has been in my life, but it takes seeking not sitting.  Alone is good and 'reclusive' gives the much needed time and space to excavate and pave your way to the enlightenment we can only hope to acquire.